I decided to get more active this summer because my lungs feel like they are filled with mud, so I decided to steal a bike. I couldn’t find one worth stealing but did find an old helmet in the garbage. I figured that if I have the bike helmet and hit up stealing a bike in daylight no one will think I am stealing….I got the idea from my Hipster’s Stealing Bike video. It’s all about lookin’ the part, even if lookin’ the part is rockin’ a helmet even though helmets make you look fucking gayer than DJ AM.

That said, I probably will never go through with it because it is too much effort, but I did go through with my stepLINKS even though no one is coming to the site today. I guess they are with their family and friends, enjoying the time off or some shit…

I don’t have a job, so I just don’t get excited about holidays….now click on my link…

Here are some pictures of Jenna Jameson modeling a one-piece bathing suit for some reason I don’t really understand. I know historically, the one piece bathing suit was designed for girls who had no business wearing a bathing suit to begin with, but you know, people have to have fun and just because they don’t look good in a bikini shouldn’t mean that they shouldn’t go swimming, even though I don’t go swimming in public because I think my stomach is pretty fucking offensive, but I guess I am just a girl about things.

That said, the one piece has started making it’s way back into the public because it’s one of those things where you show too much for so long that when you’re a little covered up it leaves things all mysterious and more to the imagination and shit. So I see how this works for girls at the public pool, but for someone like Jenna Jameson, who we’ve all seen in porn, it’s a little too late for the whole leaving anything to the imagination, except for maybe what she smells like, but that’s something you’ll always have to imagine while sitting at home, dick in hand.

That said, does anyone even jerk off to this chick? She doesn’t get me all hot and bothered and I am wondering why she’s such a success doing what she does, which isn’t saying much because I am convinced any girl can become as big as she did in porn, but the girls who are capable of doing it, have too many morals and values and refuse to fuck on camera….

That said, here she is in a one-piece bathing suit. How many times can I used “that said” in a post…I am aiming for a world record. Cuddles.

I am pretty fucking sure I have seen these pictures of Heather Locklear learning how to surf in a bikini but I tried scrubbing the site to see if I am repeating myself and I realized that looking through the archives was too much work and that it would be easier for me to just post them. Aren’t you glad I let you in on my thought process instead of just posting the pics and writing some lame joke about her tits, her fat friend used to make her look skinny, her solid body for a 40 year old groupie slut who bangs rockers, but instead I wasted your time.

Speaking of wasting time, I didn’t leave my shitty apartment all weekend. I was convinced that staying in was the way to healthy living because everytime I do end up leaving, I end up getting drunk.

I did go on a walk through the park and it was some park festival and they had shitty Bar Mitzvah DJs playing shitty pop music while kids ate hamburgers and roasted Marshmallows with lesbian looking scout councilors because you know any adult in Scouts is either a lesbian, child molester, loser with no friends or purpose but an aptitude in survival, or overbearing parents that want to watch over their kids every fucking second of the day.

That said, I got sprayed by some kid’s watergun and it made me mad. This has been an amazing fucking story. Part of me wants to apologize for running off on such useless shit, but then my rational side reminds me that I hate you, that this is my website, and that I can write about picking my asshole to see if I can smell last night’s dinner after digestion on it and you can’t say much about it.

Heather Locklear may be hot, but she’s getting old making her like last night’s dinner rather than tonight’s dinner, if you know what I mean…if you don’t it means she’s already been digested, but I haven’t shit her out yet, because I still have a little more lovin’ to give in me, but she’s old news and not as exciting as tonight’s dinner that I am already hungry for because I only eat one meal a day but still manage to keep getting fatter.

Ok. Enough of this.

Here are some Sienna Miller pictures from the set of her new movie that I am too lazy to look up because I just woke up and it’s already almost 1 and that’s pretty fucking lazy of me.

Speaking of lazy, I’ve been having this issue all week where I get some kind of flashback of what I think is a memory of mine that I want to write about and by the time it comes to writing it down I completely forget everything about it. I don’t remember what it is about or who it involves or why I was so into sharing it with the world and by world I mean you. So while I try to re-group and you try to recover for your drinking binge for your fallen soldiers and your soldiers who fought for your freedom and risked their lives for your freedom and died for your freedom….

I just don’t fully grasp this whole fighting for freedom concept, I know it is what the USA is built on, but part of me just thinks it’s a marketing ploy to keep you all hungry, patriotic and ready to kill anyone who stands in your way. I do know that a lot of other countries who don’t brag about their freedom are a lot more free the the USA, so to me it’s a lot like overcompensation, tell them what we want them to hear and repetition, like if you tell them they are free enough they will believe it. My wife used to do that with me constantly. She’d tell me how amazing our marriage was, over and fucking over again, until eventually I started to believe that the hell I was living wasn’t as great as so made me believe mainly because bitch broke my penis.

I don’t mean to shit on your country. I’ve lived in the USA. I like the USA. I like Americans. You are American. I was just making an observation on this glorious memorial day. I hope it doesn’t offend you as much as I know it probably will, because it’s a day off work, a time to celebrate, even Sienna Miller’s tits came out to play today…That’s gotta mean something…

Point of the story is that I have no idea what I am talking about, I am just talking, it happens.

So the day has come that Lohan finally got busted for her underage partying antics. I was really convinced that she was just doing this shit to fuck with the media, but in being an immature, irresponsible and insane young girl with too much time on her hands and too much money in her pocket, the reckless cry for help ended in a drunk car accident that she left the scene of, but forgot to take her cocaine with her only to get arrested at the hospital and now she will be facing jail time, even though I am pretty sure it won’t actually come to that because she is famous. Part of me thinks this was staged because her and Paris are on a constant trying to one-up the other….

See if I had an accident while drunk I’d do a few things…the first would be ditching my drugs in the closest sewer. The second would be to take as many allergy pills or prescribed pills as I could and I’d hide out with lots of water and wait until the alcohol wore off before making my way to the hospital where I know I’d get caught.

See Lohan had the chance to go hide out for a few hours before going to the hospital where she was caught, she had time to get rid of her drugs and she had time to take some prescription pills that would allow for her to have a case against being under the influence. I know 10 people who have refused to blow the breathalizer and blamed allergy meds for the accident and shit held up in court. She didn’t do any of that, so that means she staged all this because it gets her more media coverage than Paris….

It is probably going to have detrimental affects on her budding acting career, it’s safe to say she won’t be one of those actors with longevity. She’s on some self-destructive path that makes me think this is what she wants. Maybe she’s tired of all the attention and this is the only way to get out of the job. I remember when I worked at the factory, I would break as many rules as possible to get fired, because I couldn’t bring myself to quitting because I needed the money and I knew quitting was bad for making money, but getting fired meant it wasn’t my fault.

Lohan has enough money to retire and it’s too bad that she is too fucked up and self-absorbed to bother doing something good for society instead of all this shit. I guess no one really cares about a bitch who donates her time and money to sick kid charities or AIDS Charities, people are way more into scandals…..

Either way, I am glad that she didn’t run anyone over, I am glad she didn’t James Dean herself and I am glad she still hasn’t had an fatal overdose because I still want to see video of her giving a blowjob and taking it up the ass.

These pictures are of her leaving whatever bar she was partying at the night of the incident. By the look of it, she looks fucking wrecked…I’ve been driven by people who were probably more fucked than this girl and I have driven while more fucked than this girl and I never got caught. That doesn’t make it ok, so Don’t Drink and Drive.

I am sick. My home vodka remedy didn’t work as well as I thought it would. I woke up feeling like a champ, but have slowly been sliding deeper and deeper into the fucking gutter as the day goes on. I guess I was still drunk when I woke up. I still haven’t smoked a cigar in 4 days and that depresses me but my lungs hate me and won’t let me do it.

What doesn’t depress me is all the amazing links I’ve found today and the hope of getting better with lots of sleep over the weekend…so click on them…enjoy the holiday weekend…send me pics and emails and stuff because no one ever emails me and when the internet is my only social activity and no one emails me while I am on it socializing, it kinda makes me feel like a loser…

I have a blog – so I guess that makes me a loser. Click on my fucking links. Asshole.

Her name is Gia Allemand and she’s pretty fucking hot. I had never heard of her before but I did get this email:

These are exclusive photos of Yankees pitcher (soon to be former pitcher because he’s having Tommy John surgery today) Carl Pavano’s ex-girlfriend. The guy is essentially a $40 million bust, but anyway, he cheated on her and she dumped him, so look what he’s missing out on:

Since she looked fucking hot in the pics, and since it’s your stupid American long weekend, I decided to post them, because baseball is the most American think I can think of to seduce you assholes into coming back to this site…

I always fucking hated the sport, I played little league but was benched and there was even some dyke on the team who got more game time than me because it was the late 70s, early 80s and they were trying to go co-ed with that shit. It really didn’t do much for my self esteem is probably part of the reason I never took to sports…

But even later in life, I’d be forced to watch a game here and there and it was fucking torture, almost like the torture you should get knowing you will never bang this chick….

After the success of the last Michelle Rodriguez Bikini picture post where I said she was a mexican monkey, I decided to prove to all you fucking assholes who said that I was a racist for calling her that even though she looked like she was in planet of the apes and that it was a pretty fucking obvious observation that I was right and that she is a fucking monkey.

Here are pictures that look like they were taken right out of National Geographic or some other jungle documentary on monkeys running around on trees, maybe it reminds you of the last time you went to the zoo but instead of the monkeys being actual monkeys, they are pictures of Michelle Rodriguez and she is in a bikini. So fuck you for doubting me…

Who the fuck is Noemie Lenoir? Someone google that shit because I am too distracted chatting with guys pretending to be a 14 year old girl in some chat room trying to set up meetings in the park because I want to do my own stepOFFENDER feature and I figured that’d be a good place to start, then I realized that I may end up luring in one of you, because I think it’s safe to say, my readers are fucking strange.

I made friends with a girl who had a black on blonds fetish, I have seen these kinds of girls around, the blond chick on the arm of some thug. I just assumed that it was mainly strippers dating black dudes because of the whole stripper lifestyle being gangster. I have also seen the pretty obese looking white girls who are with black dudes, but I thought was just because black dudes are the only dudes with dicks big enough to get around their fat asses, so I always thought black on blond porn was designed for black dudes, but I never really stopped to think that black dudes aren’t on the internet, they are out and about doing black things like driving around in Escalades and standing on the street corner rapping to each other and that this porn is really designed for blond girls to get off to…how twisted is that….I am still convinced girls don’t watch porn….so it was like a revelation, if you’re wondering where the tie into the post is, this bitch’s name means “the black” in english and based on these pics I have no idea if she’s black or white, she’s all Michael Jacksoned and I am confused….

I do know that she’s got some major mound exposed…it’s all toe for you…

It’s nice to see that Britney Spears is working really hard on her comeback by taking time off and suntanning on a yacht because we all need our downtime sometimes. I guess her month in rehab and her 2 years prior to the whole rehab thing where she got married and did nothing with her life wasn’t enough fucking downtime for her. It makes me jealous that I am here slaving away at this site a couple hours a day, going out all night, waking up mid afternoon, going out the park for hours at a time to get away from the computer while people like Britney live the lazy life….

Either way it looks like Britney is wearing some kind of G-String, unfortunately for you I don’t have pictures of that, even though it may be a scarier thing to look at than it sounds. Like the other day, I was sending myspace messages to a model who told me that her vagina looks like a hamster because she hasn’t shaved in a while and as cute as I think hamsters are and as much as I think bush is cool in theory, I know if I ever saw it, I’d have a whole different reaction….but since I have no standards I’d still take one for the team…I’d just have second thoughts before doing it, even if just for a second….

I am fucking late on posting and didn’t do a stepLINKS yesterday, I blame vodka. I had to be somewhere at 7 pm and couldn’t get the links up, I got back home at 7 am wasted and couldn’t get anything up because I was spent. I heard the best way to cure a cold is with mass amounts of vodka because it kills the germs, I am too hung over to know whether I still have a cold or not but I do know that it was good fucking times.

I know the early bird catches the bird, but I was up at the crack of dawn, and it didn’t really bring any major opportunity my way. I am pretty much late on every story I am going to post today and I am starting with the Lohan stripping scene from some movie she is in where she plays a stripper…a part she was made for….

I don’t really know what to think about the videos because I was too fucking lazy to watch them. I go to the strip club at least 3 times a week and there was a time in my life that I went to the strip club 3 times a day. It was about 6 years ago and it was a solid way to spend my shitty paychecks. I was never really into the lap dances because grabbing tits for 10 dollars reminds me of the fifth grade….

Either way Lohan is slutting it out in a movie, playing a stripper and I just can’t be bothered watching her suck at it, or even turn my favorite pastime into some over glamorized Hollywood plastic piece of shit.

But since my responsibility is to bring the goods to you, that’s just what I am going to do….at least bitch is trained to hit the brass pole when her career comes crashing down, but I am pretty sure before hitting the local stages she’ll get into porn or have a drug overdose or someshit. I may not be able to predict the exact outcome, but I know bitch won’t have a lasting career making mainstream movies….1:45

To check out the official site GO

It seems like Paris and her hired photographer have gone on another spiritual outing to help her get through this dark time in her life…I don’t know what the fuck she’s doing hitting up a bookstore every fucking day considering she doesn’t know how to read and I don’t know why she’s bringing along the paparazzi with her, but I guess it’s good for business. I thought it was an attempt to get sympathy from the public, but sympathy from the public isn’t really going to save her from jail.

I am thinking that she maybe actually depressed and is finally doing a little soul searching, but I can’t see how a self absorbed cunt who places no importance on humanity, who makes no effort to make a difference with her celebrity and who is really just a waste of fucking space of a person, would actually want to change because of a prison sentence of 20 days and if she was on a quest to find her inner spiritual center or some shit, she probably wouldn’t do it with a hired photographer. So I call bullshit.

I can say that the only good thing that Paris has done for the world, is turned younger girls onto the fact that when they turn 18, sex tapes can make them famous, and that tied in with digital cameras being as accessible as they are and this whole internet as a distribution channel has brought on a whole new pleasure to my life….

I guess the other good thing that Paris has done for the world is showed younger girls that wearing no underwear gets you attention, so when I sit at the local coffee shop or on the park bench and I see local upskirt, nip slips and vag slips from girls in stupid party dresses midday, I can thank Paris for helping the world be more slutty….and I love sluts…

Either way, I am not falling for this Paris act, she’s sulking like a little spoiled brat who didn’t get the car in the color she wanted on her 16th birthday….maybe the sad face worked when she was 3 and daddy told her there was nothing they could do about her retardedly huge feet that all the kids made fun of but she’s a little too old for it now….

So this is some bitch I’ve never really heard of because I am not really into the whole MTV thing since I don’t have cable, and even if I did have cable I would probably be watching Discovery to learn how things are built or TLC to watch the Baby Story show. It turns out that one of my friend’s from the park just found out his recent mail order bride is pregnant and that they will be having their first baby in 9 months from now. So I’d like to use this site to say congratulations and good fucking luck ever making it back to the park when you’re too busy changing diapers and shit. You life as it was is over, but that’s not a bad thing because drinking on a park bench with a bunch of losers isn’t really living anyway.

A congratulations goes out to this couple too because it turns out that this breast implanted Varsity Cheerleading Squad Captain lookin’ stripper and her boyfriend who looks like some dick named Blair who is the Varisty Tennis Team Captain just got engaged. It’s like one of those obnoxious blue blooded engagements you see in the movies where the Prom Queen and KIng live happily ever after or some shit. Lucky for us, this isn’t a movie, and the chances of him sticking it out with her are pretty fucking slim, because her fake tits or not she still looks like a horse….and tits are only a fun distraction when your ugly girlfriend gets them and for the first 6 months of her having them and then the novelty wears off.

It’s like when you got your first Nintendo you could really only handle Mario and Duck Hunt for so fucking long before you had to beat up and steal from the fat kid at school who was an only child and who had every game ever made because his parents felt guilty for not giving him a friend to play with and compensated by giving him toys….

Let’s hope that daddy goes bankrupt, boyfriend leaves her and that she can’t land work and is forced to turn to stripping because her fake tits were like a business expense that made her pretty qualified for the job..

I was sent this pictures from someone claiming they were of Lohan wasted Sunday night at LAX where she was drinking right out of the bottle with her lesbian cock Samantha Ronson . I am not 100 percent if these pictures were taken on Sunday night, because I can’t tell the fucking difference between all these Lohan partying pics it’s like it’s her fulltime job and she pretty much looks the same in all of them, which is not naked enough for me.

I used to go out drinking in bars every day of the week, you get caught up in it because you get drunk and drunk is fun and when you wake up the next day destroyed the only cure is to start drinking again. It comes to a point where you only feel normal when there is booze in your system and that can’t be a healthy thing.

I remember not being able to go to the post office or to a coffee shop without having had a drink because it takes the edge off, it took me at least 2 years of trying to pull of menial chores in public sober and I am not getting preachy here, I am just saying that this shit will catch up with Lohan in the next few years and bitch is going to be fucking damaged. She already looks like she’s in her mid 20s which may be a good thing when you get carded at clubs since she is underage, but when she is in her mid 20s she’s going to look 40…and her liver and vagina will be shot….

I’m just saying, I am not the healthiest fuck but if I could change anything about my life it would be that I took up jogging instead of hard drinking, even though it’d be a lot less fun for you assholes….but I’d be so jacked on endorphines, I wouldn’t give a fuck what you people think….

I am pretty fucking sick and that’s ok. I haven’t smoked a cigar in 3 days because of it and that’s not ok. I did drink a case of beer today and that was ok. I also met a mexican girl at a mexican restaurant who is in town for 5 months who was hot and that was ok. I didn’t see her naked and that wasn’t ok. I walked to the park and girls were in bikinis and that was ok. They got mad when they caught me staring and that was ok. I did my links in a drunken and sick stupor and I am sure they are ok. Tell your friends about the site because it would help me get traffic….

I also had all kinds of interesting things to write about in this post, but thanks to the alcohol, I can’t remember any of it. I am sure it will come back to me eventually. Cuddles.