I have this new pickup line for you virgins to try. Go to a club and tell the girl you are trying to sleep with about how awkward you feel being there. When she asks why, tell her that you’ve banged every single girl in the place and they are acting like they don’t know you. She’ll totally fall for it and think that you are amazing in bed because a guy like you can’t get pussy on your looks alone, you must have some real talent. The whole other issue is that girls love UGG boots, they wear these fucking things from no matter what walk of life they are walkin, they don’t care if they go to a party and every girl is in UGGS, if anything it makes them feel like they made the right choice. I am just telling you to be the next UGGS, but instead of keeping their feet warm, you’ll make the hate themselves for letting a guy like you in their junk…
I once knew a guy who banged hundreds of chicks, and he’d always ask girls to be whatever number he was onto, he’d be like “baby, you wanna be number 156″ and it would work. Girls didn’t think Herpes when they got with him, they thought, “OMG 155 girls are onto this and I’m not, fuck that noise, I’m trendy too” and in return he’d give them HERPES but they’d only find out 6-8 weeks down the line….
I know the only girls you’ve ever had were putting up a fight. I know that anything that you try to reference when jerking off conisists of memories of girls in the fetal position or covering their faces in fear of what you are going to do next, not because you are a sexual predator or rapist, but because you are you, and your look alone is enough to make a girl question what the fuck she’s about to let you do to her.
Pam Anderson, a girl who gave hope to big breasted blonde chicks worldwide that there was more to life than being a stripper, and that looks alone could have let you fuck rockstars, get hepatitis, , and live the high life while keeping your porn star look without actually being a pornstar, except for in your own tape, but that doesn’t count. What does count is that she’s covering up her tits and hiding her catchers mitt of a face for the camera. I can only assume she’s scared of her nipples making their way back on to the internet, even though we’ve already seen them. Or maybe she’s hiding the fact that she’s a busted old pick-up truck. I’ve learnt the hard way at strip clubs that if you build your career on your looks and you get old, there’s not much let for you to do than work the bar and serve me some fucking drinks old timer…
Fat dudes always wear t-shirts when they go to the beach and Kelly Clarkson is no exception. She knows that she should have an eating disorder and she’s taking action on it by not letting the world see she likes cake. At least her weight problem doesn’t prevent her from having a good time, or from hiring 10 fatter chicks to stand next to her in bikinis in attempts to make her look skinny. It’s like when you shave your pubes trying to make your dick look bigger. I don’t really know what I am talking about, but I do know that Kelly Clarkson’s legs burn like a middle-aged fat mother of 5 who works at the grocery store and who’s pasty legs never seen the sun in 15 years on a trip she won to Mexico in the local draw. I think being fat and not being able to tan go hand in hand, but I haven’t figured out why but I have figured out that we need a little Katherine Mcphee up in here to show this bitch how an American Idol starves herself proper.
Here are the only pics I could find of Christina Aguilera partying in Montreal with her back-up dancers, or as I like to call them, a popstars hired friends and future husbands.
I didn’t got to this event, because I don’t leave the house, but I did see her tour buses and it was almost as hot as the real thing, because despite how much I want to see Christina sitting on her husbands face, she kinda looks like she’s been run over a few times since her days at Disney.
Speaking of sitting on faces and Disney, I went to a Disney exhibit at the local art museum, because Disney is apparently art and they had a modeling sized Pinnochio model that you’d probably like to sit on its face.
If you are wondering why I was at a Disney exhibit it was because there was promises of free booze and I wanted to scope out security before starting my Sunday Morning protest outside the museum picketing. I am protesting that Walt Disney molested my grandmother when she was a little girl at his theme park. I think it will get me some airtime on local news. I will keep you posted on how it all works out for me…I may be too lazy….
For some insane Christina Aguilera Cleavage Pics GO HERE
I like to go to the strippers on table scraps monday because all the strippers who made money on the weekend aren’t around to get in the way, I am drawn to the struggle and it makes for a good time because everyone knows they are desperate and they can’t run their whole “I am too hot to dance for you” bullshit.
This bitch’s name is Tiffany Mulheron and I have never heard of her but now I have seen her tits…she is probably too hot for you and if this was monday night at the strip club, she’d probably have the night off…
I know that I posted a link to these Gemma Atkinson Bikini pics in my stepLINKS, but her tits are MASSIVE and when I see big ol’ cans, I have no choice but to right click, save, open in photoshop, resize so that you can’t zoom in on her nipples and upload it here for 10 lame virgins to look at and send me hate mail about how they’ve been following Gemma Atkinson’s career for the last 10 years and that these pictures are actually 2 weeks old and I am a hack at what I do.
I never said that i wasn’t bad at this shit, I just can’t stop setting my stupid stories that no one reads. to celebrity and non celebrity tits, bikins, nipples, vaginas, etc. Especailly when the are of Gemma Atkinson…
I may not know who Gemma Atkinson is, but now I know her tits, breasts, nipples, cleavage, cans, knockers, jugs boobs.
This was my attempt at search engine optimization. How did it work for you.
I was walking down the street making fun of my friend’s male pattern baldness, when god struck down on me for being such a bad person in the form of some weird powder shit blowing in my eye and stinging harder than your VD, not that you’d have VD unless you paid for it. I thought it was some chemical warfare, you know Bin Laden taking North America Down Via Canada.
I went to the pharmacy, picked up an eye wash thing and started pouring this shit all over my face in the aisle. I am a little bit of a panicking pussy when it comes to getting shit in my eye, unless it is real shit than I am all for it. I have always loved scat.
Speaking of scat, here are my links a few hours late…
This band is called Operator and this song is called Soulcrusher. I have never heard of either but that’s okay, because I am am not a music blogger, all I do know is that I seem to only post tits or pictures of girls who have tits and this video, that I watched on mute, because my speakers are broken has lots of tits in it. That is pretty much all I need to determine whether it’s worth watching. The lead singer is some actor IMBD HIM
I like that things are moving in the tit direction, taking on porno elements in the mainstream, because I am tired of getting rejected from advertising deals because I post tits, while this band will only become famous because they post tits. Since I’ve never heard of them, I’ll call this another BUCKCHERRY situation, where I crashed their fucking servers, and helped make a case to get them signed by inflating their internet video popularity, and I never saw a fucking dollar for it.
I didn’t even land an interview with them or free tickets to their show…I don’t even think I got their CD, that I probably would have taken a shit on because their music fucking sucks, but I do know that they don’t give a fuck about how bad their music is while they are fucking whores in the bathroom of their million dollar tour buses that I got people to piss on…
Either way…Operator, I just made you famous, Bitch.
Christina Aguilera was in town tonight and I got something more interesting than pics of Christina Aguilera upskirts according to me and that’s a video of Christina Aguilera’s tour buses after her show. She did some cameo at some club that tried to charge me 20 dollars to get in and I don’t have any fucking money and left. But fate brought me together with her tour bus on the highway because a higher power new that we were connected at the fuel pump and lucky for me bitch’s tour buses were rolling next to us for a few minutes. This is the closest I will ever get to this cunt, but reality is that when I was a kid I always wanted a Tonka truck and not a blow up dolls, so it all worked out in the end….Look at me I am TMZ motherfuckers.
If you’re lucky there will be more pictures to come from inside the event…
There’s some stripper at my local strip club who is on steroids. She has been working there as long as I have been going there and I never really understood it because I generally like my strippers to look like they have Vagina’s, but I guess they need to have something for everyone. I remember playing drinking games with friends and the loser had to get a lap dance in the back for her.
There was a time when I worked at a porno company and they were aggressively pushing the tranny shit. I never really understood it because I generally like my porno’s to have girls with pussies and not dicks. But I guess a lot of faggots don’t like admitting they are faggots because of their family background, wives, families, jobs and shit.
That said, Jessica Biel is a little too masculine for me and I think I can see her balls hanging out o the side of her panties, but maybe it’s just a clit the size of a grown man’s thumb, I’m really no expert.
Download the trailer to this movie – where the screencaps are from – HERE
I used to try to get in girl’s pants by telling them that I wanted to be the smallest cock they ever got. For some reason, most girls thing that’s a lie and that anyone who brags about a small cock usually has a big one and they end up giving you a chance to prove yourself. It’s pretty simple maneuver but in my case 98% of the time it worked, they realized that I was the smallest cock they ever got with. Lucky for me, I never really got ashamed about it, I still got to bust my load and felt like the king, even if it was for only a 15 seconds…
Speaking of 15 seconds, here are some pics of Kate Beckinsale on the set of some movie showing off her underwear in a pair of jogging pants that remind me of the fifth grade or at least part of her underwear, is about as sexy as watching me take a shit, which is saying a lot, because me shitting is pretty fucking sexy, aside from all the blood.
I feel dried up and dried out a lot like this bitch, only because she’s hit menopause but still shows the world her old fat tits.
A girl just emailed me pictures of herself shoving a dildo in her box and it was encouraging because girls generally don’t email me. It’s not that I can’t seduce them with this site, it’s that they don’t know what I would do with the pictures. At least that’s what I tell myself, even though deep down inside I know I have 10 readers all of them virgins. I am convinced that these pussy pics are major fakes because she asked me to put them up in my stepLINKS, I said when my they say drunkenstepfather on them, we’ll talk, because I am a nice guy who isn’t about to exploit some girl who let her asshole boyfriend take pics of her and now that she’s fucking his best friend, he’s trying to get revenge. I am a nice guy like that but in my mind I still got cunt shots and feel like a fucking hero. That was the whole point of this site and now I may be in love. I am that easy.
I was on this kick last week that my exit strategy with the site was to sell it to Lohan for $100,000 and issue a press release and stop my writing and go on a drinking binge. So I started harassing Stavros because I have his phone number trying to get him to make it happen. He never returned my calls, I should have recorded my messages, but it was all top secret business strategy and I like to keep somethings as a surprise but now that the idea has been flushed down the toilet with my stepdaughter’s tampons, I figure I can share with you….I guess the fact that you aren’t reading this also helps….
I guess I was all about Lohan buying the site was because I feel a connection to her. She was the original slut I stalked, I have watched her go from party slut to bigger party slut to fake rehab to smoking opium at hotel parties after rehab to nip slips and vagina shots and herpes and all the good fucking times that make her who she is. I feel like I could be her real stepfather and that I have had a bigger role in raising her than her own drunken father…
That said, she’s looking nice and thick in her tights and oversized Jewish Outfit of the Day top, covering what could be a pregnancy but is probably more like a whole lot of ice cream….From one fat guy to another, you’re still lookin great in my books, sweetheart.
There was this 45 year old I worked with who was a total dirtbag. She may have been an alcoholic or drug addict, but I can’t hold a job long enough to get comfortable enough to take a shit in the office, so I’d never know. After one company party I somehow got myself invited to, I started up my game, you know talking to her about how I wanted to see her crawl around on all fours in a mini skirt before ravaging her ass, you know light sexual harassment to see if she’d be into it. Somehow I got her enough drinks to get myself back at her place where she proceeded to crawl around on all fours. I directed her by telling her to take off her panties, at which point she turned to me and told me to fuck her. I couldn’t get it up and it was a low point in my sexual career, but I think it fucked her head up more than mine. Three minutes after realizing I couldn’t do what she wanted me to do, she started dancing around the room telling me to take it all in because I’d never see it again. That monday I was fired and that was the end of that. The lesson to learn in this story is to not get hard when a girl is drunk and horny because it will do more damage to her ego than to yours…at least that the way it worked for me.
Speaking of 45 year olds, here are some pics of Uma Thurman’s Tits in a bathing suit, because they are big and I know that big tits is why I have traffic.
Tara Reid is a drunken whore and she’s having a good fucking time doing whatever it is that she is doing. Even if she claims to have sobered up, it makes no difference to me because I am the type of guy that holds onto the good times and ignores the bad. I remember I knew this bitch who was hitting the beer bong and getting gangbanged by the football team at every college party I went to, even though I never went to college but snuck into all the parties, because that’s where you find prime drunken ass. Anyway, she became some high powered lawyer and will never live that shit down no matter how hard she tries to avoid people for her past. So Tara Reid looks like less of a whore and a little more respectable than ever, but she’ll always be a fake titty drunk whore who liked to fuck to me….That’s just the kind of guy I am….
