Someone found my number this weekend and wrote me a text message saying “I wanna fuck you”. I have no idea who the person is, but can only assume it’s a 45 year old man in women’s panties, or a fat chick. But I couldn’t let that opportunity go to waste, even if I knew it was a prank, so I’ve been texting the motherfucker back, demanding genital pics at all hours of the night, and I was even gonna post the number here for you all to get in on the fun, until I drove the person nuts enough to confess that they were playing a joke on me thanks to my fucking neighbor and all my fun and excitement of who the mystery person coulda been, like college girls in their panties having a pillow fight, or the loneley awkward girl I see working the pharmacy I go to who I know doesn’t think she is too good for me, flew out the fucking window, leaving me alone, and cold, but that’s just cuz my wife is at the Doctor, hoping to be diagnosed with an illness and my electricity has been out all fucking day….
Here’s Beyonce Falling Off Stage to Make Your Day a Better One….
And Here are my stepLINKS….
Anna Torv Leaves a Little to the Imagination in These Topless Shots, But She’s Still Hot as Hell GO
Paulina Rubio is pushing 40, so I don’t really understand why she’s marketing herself the same way some ugly 20 year old annoying piece of shit is. Sure, I guess it’s her way of staying relevant and giving the Mexicans a taste of American pop culture, but I think it’s a little fucking embarrassing. See, there comes an age when every piece of trash needs to hang up her leotard in style, and move onto either spending her stupid money she’s made, or refining her style for her aging fans. I don’t really have a problem with fucking 40 year olds, or getting off on their tits when they wear nice lingerie, but I do think there is a time and a place for trying to overcompensate for being old and washed up by being as sexy as you can, and that time and place is usually at 3 am, in her hotel room, when everyone’s wasted….
But you may have a soft spot for this bitch, and I have a job to give you things you may find sexy, like Kirsten Dunst on her Death Bed, or whatever other bullshit I threw up on your screen today…
Celebrities or “Hardly-Celebrities” always try to get into the action. If some big event is going down, they have to do some stunt to annoy the public with, thinking that we care, when really it makes them look like they are latching onto something bigger than them, for a little attention….so obviously when the superbowl came along – they had no choice but to do a flag superbowl for the stars, and by stars I mean Olivia Munn and Marisa Miller who are hardly stars to begin with, they shoulda thrown in that guy from the viagra commercial and one of the Extras on Golden Palace to make shit really legit and all I know is that if I was playing I’d be tackling Marisa Miller too, and after the game, I’d try to make Oliva Munn choke on my cock…but that’s just cuz she’s a whore….
I don’t know who this bitch in her maxi pad is, but I know she was important enough for the paparazzi to take a picture of her. I figure you can all create your own backstory for her. Maybe she was walking down the street and some artist decided to have his way with her, or maybe she is poor and has to paint her clothes on everyday, I guess it doesn’t matter and what does matter is that you can see her titties all black on a white chick and not actually being from Africa if you’re into that….I mean how could you not be into body painting it is the single trashiest thing to have at a party besides obnoxious Energy drink.
Tennis pro Andy Roddick’s wife is some bikini model named Brooklyn Decker who you’ve probably all heard of since she was in SI and Victoria’s Secret and other related shit.
She was on the beach in a pair of heels because you can’t put a price on making your legs look as good as they possibly can since you depend on the shit to get more work…so comfort and not looking like an idiot doesn’t really come into play…and here are the pics…
I’ve tried to befriend this bitch on Twitter, but she just ignores me, so I should really try to be a lot more evil in this post, but why fuckin’ bother….
I had this theory that cowboys were going to make a huge comeback. I figured that zombies had their revival, as did vampires and aliens all concepts from the 1950s. Cowboys were the only group of people who weren’t getting the media attention they deserved, I mean other than Brokeback Mountain, but that shit’s just homo….
I’m talking the cowboys kids used to play with, that America as we know it was built on that….So part of me was happy to see a good Western in the works, but unfortunately Megan Fox is attached to the project, making me think the revival is gonna end before it even starts. She’s got the ability to taint things like the meat I fed my wife the other night hoping her stomach of steel would shut the fuck down, but it didn’t bring the elephant down. So maybe my vision for people dressing like cowboys will still come true…
I don’t know what Hollywood does to bitches, but I do know that all the hot pussy from the last decade ends up lookin’ grey, haggard and like they are about to fucking die. This shit is worse than the time I kidnapped a girl I met at the bus stop and didn’t want her to ever leave me so I just fed her GHB daily wiping her out and making her unable to ever leave me, it was love motherfuckers, don’t judge..
But seriously, I don’t understand what type of shit this bitch has put into herself the last few years, but I do know that based on the way she looks, she won’t have much longer to go before being reunited with her friend DJ AM, Brittany Murphey, Estelle Getty, Michael Jackson, Josh Hartnett and Heath Ledger in the bahamas on their secret island hide out….
There’s something funny about seeing grown women dress like teenage girls. Sure most of my sexual fantasies involve a barely 18 year old and her cotton panties, but whenever I try to get my wife to play that shit out, it always turns into a disaster, mainly because I know it takes years of hard eating to get as fat as she is, and my whole excitement level goes out the window with harsh reality…
I don’t know why Marisa Miller isn’t wearing her bikini, or her lingerie and I don’t know why she looks like she’s going to the mall to flirt with boys and listen to CDs at the music store but I do know it isn’t as hot as it could be….but you’ll probably like it cuz she’s a girl and girls have vaginas and vagina is something you never get to lick, touch or fuck.
The Gossip Girl who wasn’t born in a halfway house to a criminal mother but who was born to actor parents who forced her to live out there dreams, who didn’t want to be famous so badly that she took parts in fetish movies but did want to be famous enough to play a Fetish in a Movie but probably sucked an equal number of dicks to make her dreams come true was in her bikini in Miami and here are the stalker pics….
I didn’t watch the Superbowl because I don’t care about Football or any sports for that matter, I find the whole concept of watching a bunch of dudes competing for nothing but an imaginary cup or trophy is pretty fucking homo. Sure you can pretend it is a manly thing to do, but really paying these dudes millions of dollars to get you all excited and screaming is prostitution.
Speaking of men, here’s Kim Kardashian, a man with the stupidest tits, like some kind of science experiment. Some say she’s the reason the Saints won, I say I hope the fact that Saints won, makes Reggie go OJ and Nicole Browns the bitch….
It’s nice to see Jordan Sparks wrapped up and covering her disgusting body on the beach of Miami. I am sure it’s a hell of a lot more fun than when her sister’s baby daddy murdered her entire family, oh wait, that was Jennifer Hudson, the other black American Idol…they all look the fucking same….
Yes. I did just make that joke.
I hope that’s her brother and not her boyfriend, cuz I don’t think beds or hotel room neighbor’s can handle that kind of abuse. I mean other than me, because whenever I hear two people fucking, I always get excited, especially if it is a fat American Idol….yes Ruben, I’m talking to you big boy….
Jennifer Aniston is old as fuck and her chances of having a baby of her own have pretty much leaked out of her pussy and over her panties in the form of her last tired period. I bet she regrets cursing her period all those years, wishing it would go away, because now she knows you don’t know what you had til it’s gone…
She’s latched herself onto Gerard Butler, who is in her latest movie and probably plotting his escape, but knows he can only make a move after the press is over, cuz otherwise bitch will go psycho….
On a sidenote, when Gerard Butler was filming 300 in Montreal, he fucked a few girls I know. He was on some special diet, he wasn’t drinking or doing cocaine like he was used to and he was apparantly a huge fucking bitch at least according to little groupie bitches who just liked the fact he was in a movie and didn’t really care that they had never hear of him before, but were just happy he chose them to be inside of….
Either way, happy birthday grandma aniston who will never be a grandma cuz you were too fucking picky and thought you were too good for every single guy but managed to turn off the few you ever did locked down. I hope you had a good day using the telescope to spy on the paparazzi who was spying on you….fucking loser…
When I don’t drink I get, or when I am not drunk I get serious panic attacks like some kind of girl. So bad that I can’t get off the pile of newspapers I call my bed. I am not convinced that they aren’t minor heart attacks because killing me would mean putting me out of my misery, and no one wants that….so it was nice to hear that Amanda Seyfried also suffers from panic attacks. It’s like there’s comfort in knowing I am not alone in this….I am bullshitting but speaking of panic a mental illness, Here’s the rumored Snooki Sex Tape that is obviously bullshit….
And here is a local girl with a dream of being the best ass according to American Apparel….
Vote For Her Hot Ass Cuz She Will Let Me Tickle It With My Tongue and by Tongue I Mean Penis When She Wins….. GO
And here are my stepLINKS….
Hasselbeck has The Single Greatest Ass I’ve Seen on a Mom of Three, Seriously this Gave me a Fucking Boner When I Saw it on my Neighbor’s TV…as for that pig Sheri who blocked me on twitter…Lookin Good Sweetheart of the Day GO
Everybody Hates Snooki, Including Chicken Wing Loving City of Philadephia GO
15 Questions Lost Needs to Answer or People Are Going to Flip the Fuck Out GO
Because You’re to Lazy to Go Out And Socialize With Real Chicks and So Am I GO
Anne Denis Will Make You Fall In Love…With Her Clevage GO
It would be nice if I had big budgets and a brand name that celebrity pussy wanted to be associated with so badly that they get half naked, but I don’t. The celebrity pussy doesn’t know this site exists and the only photoshoot I ever orchestrated was a disaster that involved my dick in my wife and you make out anything from the small equipment to her gut and pubic hair…So instead I am forced to steal from other people who do….
Now here is Anne Hathaway, boring yet half naked and that’s good enough for me….
Ashley Greene was in a Marie Claire photoshoot and if you don’t mind girls with big dumbo ears talking about what she wears in a boring fucking photoshoot video and if you’re into the hot girl from Twilight, a movie with not hot girls in it because hot girls will take away from their strategy to seduce young 15 year girls into buying into their bullshit franchise by not having girls outrageously hot that they can’t actually relate to, then this video is for you….
