I guess it’s just been one of those weeks, I get distracted dealing with my wife that I forget to do my links and only get them up late at night, but at least I am doing them. I got some fan mail today from a girl telling me that she is going to tell everyone she knows about the site because she likes it so much. I can only assume that that girl is you because I really only have 20 readers. I’d like to say thanks for caring enough to tell your 3 internet friends about me, because every little bit helps. I have to admit that I am a little sad that you are overweight and a virgin, but I’d still go down on you, because I have no standards and the fact that you read this site is enough to get me to do pretty much anything for you. If anyone has steplinks feel free to send them my way because I am always looking for things to distract me from this hell I call marriage. The irony is that all your life, married guys tell you to never get married, but for some reason all you fuckers end up doing it. I just don’t know why no one ever fucking listens to other people’s advice, including myself. Look at me now motherfucker.

Here are my links:

I guess it’s only natural for a bitch in her 30s, who spent her 20s destroying her body with cock, coke and cristal, to look a little busted and in reality Tara Reid doesn’t look so bad. I have seen worse and slept with worse but none of them were celebrities, not that Tara Reid is worthy of being a celebrity, she hasn’t done much in years but she probably has a bank account big enough to support me for the rest of my life and she’s not fat, she’s still got all her limbs and she has fake tits, making her a perfect candidate to be my next wife after this one has a massive heart attack or whatever fat people die of. My fear is that she has a stroke and I have to push the bitch around in a wheelchair for the next 20 years because I can’t afford a home for her…

Before seeing Tara and her 6 dollars and realizing I should marry her, I was thinking that my meal ticket was to make a stepPORN that I’ll never get to make because I don’t have funding. I even emailed the dude from Vivid and said “Let’s make a stepPORN” and motherfucker never emailed me back because he’s too busy buying celebrity sex tapes off people….

I know Tara Reid would never star in it, but there was once a girl who worked in my neighborhood who I’d see in the bars every night and the next day she’d be wearing the same clothes she had on in the bar. We called her Sticky Vicky and we’d joke that she would pass out drunk outside work at 5 am, wake up in an alley, or in the park or in someone’s front lawn and that she’d brush the dirt off her outfit before heading in for the day. Reality is that she was probably having one night stand after one night stand. I’d pretend that I didn’t know Sticky, and she was probably too drunk to notice me and this went on for 6 months, until one day Sticky Vicky disappeared. I can only assume one of her one night stands became her sugar daddy or maybe that her alcoholism lead her one some crazy herpe ridden bar hopping, park sleeping adventure they write about in the movies, but if Sticky Vicky is out there, I may have work for her just as soon as those fuckers at Vivid hook me up….

These are supposed to be recent candids of Jordan Katie Price doing pregnant chick things because she is pregnant. There’s really not much hotter than knowing a dude has dropped his seed inside some girl who he probably should have just met at a bar, taken back to her place to slam her with a condom because you don’t know where she’s been to go home to his wife, a respectable woman who raises his kids the next day. This is like a modern day fairy tale, where the bar slut that everyone’s had a piece of because her tits distract them from her washed up whore face and life’s all about experience and not many girls have tits like this to experience, finds love. I think the sentence doesn’t make sense, but you know what I am getting at, people don’t date girls like this, they have them on speed dial for when they are drunk and want some action, but due to life’s wonderful mysteries, some dude decided to marry the bitch. My only explanation is that she gave him STDs or has compromising pictures of him have sex with a man and is bribing her, or maybe dudes on her payroll but I guess that doesn’t change the fact that he came in her.

Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing, even on a bitch who’s probably had dozens of abortions in the last 2-3 years and the gyno said “NO MORE” you’re gonna have to make this one come to term…Maybe that’s why she’s hiding it with her bag, because she’s embarrassed of it. I guess I should stop now. Good thing no one reads this shit….

I just realized that summer is coming and that means that my stepdaughter and her friends are going to be running around outside in short summer dresses that look like lingerie and that always shows off their asses when the right gust of wind comes in or when they bed over to pic something up and that makes me happy. The other thing that makes me happy is that they love to lay in the park suntanning in bikinis because we aren’t the socio-economic class that has country houses or backyards and that’s a good thing too. What’s not a good thing is that it took pics of Britney’s panty covered cunt to remind me of how much I love summer, but I still stand by the fact that I would totally bang her if I had the chance, because that’s just the kind of guy I am. Some people kick them when they are down, I fuck them while they are down, or on all fours or even standing up.

Unfortunately, my penis doesn’t work, so I am not a real threat to anyone. I can’t even masturbate with my blinds open to freak out my neighbors and smile at them on the street the next day knowing that they are fucking sickos for watching some old fat fucker like me jerk off. It’s called reversed embarrassment and it is funny. Cuddles.

I have never seen these pictures of Lohan before because I am pretty sure they didn’t hit the internet yet, even though they are about 4 or 5 months old, but knowing me, they have. But they are of Lohan partying at some hipster bullshit like she tends to do and they were taken by ridiculously UGLY hipster-poser cunt Cory Kennedy.

I guess they landed in my inbox because I am the furthest thing from being a hipster site, which sucks for me because hipsters are the new GAP, and if I could seduce those following losers in American Apparel to read this shit, then maybe I’d get some decent fucking ad campaigns and buy myself a van to live in or a RV to go on the stepTOUR in.

Either way, those shitty pics weren’t enough for a post so I am also posting this new spread in Nylon Magazine of Lohan. In the event you don’t know what Nylon is, it is the bible of hipster lifestyle. The editors of this shit are GODS to these kids ,leading them into a life of half nakedness, cocaine addiction and designer clothes and laziness. I guess that’s why Lohan’s trying so hard to get a piece by sucking every LA hipsters dick. She doesn’t realize that all she’s gotta do to be cool is take a bath with me.

Maybe I am old and jaded, but I kinda liked it when the underbelly of society was left for the underbelly of society and rich kids stayed where rich kids belonged at country clubs and going to high society events and showering. That concludes this post. I just woke up.

I am really late on the stepLINKS, I guess I am not really late because I don’t have a fixed schedule, but I feel like I am late because I try to get them up at 8 pm not 4 am, but who really gives a fuck, no one really clicks this shit anyway.

Here are my links, I don’t feel like writing much more than I already have, because my eyes are burning, I am drunk a d typing this with one hand and I just ate expired dairy products that I got for free for my local store just to see what it does to me. I’ll keep you posted. Cuddles.

I decided that I am going to help you get pussy. The new strategy is for you to go out to bars, clubs, coffee shops, restaurants, in class, or wherever the fuck you meet girls and pretend that you are Jesus Martinez. Ask them if they read celebrity sites, drop the website name, if they know about it, go along with it, if they don’t introduce them to it and tell them that you write the site, that you’re Jesus Martinez and that you want to make them famous. I am pretty sure that it will work on some girls and I don’t mind you using my name. If they email me as a background check, I’ll go along with the lie, since it was my idea to begin with.

The reason I thought of this is because a guy I know went to a store the other day and the staff were reading the site, he told them that he wrote the site and they both gave him their numbers because Internet is the new TV and even though I have 20 readers and 2 people who leave comments, bitches still love the shit and since I can’t take advantage of it, someone should and that someone is you….

Either way, here’s stepSTEVE making a drink behind the bar with some barmaid. Enjoy.

I feel like a real celebrity blogger. I got exclusive pics of Diddy being a scum bag because he’s too rich for his own good and can use that to own any slut he comes across and I am pretty sure the motherfucker does. To him the whole world is like that seedy part of town where the street hookers stand at the corner for people like us to do whatever we want to do to them at an affordable price, but in Diddy’s world, his street whores are the hot girls we can’t get with because they like to fuck wallets….I am not saying all women are whores, but people who fuck for money are….Anyway, here’s the story.

Diddy is checking out the people at the three pools at the Setai, exclusive and amazing hotel in Southbeach. there are many wonmen there who sunbath topless–especially the models who typically surroud the pool while lounging on beds. Anyway, Diddy walks by the pool area, then makes a final pass and stops just past our bed. He talks about something with his entourage, all wearing Sean John and all looking very confident and cool, and they all start laughing. Then one of the guyas from his entourage goes to one of the more beautiful girls by the pool who was sunbathing topless. They talk for a little while, she puts her top on and then is escorted by the guy from Diddy’s entourage back to Diddy. I got a pic of them shaking hands and talking. They appear to exchange numbers and when they finish talking the girl walks passed us–looking very excited and Diddy walks away with his entourage laughing up a store.

I am told he regularly rents out the $25 k a night penthouse duplex in the condo tower and hangs out at the Setai frequently.

Hope you enjoy….not great quality bc taken on treo 700p

I even tagged the fucking pics like the tattoo I once gave a girlfriend on her forehead so other guys knew who she belonged to if she ever ran away….I mean…Look at me I am all professional now…Keep sending in Scoops!!!

I don’t know who Ali Larter is because I am bad at my job, because it really isn’t a job. I am pretty sure you could type this shit into google and you’ll find everything out yourself. It’ll give you something to distract yourself from hating your life for a few minutes, so think of my negligence as a blessing. I am just trying to help like I was your real life stepfather, teaching you how to ride your bike, but if I was your real life stepfather, I probably wouldn’t talk to you, because that’s your real dad’s job, my job’s to fuck your mom.

Anyway, this bitch is stickin’ her tongue out at us, because she’s funny, but not as funny as my friend Rocco who has a tongue fetish and always sticks his tongue out at girls to get them to stick their tongue back, so that he can reference that shit when he gets home and fucks himself, or makes love to himself, I guess the level passion and intensity depends on how tired or drunk he is.

That means that indirectly, this Ali Larter bitch is a fucking pornstar because I am sure my friend Rocco isn’t the only motherfucker out there who gets off to this shit. I kinda love when girls are being total dirty sluts without knowing, like she probably wasn’t thinking that guys will get off to this shit when she did it, she probably thought she was being cute, which I am sure Rocco would probably agree with her and add something like “and her tongue was so thick and purple it drove me nuts” and by nuts he would mean all over his belly. True Story.

I was sitting on a park bench yesterday and saw some hot teenage girl who was probably skipping high school classes rockin’ a pair of skinny jeans like she was a Ramone, and a pair of massive high top shoes like she was Michael Jordan. It reminded me of when I used to drink with kids at the skate park in the 90s when the groupie girls would dress like that to get the skater kids dick in their mouths. I was just the drunk old guy in the corner they wanted nothing to do with, but I did convince one of them to masturbate for me in exchange for a bag of meth, but she was kinda fat and that’s how I pushed the shit on her, I was like I got this miracle weight loss meds….she fell for it like a fat kid who doesn’t want to be fat on weight loss miracles.

Anyway, Megan Fox reminded me of those days, with her matching shirt and shoelaces, but I don’t really know who this bitch is and I don’t really care, I just know that she’s fighting with her boyfriend in these pics, which is totally fine by me because of his frat boy, gangbang with his football friend, massively gay ironic T-shirt and his whiney bitch ways, like how he storms off from the fight all flustered like Megan Fox is the one who straps it on for him….

I woke up in the middle of the night in a bit of a panic. I had some kind of dream that was a fucking genius post and when I woke up in this panic, I repeated it to myself about 10 times because I wanted to remember it to share with you, because that’s just the kind of guy I am. I ended up falling back to sleep and only waking up now and I completely forgot the idea, my brian is like a plate of mash potatoes, but at least it looks like Nicole Richie hasn’t been eating Mash Potatoes or anything for the last 4 years, bitch is so small,, or from some small famine stricken african tribe, which is possible cuz her dad is black. Bitch looks like she’s 7 years old, and based on personal experience, has the education of a 7 year old, and I know the people who read this site that should probably be in prison, love their women to look like this.

I guess quality of dudes in L.A. is limited, or people who are raised in the industry have no concept of what’s good or not, because both these sluts are baggin’ the twins from Good Charlotte, probably the biggest rockstar cunts out there, I would argue that they are even worse than DJ AM because their are 2 of them, but I find happiness in knowing that these Sister-In-Law outings will end pretty soon in 2 bitter divorces, when the band launches a new album or Nicole gets bored of not being on TV being a total cunt to every small town person in sight.

BONUS:

I was working on my Academy Award speech today, because I figured stepTV will be the next big thing as the first movie in theaters shot on cellphone, meaning that I’d obviously win. Part of winning is being prepared to accept the award gracefully and as much as I want to show up to the ceremony with a crackwhore smelling of urine to remind Will Smith of his youth, I started to plan my speech, the only person I could think to thank was Sam my cigar vendor who always gives me free cigars, today it was some cuban thing that was fantastic and carried me through my stepLINKS, so click on them if you’re not gay. Cuddles.

Dog is a man’s best friend which is pretty appropriate because Jessica Biel has broader shoulders than a football player and probably has a dick, but since she’s in a dress and has tits, I consider her a chick for now.

I have this theory that dogs get to have all the fucking fun, I’m talking from panty sniffing to voyeurism, and if my insane friend from the park is right, and reincarnation exists, it’s a pretty good thing to be, especially if your master is a celebrity who buys you all kind of luxury items like the best damn bone in the city and spends their nights doing blow and fucking like champions while I watch. The only problem is that my friend in the park doesn’t only believe in reincarnation, but also that he can tap into his past life and runs around the park on all fours, barking at the bitches sun tanning, and shitting in the middle of the field, so either he’s a clairvoyant or dude should be institutionalized.

These pics of Jessica Biel look familiar, but I went through my archives and seems like they are new, or that I never posted, which is possible cuz I suck at blogging…but when her ass is stickin’ out like that, who cares when they were taken just be happy that they were taken….

I guess this ass isn’t so bad, but it’s still covering Angelina Jolie, which isn’t such a big deal to me, because I don’t really give a fuck, but I can imagine that some of your creepy motherfuckers who have a collection of her pictures in a box in your closet, a hard drive full of every spread bitch has done and maybe even videos of you jerking off on glossy prints of her face, making the fantasy that much more realistic do care that this ass is covering what could have been a hot post pregnancy upskirt, my favorite kind of upskirt.

Either way, I’d let this ass, dance nude for me. Speaking of nude dancing, I had this friend who was rich, he’d hire girls to dance on his dinning room table. I’d go over and it was like my own little strip club. The dude was pretty fucked and everyday at noon, a 12 year old kid he hired wold stand outside his house everyday in a paperboy outfit screaming EXTRA, EXTRA, like it was the 1920. Dude, would run down, give him a quarter, take his paper and call him Timmy before start his expensive day…We were only friends for about a week, I actually accidentally met him, but it was a pretty fucking glorious time, I’m talking fully stocked bar and shit…

I guess that doesn’t have shit to do with Angelina Jolie or her tits and panties or who she is talking to, but I know that she’s not talking to you and that’s because you’re never going to get in up in her…Loser…

I know that these have probably made their way around the internet the last few hours. I guess that’s what happens when there are about 1500 celebrity blogs out there and you have a lazy cunt like me trying to figure out how to add titles to a shitty Debbie Does Dallas Camera Phone Video for 10 hours last night instead of posting all the pictures every fucker out there is posting. The only reason I am posting these now, is because bitch looks better overnight and I am guessing that only happens with liposuction, but still worth around not that it changes anything for me, I would have still fucked her back when she was in the gutter, with acne, cellulite and no shoes on, if I could get it up because there is no whore too dirty for me at least that’s my life’s philosopohy.

I am actually pretty pissed off that bitch pulled her shit together and got dancing and singing in efforts to make a comeback that will probably work out for her. She’s been in the media consistently the whole 2 or 3 years she’s taken off work to have babies and be a fat lazy cunt, but as long as she wears booty shorts and fishnets, she’ll be getting airtime on my site…..if this is even considered a site, I like to believe it’s more of mistake on the part of people who invented blogging software giving people like me the chance to talk about Britney’s ass…

Point of the story is that I like gutter sluts more than refined, choreographed, popstars like Britney and I was really looking forward to getting a 10 dollar a song lap dance from her in 5 years, had she lost everything as I had planned for her. She has officially let me down even though she’s wearing her underwear in public…which more girls should do, and I’d advise you to tell them to, but realize you haven’t spoke to a girl since you were in grade school before you realized you wanted to fuck them, which was the last time you weren’t creepy.