I am planning on doing somet 1920′s themed things, I haven’t figured out what those things will be, but I watched the whole season of Carnivale, I love vintage porn/eroticism/burlesque and I like Agent Provocateur lingerie. There’s nothing funny about my fetish, other than the fact that when I was a kid I used to jerk off to pics of my grandmother and my mother in vintage style lingerie. To most, jerking off to your mom or your grandmother is wrong, but whatever dude, I am mexican, I call it limited fucking resources.
I came across this Christina Aguilera video made to look like vintage erotica, and bitch looks hot. I have no idea if this is a music video because my computer is on mute, but I have watched in 3 times. I am in love.
I am not sure if this song is any good. I watched the video on mute. I am at the library and I don’t have headphones. If you are wondering why I am at the library, it’s because I am reading medical journals, this motherfucker is going to be a doctor one day, well maybe not, but I like looking at technical drawings of genitals. That’s not the point, the point is that this band may or may not be very good, but their video has stripper lookin’ bitches dancing around all topless and on the pole and shit. The rumor is they were casted from Myspace, which is obviously the best place to find sluts craving attention and I support am okay with giving the girls in this video because they show nipple. I also support any band who has a video with girls in their underwear/naked, because I am a pervert, so I thought I’d share it with you, since you are probably a pervert too. Enjoy.
Remember Lisa Loeb, I do. It was the mid-’90s and I was doing what I always did, rockin’ out to Nirvana and other grunge bands, until a cute little girl in glasses enters the scene with her guitar. She changed all of our lives, we went from fucking bitches with tattoos to ones with glasses overnight, at least I did, and it wasn’t by choice, my girlfriend got knocked up, with what I thought was my baby, until he came out retarded. I told the bitch there was no way I can create a retard baby and showed her and her butterfly tattooed ass the door. I guess the whole point of the story is that only sluts wore thongs in the mid -’90s, I bet money Lisa was granny panty all the way, cuz that’s just the image she portrayed, a wholesome girl who was a minx int he bedroom. Either way, she’s in a thong now, so let all your childhood memories, expell all over your belly (if you get off on shitty images of a bitch in glasses, that is.) Yeah, it’s still 5 am. I need sleep. Cuddles. Oh and for the record, these are from her new reality TV show. Some Jesus-evangalist shit is on TV right now that’s the shit where they try to convert insomniacs, cuz we are too cloudy brained to make rational decisions…well I am not gonna let them.
Some guys like women who look like women, other guys like women with a bit of manliness to them. I am not implying that the guys who like butch’s are fags, I think hangin with a little dainty girl is cute, but I can also see how it gets fucking annoying. So I guess chillin with a bitch who is built like a bus, who likes to wrestle, who’s got a clit the size of a grown man’s thumb and who has a little hair on her chest isn’t the end of the world. After seeing these pics of Ryan Starr at the lingerie bowl, an American idol candidate, I realize that there is a third kind of man, and that is the kind who likes women who look like women from the neck down, and by women from the neck down, I mean a tranny from Brazil, those fuckers always throw me off, but walk like gorillas and have busted up faces. I guess Ryan Starr is to women, what American Idol is to the music industry. It’s 5 am, time to sleep. If there are typos, remember this is the drunkenstepfather, even with the new look.
I go to some trendy club and find a local actress doing some lesbian dance routine with an Asian bitch who is obviously fucked out of her mind. I predict cocaine. The local actresses name is in IMDB, I will let you figure it out. I know who she is cuz I have seen her around, never actually spoke to her before.
I meet guy with fur hat and guy with white t-shirt at the bar, I have seen these guys around too and decide to introduce myself. They are going to be my Pheromone test subjects for the day, they don’t know it yet. They are down with the challenge despite never hearing about my website before. I guess not everyone is as cool as you are, you fucking loser.
White shirt guy goes in first, sits next to her introduces himself, she starts rubbin herself, he joins in. She ends up licking his neck. She has no idea he is wearing Pheromone spray. Either she’s just horny and drunk or the shit kinda works.
Fur Hat guy moves in and starts dancing with her about 45 minutes later,he licks her neck and ends up kissing her. I don’t know who went home with who or how the night ended, I offered to pay $5 for the right to post her pictures on the site and then the owner of the club, some homo named BILL, accused me of sneaking into the bar, because I am a fat unshaven poor looking motherfucker who I guess BILL doesn’t think deserves to spend their money in his shitty bar, so I get asked to leave. According to his staff he like young hot boys, something Jesus Martinez isn’t. Anyway – the war on BILL isn’t over because I hate fascist cocksuckers who are anti-fat guys, being superficial is no way to fuck with DrunkenStpefhater.com. The Pheromone Challenge isn’t over either. Motherfuckers.
This is one of my fans. She is 16 and legally I can post this cuz she’s not showing cooter. She wrote this into me.
Dear Jesus,
I wanted to write your name on my ass but I couldn’t reach. hehe.
I am going to have sex with my boyfriend next week for the first time.
I wanted you to have a picture of my untouched body, below the belt. hehe.
I am 16 and didn’t want to get you arrested (again), so I wore underwear.
I love your site. Hope you love this picture.
Jenny
Thanks Jenny we love you too, you are probably worth getting arrested for, especially with a tight body like that. If I wasn’t impotent, I would have volunteered to be your number 1. I am in Canada and 14 is legal. Good luck with your boyfriend and his useless 16 year old dick. It may be horrible at first, but you have lots of pooning ahead of you. Remember you can’t get pregnant your first time so don’t use a condom and be sure to let him come up in you.
Everything in China is backwards. From the way they read to their slanty eyes. The fact is that they speak in binary code and are the closest thing humans have to robots. Robots with very little penises. That’s not racist, but it does explain why they celebrate New Year’s a month later than the rest of the world, actually it doesn’t really explain anything at all, I just wanted to drop some china-man disses What better way to wish all you railroad men a happy New Year, than to dis your culture.
Point of the story is that Jordan and her retarded tits never miss an opportunity to get fucked up and dance. Here are some pics of her celebrating the Chinese New Year in a see-through dress, nothing surpising, bitch is always in something see-through. Happy fuckin new year, I would eat an egg roll in celebration but I am hate MSG.
I am trying to fix my thumbnails, I don’t know shit about web design and the guy who is supposed to be setting this up for me isn’t answering my calls, which means either he’s fucking a hooker, or he’s asleep. Hopefully, I’ll have it sorted out tomorrow, cuz I know this shit is KILLIN my bandwidth, and No, I didn’t notice her herpes. LOVE>
I met her on Myspace. She got a degree in Multimedia Design from Parsons. She is in her 20s and lives in the NYC area. She is proof that higher education is a waste of time and money. She speaks spanish because she is a spic and doesn’t like that I don’t understand her when she talks. She has a meaty vagina because she’s a spic and they all have meaty vaginas. They don’t all send in the hottest draw your own vagina drawing ever.
You can visit her newest project by clicking the link JamesFreyOwesMeMoney <- there (new fuckin’ design is fuckin’ up my links)
I am not the biggest fan of band shirts, but I do like some bands. I listen to old Rolling Stones sometimes, but that’s not why I made this my t-shirt. I did it because I like dudes who dresse up like women. It’s not gay if ‘brokeback mountain’ is wearing a skirt and bootyshorts, at least that’s what my foster dad always told me, before making me put on a dress…
I know that it’s such a typical cliche thing to say, but I can’t avoid it. When Joe Simpson looks at these pictures it brings back memories of when his little girls would run around the house naked, like normal little girls do, it reminds him of changing their diapers and seeing their little bottoms, it reminds him of the first time he promised to make them famous if they never tell their mother about the places he touches them. I guess the positive lesson we can take from this is that you never get caught if you keep your promises. Either way, there’s no proof that this fucker molested them, but you can only assume, since he talks about their tits like the belong to him…probably because they do. Creepy motherfuckers need to be outted.
Christina Aguilera has had breast implants, there’s not doubt about that in my mind, and I couldn’t care less. I have slept with more women with breast implants than women without implants and I prefer a natural titty any day, but my wild days were in the 90s, and in the 90s all the trashy bitches I knew had plastic titties.
The reason I know Aguilera has implants is because she parades these fuckers around town as much as possible, and that’s something only people with implants do, because the have a serious detachment from their tits, and their tits becomes accessories or toys more than part of their body. Seriously, watch flashing videos, always more implants are flashed than non-implants. The other reason I know she has implants is because her nipples aim up to the sky, and it’s so rare to find a natural tit with nipples that aim to the sky.
I don’t know why I just analyzed her tits like that, it wasn’t funny and no one cares. Just click on the pictures and leave me alone you cunt.
This is a message I sent to some bitch named Cooter. I guess she doesn’t read my site, because if she did she would know that Cooter is one of my favorite words.
I have a crush on ppl named cooter.
even if they are dirty baby factories
I want you to read my site
and we can talk about your uterus later- you fertile bitch -
love
jesus martinez
drunkenstepfather.com
Her response:
go fuck yourself
More on cooter….
i’ve been married to the most wonderful guy on the face of the earth (jeremiah) for over five years now and we have the two cutest kids in the world, bradley 4 and logan 2. oh and did i mention my kids are f-ing geniuses. yeah, thats right. jealous? jeremiah joined the army for a bit and we left the RC for a while, and now he has a good job right here in cow stank u.s.a…
Look – I wasn’t trying to offend “Miss Molly Homemaker”, I assume she never got her easy bake oven as a kid, and decided that at the age of 20 it was time to play house, unless baby number one was an accident and she’s some psycho born again who instead of getting an abortion gets married. Either way, I was just trying to send some love, and she was very rude to me. That’s why I just made you famous, bitch.
I don’t really know what to think about the way mainstream media is going. I really don’t care. I am not one of those annoying motherfuckers who talks about that kind of shit because I hate people who try to talk all smart about current events and the state of the nation and shit, no one really cares what you think, so just show me your tits, bitch. The hippies at PETA decided to do a spoof on Girls Gone Wild, where the drunken bitches flash their udders. It’s a little distrubing, only because it turned me on, and I sleep with a cow of a woman everynight, so now I want to dress her up like a cow. Thanks Peta for opening me up to this fucked up fetish I never knew I had. Hippies have done so much for me.
I was talking to someone local who has had his picture taken by Merlin Bronques when he was first starting out in Montreal. Now he’s rockin’ sundance, magazine spreads and ad campaigns, but he’ll always be a bald black “Lady” in the night to me.
I have only been in this city for less than 5 years and I was never much of a club kid, considering I was 30 and a washed up addict when I got here, oh and was was all smitten with my fresh marriage to a 300 pound women, that was clearly something I had always wanted for myself as a little wrestler in the orphanage, I’d tell my priest/coach “Pablo, one day I will go to Canada and marry the fattest bitch I can find”. So, whenever I could get away from the wife, I would spend my nights in the strip clubs and in the later years of Montreal, I’ve been busy working at the canning factory. Now that I am two months unemployed, there’s no way for me to afford going out and more importantly I rarely shower or do laundry and clubs just won’t let me in.
The plan is to just stick to the bottle and the gutter outside my house, if you can even call it a fucking house, but this isn’t about me, this is about Perez Hilton from PageSixSixSix and PerezHilton blog fame, motherfucker is chillin’ at that Tiger shoe house with A-listers Jack Osborne, Lizzie Grubman and Corey Feldman. You’ve fucking made it, you fruit boot wearing celebrity fucking homo, I’d rim your ass all night to get a link on your real successful piece of shit celebrity blog. Maybe one day I’ll invite you and trent and justjared and cityrag and socialitelife and defamer and gawker and idontlikeyouthatway and wwtdd and I don’t know who the fuck else has a celebrity blog, but those cunts are invited too, invited to what you ask?? To suck my limp dick, I’m impotent fuck.
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Check out the Onitsuka Tiger House Party at Sundance Gallery Here
