Tara Reid is a recovering party slut, the kind who used to go to ever Cha Chi Gone Wild in their white blazers while buying their sluts in party dresses with no bras while singing Bob Sinclair’s Love Generation and drinking Magnum’s of Grey Goose or Cristal in hopes of getting the sluts back to their parent’s basements or a nice drunken fuck because all the money they spend on lookin’ like ballers doesn’t afford them the luxury of rent.

I ended up at a club like that where I ordered a round of drinks, tipped the waitress and said “This is for your kids”, something I probably shouldn’t have said to a 20 year old black woman with a big boobs and dreams of being the next Tyra, because she got offended. It probably had to do with her mother having her at 16 in the projects or something or maybe with the fact that her drug dealing boyfriend knocked her up when she was 16 and my tip was really going to be paying for his baby nike’s.

Either way, those clubs lure hotter sluts than the coke bars I hang out at with drunk and homeless crackheads and Tara Reid is lookin’ better than ever with her solid new tits. She’ll be a great stripper when she snorts all her Van WIlder earnings up her nose.

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