My computer fell on the ground today and almost ended my internet career. I was pretty pissed off because I have yet to seduce a woman on the internet like most people I know have. I don’t know what is stopping me, maybe it’s my impotency, maybe it’s my wife, but it’s probably because I know all girls on the internet are ugly. Hot chicks are too busy being hot…

There is nothing really wrong with ugly chicks from the internet, so don’t think I am shitting on your strategy to get laid. We all know that it’s your time and would rather see you with an ugly chick than being that dude who jerks off on the bus for highschool chicks.

Here are my links for the day, I think I am sick, Cuddles.

You will see these pictures on other sites and with these pics you will see stupid fucking jokes about how you need to spot the clown in the picture or shit about Jennifer Love Hewitt learning how to seduce little kids back into her van or something about how clowns are scary but not to her because she’s so fucking fake she laughs at everyone’s jokes when the camera is on, it’s good PR.

I fucking had bitches who laugh at my jokes, trying to look cute, even when shit’s way over their head or when I am not trying to be funny, which is pretty much all the time….cuz laughing is for cunts in yellow trying to be cute.

Speaking of cunt, I wonder what hers is lookin like, but the state of her tits aiming to the ground like all big tits do when they turn thirty, I can only assume her uterus is peeking out of her box too. I guess my analogy was kinda vile, good thing no one’s reading this.

Tyra Banks is like some kind of Hitler on her show. She likes ordering people around but in this clip, she is ordering them to moisturize their breasts, and as much as I am not a fan of Hygiene, tit grabbing on national TV works for me…it’s like one step closer to having a strip club in my shit hole I call home….

There’s something funny about seeing girls touching themselves in groups. I was at the strip club last week and accidentally walked into the changing room with the strip club DJ I became friends with, I thought I knew him cuz he sounded familiar, maybe it’s cuz all strip club DJs sound the fucking same. SIx of the girls were practicing the booty shake with each other and giving each other tips on how to make it better. One fat one was on her knees lifting one ass cheek at a time and another was on all fours. When they saw me they called the bouncer and I got kicked out of the club, but I still have the memory screenshot in my brain, I win…whores…..

I had this genius idea about ugly chicks being great for your self confidence because they love the way anyone fucks them so if you get with one, you’ll hear about how you changed her ugly fucking life even if you have no penis, they just like to get hugged and feel another person’s touch on their lonely body…but I forgot the whole joke behind the post and realized that you can’t even land ugly chicks and if you could you’d be all up in that shit just to drop the virgin tattoo on your forehead that you don’t think anyone can see…but we can…Anyway, what I was trying to say is that fucking an ugly chick never boosts self esteem because having to fuck an ugly chick to get the positive feedback from the ugly chick is usually a low fucking point, even if you get to cum in her ass, that you have to live with forever and the damage done to yourself by banging her is NEVER outweighed by the great feedback you get when she’s outside your window calling your name, begging for you to be inside her again, at 4 am, waking up all your fucking neighbors.

That said, Renee Zellweger is an ugly chick and has been from before she won an Academ Award for Legally Blond or whatever the fuck she was in and that’s the point of this post. I guess for her sake I hope that football hits her in her ugly chick face so that they have to operate and when they do let’s hope they give her some fucking eyes because she is scaring me.

I always found funny when I’d see girls I once slammed dating new guys and taking on a whole new persona for them . There were times when I saw crackwhores I banged turn Christian, or alcoholic sluts I met in clubs turn sober and there was even a time I slammed a chick who came up to me three years later as a man with a dick and everything, if I knew she had that kind of money, I probably would have stuck around a little longer.

The point of this post is to say that Stacy Keibler was a wrestling slut, the kind who only wore a bikini, the kind who you’d expect to see in a hot body contest on springbreak, the kind you’d see in a cheap dress exposing her ass cheeks and cleavage while drunk on cheap vodka…but then she goes and meets a dude in Etnies and thinks it’s time to punk up with a skull t-shirt and Freedom Hat. Fuck that noise.

I knew a jewish girl who went to a tattoo parlor to get a piercing and decided to dress punk rock, that same girl went to a hip hop show and dressed thug, the same girl went to the movies and dressed like a disney character, that same girl had as much confidence in herself as a bitch who stops flaunting her “SLUT” for some dickhead in a skate sweatshirt….

Good post admit it.

I walked by the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Montreal today and saw Christina Aguilera’s tour bus outside. I guess that means she is staying there and I probably could have waited around or snuck up inside the hotel, crawl through the air ducts and get some serious stalker pics of her shover her husbands Passover hat in her cunt, but I realized that as hot as I think she is and no matter how badly I want to stuff her like a Passover turkey, I only really give a fuck about her when I am lookin for pictures of shitty celebrity sluts to write about and have no interest in having a non one-sided computer screen between me and pictures of her and posting them on a site she’s never heard of relationship. I am not a real celebrity blogger, you’ve all been mislead….

Speaking of being mislead, Christina used the Latina card and so did J.Lo back when the Latina card to got people to the top. The media was all over all things whose parents were cigar smoking mud farmers, like Ricky Martin, Enrique and Mark Anthony. It was the late 90s and early 00s but as soon as J.Lo started raking in the dollars she became whiter than Pam Anderson’s Hepatits stool. She dated black rappers like a normal fat white chick, she dated some Boston drunk like a good white sorority girl then she dropped it all, when back to the mexican and is showing up to events like this. All this bitch is missing is a sombrero, a taco platter and a fucking poncho to bring the point home that she’s still Jenny from the trashy latina block….

The problem with writing a site like this is that every fucking blogger drops the same fucking joke. I had some pics I almost posted yesterday of Hilary Duff in a cleavage dress, pretending she has tits and I didn’t bother because the joke was too easy. I went to the site called TheSuperficial about 10 minutes ago and saw that motherfucker dropped a lamer version of the same joke. Having a celebrity site is like sitting in a room with a bunch of virgins brainstorming on different variations of the same joke until one of them gets chosen, only in this world, all the shitty brainstormed ideas that would normally get flushed down the fucking toilet make it out on the idiot who suggested it’s personal site…It’s like people with no business writing anything, myself included, somehow have a fucking audience and are making boat loads of money, myself excluded, when before having these sites they would spend their nights thinking about jerking off to porn, and going to bed feeling dirty and guilty about having had those thoughts…..

Speaking of dirty and guilty, here are some pics of Kimberly Stewart from a couple of days ago, still looking like her dad beat her up with one of his many Platinum records, repeatedly, over the course of her childhood, permanently ruining her but leaving her long Model legs that she got from her long model legged mother untouched because he knew they were the ticket to getting her useless self off his payroll and onto some other asshole who she married, like a poor rich virgin who once ran a celebrity site before selling it to AOL for 100,000,000 dollars’….

Today was a day for walking. I realize that I am getting pretty much no where with with the site. My stepdaughter asked me to get her tickets to see Bloc Party so I emailed the cocksuckers at Vice who told me there would be no way to get me on the list. Nice fucking people. I also came up with about 30 things to write about tonight but I forgot everything with all the fresh air taking away my bitterness, summer is coming, the bitches are out and I have to pee. I got a great email from a reader telling me that she is becoming a porn star because of me. It made me feel like the real jesus, making dreams come true and shit. That’s all I really have to say about that because I really have to pee and while I am doing that, check out my links that I found for you…

The cool shit about Charlotte Church is that she has cankles. A woman with cankles is usually not seen as a cool thing until it comes to moving day and you need someone to help you carry down the heavy boxes or move the fridge if you are one of those rich people who owns a fridge. A solid grip on the floor is more than I can say for myself because I have vertigo and after living with a waste of space of a woman, seeing one who can lift gets me going….

I like that she is wearing bondage gear, pretending that she wasn’t banging a black dude and was more into white guys who cut themselves and like to get spanked, not that that is a bag thing.

I don’t think her banging the balck dude is bad, she’s thick and needs more dick that an white guy can off but I do think being a white dude who thinks he is black is bad because those are the guys who can’t handle me checking out their bitches while the black dudes are beggin me to so they get their cut.

I guess that could be seen as racist by it is 6 am and I don’t think racism exists before noon, it’s kinda like my drinking habits….If that didn’t make sense, I’d say I forgive you but know you aren’t reading this and I don’t blame you for that. Cuddles.

It was table scrap Monday at the strip club. It’s the night all the bitches take off because Thursday thru Sunday night is good business and even then strippers need a little fucking downtime. We were warned by 2 dudes not to step into the bar because they only had 4 nasty whores on staff, but dude didn’t realize that that was what I was drawn to. I went to take a leak and overheard them talking about how they paid 1000 dollars each for a blowjob from one of the nasty whores working, so I had to explain that a solid street whore is a fraction of the price and sucks dick way better because they are usually missing teeth. It comes with meth addiction and bad hygiene but in all reality it doesn’t matter what causes it, what does matter is how close to heaven it feels.

Speaking of Heaven, based on Goldie Hawn’s tits, she’s on the highway to heaven, lookin at her is like counting the number of rings on a tree, it’s a pretty simple science and I’d still bang her if my dick wasn’t broke and broken.

I love bowling. It is official. I ended up going and it was a dream come true. I saw all kinds of weird fucking people, like the professional asians with wrist guards and shit to the 300 pound bitch behind the counter that was too fucking fat to get me change but not fat enough to be my wife. I bowled a solid 60 and drank enough beer to make me forget how I can’t do anything right, all while watching the piece of trash chick in spandex in the lane next to me out bowl me not that I would really know because I was too busy staring at her ass. I don’t think that bowling slut was a dyke, even though you would think anyone who bowls has to be a fucking lesbian, but I do think Jessica Biel is because it makes for a solid fantasy. All i see is her with some chick that looks like a dude buying toilet paper to wipe their cum shots off each other’s chests, but I am not always right.

I write constant posts about pregnant chicks being whores because they let dudes cum up in them and advertise it to the world, when most girls who let guys cum inside them try to keep that shit under wraps. I know girls who are in their 30s and still pretend they’ve never had a cock in their mouth even though they’ve been doing it since they were 15, but for some reason when they get that ring on their finger they have no fucking issues telling the world that they do dirty fucking things behind closed doors, and it’s ok because they have given their cunts to their man before god or someshit.

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I do know that as Nancy O’Dell rubs her little prize in her belly, she’s basically telling all of us how dirty she is without the guilt you feel when you get caught jerking off in your mom’s room to her dirty laundry….

I always thought that Kristen Cavallari was some useless reality type MTV star that no one really cared about but would bang if they met her in a club because it’s not everyday that you get to slam some bitch you saw in the commercial break between the Christina Aguilera and Shakira video you’re jerking off to. I guess I don’t really know what you jerk off to and I am sure it’s a lot creepier than music videos but it helped drive my story home….

The point of what I was trying to say before I was rudely interrupted by my own ramblings was that I thought this bitch was useless until today when she’s living out my medical fetish. There’s nothing hotter than a bitch on the operating table with a laser zapping her retarded eyes in efforts to make her normal…especially when that bitch has bigger tits than I thought because we all know that tits make a lady…

I was emailed these pictures of Victoria Beckham’s tits in some grey cotton and decided to post them because they are fucking hot. I really have no right to be posting these pictures proven byt he fact that I contacted a lawyer about all the lawsuits I’ve been facing the last 2 months, but I will post them anyway. My lawyer told me that there is nothing legal in what I do, and I figured that there is because I am just telling you stories about random shit I’ve seen set to pictures I find. I don’t really know who the source is and for all I know maybe I took the fucking picture. I am pretty fucking drunk and what it all comes down to is that my insider lohan connection told me she was pretty drunk to. I was getting tired of being judged by the people around me about my lifestyle choices and seem to have found comfort in other alcoholics, like lohan. I am back on my Lohan love affair mission that I’ve been pretty slack about lately, mainly because she has enough money to pay my rent for me, but also because I have never banged a redhead and want to…

I read somewhere that the way to a woman’s heart was to look for pictures of famous bitches with erect nipples because it doesn’t make you look like a desperate, virgin pervert and it really makes them want to take off their panties for you… True fucking story.

Today has been an exciting day of not being allowed to vote because I am not on the voter’s list and only finding that out after waiting in line for over 45 minutes. Today has been about trying to get money from my wife to buy a cigar but not finding any in her purse, but I did find a lot of empty chocolate bar wrappers. Today has been about going trying to coordinate a bowling game with my homeless friends, but no one can afford to pay for me…

Today has been a good day and I am happy to be alive. To celebrate I have found you these links so click on the motherfuckers…