This is Britney Spears no longer pretending to be something she isn’t. She’s finally looking as fast and easy as a drive-thru McDonalds. I want to say something mean because she used to be a big deal, but now that I can relate to her, I kind of want to stick up for her. Besides, if I defend her, maybe she’ll read this, fall in love with me, and I’ll get to put it where K-Fed did, and even though that’s kind fo gross, it would make a great story to tell at the park.

Speaking of being trash, this weekend I went to this BBQ full of rich kids working on their PhDs. Some dude tried making me feel little with his psycho-babble bullshit butI just smiled and nodded like I didn’t have a clue what he was saying. Then when he wasn’t around, I asked his girlfriend if she wanted to do me. She told me that she most certainly does not, and I said that it was probably for the best because I was too drunk to get it up anyway. I told her if she wanted me to go down on her, though, I’d be over at the park, and sauntered off with a couple brewskis for the road.

When she didn’t show-up, I wasn’t too disappointed. After all, I wasn’t all that much into her because she wasn’t Mexican. Which reminds me, not a single Latina has e-mailed me yet. The only thing I get in my inbox are viruses — which is wierd, because I’m used to catching shit from Sugar Nell, not an e-mail. Anyway, if you’re a Latina who needs to get married to stay in the country, you should e-mail me because I’m lonely and love you.

Harley Houston

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