Here’s Lohan on her way to an AA meeting Friday, the day before she partied at Pure with a truckload of Redbull and Vox water laid out before her, which she also did pre-rehab when also ‘sober.’ You can feel that she is jonezing for a drink in this pic, and you can tell her straw hair is tired of clorox, and she is tired of this AA publicity shit.

I spent some time in the Midwest when I was on the run from my pissed off Turkish Pimp, Zeki. What i learned about the Lake Michigan area is that everyone is fat on hotdogs and is a raging, boring alcoholic, not the fun kind like dear, sweet Jesus. I can promise that there, AA meetings are few and filled with vacant seats. I met a guy, let’s call him Marty, who was trying to break into Hollywood by living 1000+ miles away from it. Marty gives Segway tours for obese tourists to support his drinking habit. Marty lives in his childhood home and dressed up a mannequin in his mother’s wedding dress and placed it in the chair she died in. You’re not allowed to touch or move it. Marty’s crib is decorated for Halloween all year long. Marty is 38 but still pretty so he needs a sugar-daddy to make sure he can afford his crazy pills, so he gays it up with a brilliant but lonely older man who is desperate for love, just like Marty… But aren’t we all, otherwise I wouldn’t have had a job during my dark years… But Jesus made them light. Just like he lights up your life… and he will be back…

Lohan is also looking for love, and also a shot, only she won’t find either one at an AA meeting.
Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

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