I witnessed teenage pregnancy today. She wasn’t a major teen because she was driving, but her parents looked like they were my age. EIther they were rich and had plastic surgery or lived a clean healthy life but watching her perky milk filled tits bounce and knowing dude dropped load in her was pretty fucking hot….until I saw the baby daddy ride up next to her on his bike with his ratty fucking hair, tattooed neck and emaciated AIDS lookin’ body….

Comments are back up, with some crazy captcha thing that means you have to type what you seen in the box before writing. I know you aren’t used to box, but you’ll have to figure it out if you want to leave feedback. If you’re looking for a real challenge try their “Audio” feature and figure out what numbers they are shouting out at you. Shit confused the fuck out of me but made me laugh and I am not a laugher so it’s worth trying. The stepFORUM was a bust, which wasn’t surprising at all, since everything I touch turns to shit.

I didn’t feel like working too hard today, it’s the long weekend, which has no impact on my life at all since everyday is a fucking weekend, so I spent most of the day surfing the internet and trying to convince girls to get naked for me.

Here’s to a good fucking weekend, I know statistically some of you may end up driving drunk and into trees and shit, so try not to die, I need the traffic.

Here’s what I saw…experience my day by clicking these links….

I will get the Gay Blogger his very own login one-day soon, but in the meantime I am forced to write a shitty intro to let you all know that he’s here to make me famous because gay is trendy and because gay bloggers are even more trendy. His name is Julien and this is his magic sauce on Gillian Anderson trying to be sexy with the word Yes next to her, probably in efforts to trick us into thinking we want a piece, when in reality all we really want is that set of tits on the wall behind her in our face…either way here’s Julien.

You know when people try to be sexy but it just doesn’t work? I think this is one of those cases. I mean if you described to me the elements of this photo, take Gillian Anderson, make her look like a chic drug addict and then spread her legs, I would be like, yeah…I know a few people who could jerk off to that. But why did she have to have that giant metal S between her legs? I just don’ think that worked. Now, being a flaming homosexual, I’m probably not the best person to judge, but I really think that only die-hard X-Files fans are going to aroused by these pics.

It’s like how everyone thinks because I’m gay that I’ll fuck any gay person that walks. While this is 90% true, there is still that 10% that I wouldn’t fuck. Like this one time, Marie-Eve had made some friend that she thought would just be PERFECT for me and I was kind of a slow week, so I agreed to meet him. I didn’t want to go on an actual blind date, I’m not a 30 something, chubby, single girl (at least not yet). So I agreed to meet him at this party that everyone was going to. So I’m at the party, just starting to get a little fucked up and this guy walk in. He had a nice body, an ok face but for some goddamn reason he was wearing a fucking mesh tank top. I hate mesh tank tops. Some faggot must have sent out a memo saying that these things are fashionable. But believe me they aren’t. It was a total deal breaker. I took one look at this guy and I laughed and walked away to find more blow.

The point of this tale of faggotry is that the elements of this guy were there but there was just something off. I mean if he had just planned his outfit a little better, he could’ve totally boned me that night. But unfortunately he chose to wear a mesh tank top. He might as well have shown up with a giant metal S between his legs.

Smooch!
Julien

It turns out that I can’t sell an ad deal for this site because the site is basically a genital wart or AIDS lesion on the internet. I never get anything out of anyone, I get rejected for events, I get rejected for interviews, I get rejected for promo CDs, it’s just constant rejection because I guess people just think I am an asshole…or a Joke or both an asshole and I joke. I need to become well liked. I am tired of people hating me and telling other people how creepy I am just because I am a master of internet rape. So I decided that I am going to start touring old folks home and put on shows for them. I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I am pretty shitty in public but I am going to come up with something good. I’ll have a camera crew following me, and by crew I mean some asshole with a cellphone video camera, but it’s going to definitely earn me some serious points in the world…When the old folks tour is over, then I hit up the retard homes, then I am going to schools to talk about safe sex, aids and not doing drugs and then I’ll hit up the prison’s to refine those cocksuckin’ lawbreakers…I will make the world a better place and you’re all going to love me, like the song they all sing on American Idol….

In the meantime….look at Cameron Diaz’s Legs because I’d still do her pre-menopausal ass.

I went out with one of my guys friends last night who I hadn’t seen in awhile. We went out to the bar and decided to play this game we regularly take part in to see which one of us could find someone to leave with first. We both needed to get laid and a little incentive with some friendly competition is always fun.

Since he chose to leave with the fattest, sloppiest bitch in the place (cause he has no dignity) I ended up loosing the bet and gave him the $20. I like to fuck just as much as, or more then, the average person but even I have some sort of standard. And the point of the game is for there to a be a little bit of a challenge involved in it you know?

I guess in the end a bet is a bet and fair is fair. He got $20 and got laid, and I went home alone woke up with a hangover and spend the rest of my day writing for all 4 of you.

Here’s Rachel Leigh Cook and her almost cleavage, which is better then no cleavage at all and when you’re virgin like yourself, you need to get it when it’s given. So go grab your tissues and lotion, and pretend your body is a theme park for 3-5 minutes.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

I’ve never been one of those young girls that wants to look older them I am. After watching my mothers looks deteriorate and her weight balloon to epic proportions, I realized that being 18, thin and fit is a pretty sweet deal. I’m going to milk it for all it’s worth cause it’s going to be all down hill from here pretty much. I know I’m not perfect, but there’s a reason I get laid as much as I do, and I’m pretty sure it’s not because of my brain. Great legs, nice tits, and tight ass probably help tho.

I’ve been trying to figure out just what exactly Hayden Panettiere’s handlers are up to in terms of sending her out for promotional tours and appearences looking like an aging Cougar. She looks great, don’t get me wrong but I think she is going to have a rude awakening when she wakes up down the road and realizes shes been middle aged for 25 fucking years.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

This girl on my AIM was telling me about some dude she’s fucking who is pretty dirty, even more dirty than the dude who jerked off on her panties. This motherfucker no only took her anal virginity while choking her, he also told her that he wants to fist her and when he tried he couldn’t get past three fingers, so the next day he shows up at her house with a speculum and a DVD filled with anal porn, but not anal porn he bought, anal porn he downloaded off the internet….obviously classy.

So this bitch has issues and is submissive and decides that this guy, despite being married deserves her full attention, I guess since she gave him her ass at 30, he holds a special place in her heart. So in efforts to please the asshole she’s shoving this thing in her to stretch herself out for him to fist her and live his fantasy out, while treating her like nothing but a whore….

That means, after he’s done with her and got what he wanted and walks, she’s going to be there all loose vaginaed and confused as to where shit went wrong.

This is a fucked up story, that I didn’t make up and that proves that people out there are fucking insane. When I used to get with girls, I’d try to make them do kegels to tighten their shit not loosen it, but maybe that was because I am not into fisting and I have a retardedly small penis.

So whatever your fetish is, remember some of us are judging you and think you’re a twisted sick fuck. That’s all I have to say about that.

Here are some pictures of pornstar Jesse Jane and her dirty fake tits at some porn awards I wasn’t invited to. Just knowing how many dudes have cum on those things makes me feel dirty looking at her, but I’d still do her if I could get it up.

I went to a bar the other night because I like getting drunk. I sat in the corner and drank my face off because the drinks were cheap and that’s what I do. ON the dancefloor there was a bitch who was doing the Paris Hilton. Now I don’t know if you guys know what the Paris Hilton is, but it’s a distinct fucking Bow-Legged stance dance that younger girls picked up by watching The Simple Life or visiting Perez Hilton. Anyway, this hot model lookin’ bitch is doing the Paris Hilton and to her right was this scraggly bitch with extensions falling out of her hair, a leopard print bra was hangin out of her shirt and short shorts jacked up her ass. So you have this tall thin hot model doing the Paris Hilton and her little ratty friend trying to get attention to make-up for her obvious shortcomings by rubbing her cunt up against the speaker and there I am thinking that I just experienced the very local Simple Life with girls I’d rather fuck. Reality is that the model will probably develop a drug addiction and her only gigs will be at the local supermarket handing out tampon samples and the rat will end up knocked up with some black baby who she doesn’t know who the father is, but these bitches will still be less useless to the world than the real Simple Lie. I would have bought them a drink to celebrate but figured why bother, I’d rather use my limited budget on myself, drink special or not and they don’t need drinks they were already jacked on Meth….

Here are some pictures of Paris and her useless sister dancing up at some club in some place recently….

I am pretty hungover, it is almost 9 pm and I am sitting at my computer naked, eating corn on the cob because it was 5 for 1 dollar and that fits my budget…butter and corn juice is dripping down my chest and belly…I am disgusting….

When drunk last night, I sent out a text message to everyone in my address book. The only responses I got were from people who had erased my number. I kept this one girl thinking that we met in a club and had a connection until I passed out on my floor. I woke up feeling alone, ashamed and disgusting and that has carried me through the day.

Spam was destroying the site, I was getting 10,000 spam comments an hour, so that’s why my traffic and actual internet stardom never made sense. All my views were from robots, and those robots forced me to shut off the comments and direct you all to my stepFORUM , so sign-up, participate. There may only be 4 of us, but together we can move mountains….if we ever get off our lazy asses….

I got this email asking me to tell my readers that pornstar Carmen Luvana is going to be doing some in-strore appearance, so if you’ve ever wanted to jerk of to her in person, now’s your chance….so make your way to North Carolina if you’re looking for some pornstar fun….

Tuesday 9/4/07
Durham 12-4 pm
4125 Chapel Hill Blvd.

Raleigh 5-9:00 pm
6311 Glenwood Avenue

So check it out if you’re around and if you’re not you can check back here for pictures I expect them to send me.

In the meantime…these are the sites I visited today…you should visit them too…It’s good stuff…I promise…I know there’s a lot of them…maybe I’ll start breaking them up into 2 posts a day…I’ll guess you’ll have to comeback to find out if I ever do it….

So may token gay blogger looks like he is going to be a fixture and I hope you all enjoy it because that’s the whole reason he is here. I am all about helping you come to terms with your underlying homosexuality, while giving the homos on the site a man to fantasize about. I am trying to make myself famous and this is the best way.

The only set-back is that Julien isn’t an inflated, blue haired faggot that looks like a circus clown who got lost and ate all the elephant feed, but maybe the internet will move from having disgusting looking idols to just having disgusting sexual deviant idols. Only time will tell and here’s his post for the day….Cocksuckers….

I have been going on gay chat sites for a quite a while. It’s a really great place to meet “straight” guys who want to suck to dick but who are too afraid to go the gay bars. I prefer these kind of guys because they are all about the sex and are not looking to spoon afterwards.

So I was talking to this guy and he decided to send me a few of his pics. One of them was his “O face” (or “orgasm face”) and it was horrifying. His eye was all squinty and he was doing this thing with his mouth and it made him look like a retarded rabbit. He must of thought it was sexy but it really wasn’t. He might as well have sent me a picture of his last bowl movement.

Here is a picture of Jennifer Garner making what looks to me like her O face. Now she doesn’t look as bad as my guy did, but she still looks a little downsy. But just because it doesn’t work for me doesn’t mean some desperate straight guy (you) isn’t going to print this out, put it on his pillow and then fuck a plastic pussy pretending that he is making Jennifer Garner cum. Well, I’m all about fantasies but believe me even if by some magical turn of events, Ben Affleck died and you managed to fuck Ms. Garner, there is no way you would make her cum.

Smooch!
Julien

Karen Mulder is some model who was big at some point in her career and tried to kill herself in 2002 by taking pills like she was Owen Wilson. IN 2006 she had a kid and I am reading wikipedia right now…..

Speaking of suicide and kids, I am always fascinated when a guy tells me he has a kid, it means that some girl liked him enough to keep his baby and I just can’t seem to grasp that concept, because girls never even liked me enough to have sex with me when sober, return my calls when, admit they ever banged me, or talk to me if they ever ran into me on the street.

Either way, I landed my wife because she was really fucking lonely and even she wouldn’t have had another kid to keep me around so I am pretty much this dude who will never have a kid because no girl would carry my baby and I will always remain fascinated with guys who tell me that a woman either wants their kid or has their kid, because it means they are doing something I am not and that they are by far more a man than I’ll ever be. I have low self-esteem but the only because after years of the same message being driven down my throat you realize that you suck at something, in my case life. I think it makes for good comedy.

At least better comedy than your depressing life… living the suburban life, with the suburban middle management job you hate, going home to your boring wife who is 35 pounds heavier than when you first met, and ugly kids… making your monthly payments on your house and car…over-extending yourself because you want to take the family to Disneyland, or because your kid’s in private school because you want a better life for him and you need to buy him designer clothes so he doesn’t feel inadequate amongst his peers…Or you’re living at home with your mom, unable to find a job, jerking off more than ever, spending your time online trying to find pussy but even the girls you pay to go on cam won’t show you their cunts…forcing your to carve a vagina into your bedpost, the same bed you slept on when you were ten, because that’s the only thing that would fuck you…….I guess there’s a lot funny about that..

Here are some pictures of Karen Mulder, the bitch who failed at killing herself because she takes life and herself too fucking seriously, while on a boat tanning in St Tropez because life is so hard on her….don’t take yourself too seriously, have fun with your shortcomings because if you can’t laugh about shit you end up being miserable, and there’s nothing fun about crying, now is there, pussy. I am pretty inspirational. I am like a modern day Batman…

It turns out that girls from The Hills were all out on the beach the other day, running around in their bikinis, and giving us all something to look at, I can only assume something scandalous is about to happen on the show, otherwise they wouldn’t be out together. I may have never seen the show and I have no idea what their dynamic is, but I can guarantee that they all hate each other’s guts and call each other cunts and have cat fights behind closed doors but that’s only because that’s how girls are, especially stupid girls who crave attention and want to be the big stars, but in reality what the fuck do I know about girls….other than that I love tits, ass and vagina…

I was hanging out at the local cosmetic counter this past weekend, because on weekends in the early afternoon, girls borrow their parent’s cars and show up to get their essentials for the week or for the night out that lies ahead so they they show up in casual clothes, like tights or yoga pants or whatever makes their asses look amazing….Either way, the only products they have for dudes in the place is cologne so I’m standing there in the cologne section, trying not to get busted looking at this hot 18 year old’s ass that is squatting and I can swear I can see her full box defintion from behind, when this homeless looking tattooed up 60 year old bitch walks in and starts giving herself a whore shower. So she’s spraying herself down with all different types of cologne and is shaking like a meth addict and sees me looking at the hot chick through the shelving….She doesn’t realize that I am being a pervert and thinks I am actually shopping and that I just busted her, so she comes over to me and starts giving me advice on what cologne to buy, like she’s an expert and a serious cologne shopper when in reality she’s just tired of smelling her own ass when she sits down and this is her best solution to the problem because it’s free unlike doing laundry…Either way, she fucks off and I look back to the hot ass and it’s gone..

Here are those Lauren Conrad pics, because she’s still young and tight bodied and I’d totally watch her squatting in front of me at the cosmetics counter of the local department store…

I was hanging out with some street kids last night because I was drunk. I don’t normally make a point of chatting up the dirtiest fucking tra I can find, but when I am drunk I am pretty much willing to talk to anyone who is willing to sit through it and lucky for me, last night’s audience was a group of squeegee punks. They were asking me for a cigarette because I guess they were too poor to buy themselves cigarettes. They had a dog, a guitar and a film camera from the Dollar Store. They asked me to take a picture of them and I asked them to sing me a song, so the dark skinned ratty motherfucker with dreads starts singing about living on the streets. When I asked them where they were headed they told me to get some food and back to one of their apartments. I was pretty pissed off when I found out that the street kids I was dealing with had homes, so I started to give them shit, then they told me that they were all on welfare, lived together and lived the street kid life but didn’t actually live on the street. They were high on meth and when I offered them 20 dollars to do a street kid porn for me, the girl who had the biggest fucking gut, told me she was only 17.

These Gwen Stefani pics are to celebrate lost opportunity and broken dreams because bitch is a fucking suburban punk who made a name for herself in some candy-coated ska band and was marketed as a punk to the world while the closest thing she’s been to a punk is when one tries to squeegee her limo window on her way to a sold out arena show….and the closest thing to dumpster diving bitch has ever done was when she went grocery shopping with her husband in her bikini….and he made bitch carry the groceries…

I have never watched The Hills, mainly because I have a penis…and because I am not a 13 year old girl or some kind of homosexual, even though homosexuals seem to be popping up everywhere. It’s like it’s really cool to be gay or someshit. When I was younger, faggots would stay in the closet for fear of people hating them or bashing them, so they’d get married have kids be miserable through the 90s, sneak out on “business trips” and brokeback mountain camping trips, give their wife AIDS then by the time the year 2000 hit, Gay becomes cool, Tom leaves his wife for some dude, she’s devastated and has AIDS, his kids get all fucked up, his daughter disowns men and starts eating box and his son becomes a tranny and the gay movement continues because all these gay kids have gay fathers and it becomes one big “Gay is Okay and socially accepted and it’s wrong to beat up fags and drag them behind pick-up trucks or leave them in ditches to die because we hate gays” party and I guess that’s okay because it’s natures way of population control and because without fags we wouldn’t have bull-dykes and I love getting dirty looks from bull-dykes who hate me for having a penis, it makes me feel like I am an animal in the jungle and she’s about either going pounce and rip my penis off and shove it down my throat, or invite me to go camping at the Vegan conference…

I went to a bar the other night, that used to be a dive and I hadn’t been for a while. I got drunk and realized that 80 percent of the men were poofters, and although the place was filled with chicks who were obviously too good looking to talk to me, they were all dancing on their tables and shit with dudes who thought they were Britney Spears and I felt like the place had turned into a gay bar. so I got drunk because that’s really the only time I feel good.

The point of all this is to say that I don’t watch The Hills….it’s about rich sluts from California that everyone fell in love with when they were in high school, it was scripted reality TV and this bitch Audrina Partridge, who I’ve never heard of, is one of them Now she’s on your screen in a bikini….have fun because her body is pretty tight, her razor burn hot and I’d totally do her.

These pics of Liz Hurley are from some fashion shoot which may or not be new, and I don’t know enough about fashion to be able to tell or not, and in the end neither do you. What I do know is that when you get as little action as you do, hot women are hot women, and as much as you would like to hold out for that blonde bikini model who lives up the street from you, we both know thats not going to happen, ever, and it makes more sense to beat off to these photos, old or not.

I’ve always liked Elizabeth Hurley because when you here her formal British accent everyone automatically pictures her sitting at home in a formal floral dress, drinking Earl Grey Tea with her pinky in the air. Truth be told, she’s actually from a pretty shitty neighborhood in Britain and had it pretty rough growing up. She’s filthy rich now, especially since marrying that Hindu rich guy. So I guess on some days she probably does sit at home in a floral dress, drinking Earl GreyTea with her pinky in the air, or she just gets naked and rolls around in all her money. I prefer to think of the latter.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez

I was the bar last night and saw a bitchin’ cat fight on the street as I was stumbling home with the random I met who’s name I can’t remember right now. I was pretty drunk, and was paying more attention to the hand up my skirt then the words being spat back and forth as fists were flying and high heels were being removed for weapons purposes. Therefore I have no idea what the fight was about. I’m guessing something really stupid tho, because normal, sensible grown women don’t fist fight on crowded rainy streets at 3am.

I think it’s funny how women hate other women for no other reason then the fact that they are women. Feminists will go and and on about how men purposely turn us against each other in a way to keep us more pre-occupied in our problems with each other versus the problems in regards to how women are treated in this world. It makes sense in some ways, but it always forgets the most important fact which is that women are catty bitches who more often then not need to step down off thier high horses, cut the jealousy, and as I always like to say, get the sand out of their vaginas. I’d like to see that in the next piece of feminists literature some hippy chick that doesn’t shave her legs hands to me.

The reason most women hate women like Elle Macpherson however, is that they are bored house wives with fat asses who spend way to much of their husbands money on make-up and Oil of Olay in hopes to make themselves attractive. Elle Macpherson on the otherhand jet sets around the world being naturally thin with no make-up, unbrushed hair and giving guys around the world everywhere boners that rip their pants.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez