I started a forum because that’s what someone told me to do and I always do what I am told. That someone also went to the trouble of setting it up and making all the forums for me. I expect all you fuckers to sign-up and participate because it took him a lot of time. You can access the forum by clicking the top left button, or you can bookmark this URL….DrunkenStepfather.com/Forum. I can only assume no one is going to use it, but at least it’s there.

Now here are my links:

So I once had a cellular phone and I felt pretty prestigious because I never really had those kinds of luxuries in life but last year a neighbor gave me a Razr that he probably stole that happened to be activated and I never got a bill or had to pay a bill or any of that shit, it was just going to him. I think he had family that worked for the company or some shit, but that’s not the point. The point is that the screen blew up today and now I can’t call my favorite celebrities or text message them or any of that shit I was able to do yesterday because the motherfucker won’t turn on.

So when I get stressed out and don’t know what to do to solve the shitty problems I get myself into, I like to drift into a day dream. Today I was day dreaming about some war vet in some weird Vietnam yellow helmet action to keep his hair dry while he picked through garbage trying to make a decent living….Here is that day dream….If you have cell phones send them to me.

Britney is pushing this comeback harder than she pushed her kids out of her womb, which isn’t saying much because she got 2 C-Sections, but you know what I mean. She’s calling the media and letting them know where she’ll be, she’s going to some dance studio trying to be all like Stella and trying to get her grove back and she’s doing in in fishnets, booty shorts, and a bra. I am not really complaining because she looks like most strippers I watch strip and I have a thing for watching strippers strip, even though the whole strip club scene is pretty dull to me. I am not saying that I don’t like watching girls get naked, but when I start talking to them and have to hear stories of how some of their clients take them out on dates and buy them expensive thing, or how they spent the last 4 nights high on E in some lavish hotel room with those clients, I am reminded that they are all a bunch of whores. I like going into the shit thinking they are just teenage mother’s who have deadbeat baby daddies, or that they are exhibitionists who get turned on by dancing for a room full of men, or that they are in med school trying to pay their way, when the reality of it is that they are just whores who like Gucci.

The only real reason that pisses me off is because the strippers I see in action aren’t even that hot. They have tits that anyone with a credit card could have, but walk around like they are fucking Britney Spears and are doing me some kind of favor by offering to let me touch their tits for 10 fucking dollars. Don’t think I am going soft on you here, I am just encouraging you to no fall for their game and when you have enough money in your bank, ask them how much for a blowjob, because when you take stripping to prostitution, you’re pretty much a success in my mind, and I am really the only person you should want to impress. Send pics, asshole. Cuddles.

I am feeling pretty uninspired. I know that I went out this weekend and got drunk and had random shit happen to me, but the beauty of being drunk all the time is that my memory is fucking shit. I remember specifically being laughed at by two haggard chicks who were rollin’ with some old men who I automatically assumed were escorts, but think they were probably just barely 30 ugly chicks who were looking for husbands because they knew that they had limited time and their past experience proved getting cock to be hard. I am talking about the kind of girl who you bring home for a one night stand but bitch either tries to cut off the tip of the condom or takes the used condom out of the trash to try to shove back in them because of dreams of pregnancy make them do crazy things. I am not really sure if they were actually laughing at me, but it still made me mad enough to throw my piece of pizza that some weird Asian man gave me at them. In retrospect I would have rather eaten that fucker instead of wasting it on those cunts, but I guess my regrets aren’t as painful as the old married guys who they were with who probably stupidly decided to fuck them without a condom and cum inside them because they were drunk and it’s not every day that a girl you don’t know asks you to bust inside them.

Either way, here are pictures of Kate Bowsworth and her friend on the beach in bikinis being overly friendly, because bikinis are a lot more interesting than anything I have to say for myself. Cuddles.

You know a girl has pretty powerful nipples when the fuckers poke through some kind of undershirt bra and the beater. It’s some double layer nipple penetration shit that I’ve never really seen before, but I haven’t seen that much, I generally don’t leave my house and when I did used to get out, I never really focused much on their tits, I’d be too busy trying to sober up enough to get hard because I knew the pussy wouldn’t be patient enough to wait around too long since I only had an hour. When you’ve got time constraints you gotta go right down to business. I guess since I am married, I should have seen my wife in all kinds of compromising positions, including wet t-shirt and erect nipples, but her tits are so fucking floppy that her nipples kinda just blended into the background and looking for the nub would take me all night and is a task I am not really willing to attempt because I’d probably start dreaming of nights in prison when the dudes in the next cell used to fuck, only because that gay prison shit is hotter than sucking on a fat chick’s tit…..

Either way, Victoria Beckham saves the day with some hard nipples to remind me of what I could have had if I played my cards right, I am not talking about getting with her, but I am pretty sure there are plenty of needy girls with big nipples that I will never meet out there for me….

Alyson Hannigan really likes to rub in the fact that ugly bitches can make it in life. She’s all like look at me, I am on the beach somewhere because I made so much money being a useless celebrity no one jerked off to because they cast me as the ugly chick no one wanted to fuck. She’s all like even though people didn’t want to fuck me, I still got cock and convinced some asshole to think he loves me because I distracted him with luxury living and nice trips to the beach as long as he pretends to love me.

I know that girls are generally the ones who go for the ugly guys who have shit going for them, whether it’s the nice house, nice car or expensive shopping days, but Alyson Hannigan is breaking down gender stereotypes by flipping shit around on us.

I remember when I used to try to have sex with chicks, showing them a 100 dollar bill was pretty much enough to get them home with me for an hour, but those girls were also working the streets like whores, because they were whores, but I still think I had my taste of what fame and fortune brings you and I fucking loved it.

I never found Pink even remotely hot. Everyone always busts Fergie’s balls for being a tranny, without taking the time to acknowledge the fact that Pink actually has a set of balls.

She may not realize how much of a fucking bull dyke she is but at least she realizes that she’s a fucking clown and is doing something about it by doing some theatrical shit that you’d only see in the circus. Even when bitch is publicly on a sex swing in bootyshorts spinning around in ways you’d only wish your girl would spin around for you, she still looks like my friend Tom and there’s really nothing hot about Tom, except for maybe his handlebar mustache, but I only think that’s hot because despite being 35, I never got a full enough beard to grow one of my own.

There’s nothing more fun than a washed up celebrity who hires two fat chicks to hang out with her on the beach, but pretend they don’t know her, in efforts to make herself look hotter and thinner and less washed up than she actually is.

I know that you all wanted to fuck this bitch when she was on Married With Children because TV was different then, and openly slutty girls who dressed in slutty clothes and talked about slutty things were fucking rare. We had limited selection and being guys we were easy to fucking please. I remember when I’d go to the video store and hunt down movies with nudity. I’d read the rating and if the tag said nudity, I’d rent it, because I never really cared about the story but I did care about the fucking tits. I guess there’s pretty much nudity in every movie now, probably because I wasn’t the only one renting movies this way. I also guess that in a lot of ways, Christina Applegate paved the way for the sluts of today and I guess we should all thank her for that by rubbing one out to these not so hot pics.

I already wrote this post, but for some reason it got deleted or some shit I can’t figure out, so I am going to try writing it agian, but it won’t be as good as the first time around and thats okay because I know you aren’t reading this…you can’t fool me.

I don’t know who Nikki Grahame is and I am not going to bother finding out because these pictures tell me all I need to know about her and that is that she is one of those drunken whores who goes out for her birthday, makes out with her friend who doesn’t really know how to take it and lets her tits fall out of her dress for whoever the fuck cares enough about her to take fucking pictures of her.

I went out to a disco bowling night, which is pretty much a rave at the bowling alley. They blast music, they have strobe lights going and every fucking 16 year old slut in the city goes because there’s no age requirements. I saw so much hot ass in one place that I am planning on getting a job at the fucking place but the highlight of the night was when the girl in spandex pants in the lane next to me drank a little too much and started making out with her boyfriend hard. She fucking grabbed dudes hand and put it on her box while stroking his cock over his pants and I watched the whole fucking thing remembering highschool stories of the panty on rule. Bitch was going at him hard enough to make him feel uncomfortable with me watching the whole fucking thing and loving it, but I wasn’t about to stop. Unfortunately my turn came up, and I tried to bowl with two balls. Some ninja Asian dude who worked there ran up to me from behind, grabbed the ball out of my hand and made me leave, but that was okay because I got my taste of teenage orgies…unfortunately, I wasn’t invited to the after party, but I will be there next week with camera in hand, because that was a fucking day dream….

Either way, here are the Nikki Grahame pics proving that you don’t need lips to have a good fucking time. My original post was a lot better than this one, but you get the idea of where I was going with the story, and I guess that’s all that matters….

I was sitting at home looking out the window like I do sometimes to pass the time and had a total mind fuck. The music on my computer stopped and no one was home. I had a weird dizzy spell, cuz I probably have a brain TUMOR and looked to my right and saw some bitch who looked like she was frozen in time. For 10 seconds she didn’t move, everything was silent and I thought I was like Adam Sandler in the movie Click, even though I never saw it. The bitch finally stopped miming and my music came back on and everything went back to normal but it was probably the trippiest thing to have happen to me sober. I told some people about it and they thought I was insane, but I don’t think it’s a question of my insanity, but more of the insanity of some old lady who poses in the middle of the street making me think I am looking at a fucking picture.

That said, why were game show mics so long and skinny in the 60s and 70s?

Now, here are my links for the weekend. Cuddles.

To Leave Your Comments – You Gotta Go Back To The Post. I am not very tech savvy. SO fuck you.

So this shit never happens to me. I beg and beg and beg girls on myspace and facebook and on the street to take nude pics of themselves and they never want to because they think I am creepy, then I open my emails and this shit miraculously appears. It’s like it’s Christmas or something, first a friend of mine won 100 dollars in the lottery machines, then I got a free cigar and now I get a naked bitch in the bath video from a cam girl who thinks your lame opinion matters.

Dear Jesus,

I’ve been working this job as a secretary for sometime now and I’ve noticed that most of the men
enjoy my “presence.” I figured since I’m getting this type of attention, I’d step it up a notch. So I
started researching these camgirl sites and I’m definitely interested, but my only issue is that I
don’t know if I have that certain sex appeal.
I’m not the greatest at editing, however I did put this
little video together in hopes that you could post it and receive comments from your 12 viewers.
If it’s not to much to ask, I’d really appreciate it. I’d even send you a dollar to your donation button.

Cuddles,

Atlanta

I just made you famous, Bitch.

To Watch The Video – Click This Link - It’s Kinda NSFW But Not Really

Here’s something no one should go through, a little disgusting Alyson Hannigan bikini action to start my Friday. I always found this bitch disgusting especially when she was in American Pie talking about how she shoves flutes in her cunt. You see had it been anyone else, I probably woulda been thinking to myself how how that concept was, but this bitch comes along and ruins that orchestra fantasy of mine.

The thing that I don’t understand is that normally bikinis distract me from a busted face. I look at the face for a second and try to re-focus on something I can tolerate, and these pictures aren’t doing that for me. I have found some pretty disgusting porn hot. I am talking about herpe ridden bitches covered in feces while getting pissed on by 4 homeless guys and a dog and I still found a way to watch it with a keen eye to see what happens next. Just the other day, I was sitting with a girl I met in Starbucks and she was showing me her friend who she thought was ugly, because she was ugly and as she scanned through the pics one popped up of a bikini shot and I was like “STOP I LIKE THAT”. Well, I am not saying that about these.

The reason I am posting them is to prove that even ugly people can find success and love, all they have to do is tell themselves that they aren’t ugly over and over again until they believe it. That means that even if they are fucking disgusting to look at. So disgusting that you are scared of laughing awkwardly in their face every time they talk to you can find love and you can’t….pretty sad isn’t it.

Cuddles.

I am a fan of Sienna Miller, she’s one of the celebrities I don’t really rip into because I think she’s hot , mainly because she’s a cokeslut party girl who doesn’t give a fuck with hot small tits and who isn’t fat. She reminds me of the girl with a big blonde bush who would fuck rockstars in the 70s and for some reason that appeals to me, because I like bush.

I came across these pictures of her from when she was 17 and since this is DrunkenStepfather, I had no choice but to post them. I jump on any underage shit I can find, but remember 14 is legal in Canada so I am not going to prison here….you are.

I was deciding whether to write some funny stories about puberty, or teenage pregnancy, or even some losing my virginity stories, but figured that since it’s 6 am and the sun is up, the birds are chirping, the shit I spew will be more dull than usual. I just couldn’t go to bed knowing I had these lined up to post I am OCD like that. Without this OCD, there’d be no site, so you should appreciate it while it lasts, because you never know when my OCD moves to something more productive in my life, like going back to drinking myself into the gutter instead of blogging myself into the gutter. I am pretty embarrassed that I just admitted I am a blogger, that shit’s like telling a girl you like it when she shoves things in your ass. Totally emasculating, I am going to go drink some beer and watch some porn to bring myself back to normal, I guess these Sienna Miller pics are kinda like porno, so while I am gone check them out. Cuddles.

Here are some pictures from some surprise performance Brooke Hogan was involved in somewhere in Florida. I don’t know any of the details because I don’t really give a fuck about Brooke Hogan, other than the fact that she looks like her dad and I always had a thing for his pulsating muscles and work out audio tape.

I do remember this bitch being a little fat while planning on launching her failed music career and it’s nice to see that she realized her key to success was to get toned and barely dress for her shows to keep people like me interested. I can’t really dis her because she’s probably better looking than most of the crackwhores I threw it to over the years and she is definitely better lookin’ than my fat wife.

I guess I’d write more, but the sun is rising, and I always feel like a crackhead when I go to bed when the sun is rising. It’s just not the way you society thinks you should be living and keeping up appearances, like Brooke Hogan’s realized is important and takes a lot of commitment. On a side note I realized that I have no memory for jokes, I always remember the punchlines but can’t ever pull it together. I was at someone’s house today and was trying to be the life of the party but I just embarrassed myself with my delivery. Lucky for you, I will never do stand-up, unless my act was just telling punchlines to jokes I don’t remember, which could pretty much be a huge success. I will update more when I wake up but until then click my links below. Cuddles.