So today’s been a big day, the fake Lohan showed up on AIM today. It was leaked that it was really her handle and this is what her away message said:

[AWAY] its late ive been drinking…i want to see some girls who are 18+ naked doing naughty things (real nasty) on webcam vids and pics for me…ill be up all night lookin at them and ill contact you back if i think you are sexy. email me at djllohan1@yahoo.com. 18+ girls only sorry boys its girls night out. tonights your only chance. dont judge me and try to tell me who i am and what i can do. i am me and nobody can change me.

It’s pretty obvious that whoever hacked the account is doing all he can using her celebrity to get the goods.

Speaking of goods, the stepLINK header picture is of one of you, or at least one of you is pretending to be the girl in the stepLINKS header and I was pretty surprised that girls who look better than me naked read the site.

But more importantly, it’s Halloween, and I know you love giving candy out to kids because you’re a sick fuck but I like the fact that I can get into any club I want tonight because I just pretend my everyday homeless look is my costume and the scent of urine is just there to add credibility to my costume….

Here are my links:

Shauna Sand has no ass and that’s the reason why she flaunts her tits everywhere they are go like it’s her last day out with them before they get removed or some shit. I just thought it was because she’s a whore and likes to show off what she thinks are god’s gift to the world, even though got was a $5,000 charge on her credit card. Then I thought maybe she was just a victim of breast implants, where girls who get implants end up going crazy as fuck with their new tits and pull them out everywhere they go, because their relationship is more of one you have with a new car than one you have with your body parts. Now I realize that shit is just a way to divert male attention from the fact that she has no ass at all and she’s more like a hot chick who hangs with fat chicks to make herself look skinnier or like when I go out drinking with bigger drunks than me, because people notice what you want them to.

That said, you all have to realize that today is Halloween, I don’t dress up because I am a downer and find that shit lame and don’t believe in holidays, but I know that if you’re looking for love or to get laid, this is the best time to go for it. All the girls dressed slutty are going to be horny as fuck because dudes have been lookin’ at their asses like they are a brand new fleshlight all day and you already have an opener. All you have to do is go up to whoever it is you’re lookin’ at and comment on their costume, or come up with a costume that you’ve set up to make girls come up to you and talk to you. I know a dude who went as an AIM contact list and had 15 girls lined up to add their contact info on the buddy list. So do something creative and funny and if you follow my advice, you’ll have a great fucking night. But you won’t because you’re just going to stay home and cry yourself to sleep like you do every night, like the poor fucker who takes Shauna Sand home only to realize she’s got kids and when he flips her over to fuck her from behind – that she’s got no ass and will be struggling like he’s on Survivor to get her back on her back so that he can focus on her tits and trick or treat all over her face.

Some assistant to Britney Spears leaked these candid pictures of Britney drinking and Swimming in Dita Von Teese’s champagne glass and they pretty much suck. When it comes to Britney Spears and her entourage, you’d think that the only thing leaking would be her used up vagina right down her leg, leaving a puddle on the ground for her dogs to lick up when Britney forgets to give them water and they are desperate for survival, kinda like Britney was in her career, but has somehow managed to turn that around with a huge song, ringtone and huge album sales. It’s kinda like she won the lottery. I hate playing the lottery, because it always manages to disappoint, like everything else in my life. That sounded a lot sadder than it actually is but only because I can laugh at my misfortunes.

I don’t really know if these Danielle Lloyd pictures are new or old, mainly because I don’t spend that much of my time thinking about Danielle Lloyd or following her non-existant career, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I am not trying to imply that I’ve got better things to do with my time because I don’t, but I like to think just sitting and staring at the wall is more interesting than keeping tabs on this slut, except that this slut shows up to events the way all girls should show up to events, everyday of the week and all my wall does is stare right back at me.

They say this is her on Halloween, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this was her on everyday of the week, her half naked body is what makes her money, so it’s kinda her job to dress like this, now make it your job to look at it, because we all know it’s better than your last job bagging groceries that you got fired from because it was too complicated for you to figure out. Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re a loser, everyone else probably does, but not me. Cuddles.

Here are some pictures of Christina Milian in her Halloween costume, because today is Halloween and a time to dress up like an asshole and have a good fucking time doing it, while everyone laughs at each other and you end up going home with the girl dressed like a princess or a dirty cop or a slut to live out some kind of fantasy that on any other day would throw off the girl you’re slamming.

I once asked a girl to dress like an aborted fetus while I dressed up like the “abortion” doctor so that we could live out my abortion fantasy and she wasn’t having it, probably because it was on Valentines Day and because it made her feel uncomfortable, because she had an abortion when she was 17 and never really got over it but I know if I had dropped that shit on her on Halloween, it would have all been gravy, and by gravy I mean fake blood and pussy juice.

Here are some pictures of Audrina Partridge from some Halloween party dressed like Madonna in the 80s who was apparently some kind of sex symbol at the time, but looking back at it now, definitely wasn’t because she looked like a fucking clown. I know that there are some people who like clowns to juggle at their kid’s parties, even though anyone who becomes a clown is usually a drunken degenerate or a pedophile, making wanting to fuck them a smelly and awkward experience, that probably happens because girls have the weirdest fucking sexual fantasies, like fucking their teachers or bosses, or fucking virgins (which is good news to you), or even fucking their dad’s friends, because there’s power in making someone break the rules for their pussies.

Either way, I am sure she’s a nice person, because with a face like that, she’d have to be, it’s pretty much all she’s got going for her, other than all her money from being on a shitty TV show….that I’d like to wallet fuck even if it meant telling her how beautiful she is everyday. I hear girls like that shit.

I hate fucking hippies. I don’t know why because you’d think we’d have a lot in common, like I don’t really wash, it’s too expensive. Everytime I take a shower I end up using half the bar of soap because I have a huge surface area to cover and on this budget, buying a bar of soap every second or third day just isn’t realistic. I don’t really work or conform to the man or whatever the fuck hippies were protesting. I don’t really have a home but feel like I am living in some kind of commune, but that’s only because my wife takes up 3/4 of the couch and eats all my food. I like to get fucked up, I like bush, I like girls who are sexually liberated enough to fuck in front of me and run around naked….but I still hate fucking hippies.

I guess the reason I hate hippies is because they are full of fucking shit. They are happy go lucky fags who want peace in the world while holding hands and singing drug induced songs of gayness and rainbows and other happy colorful hippie bullshit while trying to make a difference in the world. Like putting an end to the war when war is what fuels the economy, controls population and makes rich people richer and for the most part those rich people who were getting richer from the war were the parents of most of these motherfucking protesting hippies. Because poor people have to work, because when you have no money to eat and you’re struggling, you don’t have time to dance around in fields while spending your nights writing poetry or planning protests and when you were poor in the 60s an 70s you were out getting killed in ‘Nam.

The “Man” financed their trips to San Francisco, their Ivy League educations, the communes they were living in and the drugs they were doing, because their parents just thought it was a rebellious phase and that they’d come around eventually, and they did because most of them are now doctors, lawyers and politicians now, living the life they were shitting on when they were in college living like homeless people on a mission, associating with some movement that really meant absolutely nothing because it was just a group of fucking poser rich kids. and it always comes back to rich kids on drugs rebelling against their parents to throw off my fucking day.

Either way, here is Sienna Miller, someone who I think could still be hot if she wasn’t dressed like a fucking homeless bitch hippie for some movie she’s filming, but at least she’s showing her nipple and more people should be doing that.

I just applied to be on Big Brother 9, but I am don’t live in the US so I am not eligible, but figured that I shouldn’t let that stop me in my quest to be on TV.

This is what I wrote:

I want to be on big brother. But I need wifi and have to wear a mask the whole time.

They wrote back:

Thanks for the ridiculous demands. Wifi can not be provided in the house.

So I wrote back:

So I can wear the mask?

I don’t think they’ll pick me. This brings back memories of high school gym class when no one wanted me on their team…or even everytime I had sex with a girl who would ask me to leave the room while they finish themselves of. I haven’t figured out what I am good at, but here are my links….

Rumer WIllis is fucking disgusting looking and even more disgusting looking now that she’s got her pants off. Despite having rich and famous parents, I still wouldn’t notice her, even if we were the only two people sitting in the plastic surgeon’s waiting room. I only like to hang outside plastic surgeon’s offices to meet strippers and to tell them encouraging words of wisdom like to go big or go home, but what I am trying to get at is that she’s got so little sex appeal, that she would just kinda blend into the wall and my brain wouldn’t pick her up.

That said, I am sure when Demi Moore had her she tried to get the doctor to push her back into the room, like convinced that she hadn’t finished developing and needed more time, like when you back muffins for your mom and shit’s raw on the inside….but when the doctor didn’t go through with it she was forced to raise her as her own, always resenting her for being so ugly while throwing up on her everytime she breast fed, because never in her life did she think she’d ever let anything this gross that close to her tits, unless he was of course a movie producer, offering her her first job.,…

I guess it’s kinda mean to make fun of someone’s birth defect, even when that birth defect is them. I should try to work on being nicer but with all this anger inside me, I don’t know if I can….

Lohan is my dream celebrity and I think she still looks hot when the paparazzi take shitty pictures from shitty angles that make her look like a big headed/small footed freakshow dressed like a bee in stupid pants getting ready to perform at the local carnival, but this isn’t the circus, she’s actually preparing for some weird Tango Dance movie she’s in that will definitely be Academy Award nominated, and by Academy Award I mean straight to fucking video. That was a pretty long sentence.

The thing I love about dirty girls is the risk taking involved in having sex with them. When you have sex with a standard chick, all you have to worry about is knocking her up, and that fear only lasts a couple of days around when her period is supposed to hit and if it doesn’t hit, you just abort mission. With a dirty girl, you got all kinds of other concerns that may take 6 months to discover, like you’re some kind of Indiana Jones motherfucker and your penis is the cup Jesus drank from….not this Jesus, that’s not how I’m living, but it seems every dude under the age of 20 is bi and fucking other dudes and then fucking girls at teenage sex parties and since girls have a vagina but are not smart enough to use them properly, no one uses condoms. Now STDs are the new Black (plague) and all these little sluts are going to be rockin’ herpes/HIV/HPV in the next 10 years, so I figure we should all just jump on that train and be the trendsetters because every loves the people who start a movement and take it to the mainstream. We’ll be heroes in our own right and they will make Stamps and trading cards with our pictures on them. Maybe we’ll even get invited to be on Kimmel.

Lohan is already up on this and is an inspiration to us all, so I figure it’s my duty to go to the source of all that fun. When I do, I can see past her flaws, like her belly while she’s sitting in the car, just as easily as I can see past her 21 year old haggard face from all the hard living, because that shit it all part of what we’re all trying to work towards.

I was just taking a shit, and by shit I mean I was just uploading these Kylie and Danni Minogue pictures, that were just as painful as taking a shit, yes it hurts when I shit, but that’s just because my liver is shot and apparently it’s got some pretty integral role in shitting almost as integral as Kylie’s tits had in making her famous. Too bad they’ve left the building like Elvis, but not because of a drug overdose….it was cancer. No cancer isn’t funny, even when it happens to an asshole boss who deserves it, but breast implants are, they are like toys for adults.

I love seeing these plastic surgery bitches on the street, I am not talking post cancer implants like Kylie, I am talking rich breast implanted mom’s who’s husbands made them do it because it was always their fantasy and now that they have money and a woman dependent on their lifestyle, their reality, because when a bitch goes under the knife for you, you know you pretty much own her.

I always like asking girls I know with implants if they will have my baby, not because I want them to actually have my baby, because I don’t think my sperm can handle impregnating much more than my testicles and they are having a hard enough time just doing that, but when they respond by saying no, because no one wants my baby, I like to follow up with asking if they think the baby will look more like they look now or more like how they looked before the plastic surgery, because seeing a baby with big implants would be awkward, especially when it stats breast feeding itself.

So this is some model named Jessica Stam who is supposed to be pretty popular now so I decided to try to find her on Facebook since seducing “it” girls on the internet is what I do, except for the seducing part because they usually just block and delete me. I tell them how I want to give them abortions and other retarded shit that doesn’t translate into funny online, kinda like this site.

Either way, I came across these pictures and realized that she may be a hot model in pictures and on the runway, but she’s not a hot girl at events and in candid pictures and figured I’d post them for you all to see and hopefully to get back to her because let’s face it, she’s better than anything I’ve fucked. So her crack addict bags under her eyes and her mustache aren’t really that big of a deal to me. The addicts I’ve fucked didn’t even have both their eyes, and it’s just nice to see that she makes enough money for me to wallet fuck her with my limp dick in hopes of K-Feding her to support my retirement plan, but then again the dude who just gave me a coffee a Starbucks makes enough money to support my retirement. I’m not very luxurious, despite popular belief.

Hayden Panettiere dressed like a skinny looking girl in a bikini for halloween, but we all know that hiding somewhere under that bikini is her stalky troll body…I guess she is hollywood and this is the magic of movie special effects make-up or some expensive bikini or some shit because I rarely see girls take off her clothes and look better than when she has them on, but when it does happen it’s magical. We call those kinds of girls “sleepers” because no one notices them, and when you get them and their over-sized t-shirt comes off and reveals perfect tits and a bangin’ body you ask yourself why you were wasting your time with the hot chick everyone else is trying to get their dicks inside because she wearing revealing clothes trying to get attention and it’s working…..and laugh when you decide to let them have the hot whore and not be one of the assholes trying to hook it up because you just won the fuckin’ lottery with this sleeper.

I did once knew this girl who was the girl everyone wanted to fuck and somehow I got her back to my place when wasted, not that I had a place at the time, but she was too drunk to realize we were in under an overpass. Either way, as the clothes came off and the padded bra turned her C’s into manly pecs, and her controlling underwear turned her booty into a sloppy bowl of corn pops and I didn’t wanna have my Pops like their commercial always told me I did. But then her hair extensions came off showing off her female-pattern baldness and her make-up rubbed off turning her into a fucking monster…and it wasn’t halloween….

I am thinking that’s kinda what’s happening in these pictures, only it happens everyday while Hayden puts clothes on. It’s like as the t-shirt goes on, her abs turn into a gut and as her slim fit jeans go on her legs get short and thinck. For the record, I still slammed the bitch, but that’s just because I have no standards and how often do you get a girl, even if she doesn’t really look like a girl under an overpass wanting your dick, and by wanting my dick I mean passed out and having no idea where she is….

So some dude who has a website called INeedDaneCooksCockInMe.com or some shit I don’t remember because it was lame, just added me to AIM to tell me that I am a bigger failure than Teri Hatcher. I told him that I know that she may be disgusting, but she’s on some popular TV show and that I don’t really take offense to being compared to her because she’s doing alright for herself, especially not from some dude who has a crush on Dane Cook and thinks he’s actually funny. The dude went on to try to convince me to kill myself because I guess that’s the type of shit he finds funny and was saying that’s how much of a failure I was in his eyes, but reality is that if the booze doesn’t kill me, either will I and I’ll just let shit ride its course even if it means running this deeper into the ground than I already have.

That said, maybe I’d consider doing it, if the person peer pressuring me to do it was someone who was less pathetic than I am. Maybe if a really hot chick was like let’s kill ourselves together and I’ll let you grab my tits, but even then I’d probably just go along with it to grab her tits then pussy out, because death looks boring. I feel like if I was to take dude on he’d have to be someone who doesn’t use the word “Douch Bag” three times on his Dane Cook fan site and who doesn’t drop jokes about jerking off to Llamas. So today’s lesson is to only take advice from people who are more successful and funnier than you, and not from some hack motherfucker who thinks he’s got all the answers hiding behind his computer making bad jokes.

Here are my links:

Here are some pictures of Elvira because it’s Halloweeen and being Elvira means that you can only work for this one week a year which works out nicely for her because she’s gotta be in her 60s and this shit is some semi-retired living in Florida career. All she has to do is squeeze herself into some kind of tight motherfucking outfit, show off her big tits and show up,

Speaking of squeezing into tight clothes, I was walking down the street today, and as you all know, leggings are all the fucking rage for young girls thanks to American Apparel. Well it turns out that fat girls with fat asses think that since shit’s in style, they have a right to offend all of us with their tight pants and big asses all hanging out all over the motherfucking place. I don’t know where I am going with this, because I am too nice to call a girl out for being fat and offensive, but I Elivra reminded me of what I saw and felt the need to drop it like it’s hot, when really it’s not hot at all, it’s the shit that’s turning all these young dude’s gay.

Either way, I know a lot of girls who would love to get paid for that kind of thing, but instead are doing it for free, or for STDs and babies, so in a lot of ways Elvira is living the dream and it’s really too bad that she’s not asked to attend more Christmas, New Years, Easter, Labor Day and Independence Day events.