Lookin’ Good Sweetheart…I’d love you to take me on a ride…

The good thing about having money is that when you are being carted around to exclusive events in expensive cars with your fat sister, you can sit in the back of the car and apply make-up, even after your make-up artist made you up, just to make sure everything is in place. A lot of people are drawn to Paris and find the bitch classy, because she’s from the upper-crust, but reality is that it is all smoke and mirrors and lots of hours of maintenance. If she was a supermarket clerk with 3 kids and a 20,000 dollar debt, running off 2.5 hours of sleep because one of her kids was up all night puking because she fed her kids dented can soup cuz it’s all she could afford…no one would even notice her.

This bitch represents everything that is wrong in the world, from her greed to her over consumption to her narcissism and complete lack of respect of anything and anyone. Lucky for us teenage girls from the trailer park are picking up all of her bad habits, but on a budget.

Thanks for ruining the world, cunt.

PS – I think this could be a new fetish for hornylohanwanker, fuck pics of bitches smoking, when we can look at bitches apply 200 dollar blush.

This shit is better than a Real Doll, I wonder how many fuckholes he comes with…

I have lied to you, just like Pam Anderson has lied to us all these years. It turns out this bitch is a post-op tranny who you all jerked off to pre-op, meaning you’re gay. At least she looks it. Speaking of gay, I went out with a couple of my house music loving friends, who aren’t gay but could be confused for a fag couple because of all the arguing they do about nothing. They dragged me out to the local afterhours bar for a beer, where I ended up surrounded by the weirdest people in the weirdest outfits dancing a fool in the weirdest way. I was convinced that using the urinal would give me HIV, considering 90% of the crowd was faggot and the other 10% was prostitutes, strippers and the kids who had no friends in highschool and who are over-compensating for it now by doing mass amounts of drugs and fucking both girls and boys, because let’s face it, they feel part of something big…We left at midnight, before Carl Cox saved all their lives and that’s my story for now. None of it was funny, all of it was true. Now point of all this is to say, post op tranny with hep or not, I’d still stuff this bitch like a turkey…

The thing you gotta love about Paris, is that bitch has no shame. Where most of us have little voices in our heads telling us that dressing like a character in a Disney movie is probably not the best idea, Paris just gives ‘er. So here she is in some club lookin like a fool, but still getting the attention from every motherfucker with a camera phone. I guess Paris is kind of a savior, giving people who have come in contact with her something to tell their friends about for the next week, month or maybe a year. This encounter may define them socially and the story of coming in contact with Paris will follow them for life. The whole celebrity thing confuses me, I find someone like Paris a total fucking waste of space, but having money and a lot of media attention makes people love her, think she’s important, idolize her and want to be her or at least be around her. I think she has a bigger impact and level of importance than any of us, and that is really all our fault for wasting our energy caring about her.

My wife asked me to stop talking about our personal life on here. I can respect that. She is my wife and thus my life. This shit’s just a website. There’s more to life than a website. Remember that asshole…

My Wife Hates me… and so do you.. Here’s Mung’s post:

I got in my car today to drive myself to the clinic because I think I got genital warts from the Kool-Aid Man. (see previous entries) As I hopped in the car I turned on the radio and low and behold, it was announced that Dustin Diamond AKA Screech from Saved by the Bell has been found on a 40 minute sex tape with two women performing such moves as the Donkey Punch and The Dirty Sanchez. I didn’t know what was worse…the fact that I might have genital warts or the mental picture in my head of Screech fucking Jessie and Kelly while Zack and Slater perform fellatio on each other, the whole time Lisa Turtle is sitting in the corner fisting herself while pulling anal beads out of her asshole.

I don’t think I need the clinic anymore. I think I need a psychiatrist.

GO BAYSIDE!

Mung

Read GO

My wife found out about the site and she’s not so happy about it. I kept this up for close to 2 years and she had no idea what I was doing on the computer. I would say she was too busy eating, but she’s probably reading this. She’s pretending that she doesn’t care about it, but I can tell she does. I am goin to keep it up for now. But it’s not worth losing my family over. Let’s face it, this is just the internet and not real life.

Here are some links:

So I watch Oprah everyday and I was pretty happy to have Minxy show up in my inbox after years of her absence with some Oprah is a lesbian post for the site. I am drunk and have a black gay dude living on my couch. We are trying to get him to Miami and found a $69 ticket. Does anyone want to buy it for him to get him off my couch. My fear is waking up with a black cock in my mouth and a Jamaica patty in my ass. That’s got nothing to do with Minxy but this does:

So the other day i couldn’t figure out how to tenderize my beef patties and decided to go to Jesus’ to ask his wife to sit on them. she did and while she was smacking her oversized ass against the wall of their shanty with my meat in between, i happened to overhear Oprah and her lover Gayle King. They went on this car ride through America with a helicopter and about a dozen helpers. By helpers i am referring to camera crewmen and personal assistants.All they do is complain about how hot it is, how they don’t know where they are going and what they are going to eat. The helpers are pretty into it because they get their pay checks and free shows of Pussy on Pussy action, then foodstuffs on and in the pussy, then more pussy and then Gayle and Oprah pass out from the weight of the burden (of eating too much pussy). I have some things to say about these so called “icons”.

1. I could definately film a better show than those two. Starting with pussy eating footage. I hate eating pussy but i’d do it for
america. their president is bush after all.

2. I could also be a better icon. What message are you sending the masses eating all the time and constantly requiring an entourage?

3. Fuck this,Oprah used to have an opinion, she used to be able to speak out against things, to bring to light issues that noone is dealing with and now she pays her “boyfriend” to make appearances and talks about eating, celebrity hookups/breakups and style issues. Oprah, i am disseapointed in you. I also hear you hate the rainforest. bitch.

MUNG sent me this Justin Timberlake post that I didn’t get around to posting yet because I am lazy and it didn’t blow my fucking mind. I was working on the Montgomery Moose interview which is something that did blow my mind. Anyway… Here’s His Post….

I saw these fucking pictures on the internet and it made me sick. Who the fuck does this homo bitch think he is? Clockwork Orange is a classic movie….Justin Timberlake is a classic poofter. There is absolutely no relation between him and Macolm McDowell from the movie. For example, Malcolm McDowell (from the movie Clockwork Orange) enjoyed Beethoven, raping women and ultra-violence. Justin Timberlake enjoys Yani, finger fucking men’s anus’, and petting kittens. I wish this guy would put spray some more loafer lightener on his shoes and just fly the fuck away.

So I was looking for a gay person to write for me…not a gay post from someone who already writes for me and I found Kerne to help me take on the internet blogging world one dick in his ass at the time…I guess Mung didn’t like that…

It appears that I was only the treat of the week. I feel used. Who is this new man in your life, Kerne? You never really did love me, despite all the e-mails you sent me saying how much you wanted to toss my salad. Now you have found a new man to take my spot. I hope you had fun with me while it lasted. I feel like nothing more than a male prostitute that has been shit on and pissed on and then fucked in the ass with a zuchinni. (It is not a nice feeling, just ask Perez Hilton).

I cried myself to sleep last night and used my tears as lubricant as I masturbated to my video collection of Richard Simmons sweatin’ to the oldies, wondering what could have been, if you and I had remained together. Perhaps my dream of becoming a blog writer on someone else’s website has been shattered. I hope you are proud of yourself and I hope you have fun with your new jewish/black/gay blogger. If only I were more ethnic, and more of a minority, and not heterosexual, then perhaps I could fulfill your needs, and at the same time, my dreams would truly come true.

Until next time my fair readers,

MUNG

MUNG don’t be a baby, at least you’re not a busted up nobody like Anastacia….

The only celebrity who has ever emailed me was a voice actor who played Montgomery Moose on a show I hold close to my heart cuz I used to watch it when i was about 12. This show is how I learnt English when I moved to Texas and it’s called Get Along Gang. Here’s my stepINTERVIEW with my childhood idol, Montgomery Moose.

Do you ever say “I’m Montgomery Moose want to Touch My Antler?” to lure kids back into your caboose ?
Yes, but I traded my caboose for an ice cream truck. It’s more effective and I really love big sticks.

Do you run a porn site because you are sick of 6 year old pussy or is it because you never had a childhood like the bitch who killed herself on different strokes ?
I don’t go in for six year old pussy. I prefer older women. I spend a lot of time in nursing homes.

Did you see your father get shot like Bambi saw her mother shot, or is that just a deer thang?
Is Bambi a porn star? I’m not sure I follow you.

If you could be anyone’s vagina for a day, who would it be?
Katie Holmes. I was always a fan of Dawsons crack. Besides, Scientoligists get me hot!

When you order pizza, do people recognize your voice and realize you’re Famous ?
My personal assistant orders all my pizzas. She’s a Japanese schoolgirl named Keiko. Extra anchovies.

What should we be expecting from Montgomery Moose in the future?
A cumback.

Does Montgomery Moose go to space?
Only when he’s had too many Red Bulls. And I do mean “had” them.

Did the Get Along Gang always get along, or did you have to save face for TV?
It was one big shagfest. I still have scars from Portia Porcupines quills.

Could you show us your sex video with Paris?
Travis Barker has it in the glove compartment of his Hummer.

Be sure to Check Out Montgomery Moose’s Websites who are actually run by Donavan Freberg the Voice of Montgomery Moose.

Porn Site NonDairyCreemer GO
Rated R Site BabyBoy Freberg GO

I am all for bitches getting naked for a cause, but I usually like when that cause is buying their baby formula. I like the desperation in their eyes as they rub their asses on my jock. It’s just a work ethic thing. These PETA bitches usually get naked for their cause, but here these bitches are just busted up old hippy lesbians who were touched by their daddy’s when they were kids. You get more bees with honey or whatever that expression is….

Speaking of getting touched by her daddy, here’s an email Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie sent in about these PETA bitches at a recent fashion show.

Watching PETA protestors is similar to oggling those waitresses on rollerskates fall down. They may have been good looking when they were kids,or ugly even then, but they are gross now and all they can do for attention is serve greaseballs and prebuscant boys and have wind blow up their skirts for fun. In PETA’s case, all they can do for attention is write in dishevelled hand writting like their dishevelled hair and dishevelled lives and try and attack models out of jealousy. i mean to protect fur. despite the fact that the fur is already dead and “ruining” the show with their signs doesnt really affect marketing and buying fur helps the economy and the only attention PETA recieves is for sending dishevelled people to crash upscale events for a purpose that would be best fulfilled at the beginning. like at the ranch where the cattle is farmed for fur. but something tells me the cows and chinchillas wont be very receptive. and by receptive i mean laugh at you like we do.

Since successful celebrity blogs are written by fags. I found a Gay, Black and Jewish ‘Mo to contribute to this site. I figured Perez did the Cuban Fag thing, Trent did the Indigenous Fag thing, Dlisted isn’t really gay and all the other celeb bloggers are but don’t realize it yet because the immerse themselves in pictures of nipples all day talking about how cute Rachel Bilson is and don’t take the time to realize all they really need is some cock.

So here is Kerne – My Gay Black and Jewish contributor to take on Celebrity Bloggers….

having sex with 2 guys at the same time is over-rated. one wants to stick it in my tuchus while the other expects me to give him head. halfway through our threesome, i became extremely flacid. not because having both of my extremities stuffed with cock doesnt turn me on but because one of the guys cell phone rang and his ringtone just happens to be stars are blind.

theres nothing in this world that turns me on less then hearing paris hilton “singing”. taking a day off from her normal routine of pussy showing and coke snorting, paris offers aid to one of the victims of the tsunami. for the price of a starbucks americano, you too can have your own sri-lankan. you can dress her up in last seasons clothes and give her a makeover paris style. std’s and all.

awwww…. how sweet. now no one can say she doesnt do charity work.shes the new fucking angelina jolie. im sures shes even given her an aids name just like maddox. kardashi? loves it. so ethnic but so main stream america at the same time.

good work hilton. whats next? space travel? you’re half way there in your fugly moon boots. you, lance, karadshi and reichen can be the biggest fags in the galaxy.

I have no idea who Kate Beckinsale is because I don’t really keep up to date on this shit. I guess you shouldn’t even waste your time reading this because I am a bit of a hack and no one really cares what a hack has to say. I do know that she is having a good time on the beach with a man and that means she must be a slut. Looking at her frolick on the beach like she just won the fucking lottery and that her life is so fucking perfect makes me hate her as I type this useless post on her in my shitty apartment.

I went on a walk last and ended up in a back alley downtown… I heard some weird moaning that sounded like homeless people fucking or dying in an empty park. I am usually more investigative like Barbara Walters but I knew that if these stinky motherfuckers were having a homeless man orgy, I would probably get sick by the smell and the AIDs. I also went window shopping for shoes on this walk and got stopped by the cops. He asked me if I was buying shoes for my girlfriend, and I told him that my wife was too fat for shoes and wore knitted slippers that we got at a church Bazaar. He didn’t laugh, I guess he knew I wasn’t lying and felt bad for me. Either way, here is some Beckinsale. Old or new, I don’t know, but here never the less.

Paris Hilton has blocked my phone number, I can’t get through to her, but I figured out a way, it’s called calling with a calling card…she answered and pretended she couldn’t hear me. My Paris Hilton conversations have been a lot like talking to the shit stain in your underwear after going on a bike ride. You look at it and say..hey what are you doing here….how did this happen, then bitch hangs up.

This something I wrote once and wished was true, so if you work somewhere with a budget pictch this idea….

DrunkenStepfather.com is owned and operated by Fox Interactive Media, as an online presence for a TV show being launched in September ’06, under the same name. The character Jesus Martinez is writen by 3 comedy writers, hired by Fox. The company has another 10 people involved, not including 4 interns.

…here are my links of the day.

Perez Hilton and all the other gay celebrity bloggers are much more successful than me. So I decided to take this site up a notch and get myself a gay writer. But since I am funny, I decided to upstage those scared, hiding behind their computer, haunted by memories of having no friends in highschool faggots by making my gay writer black and jewish.

Here is his letter to Perez,

dear perez hilton,

i hate your guts. your blog sucks. your love for the colour pink is more disgusting than your love for bareback sex. how much money did you steal from your mom in order to pay for your meth habit. its really sad that the meth was the only thing keeping you thin. now that youve hit it big (literally) cant you afford a trainer?

your blog is an excuse to immerse yourself in your work because no one loves you. not even diane. stop hiding behind your fat and be the fairy you were meant to be. when was the last time you even got laid? trannys dont count.

your blog unlike your herpes covered cock will hopefully not be around forever. no matter what paris tells you, that shit stays with you for life.

i’m coming for you fatty. tell your mom, your spic of a dad and all your d list friends. sitting at the cafe day after day will lead to more weight gain. its bad enough your kids will have 2 dads but for one of them to be fat too..c’mon and for christs sake do you really think that perez is a better name then mario.

perez is the mexican that mows my lawn and mario is the cha-chi that unclogs shit from my platium encrusted toliet bowl. maybe a happy or gay medium between the two would be more appropriate like marez or perio. you seem to be good at putting names together, you figure it out.

god hates two things, fags and bloggers. you happen to be both. enjoy your stay in hell, tell paris and kimbo stewart i say hi.

Stay Loose.

Visit him on Myspace GO