I feel like I don’t see enough dudes in their bikinis. Maybe it’s because I don’t live near the beach, but it is probably because dudes don’t generally wear bikinis except when they make their careers playing a masculine, lesbionic chick singer and are forced to maintain their act.

I don’t really know what I am talking about, my site has been down all day and I’ve been panic over this site sucking dick and crashing every 15 minutes. I don’t know how to fix this shit…but on the positive side of the things there’s a local news report on cheerleaders trying out and it’s balanced out the homosexual post even though you didn’t get to see the tight pants and bouncing tits I just did.

I tried zooming into her crotch hoping for a testicle slip but her stupid red pants got in the way you’ll just have to focus on her pecs, cuz if he’s dressed like a girl it’s not faggot to jerk off to him… That’s what my foster father always told me while dressing me up in little summer dresses when I was 10. He was a presbyterian, one of the weirder religions. Maybe he’s the reason I am the way I am…

Bonus Pic of Pink Vanilla Icing It… GO

It’s sunday and my site is fucking garbage. It’s not working at all. I think it’s crashed 10 times in the past 12 hours and I don’t know how to fix it cuz I am an idiot.

Speaking of idiots – here are some updated pics of Antonella Barba from some site that is exploiting her and tagging the shit out of the pics crying for traffic and recognition like most sites do. She is the American Idol Slut who I want to see win because to me she represents every girl in the USA today, showin’ their tits to the world wishing and dreaming of one day being famous…

I am hungover it is 4 pm and I was on webcam chat til 7 am today, it was more interesting that crawling into bed with my wife. Sunday’s is the morning she sleeps in so I do what I can to stay the fuck away as long as possible. I’d like to thank my new Hungarian webcam sluts for making it happen and to reader number 12 for gaving me a free password. My life may not be amazing, but it’s better than yours, which isn’t saying much. Fuck yourself and fix my site. Cuddles..

Here are her blowjob pics…. GO

Update – Those Blowjob Pics aren’t her….

My stepdaughter is annoying the fuck out of me. She is making me pretend I am Chrstopher Reeves by wrapping her legs around my neck. It makes typing this hard but she’s wearing a mini skirt so it’s all worth the headaches…

I was invited to go ice-fishing today and I put on my ice-fishing hat because being from Mexico makes me pretty inexperienced when it comes to ice fishing. I have issues getting off my couch and I felt like babysitting so it all worked out in my favor I guess.

Speaking of favors, I went around the internet and found some links of what’s going on as a favor to you…So click on them, asshole.

I fucking hate the merchants in my part of town. I went to get cigars a couple of nights ago, only to be overcharged, and that pissed me off so I threw them back in the asshole’s face and demanded my money back. Then I went to a shitty restaurant for 3 dollar chili because I am never too poor for chili and the fuckers were sold out. So I went to a sandwich place around the corner and they closed at 2:30 because it’s friday and the lazy whores want to go home and watch Tyra or some shit, so I went to another sandwich place and they were out of fucking bread, because I guess having bread isn’t a priority when you sell fucking sandwiches so I ended up at a corner store where I bought a can of tomato soup. I feel like there were more annoyances but I’d rather talk about Drew Barrymore.

She’s busted like an old pick-up truck, she wears her bikini as decent as any fat dude wears a bikini and she looks a little better than she did a few weeks ago, but that’s like saying your shit today was sexier than last weeks shit because shit is always shit and will always be shit and no matter how nice it feels your shit is never pretty…except the time I hadn’t taken a shit for a week and thought I was dying, when i finally unleashed the beast, it was a pretty heavenly experience, unlike these Barrymore pics but her ass is probably about as dumpy as mine. CUDDLES.

Daydream 3 – Likin’ Garbage – More bloopers are a click away

I guess I lied when I said I was going to give up on the Daydream series before I even started. I think it’s too good to throw out the window like I have done with most of the feature I have launched. Today’s Daydream is of some homeless lookin’ dude looking through the garbage because let’s face it, who doesn’t sit in class daydreaming of this. The time of daydreams of nice cars, hot bitches, lots of money, let’s be a little more realistic with our dreams.

I am feeling pretty sick and I am about to go write a post on Drew Barrymore’s bikini, that’s really not much of a dream, but it’s what I do to make you assholes come back at least once every couple of months.

To see the other DayDream Entries GO

This whole week has been about fetishes. People writing into me about how they like to get fucked in pantyhose, guys sending me video clips of teen dancing around in bikinis that I am sure they are sending to me because they jerk off to them not because they watch them because they like watching young girls have a good time. Other girls wrote in about older guy fetishes or banging d-list celebrities and DJs and as I discover the world’s sexual dysfunction or hyperactivity, I still hold the original website fetish closest to heart. Horny Lohan Wanker, my loyal reader who loves watching bitches smoke..this post is for you. She’s missing the red lipstick that you love, and her cigarette is hand rolled, but it still fucking counts. I can tell it’s not weed cuz the smoke’s not thick enough. You’re welcome.

I am tired of people saying that these American Idol sluts don’t have talent. I can’t really tell if bitch sucks a dick proper because whoever sent the pictures in decided to turn his dick into a cartoon character which is pretty fucking funny because I don’t understand what the fuck dude’s trying to hide, we can all see your size and girth, is there some kind of tattoo or birthmark that she’ll recognize you by…Reality is that I am pretty sure she knows whose dick was in her mouth when the picture was taken, and that is what her talent is…letting a boyfriend take dirty pics of her that will get her thrown off Idol and ruin her dreams. The ultimate revenge.

I guess this could always be a PR stunt to draw attention to her or to the show like she was Paris Hilton, maybe that’s Ryan Seacrest’s dick and he’s just not ready to reveal it to the world yet…overall, who fucking cares.

This post is via IDLYITW – if you didn’t notice by their OBNOXIOUS FUCKING TAGS they used to ruin the images and stake claim on them so no one steals their content that isn’t even their fucking content to begin with. I am tired of branding pictures to try to put yourself on the map.

Oh and her name is Antonella Barba and she’s a total slut. Let’s hope she wins because she’s a little more interesting than Ruben.

Read her IDOL Interview and put it into the context of her giving blowjobs (loves to eat, likes to kneel and pray, etc) – Thanks Reader number 7

Here are uncensored pics….My site keeps dying and I have no idea why. I was told to take down the pics cuz there is no proof they are 18 in them. So I did. But lucky for you – they are uploaded here.

Update – those blowjob pics aren’t her – See the full porn set that was ripped off here GO

It’s 6 am and I just spent 2 hours trying to figure out how to add a song to my fan sign video of the day. I got a little overly excited about that whole email and I just carried that excitement over into this post, which isn’t so exciting.

It’s some old pictures of Patricia Heaton, who I think was on Everybody Loves Raymond, a show I fucking HATE rockin’ a see through shirt.

I was talking to this girl about what makes something funny, because I never find myself laughing. All the viral videos I see get millions of views and suck fucking dick harder than you pretend your Sailer Moon action figure would if only she came to life at night, you fucking weirdo. Anyway, I was just trying to figure out what makes a motherfucker famous and what makes an executive think a motherfucker has something marketable about his lame ass piece of shit humor.

I even watch sketch comedy that everyone cums from laughing so hard when I am really fucking broke, too broke to entertain myself and don’t even smile…I think I am jaded to funny, or you just don’t know what funny is…

Funny to me at this particular minute is a bitch in green who is in her 40s showing the world her nipples..which goes to show you that no matter how washed up you are or how lame your career has been, you can alway be a loose in the hips whore. Cuddles.

I started this website a long time ago with not many expectations. I did it because there was nothing better to do with my time. Overall, I am pretty fucking useless. I remember looking at all the other sites that get bitches to send them in topless pics with the site written on their naked bodies and I thought my time would never come. I always kept the dream going, knowing that one day a girl would fall for my grade 3 level writing and useless sense of humor. Today is that day.

This girl is from a site called JuliesRoom.net. I don’t know if she’s sending these video clips around the fucking Internet like the town whore that she is, but hopefully with the other sites she at least learns how to spell her name properly. Reality is she gets naked on webcam and dances around, and doesn’t need to know how to spell but it would be nice.

Even those these seem like pure promo for her site with their logo on the side, I still feel like I have reached the top of the internet website ladder and I can only go downhill from here. I added the great soundtrack and took my spin on camgirls cuz I am video editing crazy like that.

I also got these stills, where my URL is misspelled, she probably sent it in for traffic, but life is about giving and taking and if I could it up, I’d probably jerk off to this, not because I am easy to please, but because seeing your website on a girl is the same feeling as cumming all over her face. It’s still a fucking achievement. Cuddles.

Point of all this is to say that even though she may be dumber than bricks and unable to write her name in a mirror, she’s hotter than any of you or anything any of you have ever tried to roofie up and drag home….because you’re a motivated virgin who tries to take action when in a manic phase…

I assume more of Julie can be found HERE, I didn’t check out her site yet. That’s just the kind of asshole I am.

I am watching the O.C. Season Finale because my one channel has it on. I am pretty happy that this shit is finally over because I think it ruined every now 19 year old girl in the world. I wish nothing but failed careers to all of them, except maybe Summer because she’s got hot stripping potential. This show is destroying me right now and they are making lame jokes about “teen drama’s draggin on forever” and shit like that. Pretty fucking amazing writing…They are crying about Mischa Barton being dead, one chick had a baby, 2 gay guys sold their house, they moved their wedding to San Francisco, Summer dumped Seth because she didn’t want to settle for comfortable, Dude tries to stop the wedding, but since the wedding moved to San Fran, he called in instead. Ryan Has sex and Julie Cooper goes back to college. They do some look into the future segment where they are all graduate school and Summer and Seth get married which is really fucking likely and Ryan works in construction. The final scene is him asking some down and out kid if he needs any help in reference to how the Cohen family helped him out. Amazing. I have been watching this show since it started, I’ve always only had one TV channel…

Speaking of amazing writing, I got this message. I think it’s pretty obvious that this sick fuck wrote this to me, pretending to be an 18 year old girl and it is about how to seduce my stepdaughter. I am glad my readers are disgusting….

give her a back massage…it’ll turn her on then you can ask her if you can tickle her stomach and eventually she’ll want your hands down her pants let her drink with you before you do it though it’ll make her horny as hell anyway ill talk to yuo later

Here are my links for the day:

I just went to my neighbor’s house because he told me the Anna Nicole Smith trial was on, he has stolen cable, not because I care but because I am

I am watching the judge struggling through the verdict, he’s fucking crazy, he’s talking about his wife and his kids and his mother. I feel like I am in drama class watching some highschool students performance. He is talking about his struggle, he made himself cry, he’s stuttering, it’s next level soap opera shit.

He is living the American dream, he was a taxi driver, became a judge He’s milking this story for all it’s worth. Dude won’t just shut the fuck up, he keeps talking and talking and talking…about how he’s going to give a verdict today…even though the final ruling was supposed to be tomorrow.

I think it’s pretty clear that he’s auditioning for a TV show for his retirement that he was talking about in his weird fucking speech. Everyone wants to be famous.

I don’t understand how this is legal. If I was on trial, I would hate to have some emotional freak show dancing around like a monkey, telling me his life story, imposing his personal opinion. I want my judge to keep his fucking mouth shut and listen to my case, and reference the laws of the fucking land not the laws of his magical playground of a film set that he calls the courtroom.

And the verdict is… The Remains of Anna Nicole Smith Given to her Baby’s Lawyer and the Judge Suggested she be Buried With Her Son in the Bahamas…Who Gives a Fuck Where Her Remains Are, She’s Fuckin’ Dead…

I fucked that one up – because i was so tired of listening to this asshole judge talking.

I started a new series called DayDream. It’s pretty easy to understand the concept, yesterday’s daydream was someone getting arrested and today’s daydream is someone who isn’t getting paid, which isn’t really a daydream because I am not getting paid either. I think it’s a good concept, the goal is a daydream a day but with my consistency, this feature will probably end with this post…

The video player isn’t working for everyone, if it’s not working comment and I’ll post it somewhere else. I am that accommodating.

I don’t have any fucking idea how TMZ finds this shit. I don’t understand how these shit videos hit the internet years after they were taken and somehow AOL picks gets their hands on it. It’s like they are watching all of us all the time. They have access to our emails and all of our instant messaging history, they even have a cellphone tie in so they know who you are sending pics and videos to. They are waiting for you to become famous so they can exploit you to the world and get even bigger and break all the stories before any of the celeb blogs making them all obsolete because they don’t deserve to have businesses because they are not authorities they are just too lazy get a real job.

That’s not the point, the point is that all you really need in life is a good friend with a MD who cares more enough about having a good time and playing with big ol’ titties that the Hippocratic Oath. When you spend your life sitting in front of text books, letting the party pass you by, missing out on blowjobs and bitches flashing they titties, it’s pretty easy to win your brown ass over and get you writing scripts for the team. So my advice to you is to not make fun of the geek studying in the corner of your classroom, but to befriend him and stick by him through med school, then corrupt the motherfucker with fun nights getting fucked up on pills that he prescribes because he’s tired of not living.

Anna Nicole found that doctor, and she’s a better person for it.

Pantyhose fetishes make me laugh. I was talking to some girl the other day and asked her for nude pics. She told me that she didn’t do nudes and that she only takes pics for her internet boyfriend, a guy who I wasn’t. Since she refused to send the pics she already had because she felt like she would be wronging some dude she was internet dating and internet in love with from across the country, I asked her to describe them to me, kinda like my whole describe your Vagina and decribe it in 10 words or less scam. It was just an easy way to know what was going on down there, and this was an easy way to find out how dirty this girl was…she told me that dude was only into pics of her from the waist down in pantyhose and socks from all kinds of angles. I was couldn’t figure out how that was hot, even though I am a pervert and anything that is a girl is hot, except maybe my wife (even on a good day). Needless to say, I blocked and deleted this girl because our internet affair would only end up in pics like these pics of Lohan, which I know are 4 days old and that I linked to in my stepLINKS 4 days ago. Asshole. I am pretty aware of how bad I am at blogging. Cuddles.

Here are some pics of Jordan pregnant again and she is in a bikini because she has huge fake tits. This isn’t the first time she’s been knocked up because she is loose in the hips like you’d expect from a girl with huge fake tits.

Pregnancy fetishes make me laugh. I was talking to some girl the other day and asked her for nude pics. She told me that she didn’t do nudes unless she was pregnant. She had 3 kids and had done these artistic nudes 3 times before. I asked her for the pictures so that I could turn art into porn and she wasn’t having it. She told me that they were blown up and hung-up in the living room and that there was no way I’d get my hands on them.

Now I am not an authority on this shit because I have never banged a pregnant chick that I know of and I have never jerked off to ready to drop porn that I know of but I do know what I see on Oprah and that is that dudes usually hire hookers when their wives are knocked up and only bang them when they really have to out of guilt and as a way to shut their wives up from the constant complaining and nagging about whether they are still attractive.

Point being that if every time dude wants to watch TV or read the newspaper on his couch, he’ll have to look at 3 pictures of his knocked up wife reminding him of a time she totally grossed him out sexually. And with that image scarred into his brain, everytime she wants to fuck you you’ll see those pictures and everytime you see those pictures you think of the hospital room when you saw a baby ravage his way through the box you’re about to dip into….

I love the concept of pregnancy, it is beautiful and a pretty solid aspect of nature and girls do look hot when pregnant especially my neighbor who is about to pop but still rockin’ size 25 jeans, but I have never been married to a pregnant chick and I thought my commentary was as good as it gets. Hey ladies, this last paragraph was for you, see I am a sensitive guy, send me an email sometime…and by email I mean can you touch your toes… I always ruin the moment….but maybe my size 25 jean comment ruined the moment…