I posted on this nobody in a bikini a couple of days ago and I seemed to have missed her tit pics. I figure that all you really care about is seeing her tits and that you’ve already taken her pics to photoshop in efforts of erasing the bikini in them, so these pics aren’t news to you because you feel like you’ve already been there and done that.
I guess they aren’t really news to me either, since she’s pretty much a fuckin’ nobody, but I am going to post them anyway since tits are tits, except when those tits are attached to a fat chick, then they are just the better yet still disgusting bi-product of overeating, while the other bi-product of overeating is big stinky shits, which are usually not all that fun unless you are into fecal art…then that shit is your palette…literally. Yeah I suck today.
It was reported that these are pictures of Sophie Monk and Paris Hilton’s boyfriend pizza boy she found on the streets of New York a few months ago and decided to take under her labia and turn into some kind of male model, at least that’s the line she used to get him in her unprotected because I guess a slut like her doesn’t like condoms very much, and her uterus is so damaged from abortions that pregnancy scares just don’t happen anymore, and dude liked promises of riches and fame, so he did it. It’s like that time I used to tell girls I could make her famous because I was a producer and working on a yet to be released MTV show and all she had to do was suck me off to get an audition, sure i had my share of rejection but it was a numbers game and there was always a bitch dumb enough to fall for it.
Either was, I was pretty disgusted thinking that Sophie Monk did a wife swap with Paris Hilton, since Paris is fuckin’ her Good Charlotte sister and now she was supposed to be fuckin’ her import model, because I figured that Sophie Monk got the short end of the deal. Sure, fucking a phallic lookin’ object is better than fuckin’ Benji Madden, but not if Paris had been there first. I started thinking about how I don’t even like fucking my wife when she tells me about previous dudes she’s fucked or masturbated to, because it takes away my virgin thoughts I had of her. I knew she had kids, but I just figured it was some kind of immaculate conception and that I was the only person dirty enough to get in that. I also always hated getting with whores and being able to smell the last dirty homeless motherfucker who got a piece of her and I never liked fuckin’ girls when I knew their past sexual partners by face because everytime I fucked them all I could imagine is them there first and it made me feel like a bigger loser than I knew I already was.
A girl like Sophie Monk has the potential dating pool that is far deeper than any dating pool I’ve ever swam in, and even I managed to avoid fuckin’ sloppy seconds. Incestuous Hollywood is disgusting and the reason most actors are dirtier than pornstars, but the good news is that this isn’t even pictures of Sophie Monk and that this whole post was just a huge waste of time. Too late to not publish it now. Asshole.
So someone reported me to the photo agency posting pictures I don’t own but that they own. Reality is I get shit off a forum and don’t know where they come from, so to me shit’s a found object, like the time I found a wallet with 80 dollars in the shit and bought myself 2 cases of beer. It was the closest I ever came to winning. If they want shit untouched, then keep it locked up better, because I am not about to research the source of a fuckin’ picture when I find it on the internet, it just doesn’t make sense to me and people reporting me a fuckin’ lame, like the loser in elementary school who tells the teacher that all the cool kids were out smoking cigarettes at lunch, getting us all suspended and the reason they have no friends….no one likes a narc.
Either way, some paparazzi agency emailed me this:
These images posted on your site belong exclusively to Fame Pictures and since you haven’t requested permission to use them, they are in direct violation of copyright infringement. I am glad to discuss an affordable rate plan for use of our images. Otherwise, remove the pics immediately or face the legal repercussions of unsolicited use.
Dear Justin Smith…If that is your real name because it sounds pretty fake to me,
I have permission to use them – thanks for the heads up but it’s all under control sweetheart. My site doesn’t make money so I can’t pay for pictures. But love the name of your company. Fame is so relevant for a paparazzi agency, you fuckers are more than just scumbags with camera, you actually have a really unique corporate vision. Speaking of Fame…I wanna live forever, you know like the shitty musical. You like that don’t you, you fuckin’ homo. Showtunes for life motherfucker…or should I say…brotherfucker.
You can tell the fucker who ratted me out to lick my fucking asshole, it’d be the closest thing he’s ever got to pussy because I know who he is and I know where he lives and I am always up for a good fuckin’ time. RESPECT,
Love
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Yeah, I know that was weak. I am drunk Now let’s hope there’s no lawsuit cuz I’ll have to shut down the site. Here are my links:
You would think that Paris Hilton would offend a country just by entering it, but it turns out that she has the capacity to go even further by taking their traditions and giving them herpes by posing in her stupid way that someone mistakenly told her was cute and she hasn’t stopped doing since. It’s a lot like that time I went to some native american rights protest and danced around slappin my mouth like I didn’t pay taxes.
I guess the biggest shock was that she was asked to be a guest judge for their country’s beauty pageant which doesn’t really say much for Turkish women, but knowing me, I’d probably still ask them to let me watch them bath, you just can’t stop a pervert.
So it turns out that Lindsay Lohan’s thighs rub together when she walks, which isn’t really that big of a deal considering my wife’s tits rub her thighs when she walks, but then again my wife’s idea of walking is sitting on our ghetto couch and in all fairness to my wife, she’s not a celebrity and never will be, unless she’d doing the before pictures for some weightloss scam that they will photoshop a fit girl’s face onto to sell product. In reality, my wife being fat is all my fault because I told her I was tired of fucking her and wanted a blow-up doll. Since, she’s french she understood that I wanted a bouncy castle and decided to turn herself into one, at least that’s the only explanation I have for what has proven to be a really disgusting part of my life.
Either way, here’s Lohan’s thick drug addicted thighs rubbin’ together.
Bonus – Some Shitty See Through Action from the Other Day:
These pictures were listed as being Kim Kardashian with no make-up on, something I am pretty convinced doesn’t exist because she’s more into make-up than a drag queen trying to trick me into letting him suck my dick because he’s a girl and it gets me every time because I always fall for it….
Either way, I can’t tell what her deal is because I am too busy worrying about that eyebrow she’s got living on her forehead and I have a feeling that it is slowly trying to take over her face. Maybe it’s her dad’s reincarnated some new growth on her unibrow and he’s trying to make her look vile because he’s tired of her draggin’ his name through the mud by having nature channel sex on video but I guess that theory is pretty unlikely and it’s just her Armenian genetics, something a lot less exciting that my original theory.
I don’t know how old these pictures are, or if they are even of Jessica Simpson, but it looks like she’s trying to stop all of us from seeing her vagina and I am sure that’s nothing you aren’t already used to because even when you’re at sex parties and bitches are wiping out on GHB, you still can’t manage to get a peak because you aren’t really there since the invitation was lost in the mail, at least that’s what you tell yourself to make you feel better about never getting to join in on the fun everyone else is having. Don’t worry, the last time I went to an orgy, I got herpes and despite it being the gift that keeps on giving, it’s pretty much the shittiest gift that keeps on giving, worse than that pair of socks your Aunt knitted you that you can’t seem to take off because they are so colorful and scream your name every time you open your sock drawer.
I don’t know what I am talking about because I have never really been giving a shitty gift, but that’s because no one’s ever given me any gifts, so I’m trying to relate to something I don’t know here and you should give me a break.
Breasts, like my ass, are a great place to store things. I know girls who put their make-up, phones, drugs, condoms, money, perfume and worldly possessions in their bra and it always makes feeling them up feel a lot like Christmas or some kind of magical treasure hunt, but not as magical as the treasure hunt I have to go through every time my wife wants me to diddle her and I have to maneuver my way through her fat to the source of her junk or even when I leave my keys or something I need on the bed and it gets sucked up into her fat folds as she sloth’s out on it….I guess that’s part of what makes my marriage fun.
Either way, here are some pictures of Janice Dickinson getting a manicure with her cellphone jacked in her tits so she doesn’t miss any important calls from people asking her who the fuck she is because let’s face it, she’s not all that famous, but shit should be jacked in between her legs and set on vibrate because that’s pretty much the main reason the pervert who behind the vibrate ringtone invented it. While laying in bed alone at night with his “How Things Work” manual, he had dreams of walking down the street and seeing girls moaning with pleasure all because of his manly technical knowledge, giving every girl who ever rejected him an orgasm without them knowing it and that shit was his way of playing god. True Story.
Big Bad Paparazzi Made Me Take Down the Pics But You Can See It Here GO
I always love when girls wear vagina hugging pants because it gives me enough information to visualize what they look like naked. I know that the chances of them ever showing me their goods are pretty fuckin’ slim, especially since they are young and hot and sitting across from me at the coffee shop, often times telling their boyfriends how some creepy old guy keeps lookin’ at them and it’s making them uncomfortable.
Since Hayden pretty much has as much has the same body type and sex appeal as the dresser I pulled out of the trash last year to help store my wife’s disgusting clothes that I was tired of seeing in piles throughout our room, since I am quite the homemaker, the only reason I’d want to see anything hugging her crotch is to see if she’s got a bigger dick than me, which she does. That’s pretty much the reason I’ve never done any gang bangs in my life, I just know I’d always fall short and wouldn’t be able to live with myself being that inadequate….I’d volunteer to box Panettiere to prove that despite having a smaller dick I am still all man, but I know she’d win. So it’s pretty much a losing day for a loser today.
The shocking news of the day is that Britney Spears goes to the dentist. I was never really disgusted by her hygiene because I know that a woman with that kind of money can’t have a pussy as rank as some of the hookers I’ve hung out with. I am talking the kind I could smell just sitting next to them on the bus on my way home with them, because I’ve never owned a car and have to get them somewhere private somehow and cabs are just out of my budget, especially when I am saving all my pennies to get the most I can get out of them, like ideally having them let me go down on them and other naughty things that leave me smelling like their rank pussies for a couple of days because like Britney, I’m not too into showering and like revisiting my purchase as much as I can because I like getting my money’s worth out of anything.
Unlike me, Britney hit up the dentist today because I am more into seeing how much laziness leads to tooth loss, and she flashed her panties while doin’ it. These are the pics.
The most wholesome family corporation fucks up again. First, Walt Disney was caught molesting kids after taking them to his magic kingdom and showing them special cartoons he drew for them on his penis, true story my grandmother told me he did it to her. Then they made Nazi propaganda videos for Hitler to help kill the jews who were stepping on Disney’s Waspy toes in Hollywoo. Then they were accused of subliminal messages in they movies trying to program kids to hate black people and gays and now they advertise next to porn.
I was scoping out some celebrity smut site that pretty much only posts celebrity nudity, sex tapes, nipple slips and upskirts next to some seriously desperate, virginal commentary and I was pretty shocked to see Goofy staring back at me.
I guess the real reason why I am posting this is because I think my site is more softcore than the smut other sites post, I think it is less offensive but I am red flagged as a porn site and can never land a mainstream deal, like alcohol companies, movie companies, video game companies, so I will never make big money off this shit. Meanwhile, assholes doing the same fuckin’ thing as me but with less finesse according to me and who give the illusion of being SFW by putting stars on a dick and nipple and cunt but still post the dirty version a click away, so that you see full dick are getting these Disney Deals.
Sure what it really comes down to is that I am bad at business, and I don’t really know what I am doing. So good for this site for tricking this system and cashing in on it, but I still think someone at Disney should get fired because seeing their image next to smut is something that I know I find offensive. I am pretty sure their Christian, right winged loyal Disney fans, the kind of bitch who lives alone and collects Mickey Mouse merchandise, wouldn’t approve of.
The reality is that this smut angle could be Disney’s new way of re-inventing themselves. You know first they get Jamie Lynn spears teenage pregnant and now they post next to celebrity nudity, next thing you know they’ll be producing sex tapes, which would make sense since it worked for Paris. I guess this is a glimpse into the future of the world…it will be a debauchery HIV filled mess,because you know when Disney sponsors sex tape sites, the end of the future of our kids is near and I am excited….
Here are some screenshots of this highly offensive Disney campaign:
My internet girlfriend at ImNotObsessed was interviewed on CBS News and when they asked her who her internet friends are she claims to have dropped my name and website – so that means that I may have been mentioned on the news and that gives me a boner, but not as big of a boner as my internet girlfriend at ImNotObsessed. I can’t wait for the day to ruin her marriage and stepdad her kids.
I always feel like a virgin loser whenever I post pictures of some celebrity panty shot. It reminds me of some desperate loser sitting at home waiting for the bitch he obsesses about to slip up to give him more material to masturbate to because he’s pretty much exhausted all other material that’s come out of her. I tell myself that I do it for you fuckers because I think you’re that kind of guy, but reality is that I do it because I am lazy.
The good news is that you’re lazy too because if you were a creepy pervert, which you are, you’d go outside and hang out at the bottom of escalators at malls, or under tables at coffee shops or anywhere else you can get a glimpse of a girl’s underwear but you just can’t seem to bring yourself to get out of your pajamas because the world is a scary place…
Either way, Kit Kat is officially a bunch of porn peddlers who promote their product by posing it next to some UK popstar’s vagina in suggestive ways and all you good Christians should write that curt emails about how offended you are.
I figure why wait for the hot pussy to hit the beach in their skimpy bikinis when you can have all the Jodie Foster you want. Bitch isn’t hot, she isn’t young, and her idea of a skimpy bikini is the beach equivalent of a fuckin’ snowsuit. All bitch is missing is a pair of knee socks and a veil to go with her long sleeved shirt and shorts to make me really live out my fantasies of rockin’ out at a popular Muslim vacation spot. There’s nothing like parasailing or scuba diving or playing beach volleyball or even drinking a Bahama Mamma or Pina Colada with a slut who is scared of getting too much sun. Sometimes happiness comes from just having a nice conservative girl who can sit down and tell you about the last book she curled up alone in bed the previous night and read…in her flannels. I hear they give the best blowjobs, you know the whole good girl gone bad bullshit, which probably explains why she has a kid…because everyone know it takes a slut to make a slut.
Christina Ricci looks like a cartoon character and I guess there’s nothing really wrong with that because we all grew up watching cartoons and it’s only natural that as we get older, and our bodies start changing, we turn that love for our favorite cartoons into something sexual. I guess that’s why all you weirdos get off to anime or cartoon erotica, which is something I will never understand but maybe it’s got something to do with having not being allowed to watch TV growing up, so I never got that same kinda passion for the shit that you do.
Either way, I was surfing the internet and came across an obituary to her tits, something that makes sense because she killed the fuckers for some stupid reason like trying to make herself look skinny, because let’s face it they weren’t even that big but anorexics are all confused when it comes to their body image. Here it is.
Christina Ricci’s Breasts
Murdered June 2, 2004
It comes with great sadness in our hearts to bring you the news of the death of Christina Ricci’s tits. There was nothing explicitly wrong with them, but due to vanity their life was prematurely ended. They will never have the chance to breast feed or sag and will always remembered by their role in such classic films as Opposite of Sex, Buffalo 66 and Pecker. Survived by a nation of perverts who are trying to get their hands on the breast tissue the doctors removed from her to staple on their wall next to their printed out and magazine cutout collection of Christina Ricci’s breasts.
They have brought so much love to our hearts and joy to our lives.
Memorial Donations may be made to Breast Cancer Research for women who want their breasts but have them rudely taken away and not because of the luxury of plastic surgery and vanity, but because of potentially fatal disease.
