One of our readers was complaining that we didn’t post pics of Jessica Alba when the news broke that dumped that loser Cash Warren. Mostly I didn’t post them because I leave the shit like that for actual news sites and I didn’t think any of you would give a fuck to be honest. If she had done it naked, for example, or while flashing her pooter to the camera, then I would have been all over that shit. I thought about it though and I guess despite the fact that will never, ever get to fuck her, ever, your odds to increase somewhat since she is now single. And I guess when you’re a loser virgin like yourself you will take hope wherever you can get it.

These pics were taken at Comic-Con in San Diego, which I think is hilarious because I’ve been to these conventions and seen the guys who go there, and when thinking of all of them bustin’ a nut to Alba at some press conference for Fantastic Four, it’s funny and creepy all at the same time.

I was really into comics when I was young, because I was a tomboy and wanted to do whatever the boys did. Plus I was always into drawing and writing stories and it interested me, even though all my friends were rich and we were poor and I couldn’t get the good comics like the rest of them. After going to a few conventions and seeing fags dressed up super hero costumes and grown men taking what is essentially a story book with words a 6 year old can read and some colourful pictures so seriously, I started to re-evaluate my interest in comics. Somewhere along the line I realized that people who get way to obsessed with comics are actually pretty freaky and need to get fucking lives. I think I traded my crappy collection to some loser kid for a pack of cigarettes he stole from his mom, and that was that. I stand by my decision.

Here’s some more pics of Alba. If you decide to jerk off to them, make sure you use a tissue and not your limited edition, specialty copy of Superman instead.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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