My server is a fucking whore and has been acting up the last 2 years. I am told the company is working on a fix but that means that I don’t have a site right now and it’s a pretty scary thought that you can lose everything you work for in about a minute, not that I really work, but you know what I mean.

Speaking of not working, here’s Beverly Hills 90210 superstar Jennie Garth, a little older and a little poorer since she hasn’t got a pay check in 10 years, but at least she’s rockin’ some cleavage.

I met a girl the other day while getting a lap dance who was a trained dancer. She spent her life in ballet school and lived the disciplined and strict life. She couldn’t make any money doing it and loved dancing so much that now she’s an over qualified stripper and I got to grab her ballerina tits for 10 dollars.

The other strippers didn’t like her because of her artistic approach to the pole. Shit was like watching some kind of artistic cultural event and this tattooed whore who learned here moves watching music videos and porn ended up punching her in the face for being such a fag while I was there. I guess there’s something hot about a stripper with a black eye who does ballet, it kinda adds to the whole “crying scene” in her routine…and I know you get off to chicks who look beat up because you’re weird.

Here are Jennie Garth’s tits, because she may be an actor out of work but she’s still got a vagina.

One of my readers just emailed me giving me shit for waking up at 2 pm. I guess I am living the life of a useless degenerate slob and I would be disgusted by myself if I was an outsider lookin’ in, but sleeping in until 2 pm is one of life’s luxuries when you don’t have a job. It’s like being a 15 year old all over again.

The reality is that I am a degenerate loser who is usless and a slob, but I didn’t wake up at 2 pm, but I could have if I wanted to because I am unemployed. I actually woke up at 8:30 and went downtown to watch girls in their work clothes walking around, rushing to get to their jobs, drinkin’ their morning coffees in the pinstripe skirts, talkin on their cellulars, smoking their cigarettes and the whole experience was like porno.

I like doing this every couple of days because it makes me happy to know that the world has changed so much that women have been taken out of the kitchen and dropped into the workforce. It breeds strong financially independent women who are either too busy to want to get locked down so they just have one-night stands over and over again because they think the Sex in the City dream is as glamourous as they made it out to be on TV, without realizing that it’s a TV show and real life doesn’t work like that, and that they are just sad lonely whores with respectable jobs that can afford to get their hair done, and nice enough clothes and a personal trainer so that men with money can try to seduce them by taking them out to fancy places, because even girls in their mid-20s are influenced by the media and once they do get locked down because they realize that TV lied to them and that they were miserable being independent whores but still want to keep focus on their career, that means the guy can stay home at let them pay their way….It’s a welcomed societal change. Until they leave you for a co-worker and you have to go on welfare.

Here are some bikini pictures of Kristin Cavallari on set, because her work clothes are a bikini…..but then again doing what she does isn’t really a work…it’s more like getting paid to have a good time while all you other fuckers are out working hard for a fraction of her money and based on the facial expressions she’s making, she’s a worse actor that my 5 year old neighbor who played Santa in his Christmas Pageant..and this movie will be worse than having to sit through his play even though he was more believable that role than this over exaggerated mess. Enjoy.

Here are some Kirstin Cavallari pictures from the set of some movie she’s working on. Yeah, it’s hard to believe that she’s working on a movie but I can only assume it will be one of the shittiest movies ever made….

I went to a strip club recently and when I was there the girl was wearing a similar outfit to Cavallari’s. She was in cut off jean shorts and had a push up bikini top and she looked like she was pretty hot, until the clothes came off and I realized she was dumpy as fuck. I am not into discriminating bitches for being dumpy, because all pussy is worth at least lookin’ at, but when she got on stage she was a wreck of a performer. She kept tripping and falling all over herself. When she did her pole tricks she kept hitting her head on the ground and she almost kicked the dude I was with in the face. She got on all fours to do the booty bounce because it’s popular but couldn’t manage it and just looked like she was flexing her ass muscles and lookin at a flexed chick ass is one of the least sexy things out there. There was nothing hot about the performance and I laughed at least twice.

I like to think Kristin Cavallari is a lot like that stripper. She’s not that talented or good at what she does, but she doesn’t realize it and still gets on the screen for people to watch and laugh at, but when she’s sitting around in a push up bikini top and short cut off jean shorts, I got no problem lookin’ at her tits….

Here’s a little bit of a bold statement that I don’t think is too far fetched, because I think I am fucking awesome…well actually I don’t, but for the sake of this post, I am fucking awesome. That bold statement is that Family Guy ripped off my writing style. People who actually get writing jobs are usually assholes with college education who rip off people like you and me on the internet. I was watching some Eddie Murphey interview and he spoke about how he ripped off old movies for most of his characters. That his spin on them was what was original not the actually character….ripping people off is common.

Point of this is to say Family guy is a really smart show, smarter that I am. They have a solid writing team and they push jokes so far that it’s funny. I never watch Family Guy, but the times that I have, I have found it to be good. A few people emailed this video into me, and I watched it and although the words in the text aren’t words I would use. The run-on sentences, the random stories, I would even go on to say the incest jokes, but everyone does incest jokes…screams “DrunkenStepfather”.

I know there’s no way to prove this, I know there’s no way to make money off this, but why the fuck couldn’t assholes have offered me a high paying job writing for their stupid show instead of biting my shit. Fuck you Family Guy.

I don’t read other sites, so maybe I am a hack, maybe I am not an original, maybe everyone writes like me but I know that my grammar skills suck dick, my influences are myself and shit I’ve seen and that I use commas a lot and that a professional writer couldn’t come up with this shit because he’s too trained and proper. I am convinced that I was ripped off by Family Guy.

I have seen my jokes slowly used on other sites, in movies, all over the place. I just never paid much attention to it because since I have such shitty traffic, I figured that maybe my jokes are standard, common, obvious. I remember watching 40 year Old Virgin and thinking that those assholes got some of their shit from the site again I never got paid for it.

The internet is a big place and a lot of people from all walks of life can land here, so if you are that Family Guy writer. I will find you and make you bleed, unless of course you send me money, then we can be best friends for life.

If you don’t think this Family Guy clip is at all like my site and that I am just a psycho, that’s fine, but 5 people have emailed me and that’s 1/2 my readers…so I can only assume you agree and if you don’t, I’ll make you bleed, unless of course you send me money….you get what I am saying…

I feel like when that bully used to steal my lunch money, no wait that didn’t happen to me, I was the bully and I was stealing the kids lunch money…so I feel like the kid who’s lunch money I used to steal. Karma’s a bitch….

Tonight’s been a busy night. It’s the one night of the week the family goes out to dinner together because KFC’s got a 2 dollar special and my wife managed to eat 20 boxes of the shit. That story was a lie, but it’s nice to pretend, reality is that I don’t step foot in KFC because I am scared of getting shot. Shit’s more gangster than 50 Cents music videos….and we all know that’s really fucking gangster.

I was approached to do a Halloween Party here in Montreal on the 26th of October. The concept for the party is that it will be a no guy allowed Jam and it will be called “SLUTS”….I’ll give you more details if shit materializes. Either way, I won’t be there, because knowing how this site roles the only slut who will be there will be the bar staff.

Either way, here are my links.

Here’s Hometown Hottie Roberta. I may hate the name Roberta because it reminds me of this big black lesbian who used to beat up on me when I was younger, but I don’t hate topless girls and pretty much everyone of her pictures is her topless. She could call herself anything she wants, because I won’t be listening to a word she says anyway. I am not one of those dude who gets awestruck when I see a topless chick, I just generally don’t listen to anyone. Roberta says that she’s a moneymaker, I may not know what that means but I do know a lot of girls who call themselves moneymakers because the official title of their work is far too sleazy to tell their grandparents like like escorting, porn, stripping and hooking….

I just read that Roberta is married and I have this thing where I am not into married chicks, so this post ends here. I am sure I would have gone on and made it life changing…but good luck to married Roberta, maybe she should be focusing on taking your kids to daycare or some shit…I am sure she’s a nice person but I hope she doesn’t win because it’ll go against everything I stand for.

Here are some pictures of Britney Spears using a public bathroom for Handicap people because no matter how big you are, literally and figuratively, you are never too important to use the bathroom, because when you gotta go, you gotta go. The big surprise in this is that there’ no toilet paper hanging out of her dress, or dragging along the ground stuck to her shoe and all I keep wondering is not whether she washed her hands, but whether she even bothered wiping….Was she the kind of girl who hovers over the seat, or the kind who doesn’t even bother putting the seat down, did she take a pee, or a poo or was it a drug stop….or was she just going in to check herself out in the mirror to make sure who wig was on proper…because keeping up appearances is one of her hobbies. I guess the real health concern in all this is that the poor fucker who uses the toilet after her, may have some serious issues in 4-8 weeks.

I hate public bathrooms, sure I have passed out in my fair share, but I would never use a public toilet, I’d rather shit myself. I don’t care what all those studies say about the impossibility of getting an STD from the shit, because I know one night while high on GHB with a group of friends in a club 10 years ago, we all got the shits. And had no choice but to go….and coincidentally every single one of us got crabs. I know do crabs even exist. they are like the mythical pubic hair creatures used as a scare tactic, but after getting them, I can safely do exist and they are fucking assholes.

Either way, here are the Britney Public Bathroom pics.

So this Pussycat Doll is launching her solo career and her new video involves her laying in bed in her panties, I guess she’s singing too but I kept shit on mute because I don’t like exposing myself to shit unnecessarily. I used to fight with my stepdaughter about the jiggy club anthems she would always listen to. I’d try to get her to turn the shit off because if I wanted to listen to jiggy club anthems, I’d go to jiggy clubs and order a bottle of Grey Goose and hustle chicks by giving them free drinks and showing off my jiggy tattoos and jiggy muscles while living the jiggy life….when I am not in the mood for that Jiggy shit, I’d rather listen to good music.

Either way, she’s showing off her body, because she’s not stupid and realizes that her body is her number one talent…The topless bikini scene is worth pausing…..lyrics like “you’re my baby love, you make the sun come up on a cloudy day” is just too deep for me to grasp (yes I turned on the volume) but tits and ass, I understand.

Here’s a little Hayden Panettiere action because she’s so popular with the boys right now. i am not really sure why because she looks like a treasure troll that let his hair down, but I guess 18 year olds with dumpy asses, massive heads, stumpy legs and who are barely 5 feet tall are the new 18 year olds with hot asses and a well-proportioned bodies.

I think the reason guys fantasize about her is because they know she plays the classier, more innocent role and deep down inside there’s a slut dying to come out that she saves for the bedroom because her public image is so fucking important to her. I realized many years ago that the girls who wore the tight, low-cut dresses and who would do sexually suggestive things like talk about how they like to fuck or how they like to fuck were just cock teases. They got off on the idea of guys getting off to thinking about them sexually. That was their penetration. They didn’t actually care to fuck and when they got in the bedroom, they just kinda laid there and took it, like they didn’t need to do any work because they were so desirable and they were doing you a favor by just letting you get up in them. Which is probably the case for every girl you’ve ever bagged. But the sexually repressed asian or Jesus lover jumps you as soon as the door closes behind you and rides you like you only have 2 minutes to get ‘er done, which for many of you is probably the case. The sexually repressed chicks are the ones that just think about fucking all the fucking time and don’t talk about it or flaunt it but bottle shit up so that the second they are naked those fuckers turn into some kind of crazy.

Either way, I was just in a store and saw some trashy slutty girl in a mini skirt and thigh highs, rockin’ patent leather white boots and some kind of halter top. Her blond hair was in pigtails and she looked like a pornstar. She kept playing with her tongue ring and every motherfucker in the place, who probably had washed up, dull, normal dressing wives and girlfriends at home was staring at her like they just came themselves. Sure her tits busted out of her bra with nipples harder than nipples are supposed to get, and her body was tight, but I knew what she was all about and I knew that she thought she was this really hot piece of ass that all the dudes loved, without realizing that dudes just love lookin at sluts.

At one point she looked at me and I laughed to myself because I got her game. She stuck out her tongue and licked her lips making sure I saw the tongue ring she was packing. What she didn’t realize is that I hate tongue rings and I don’t understand the deal with them and why washed up whores think they are hot and stick it out and play with it. I don’t think a tongue ring ever meant that a girl loved suckin’ dick, when I see a tongue ring I don’t think how awesome it will feel on my dick. I have had tongue ring blowjobs and the girls couldn’t suck dick for the life of them, even with a blowjob accessory shit didn’t finish me off, but every dude who saw her probably thought she could and I am sure she thought she could suck dick too and played that off like it’s 1990 when tongue rings were invented, crying for men to think of her as dick sucking whores, because it probably gets them into clubs or at least free drinks when in clubs, which is the measure of a slut’s ability to be the girl dudes want to get drunk and bring home to fuck em and give em a fake number then leave em…because their real girlfriends who can carry a conversation and are cool and normal actually know how to fuck wouldn’t approve of this union if they ever found out about it. Life as a slut is a sad lonely place because no one ever wants to marry them, they just pass that vagina around hoping and wishing that one day they’d get a good guy who legitimately is into them….unfortuantely her exposed g-string, kinda puts a damper on that dream.

Here are those Hayden pics because we all know she’s a dirty slut behind all the bullshit that is her career.

Here’s a joke that writes itself, here are pictures of Paris Hilton at a Benefit event for The Foundation of AIDS Research. She’s either the keynote speaker who is going to talk about how all the unprotected sex she’s had has only lead to herpes, so AIDS doesn’t exist, because she’s had lots of unprotected sex with lots of people or maybe she’s there to invest in finding a cure because it does exist and it’s living in her underwear…if she’s even wearing any….that whore.

Lohan is the kind of girl I think I will always love. She was my original celebrity obsession on this site and I tried everything I could to get in touch with her. I used to stalk her co-workers, I used to leave her voicemail messages, I used to harass Filipino kids pretending to be Lohan on Myspace. It was a big part of my life work that really never materialized. In those years I’ve seen her go from a big breasted barely 18 sex pot to a washed up 21 year old broken down pick-up truck with herpes, addiction and an eating disorder. She’s been hospitalized, arrested, in accidents. She’s had breakdowns and freak outs and itall started when her first love, the immigrant on That 70s Show broker her heart. She took some insane self destructive path to fill the void that he left by going on to have sex with everyone, while he continued to live life as is banging regular girls 10 times hotter than Lohan that were impressed by his “fame”. The biggest problem in all this is that in her path to death she never released a sex tape and at the course she’s going, she may die and then that vagina will be off limits for ever and I will never reach my goal in getting her herpes.

An ad agency for some drug rehab center in Jersey released the “Don’t Die Lindsay” ad today. It’s one of those riding a celebrity coat tail situation to get publicity to your campaign and your company in hopes of getting better business. It’s a pretty standard fucking ad, it’s just text, it’s far from genius, but I am posting it anyway, because I don’t want Lohan to die.

I was at a strip club the other day and one of the girls was brown. Every other girl in the place showed off her box, I’m talking spreading the shit, fingering the shit, sticking it in our faces, you know doing what strippers do. But this brown one kept her underwear on. I figured it was a religious thing, like female circumcision and that’s when it dawned on me. If Lohan was female circumcised when she was 18, like a good little brown girl. She woulda never got into any of these issues. Sure it’s a violent, unethical treatment of women and I can appreciate that it’s disgusting, wrong, psycho and cruel, but shit woulda done wonders for Lohan and her career. That’s all I’m saying.

Here are some pics of Lohan in some boots, with leggings on, showing off her hot little ass that she’s put a “Hello, My Name is Sober Fun” sticker on, while rockin’ an ironic shirt telling us not to follow her….without realizing that we need to follow her to stare at her ass….but at least she’s communicating with us. I figure that’s step 1 in trying to fuck her.

Nothing says I love my sister like shoving my tongue down her throat while drunk at her birthday party, unfortunately the Simpson sisters are good little bible thumpers and despite lesbian incest being common in small towns along the bible belt, it’s still frowned upon when you have more options of people to have babies with. It’s like the fallback plan in a community of 15 to keep the community alive, you know a matter of survival, but it’s much better for the health of the community if someone lures in new blood.

That said, I made a new friend last night. He was walking on the streets at 2 in the morning completely lots. He was in his 50s and he was wearing dirty mix matched clothes, so I figured we’d get along since we have the same stylist. He had his bus pass on a rope around his neck and he didn’t know where the bus stop was. He also didn’t know where he was going and I could tell that through his thick glasses, he was scared. So I decided to help, because I am a hero and I was alone and didn’t mind the company. The dude definitely had some kind of retardation going on. I am not sure if he was just insane, or if he was a full fledged waterhead, or if he was just socially awkward, so I did what every hero does. I got him drunk.

We walked in some local watering hole, and we just drank, off his retard monthly check the government gives him. The conversation wasnt’ too good and every 3 minutes he’d get up to go to the bathroom. I constantly caught him confused and drooling and I was starting to realize that maybe booze didn’t mix well with his meds. He ended up vanishing on me. He got up threw his glass on the ground, broke his chair and stormed off stuttering, jittering and convulsing. I think he was having an episode. I wonder if he got home safely…

Either way, here are some boring pics of the Simpson sisters together, probably congregating to get their stories straight on how Papa Joe molested Jessica and not Ashlee, because she’s the ugly sister who wasn’t good enough for her daddy to get a piece of. I like seeing them together to remind us all that Ashlee is the ugly one, and probably feels a lot like the retard I was with last night, you know low self esteem, never fitting in, always being laughed at, trying so hard to be normal or up to par, but always falling short because asshole can’t find his bus home, even with his bus pass around his neck on a rope like he was 5 years old.

I shoulda married a model. When I look at my wife I always feel like I sold myself short. Then I look at myself in the mirror and realize that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, but if I was to live this life differently, I’d be that dude who bangs models because I think models may not be the hottest bitches out there, but they think they are and that’s makes cumming on their faces way more fun.

Kate Moss is hot, she’s a bit of a wreck, she’s getting older, she has a British Grill, looks a little haggard, she’s spent the last 10 years with lots of money in the bank and little to do with it other than have meaningless relationships, cocaine and going to clubs getting drunk. Models are pretty much retired by 30 and tall skinny party sluts that act a little more glamorous than the whores you see at the bars, because they work in the fashion industry, and the fashion industry is so fucking luxurious….but a party slut is a party slut no matter what and all party sluts take it in the ass this good life isn’t as good as knowing that Kate Moss takes in the ass.

The other good news for me is that it’s never too late to make changes, guys age well and like the drug dealer I saw the other night in his mid-50s with 8 hot model looking girls on his arm, while hustling every girl who walked by him, hot chicks are dumb enough to be bought.

So my goal is to find a way to turn this site into a Perez Hilton type site, end up on TV everywhere and use all that 5 minutes of undeserved fame to bed as many models as I can with my limp useless dick that I will use Viagra to revive, but unfortunately Viagra won’t make it look less like an oversized clit…but who cares, my fame will distract bitches from my big clit/little dick and don’t worry, I know this is all fantasy, the closest thing I’ll ever have to fame is being recognized at the local convenience store.

Here are some pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears going to acting classes, reality is that Jamie Lynn Spears should be going to a personal trainer. Bitch is looking pretty fucking sloppy and sloppy girls aren’t good.

I remember bringing home this chick who looked alright dressed. We ordered some food and as she ate it shit dripped all over her outfit like the slob she turned out to be. It was gross, but I didn’t care, I wanted to see her tits and this was a good excuse for me to get her shirt off, that was before she actually took her shirt off and I was faced with the strongest push-up bra built, because the second it came off, this girl who I thought was tight bodied, had nipples that aimed to the floor…..I am talking tits a mother of 3 probably doesn’t even have, that just kinda hung off her like a half full bag of milk. I still let her get me off, because I have no standards, but I was thinking how gross her tits were the whole time.

Reality is that I know Jamie Lynn is a teenager, but that means she should be more tight bodied now than she will be 5 years down the road, but I guess things shift and maybe she just hasn’t lost her babyfat yet. That was my wife’s excuse for her belly for the last 30 years of her obese life…I keep telling her “bitch, it’s not fucking babyfat, it’s called you’re a disgusting pig who doesn’t stop eating fat”, but she doesn’t listen. I think it’s just a matter of time before she follows the family tradition of eating fast food and cheetos, marrying losers, having 2 kids she hates, ending up on drugs, washed up and unable to land any work all by the time she’s 20, because the younger generation a growing up a lot faster these days. The other day I walked in on two 14 year olds ripping lines while getting blowjobs in the club bathroom….

I guess she’s trying to break her destined fate, but going to see an acting coach, but I don’t think any acting coach good enough can save a Spears. She’s just riding Britney’s tailwind, which is probably something that doesn’t smell as nice as it sounds and its worked up until now and I’d be surprised if she ever gets cast in anything decent. She’s just another white trash high school drop out with a dream, like this whore I once knew who was missing half her teeth but always wanted to be a pastry chef. She took a few of the classes, maybe even finished the program, but within 2 years, bitch was back on the streets, there just wasn’t as much money or sense of achievement in making desserts as there was in making dudes bust.

Point of this post is to say, is it say, I think it’s illegal to post about girls who are under 18. I can only hope she sues me.

So I finally fell off my high horse about the whole Paris Hilton situation when I realized that no one gave a fuck about my story, even though I thought it was awesome. I had to deal with a wicked hangover all day, but since shit made me feel so awesome last night, it was worth it. I felt a bit like an annoying kid who tells his parents about some joke he told in class and how funny it was, when in reality shit wasn’t funny at all and the kid is just proving to the parents why they should have had an abortion when they had a chance. That said, hanging with Chachi who listen to Jiggy club music and buy bottles of Grey Goose to show the world how much of a baller they are are the right kind of people to hang out with. They are so fucking dumb and have no idea what’s up, that it opens up a lot of opportunity to make them my number 1 fans, because let’s face it you’re not doing your job. The highlight for the chachi’s next to me was when one of them busted out his iPhone and in case you didn’t know the iPhone isn’t available in Canada yet, so all the other Chachi’s just stared in amazement, like he had just introduced them to some Chachi god, the same god who invented Kappa, Puma, fake tits, cheesy music, pasta and Diesel jeans. Hearing a girl say “Me I almost got a heart attack” was like porno to my ears, but only cuz her girl chachi chachas were hanging out of her short skirt…

Here are my links: