I had a pretty shitty weekend, mostly because I didn’t get laid and when I don’t get fucked I get pretty cranky. I had quite alot to drink as usual and we stumbling blindly down the main drag of the city in my high heels, I stopped into a bar I don’t usually frequent to see a friend who works there. It was full of all these white hip hop loving assholes that think being black is about wearing baggy clothes and fake gold and diamonds on your front teeth. I was so drunk I ended up leaving with one of these assholes, but he wasn’t bad looking and his pants halfway fit so that’s how I’ll justify it.

We got back to his his house and got all nakend and shit and he started going down on me, but he was one of those try hards that really wasn’t that good at it in the first place, so I pulled him up and we got ready to fuck, and that’s when I saw it. His dick limp like the celery in my fridge.

Now I’m used to hearing stories about guys with limp dicks, since I live with one, but I can understand it when its a fat, middle aged drunk, you know? What I can’t understand is how the fuck this happens to a 24 year old dude. I’m not one to console anyone for shit, so I told him the truth in the ways of “No, it doesn’t happen all the time, it’s not okay, and it is a big deal.”

Here’s Keira Knightley.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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