The other day I was watching TV at my girlfriend’s house, and turned to the Discovery Channel in hopes of seeing people getting eaten by sharks. What do I get instead of bloody shark death? FIT-TV.
FIT-TV has no business on the discovery chanel, it should be on The Comedy Network. Once i started watching it, I couldnt get past the fact that there are hundreds of women, accross the country, jumping around in thier living rooms to some homo in bicycle shorts. Perhaps i am just jealous because this motherfucker has a TVshow, biceps, and a tropical backdrop, but I dont think so.
I think people who workout all the time are lame. Do they think it will get them laid? I weigh 140 soaking wet, and have a hard time carrying groceries to my car. However, my girlfriend is hot, and we have sex…on weekends…when its dark…and shes drunk. My point is, to quote fight club, “self improvment is just masturbation, but self destruction…now that takes a real man”.
So heres to drinking, smoking, drug abuse and having sex with hot chicks.
There is something amazing about breast feeding, I think it mainly has to do with the fact that I am a huge fan of dressing up like a baby and sucking on my wife’s tits, soiling my diaper, and having her change me while telling me how I am such a good little boy. I think this is also because I was neglected as a child, I don’t think I was breast fed at all and if I was, it was probably of poor quality. My mom was a crack addicted prostitute, I can’t imagine crack addict breastmilk having all the essential nutrients needed for baby to develop into an normal person. I have read stories that crack babies are born addicted, I guess I am lucky that I have no addictions, I only drink 26er of Jack and smoke a pack a day, dabble in various forms of drugs, mainly prescription pills, but I do it all recreationally, I guess I like recreation more than you do.
This is a video clip of some perverted, hungry baby and it gave me a great mid-afternoon erection.
Nobody cares, enough with the celeb nudity, it is boring, it’s not very riveting, it doesn’t stimulate any form of meaningful conversation, there are more important things going on to worry about a nipple… I expect more out of myself…it is a cheap way to get useless traffic (I am talking to you)….that said a couple more pics after the jump
Bikini waxes are so played out it is not even funny. Everyone knows that the real hipsters are going back to their roots and keeping it real with bush, and hipsters are always right, thanks to them cocaine is popular again. There is nothing cool about having the same haircut as all your friends, so why do you want the same motherfucking pussyhair style as every girl. There is an element of excitment that comes when you see a girl in nothing but booty shorts with a plentiful bush showing through the top. I personally love the way it fills them out, like a magical pillow.
Bikini waxes are the equivalent of breast implants of the 90s, girls are rocking the shit because they are misinformed, they have been conditioned to hate hair because society tells them it’s gross, much like small tittied bitches hated their racks back in the day because it made them feel inadequate. There is nothing sexier than running my fingers through a nice long bush, it’s more exciting for me than petting my dog and I fucking live for that shit. For the record, this bitch is disgusting!
Surface piercings make no sense to me, I remember when I was young, we used to get bored in class and shove sharp pencil’s through the skin our arms, but that was back when pencils were actually made of lead, none of this non-toxic graphite pussy shit. I have no idea how today’s youth is gonna man up, parents are so damn protective…not smoking in front of them, bike helmets, no trans fats, dude that’s the shit we were made of and some of us are still alive, and not all of us produced flipper babies when that joyous time came…anyway kids are getting surface piercings, because they are not different enough as it is and they need to prove through extreme body mods that they are their own person. I am not complaining, these are amazing for tying a bitch to something or hanging her off the ceiling… That’s my fucking story and if you didn’t laugh, it’s cool, because I get enough kicks laughing at you…
So Lindsay has been a busy little celebrity coke fiend the last couple of weeks, good thing she’s got the cocaine to fuel her, otherwise I don’t know how she would pull it off. She has changed her hair on us, she has had her lips jacked up, her house has been broken in to, and I guess the list goes on an on. Throughout all these major tunring points in her recent life, she has still had the time to get to the clubs and red-carpet events to feed her need to be seen. Point of the post is that Lindsay’s alive and kicking, and as the home of Lohan I had to deliver, even if the picture isn’t really an upskirt. I know all you weirdos have the ability to imagine…I am pretty sure that’s the foundation of your sex life. Without your imagination how could you possibly believe there is hope?
LATEST: LINDSAY LOHAN is convinced a so-called friend is behind the recent break-in at her Los Angeles home.
The MEAN GIRLS star was the victim of burglars while she was filming in New York earlier this month (APR05).
The criminals took more than $10,000 (GBP5,300) worth of electronic equipment, including two TV sets and a DVD player – and the actress is convinced she has some untrustworthy friends, who may know more about the robbery than they’re telling the authorities.
She says, “I’ve been marking my money lately because I had a friend who was stealing from me.”
People say that large penised individuals aren’t social conscious people because they are too busy grabbing thier crotches and pulling their dicks out in public for innocent girls on the public transit line to enjoy. I guess force feeding people your penis is not always greeted with open arms, but you know when they grow up, hit puberty and find a penis of their own – your large penis will be branded in their minds…who am I kidding, you aren’t well-endowed, otherwise you’d be out getting pussy and not sitting here writing posts, I mean…reading posts….Anyway, I like to go to the Large Penis Support Group to see what’s up and this riveting conversation was started…and this is what he had to say….never trust middle school teachers with your children….
AFTER THE JUMP….
I am a retired teacher. I will later posts my opinions.
There is a middle school for fifth and sixth graders. There is a seven period scheule with five minutes between classes. It is a very large campus covering two large buildings in themselves.
The principal has a rule that all restroom going has to occur during those five minute changing times. No exceptons. Teachers allowing students to go to the restroom during class are written up. Three write ups get a teacher fired. The principal explained in the “all student and staff assembly” that if a student couldn’t wait during class he “would have to use the restroom in his pants.” All the teachers say that to their students. And the write up rule is known by the students.
Just the other day a sixth grade girl did have an emergency. The teacher explained to her in front of the entire class that she realized that she had an emergency but she would have to use the restroom in her pants because that is the rule. The girl sat there and cried and pleaded before she had an accident in class. The whole class knew it was going to happen and they knew that the teacher had no say in the matter at all.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS AS A POLICY? AND WHAT WERE THE RESTROOM RULES IN YOUR SCHOOL AND WHAT WERE THE CONSEQUENCES. GOOD OR BAD?
DO RULES LIKE THIS ENHANSE LEARNING IN THE CLASSROOM?
Remember Baywatch, I know you do!!! You used to sit at home every saturday night to watch a bunch of women run around in their bathing suits. It’s not your fault you weren’t invited to that party. I would like to take this minute to blame Baywatch for the commercializing of breast implants, every bitch on this shit was an ex-stripper, and every ex-stripper has a certain augmented body part that helped them meet their quotas every month, by quotas I mean enough money to support their coke addictions. I would go as far to say as getting casted on Baywatch was the dream many of them had as they layed in bed thinking of what tomorrow has to bring. Gena Lee Nolin was one of those strippers, and she actually made it, big rubber titties and all. Here are some pics of slut at the beach, topless for all you motherfuckers to get a glimpse of her in all her glory. This is nothing new to all you motherfuckers who gave her 10 dollars for a lap dance, but it may be new to others….
So have you ever been in a situation where you just finger-banging, or as my refined friends call it, “Digitizing”, a dirty slag and you realize that your hand is burning and all swollen and shit?! I like to call that split finger fun and it usually ends up with some type of infection or disease, but dude admit finger-banging that chick was worth it, it made you feel like a man, especially considering you made her cum once. My advice is to keep the twiddling to a minimum and spend less time trying to please her, she is never gonna call you back either way, why give her a release when there’s nothing in it for you. Straight motherfucker, keep your split fingers to your dirty self and if you must take that step in your sexual relationship, bust out a surgical glove because there is nothing hotter. Just tell her “this is gynecology…bitch”…..By the way, or BTW for those in the know, this is an ugly shirt and there is nothing cool about baseball, despite what your friends may say.
So are you missing out on intimate moments in your life? Do you feel like life’s got little to offer and that the thought of being at a pool with a girl is so foreign to you that it may as well be speaking another language, well stop being such a pussy and do what I do…look at pictures of famous people in their bikinis with their significant others, it brings hope to all of us. Here are some pics of Rachel Stevens, she may not be all that famous here, but when I used to watch SClub 7 with the girls she was definitely my favorite. It wasn’t saying much considering the other girls looked like men, but it is still worth checking out her bikini pics…..
So I am sitting in my lawyer’s kosher kitchen a couple of days ago and I have the worst fucking hang over, my fucking head was pounding, I was dizzy and I had a throbbing pain in my side, probably my liver screaming for help. I hadn’t slept in 2 days, and this bender was one of my finest, just Jack and me for 48 hours. I hadn’t showered and I stank but luckily my lawyer’s grandson had just recently had his barmitzvah, and Goldstein had a case of mints with his little cunts and image on name on it. I looked at it and said to myself this shit is tacky as fuck, it’s got no street cred, it screams suburban upper-middle class, and it gave me heartburn. Give me a rolaid and another drink, bitch….
These mints have made the cut and are the Jewish Product of the day…..
2.25″ w x 1.75″ h x .5″ deep. Mazel Mints are the perfect party favor for your Mitzvah. Various candy options available (included in price) that will make this simcha a tasty celebration. Mazel Mints are Star-K Kosher. Mint containers are a high quality hinged box
This is an art collection by Sarah Lucas, I don’t know who she is but this shit is hype. I have had many encounters with some pretty rank looking underwear, this is expected when you only hook up with homeless girls, but I have never had the opportunity to undress a girl and find dinner. Now there have been times in my life where I went hungry for a couple of days and shit, this would have come in fucking handy….I guess that’s just how life always works out, things you needed once, only appear when you don’t need them anymore. What the fuck am I talking about, dude could always use some chicken….
So I haven’t really been going to the Fleshlight message board all that often, it got a little depressing reading about all these dudes who are wasting good erections on rubber pussy, if I had the ability to get and maintain an erection, I would not be throwing them away to something that doesn’t smell like a dumpster, I would be hunting the finest low quality women around, seducing them with drugs, a warm meal and a shower and inviting them back to my motel room for a romp with Jesus. Not many of you can say that, but that’s only because of your name, blame your parents and not me. So I come across this post from this dude justifying that he isn’t into a poofter. Motherfucker jerks off, possibly using his fleshlight to videos of other men rockin their fleshlights. I think the whole idea of watchin a dude jerk off is gay unto itself and the addition of a plastic pussy doesn’t take away from that.
This dirty homegirl is obviously a little torn up inside about this shit, so he wrote a fuckin novel explaining that he doesn’t wish the fleshlight in the video was his mouth, point of the story is that watching people’s internal struggles with their sexuality is always fucking funny…..
You gots to read this shit and it is after the jump…..
Jesus, the homophobia on here is creepy. Get over it guys!
Look, I love the Fleshlight, I’ve been using them for three years, I’m TOTALLY STRAIGHT. I love women.
And I LOVE to watch fleshlight videos of other guys getting off with them. It gets me off so fucking good. Why? It has nothing to do with watching another guy’s cock, as the tough lumberjack fellows on here have insisted.
ChuckB28 posted quite a few pics and vids of himself on here getting off with his Fleshlight. One in particular, is a vid of him fucking his fleshlight hands-free in a matress to a magazine pic of Angelina Jolie. It’s one of the fucking hottest things I’ve ever seen, and I’ve gotten off to it many times. I told Chuck myself that I loved his vids for this reason, and I told him I got off to them. He thought it was very cool, and he understood completely that it wasn’t a gay thing at all.
There are also a few Yahoo groups that I visit, where guys post pictures of their favorite female celebrities that they jerk off and cum on, and I think that is also very hot. To see a hot celeb spatterred with cum, it’s like you know inside you would do that same thing if the picture was in front of you, and it’s so deeply naughty and sexual to see someone else actually post a picture of that, it’s the ULTIMATE voyeurism, and I think it’s fantastic. Again, I’m not attracted to guy’s cum…..I’m attracted to what he DID with his cum, which is the exact same thing I would do with a slutty picture of my favorite female celeb. Make sense?
I can tell you exactly, that when I’m watching him fuck his fleshlight to Angelina Jolie, it’s like I’m watching myself as a horny guy alone in my room getting off to my favorite porn, it’s as if I have a mirror into myself, like I’m watching me, and yet I know it’s someone else. And that whole dynamic is electrifying. And, to go one step further, when I’m watching that vid, I’m not looking at his cock, I’m looking at what he’s DOING with it. I’m looking at the picture that he’s looking at, I’m watching him go in and out of his Fleshlight, and I match his movements. It’s not an attraction to HIM, it’s an attraction to what he’s thinking as he’s doing it.
What it has to do with is making a connection…..a VERY intimate and deep connection with another person. In this case, the connection is that I’m watching something very, very private, and I know that the guy is thinking the same thing I’m thinking as he’s fucking his fleshlight….i.e. “I’m going to cum soon, I can’t hold back, I’m thinking about my favorite porn star”, etc. etc. etc. It’s like your watching YOURSELF, and that intensifies the experience a thousand times.
I’ll go you one better!! I’m more secure in my manhood and I’m more secure emotionally than the homophobes, because I can still stay in my complete straightness and yet share a very intimate and private connection with an anonymous guy, knowing that we are doing something for the exact same reason, and for the very same emotional and sexual rush. I am in no way attracted to a man’s penis or his anatomy, YET I can totally get off within the context of knowing that what I’m watching is something that I can completely and fully relate to. And that is….NOT GAY. The word gay is so twisted around on here it’s pathetic.
So…..to all the iron-man titan manly men on here…….here’s my take – I get off with my Fleshlight in a way YOU will never be able to, you’re missing out on an intense experience. Oh, if only you poor bastards could get over your homocreepiness……
This is old, I know, but I didn’t bother posting it before due to laziness and a lack of caring. I tend to do that a lot in my life, it’s called lathargy. So Janice Dickinson is a model and all the gay people and America’s Next Top Model fans think she’s amazing cuz she’s rude, I guess you can be rude when Mick Jagger dedicates a song at one of his concerts to your period. No I didn’t read her book, but my gay friend did, and that’s what he told me. Yes, I have gay friends, I pretty much hang with whoever’s not ashamed to hang with me.
Look at her fuckin nipple and stop judging me – asshole.
Life is always more interesting on the otherside of the world. There are time I lay in bed thinking of what could have been if I played my cards right, I think about the world and all it has to offer and I remember that I am a motherfucking factory worker with a fat wife. I am not down on myself, I am really too drunk to really care, but there are times where I wonder…what would life be like as someone else, usually an Asian girl. I am not sure what the hell those crazy asian people are eating but they produce the weirdest fucking smut ever, including this image of a girl peeing in a urinal. The closest thing to this picture in my life was the time I was fucking wasted and passed the fuck out on the floor of the bathroom at a party, some crazy bitch didn’t see me, mistook me for the toilet and pissed all over my motherfucking shirt….I will not say I didn’t like it, but I will say I would rather watch her use an urinal….
There is something amazing about breast feeding, I think it mainly has to do with the fact that I am a huge fan of dressing up like a baby and sucking on my wife’s tits, soiling my diaper, and having her change me while telling me how I am such a good little boy. I think this is also because I was neglected as a child, I don’t think I was breast fed at all and if I was, it was probably of poor quality. My mom was a crack addicted prostitute, I can’t imagine crack addict breastmilk having all the essential nutrients needed for baby to develop into an normal person. I have read stories that crack babies are born addicted, I guess I am lucky that I have no addictions, I only drink 26er of Jack and smoke a pack a day, dabble in various forms of drugs, mainly prescription pills, but I do it all recreationally, I guess I like recreation more than you do.
Bikini waxes are so played out it is not even funny. Everyone knows that the real hipsters are going back to their roots and keeping it real with bush, and hipsters are always right, thanks to them cocaine is popular again. There is nothing cool about having the same haircut as all your friends, so why do you want the same motherfucking pussyhair style as every girl. There is an element of excitment that comes when you see a girl in nothing but booty shorts with a plentiful bush showing through the top. I personally love the way it fills them out, like a magical pillow. 
People say that large penised individuals aren’t social conscious people because they are too busy grabbing thier crotches and pulling their dicks out in public for innocent girls on the public transit line to enjoy. I guess force feeding people your penis is not always greeted with open arms, but you know when they grow up, hit puberty and find a penis of their own – your large penis will be branded in their minds…who am I kidding, you aren’t well-endowed, otherwise you’d be out getting pussy and not sitting here writing posts, I mean…reading posts….Anyway, I like to go to the Large Penis Support Group to see what’s up and this riveting conversation was started…and this is what he had to say….never trust middle school teachers with your children….
So I haven’t really been going to the Fleshlight message board all that often, it got a little depressing reading about all these dudes who are wasting good erections on rubber pussy, if I had the ability to get and maintain an erection, I would not be throwing them away to something that doesn’t smell like a dumpster, I would be hunting the finest low quality women around, seducing them with drugs, a warm meal and a shower and inviting them back to my motel room for a romp with Jesus. Not many of you can say that, but that’s only because of your name, blame your parents and not me. So I come across this post from this dude justifying that he isn’t into a poofter. Motherfucker jerks off, possibly using his fleshlight to videos of other men rockin their fleshlights. I think the whole idea of watchin a dude jerk off is gay unto itself and the addition of a plastic pussy doesn’t take away from that.
