I am watching my daily stories because that’s what lazy Mexicans do when they don’t have jobs or cable, I am not sure which one this is because I don’t actually watch this shit, but Rose from Golden Girls is on the show. I always wondered what happened to Rose, she was the only hot Golden Girl, only because she was stupid and stupid girls are easy….either way, now I know where she is and I am not a better person for it. I was talking to my Lawyer a couple of days ago and he was trying to convince me to date elderly women. I think his wife is in her 60s and she always has cookies made when I go over there for drinks. It’s really my only escape from the hell that is my family life and it’s free booze. He suggested I join a Bingo club, or a Bridge club or a volunteer at an old folks home, because lonely widows with Alzheimers are easy and generally have low expectations. I figured since I am married, if I am going to cheat on my wife, it’s not going to be with somebody’s grandma no matter how good her cookies are….

Speaking of old lady cookies, here are some pics of….Shelley Long in her underwear from some old fucking movie. It’s not the latest or the greatest but positive me says that these pics are awesome….

Get the Video Here

This is one of the Good Charlotte twin’s girlfriend, not the Good Charlotte who slammed the Duffgusting sister and Nicole Richie, the other one. The fact that I even know this much about these people is embarrassing enough, so I am not going to start dropping names to retain the little level of dignity I still have….Either way, Santa must be rubbing her the right way cuz her nipples are hard…

I have been getting told that I am too negative lately. I don’t find much funny and I constantly dis celebrities and hipsters. So when people I know bring up shit like American Apparel, Vice Magazine, Last Nights Party or start sending me stupid clips from stupid people doing stupid happy dances, I tell the to shut the fuck up because I find it all lame. I don’t think that makes me lame but I decided that for my sanity, I am going to start looking at the brighter side of things, because I do believe negativity is poison, maybe not as poisonous as American Apparel, Vice Magazine, Last Nights Party or videos of people doing happy dances, but poison never the less.

From now on – I am happy and optimistic and I won’t dwell on how life has wronged me, but embrace all the good things that have happened….like the time I got a blowjob in a movie theater I snuck into a few years ago by some random college girl….so get ready for a happy site. It’s a Christmas Miracle.

I feel bad for the general public. I was just watching the news and they showed a youtube video of someone’s reaction of Life Magazine’s You are the Person of the Year Cover…Either way she was doing a happy dance, and the reason I feel bad for the general public is because they find the happy dance funny. There’s nothing funny about the happy dance or anything funny about these links….

Here are some pics of Lohan at Teddy’s on Saturday, eating pretzels cuz she’s fatter than ever and fat ppl love pretzels, it’s a fact.

I don’t really give a fuck about all this celebrity shit, it’s actually depressing to me. I wrote about how I went from site to site yesterday for the first time in months and everyone is writing the same fucking thing. It’s dull as fucking shit and I don’t realize how they get traffic, but they get fucking traffic, a lot more than I do. So I start reading some of their blurbs and I realize that these fuckers have no fucking talent. They just know how to design and promote a website with people who are equally lame as they are. So instead of getting myself down over it, I realized that the perfect analogy for the internet and me is that I am like the cool kid with a cigarette in hand and a leather jacket in a 1950′s varsity party. Point of all this is to say that the leather jacket always wins.

Speaking of winning, Insider 16 Year Old Hipster Gives Her Version of the Night at Teddy’s with Lohan, Like How Illegal Shit Went Down At Paris Hilton’s Sex Tape Co-Star’s House Between Lohan and Others. I was thinking the Illegal shit she was referencing was getting fucked since she’s underage but I am sure it’s more drug related than that ….Find Out More at Her 16 Year Old Homeless Lookin’ Girl Blog GO

Remember Kelly Osborne? She was spotted, and by spotted I mean HARD TO MISS at some movie premiere in the UK yesterday. She’s obviously in the Christmas spirit, cuz she looks just like Grimace at the Lafayette Christmas Parade.

Speaking of eggplant colored has beens….Wesley Snipes did some Press Conference about being released for a 1,000,000 bail bond because of tax evasion. I once spent a night with with Wesley Snipes about 5 years ago at a bar in Montreal. I have probably written this story on this site before but I forget. I do know that everyone I know hates me for this story because it was my default dinner party story, and by dinner party I mean drunk in the park with a bag of chips talking to the pigeons.

This is how it went down….or at least how I remember it going down….

I walked into a bar wasted. A friend tells me Wesley Snipes is there. I look over to the bar and see a short dude dressed like a pimp, with a cane and pimp hat and 3-piece suit. I walk up to him and start chatting him up, I don’t remember what I said, but I do remember telling him that he is going to make me a lot of money and that I had a plan for him. I went on to mock him to his face about his talent by telling him that he should have won an Academy Award for Passenger 57 and after about an hour of my abuse he told me to get the fuck away from him or he’d break me or some shit. I remember telling him he should come back to that bar and visit again and he said something about how he could own the whole block if he wanted. Either way, dude left a bad taste in my mouth and a couple years later I heard he was going bankrupt and smiled, like he got what he deserved for being a dick with me.

Last week, I found out he got arrested for tax fraud, and it seems like people always get what they deserve, which is nice to see. He should have listened to me back then, I could have prevented all this with some of my genius ideas, instead he just threatened me. Merry Christmas, Asshole.

I posted a picture in my stepLINKS yesterday and I got this email:

Hello,
You do not know me. However, you have a picture of myself on the main page of your website. Two girls in pink underwear… i’m sure you know the one.

I strongly suggest that you take this photo down, or I will be seeking legal action. My lawyer will be in contact to ensure that this photo is removed from your site promptly. I have contacted my lawyer, and the police. I suggest you get a life. You chose the wrong picture to use this time.

Thank you,

Carly T.

I was going to send this to her:

Good luck pressing charges you idiot.
Maybe you shouldn’t put pics of your fat ass on the internet for people like me to find…

Keep that shit on your fucking computer and don’t make it public domain, no one wants to see your cellulite ridden thighs anyway, except for maybe your boyfriend, who is probably some kind of virgin and you’re the only pussy being thrown his way.

No offense.

But realized that it is Christmas and I’ve also decided to be a little more sensitive to people’s feelings, because I believe in the Christmas Miracle. I just took the pic off. I don’t think that means that my comedy is going soft here, I’ve been soft for 3 years…and that pisses my wife off but I consider my impotency a Christmas Miracle too, because having a valid excuse to not stick it in her 300 pound, 4 week old bean burrito smelling parcel is like a little piece of heaven….

Here are some pics of Mariah Carey that were used in her xmas card.

If you want to get in the Holiday mood, listen to my Lawyer’s Holiday Mix HERE

In doing this stepLINKS, I went to about 10 celebrity blogs lookin for good stories to link up and I read the SAME fucking thing on every single site. Everyone posted the Britney see-thru dress, everyone wrote about lohan being a strippers, everyone says the same fucking thing and it’s fucking boring. I haven’t decided what to do with this site, but posting celebrity pics every other fucking loser is posting takes away from what I do. I’ll figure it out over xmas, but I am thinking of doing stepTV and turning this shit into an online TV show. Cuz cropping another upskirt pic may drive me to jumping out of my window. Not that I would kill myself over the site, but I would definitely break my legs for it.

Here are my links.

Here are some pics of Brooke Hogan rockin’ her classy outfit at some Christmas event a couple of days ago. I don’t know much about Christmas events but this outfit seems a little fuckin’ trashy for Jesus’ birthday and I am talking the real Jesus, not me, cuz at my birthday no outfit is too trashy for me. Point of the story is that if she’s going to get all slutted out for her stage show, she should at least come with props, like this one time I went to a strip club and the bitch had a remote control car with a dildo strapped to the top of it. She’d hand out the remote and people in the audience would try to drive it up in her. If that doesn’t make you think of Christmas, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you, but I do know that daddy’s money made this music project happen and since they are from Florida, this outfit isn’t really that out of place, it’s actually considered really fucking classy because people in florida are garbage. Brooke’s outfit is incomplete though, if she really wanted the full Florida package, she’d best be putting some money from her record sales aside for a new set of tits.

Here are some Britney Spears See-Through Dress Pictures that have been floating around the internet all day. She’s obviously wearing a see-through dress because she’s trying to get back in touch with her piece of kitchen garbage roots. I’m talking trashy and southern and ready to dominate a brass pole at the drop of a dollar when her alcoholism depletes her bank account…

Either way, enough about Britney, what is more important is that I ended up getting a christmas card from my foster parents in Texas. I have no idea how they found me but it was one of those form letters than outlined the last 5 years of their life, since I moved up to Canada. It turns out that their biological daughter, who lives in some long-term care facility due to sever mental retardation is pregnant again. She escaped the home for a week and came back knocked up. They say that it’s the fourth time this has happened in the last 6 years and the grandparents, my foster parents ended up raising the kids, who surprisingly aren’t retarded and are a blessing from god in their mind. I guess that blessing from god comes in the form of some fucking pervert who sees a girl at the convenience store grunting and drooling while playing with superballs and thinks to himself “I’d love to get up in that. I know that there are dudes who would fuck anything that walks, but you would think you’d at least use a condom….So if any of you sick fucks have banged what seemed like retarded girl, while in Texas probably drunk maybe you should email me and take a little ownership on your sick fucking ways.

It’s a Christmas Miracle. I just came across these pics of Myleene Klass playing around in a red Christmas Bikini and it reminded me of Christmas shopping this past weekend. Every store I went to was filled with the hot girls I’ve never heard of. I did do a post on her before, but forgot how hot she was. Now I know this post may sound a little like the Virgin bloggers you are used to, talking about how how a girl looks in a bikini, but I realize that virgin or not, we gotta appreciate hot box.

Speaking of Christmas Miracles, I just heard that Oprah signed on for 2 ABC reality shows about charity and wish-making. I always thought that watching Oprah everyday for an hour wasn’t enough Oprah, so it’s safe to that part of my Christmas wish has come true. If these Reality TV shows include Oprah in a bikini, it’ll be safe to say that the other half of my Christmas wish will have come true. I was watching last week’s show on wearing the right bra and she said that she has size E Titties. I’ve never seen “E” titties, but they sound pretty big, and Big Boobs make for good bikini action…

But here’s Myleene in a bikini, she’s no Oprah, but she’ll have to do for now.

Here are some pics of Christina Aguilera in concert showing a little toe. This is a stretch, cuz it could just be a wrinkle in her pants, but i am delusional at times, especially when it involves Christina Aguilera’s vagina. It’s like when my wife tries turn me on, because she can’t accept the fact that she made me impotent, and starts getting all frisky and I close my eyes and pretend that she’s someone like Christina Aguilera or someone even mildly attractive, but reality always comes a knockin’ when her pants are taken off and room fills with the warm smell of freshly baked shit. I am not sure what freshly baked shit is, but since I invented the term, I have decided that it’s when you shit on a cookie sheet and back it at 350 for 45 mins to give your home that warm back alley outhouse scent like it was Thanksgiving and we were making pies.

Either way, I am stlll hungover and I just found out that I write better drunk than hungover. Look at the pics.

Since she’s been gone, she’s been eating lots of cake…. I knew this girl was a little heavy in her pants but i had no idea she was this down-loaded. Down-loaded is an expression used for girls who are heavy from the waist down. I know that it’s a pretty weak expression that I used to use in the 90s on a girl I once knew who was built like a tonka truck in designer jeans but was hot from the waist up. She would have made a great news anchor but I think she ended up working construction, which made sense considering she was a good lifter.

I went to the strippers last night, I drank too much, I have indigestion. It was worth it. Cuddles.

I’ve been stalking Lohan for awhile now. I know that I am pretty inconsistent with my stalking, maybe even a little lazy, and like all things done half-assed, I’ve had little success in my restraining order and Access Hollywood coverage. I am not going to get creepier or actually hide in the trunk of her car, because that’s a little excessive and I don’t really want to get arrested, but I will keep this up until I get some kind of response. That’s the story I heard.

I got a haircut today and it was pretty fucking exciting. If you are wondering how I could afford a haircut, it’s pretty simple, I haven’t cut my hair in 6 years and it was long and fucking disgusting, so I made my way to the cancer charity and shaved my head for free. I feel sorry for whoever ends up with my hair as their wig because it may give them herpes B, that’s the shit that I heard some dude caught from a pet Monkey and it destroyed his vital organs. I guess since they’ve already got cancer, the diseases and bugs that they can land from my hair is the least of my concerns. Point of all this is to say…I am just doing my part this festive time of year….

Speaking of doing my part, check out Britney’s Nips and the other amazing links I brought you today. It’s a Chrsitmas Miracle…CUDDLES.

I was too lazy to research this today, but I think these are pics of Marcia Cross and her Girlfriend. I remember reading that she was a lesbian and that she was pregnant and I don’t know how that happens but I do know that at first glance you’d assume that this is her mom or sister because of the red hair. What you don’t know is that redheads are a breed of their own and they stick together. I remember knowing a redhead in highschool and he was fucking strong. He looked like some computer programming motherfucker but if you teased him he’d go fucking nuts. I was told that the reason he was so strong was because in historical times a redheaded baby was thought to be the devil and they’d live them out in the woods to fend for themselves. So the ones who survived were stronger than normal people and as they reproduced the redhead strong gene trickled down the line. Point of all this is that they band together because they know they are there own special kind of person.

Speaking of special kind of person and lesbians, here’s an email I got about a link to a Tranny I knowingly posted yesterday…..

I’m just a noobie to the site you have so gratiously provided the internet with, and I hate to nitpick, but lets be real. Under your links there is a “Hot myspace girl”, and below “Her personal website”.

Naturally, I, being a college male figure “Why the hell not”. Upon inspection I see that this person is very old compared to me and is quite the non-looker. Very drag-queen-like make up.

Moreover, on the person’s website there is *ahem* a “Services” section. Upon which, I could not help but click – because what could someone so cracked-out possibly provide the internet world.

And let me tell you dude – do not EVER get drunk and go to a bar in New York City, because in her services she provides SHE-MALE CONTACT!

ITS A FUCKIN DUDE!!!! NOT A HOT MYSPACE CHICK!!!!!!

Well, enjoy scrubbing your wang furiously in the shower if you’ve already beaten off to her..him…it?

Just thought you Should Know

Thanks dude….