I was having a conversation about Lohan with some internet chick the other day because I was trying to get her to send me nude pictures and the celebrity angle is the only way I knew how to relate to 20 year old bitches. I was asking her if she would rather fuck Lohan or Paris and she wouldn’t give a straight answer. When she asked me, I told her that I would never fuck Paris Hilton, I don’t know why because I have no standards, I have fucked girls during their herpes outbreaks and none of them looked as good as Paris Hilton which says a lot about the kind of pussy I get. I just find her trash, expensive trash, but trash nonetheless. It’s like when a wife catches her husband cheating and throws the wedding ring in the garbage. Sure that ring is expensive but motherfucker’s covered in rotting vegetables….but I would fuck Lohan.

I think what it comes down to is that sure Lohan is a bit of a hipster poser trying to fit into that whole coke party scene where the kids look homeless and listen to electro, while Paris is a bottle whore who goes to the clubs where cheesy dudes drop 1000s of dollars to look like they are ballin, while their waxed worked our chests match the glisten in their hair gel.

So the point of all this is to say, Lohan is just cool shit as far as I am concerned and I can see past her shit smeared skin and bloated sloppy body, and it’s good to know she’s back to hitting up the clubs, because that’s when she’s most accessible.

Bonus – Here She is in Shorts Yesterday During the Day

Bonus – Here’s Her Shitty Photoshoot for Paper Magazine

Here are some pictures of Elle Macpherson from the other day showin’ a little bra because she’s still got it going on for an old lady.

She is the woman who first introduced me to Australian Bikini models during a 1988 cover of SI and I still think she’s probably a better fuck now than she was then. Not only has Elle probably had more loads in her than either of them, but she’s also in her pre-menopausal prime that makes her want to bounce on as many dicks as she can before her vagina dries up and stops working. KInda like how my wife gets when see sees the staff at the Chinese Buffet closing up….

Here are some pictures of Gemma Ward, one of Heath Ledger’s vaginas before he died, who is a model and she looks like she is taking his death to heart by lookin’ like death. She’s obviously celebrating his life by not showering and doing the drugs he forgot in her apartment to cope with the loss.

That said, there’s nothing like a good vulnerable mourning girl to move in on because they are easy and fucking a girl while she cries feels like home to me, not because I am depraved but because that’s what I do whenever my wife fucks me….

So – if you were wondering – my site is currently being hacked by someone. It’s called a DoS attack and you can find out more on it here…I mean Here . It’s a direct attack by someone I upset with something I wrote.

I realize I have an abrasive way of writing and that sarcasm and jokes don’t always convey the way you want them to over the internet. It’s a shitty platform to talk shit – but it’s what I do and if you don’t like it, leave.

I know that I don’t agree with everything I read, not that I actually know how to read, but if I did, I know I wouldn’t agree with the shit I read and I just wouldn’t go back to the source, I’m not going to go to the fucker’s house and burn it down.

I also know that there are superfans out there who have, for whatever reason, have not found happiness in their real lives, so they turn to movies, internet and TV to fill in that void. I know that those people obsessively follow specific people and take personal offense when someone makes fun of those people. So they do shit like hack our sites to get even for what we said.

I have been hacked before, for calling Josie Maran a slut. I am not sure why I got hacked today, but whoever did it did a good job and I am sure will win over the heart of the celebrity who’s honor he fought for. Dude, she’s totally gonna fuck you now…your psycho dreams will be answered….at least through your TV because the chances of her ever talkin to you, even after waiting at an autograph signing of hers for 12 hours, re slim to fuckin’ none, so instead of loving her and the cut out you have of her taped to your pillow….while attacking people like me for being mean to your angel, maybe your strategy should be to go after them and leave me the fuck alone.

I get it you have too much time on your hands. You get off on doing this kind of shit. It makes you feel powerful behind your computer, but why aren’t you using your hackin’ skills to make money hacking into offshore bank accounts and shit…Hackin’ me seems like a of a waste of a skill if you ask me. I’m if you did hack yourself into money, you’d have a better chance hackin’ into celebrity vagina, the real kind, not the internet kind.

That said, I still did my links, if anyone is still out there and I’m not going anywhere – you can take my site from me but you can’t shut me up…or some shit…time to go get drunk…or more drunk…it’s kinda what I do until some fucker hacks into my liquor store and bars and takes that away from me too….

In case you were wondering why my site has AIDS, it’s because some piece of shit cocksucker fucked with it last night without a condom and now they are laughing about how they brought me down with his other internet buddies who helped him right now because they have nothing else to do…since they aren’t getting laid or anything. Either way, I am okay with the downtime because it gives me time to practice my sitting, while eating a bag of chips that I snuck in the house because I knew my wife wasn’t home to steal them from me.

Speaking of AIDS Here are some boring pictures of Bijou Phillips in a bikini and she’s with her DJing that 70s Show boyfriend at the beach which is more interesting than what I am doing right now, which is writing about how boring their lives are and last time I checked when you write about how boring someone’s life is, you’re life isn’t a whole lot better.

I wonder how many dicks that rebellious daughter of a Momma Cass’ ass has seen during her coke fueled, hanging with Paris Hilton, modeling days. I am guessing more than one. Maybe Masterson should let her soak in the ocean a little longer, or does the salt burn the wounds too much and that’s why she’s running out like she just got bitten by a shark… I don’t know what I am talking about, but give me my site back hacker. Thanks in advance.

Rihanna seems to know how to put on a performance that reminds me of the time I accidentally walked into a fetish night party at a bar I used to frequent. I wasn’t too thrown off by all the nasty lookin’ people in their latex assless pants being dragged around on leashes, until I realized that it was a gay party and that the only girl in the place who had amazingly huge tits, and who I just let suck me off was actually I tranny packin heat. I didn’t mind too much, she was wearing lipstick and that’s all I really look for in a woman and she gave a really good blow job too, I guess she was just overcompensating for not having a vagina….

Speakin’ of suckin dick to overcompensate, we saw that Rihanna sucked a singing – proving she sucked dick to get to the top and is still suckin’ dick with some popstar dancing kid named Chris Brown , who has more money and vagina than you ever will and he’s only 18, so it’s only natural that she takes that attitude of overcompensating to the stage and since she can’t suck our dicks, she dresses sluttier than any other performer and that makes her the highest paid stripper who doesn’t get naked out there and these are the pics of her in Ireland last night.

I have a thing for Sophie Monk and I think it’s got to do with her being hot despite lookin’ like some kind of puppy, with her unusual lookin’ face that probably took unusual amounts of loads with her unusually big lips, making her unusually a good fuckin’ time…..

Unfortunately, those loads came from the Good Charlotte Sister who is obviously rebounding badly with a major downgrade , but it was never meant to be….not because she’s too good for him, because she is but because he had a hard time pretending she was his twin brother and could never get past the fact that she wasn’t. Sure he’d closed his eyes and visualized, but she just wasn’t where she needed to be. Twins are connected on some weird level making sex with your twin some kind of masturbation miracle…you know when you’re asked if you’d suck your dick if you could…well these brothers get pretty close and no matter how hot Sophie Monk was, or how hard she tried, she always came in second. I guess blood really is thicker than water….

Not to mention physically she was all wrong. She had long blond hair, while his brother had short brown hair, she had tits and a vagina while his brother only had a vagina while writing his shitty songs that teens everywhere ate up like it was the coming of christ when really it was just the bi-product of brothers cumming on brothers…..

Sophie Monk Has Talents – If Playing the Flute With Her Nose is a Talent

Sophie Monk Sings and Dances in her Underwear

Looks like Miley Cyrus got to stay up past her bedtime to make an appearance on Leno, but she was accompanied by her dad, because she’s a minor. I wonder if she’s accompanied by her dad in your sick sexual fantasies that you have of her. I wouldn’t be surprised, but that’s just because you were at his concert in ’93 front row doin’ the achy breaky dance…..wishing you could have the allure and charisma and tallent of Billy Ray….

Either way, I watched the interview and I think she treats her dad like shit. Maybe she knows that he was a big joke in the 90s but for some reason all the factory workin’ women in our nation wanted his dick, or maybe she’s just a product of the generation of self serving, materialistic, obnoxious, wise beyond their teenage years because of shows like the OC and Degrassi, suckin’ dick at 12, doin’ anal at 14, makin’ sex tapes at 14 and a Half like they were paris hilton. Or maybe she’s just a spoiled cunt who needs daddy to lay down the achy breaky law, because you know a molested or abused chick would never act up like this…..

But I guess none of that matters, this Hannah Montanna shit is so bringing in the money hard, let the meal ticket make fun of him all she wants, because he’s got power of attorney over that shit….and the Nazi secret society at Disney don’t like bruises on the girls they exploit……

Bonus: The Interview – If you can really consider that a bonus:

Another Bonus – Miley Cyrus Eats Ketchup Like She’s Poor

I’ve been hacked and not by Angelina Jolie. One of you fuckers decided you didn’t like my site and felt it shouldn’t be online anymore, I’m talking to you Lily Allen or someone who really likes her music and has posters of her all over your bed like she was your wife but doesn’t know you exist….So as revenge, you decide attack the servers forcing the site to go down….It is a real fuckin’ piss off and I fucking hate you for it…

What isn’t a real fuckin’ piss off is seeing Heidi Klum jumping on a trampoline. She makes me laugh whenever I see her on video because she’s an immigrant and probably only understands half of what is being said to her and half of the American way and ends up lookin’ reatarded.

She’s like this kid I knew in my high school from somewhere in Eastern Europe who would dress up in his native communist clothes and constantly try to get us to do his native communist dance to the popular songs from his country that he would play on his communist fiddle. He was a good time but only his broken English was worse than mine and because and he’d always end up hurting people while juggling….. he constantly felt the need to pull his penis out of his pants because someone told him that’s how Americans make girls happy and he didn’t realize they meant during private time, he thought they meant in general…and Vlad was a really nice guy who liked making people happy

Either way, Heidi Klum makes me happy on this day where I have to accept that not everyone likes me, like the day Vlad got kicked out of our school for sexual harassment…when all he was trying to do was make you smile…

I was applying for welfare and they made me take an aptitude test. I tried to fake it as best as I could, not because I really wanted to, but because whenever I get formal questionnaires I feel like it’s my duty to fuck with the form like it was a hooker and I had 200 dollars to blow.

Either way, these were my results:

– Ambulance Attendants and Other Paramedical Occupations
- Bakers
- Butchers and Meat Cutters – Retail and Wholesale
- Executive Housekeepers
- Firefighters
- Industrial Butchers and Meat Cutters, Poultry Preparers and Related Workers

So I realized that all you fuckers were right, I am bad at what I do and in the wrong line of work….until this came up:

-Instructors and Teachers of Persons with Disabilities

Then I realized I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, but that’s just because you’re a retard.

Here are my links:

People are saying that Katie Holmes is pregnant. I am saying that shit is impossible because Tom Cruise is gay. I know people who know people who know people who have told me on 2 different occasions from 2 different sources that he used to fly into Montreal on a private jet to fuck young french dudes. I know that the story could be a lie, but if you want to fuck young French dudes this is the place that everyday feels like I’ve accidentally walked into the gay pride parade. I guess he could always use artificial insemination after they suck the cum out of Travolta’s ass….I guess poopy sperm still packs a punch….

Speaking of punch, the last time I asked a girl when her baby was due, I got punched by her boyfriend. She was eating a box of donuts and was pushing 250 lbs. How was I to know she was just a fat fucking pig.

My theory is that she’s just on her period.

Seeing Juliette Lewis having a nipple slip reminds me of a time this time crack whore who always refused to have sex with me had a drug overdose in her living room. I took the opportunity to pull her tit out to check out what she was packing because she never would do it intentionally. I am not all bad, I called 911 before I took advantage of her. What kind of guy do you think I am?

Here is that nipple slip pictures:

Heidi Klum was on Ellen today and they decided to get to the kitchen, I guess now that they’ve made it, they are going back to their womanly duties and headin’ back to their home in the kitchen to make the food for the family….well at least Heidi is, Ellen is too busy adjusting the prosthetic penis in her pants while tying a tie and shaving her mustache while reading the paper….

Either way, they are making meatballs and the obvious ball jokes came up about balls because let’s face it, when you’re making meatballs, what else is there to joke about. I am all for obvious jokes, they are always the easiest to come up with and the only jokes I know and whenever I drop them everyone gives me dirty looks, but that’s usually because I am pissing myself at the same time. It’s part of the act.

Either way, Heidi asks Ellen if she’s ever had balls, and Ellen says it’s been a while because she’s a lesbian….get it? I think Heidi was probably referring to in her pants, because that bitch is more masculine than you. It looks like Ellen just busted nut all over her lesbian pant suit like a 14 year old boy with his first playboy…

Here are some pictures of Hayden Panettiere at some Randy Jackson Event showing off her strong man tits. I am all for girls with small tits, just not a huge fan of those small tits lookin like the bouncer who kicked me out of the bar this past weekend because she spends too much time lifting heavy objects, like to fridge and small cars…..

I feel like fucking Hayden would be like fucking my wife. Sure, my wife is the complete opposite of Panettiere, being fat and scary instead of being muscular and scary, but the outcome is the same. Every time you crawl in bed with either of them you feeling like you’re either getting into the ring with someone way bigger than you who is going to kick your fuckin’ ass until you cum, or even like you’re rockin’ a red jump suit and you’re up against a bull who is staring you down with it’s big fuckin’ head and it’s not going to let you off too easily.

That said, she’s hanging with Miley Cyrus and that reminds me of some kind of summer camp reunion and that probably turns you on, you’re just a little pissed off that Hayden is 18 now and that’s because you’re a creep.

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