I am – Cameron Diaz is Over the Hill of the Day
A good friend of mine has had a punk band from Korea staying with him and his brother for the last 6 months. We have affectionally named them Rock Band Asia because they’re names are all fucked up shit we can’t pronounce properly because we are all uncultured idiots. They are leaving this Sunday so we decided to take them out last night to get all fucked up and let them get a taste of Montreal strip clubs. Unfortunately there was a problem at the one we usually go to, in the form of 30 fucking cops standing outside and the bouncer telling is no one was allowed in for awhile. We had to had to hit a downtown spot, and the downtown spots suck because it’s where the tourists frequent and they are way over priced. The girls are also generally pretty busted, and the club we went to was no exception.
We pay $30 for all of us to get in, plus a $10 tip to the gorilla who seated us, then pay $48 for 6 fucking beers We sit and wait for the stage show to come on. And wait. And wait. And wait. 20 min later, and 6 beers down, we still haven’t seen any tits or ass. Finally some blonde came out. She was kinda hot but a tad over the hill, and you could tell her time was almost up in the stripping world. She was the veteran in the club, not cause she was good, but because she danced in a way that you know she had been there way too long to even act interested anymore. Gone were the lies she told club patrons that was doing this to put herself through school or to take care of her kids. This bitch had accepted her fate. She was bored, and flashing her pussy and tits to a crowd of horny guys was about as exciting to her as when Mommy makes your your oatmeal every morning. The clincher came when she went to do some sort of leg-kick-move and kicked over a bunch of the drinks on Perverts Row in front of her. We all took a look at each other and that was it.
We went back to my friends house, where I proceeded to whore it up with one of the members of the band after everyone else went to sleep because my friend told me he had never slept with a white chick before and I like to be an ambassador to my country in the form of things like that. Contrary to popular rumors, his dicks wasn’t as small as I thought it would be. True to my form, I slipped out the door when he fell asleep, and stumbled back to my house in the 6 am sunlight.
Here’s Cameron Diaz. She reminds me of the slut I saw on stage the other night. Not only because they look alike, but because they are both past their prime and one box of blonde hair dye away from being completely over the hill. You’re spent baby, deal with it!
hugs and kisses
Marie-Ever Martinez
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