So some Puerto Rican chick added me to facebook and starts chatting me up on the new Facebook chat shit. I decided that since I had nothing to say and since I normally ask for nudes when I have nothing to say and girls get turned off, that I’d try something new. So I tell her that the big secret behind my site is that I am actually a lesbian and that I think she’s worth hooking up with. She believed me because I guess she doesn’t read my site and then I got her to open up to me about hooking up with girls, about masturbating about what turns her on and then I try convincing her to send me some nudes so we can compare bodies. She doesn’t fall for it. It’s things like this that may not seem like a big deal…but entertain me.

Here are some more things that entertain me and they are in the form of links….many fucking links…..

Someone sent me this video the other day of Amy Winehouse getting drive thru. I think she offers to buy him a cheeseburger but I lost interest in watching this shit when I saw her kissing people with food in her mouth and felt like throwing the fuck up. I don’t find Amy Winehouse as disgusting as everyone else, she’s skinny, she’s talented but she’s got some disgusting hygiene issues and a mouth that scares me and that throws off her potential horse-headed hotness. The dreams of coming home and being greeted by this kind of monster don’t really exist for me, but a life with her would be a lot more fun than the life I currently live, even if it would be substantially shorter because I’d probably die of an overdose trying to keep up with this garbage can, because I’d probably have to be really fuckin’ high to get past the smell of rotting meat pouring out of her orifices….a smell I am not unused to, but one I try not to expose myself to nevertheless.

Either way, here she is answering her door in her bra because she’s pretty fucking amazing.

I dated a girl many years ago and we were pretty much living together. We went through the honeymoon phase where we’d fuck all the time, which always amazed and disgusted me that a girl could get that horny for me, but rode it out happily anyway. About 4 or 5 months into the relationship we both started doing drugs pretty heavily and kinda lost track of fucking each other and instead got fucked together. It was good time and we got along pretty good. About 3 months after the whole drug binge started she comes up to me and tells me that she’s pregnant. Without doing the math, I accept it and together we clean up our acts to bring this fucker into the world. I get a job, she quits drinking, smoking and using and then one day about 6 months into the pregnancy, I tell her that I don’t entirely understand how she’s pregnant considering before she told me about the pregnancy we hadn’t fucked in over 4 months and were too busy getting high. That’s when she told me that she had been fuckin’ some other married dude and since I was her boyfriend felt we were in it together. Either way, I went back to the bottle because I was pretty fuckin’ devasted and needed to feel numb again, I dumped her ass despite retardness by not doing the timeline but we still lived together. She went out one night and used hard and the next day I woke up to her screaming in the other room and she was there with a still born baby in the bed hysterical. It was pretty fuckin’ traumatic and if you’re wondering why I am telling you this story, it’s because the baby’s facial expression looked exactly like this Olsen in her see through shirt and it is kinda freaking me the fuck out.

So a deaf dude messages me yesterday telling me he likes my site and I realized that I’ve never made fun of deaf people or told any of my awkward deaf person moments, so I’ll start with this dude who messaged me yesterday. I am socially awkward and when someone messages me when I have nothing to say I just ask for nudes of their girlfriends because I know every dude has nude pics of someone they either fuck around with, married or talk to online and I feel it is my right to get to see all those pictures.

Either way, he told me that he does have pictures of this girl but they have nothing on the night he got paid 400 dollars to shit on a naked lawyer’s chest in a hotel room. Now I don’t know how true that is, but whatever it did got the dude to keep asking me to describe my dick and that’s when I realized that deaf people are gay.

I guess when you can’t hear your wife complain about evrything, you know whining about their headaches, or how tired they are or about how you don’t tell them how pretty they are because you constantly tell them over and over how fat they are and it’s a lot meaner when they can actually make out what you are saying than the grunts of a deaf man….it’s a lot easier to rape them.

Here’s some more interesting shit going on in the forum because I will be the first to admit that I suck today harder than I suck every other day…

Here’s some Earth Kicking Lesbian in her billy boots, because the Earth Kick’s Ass and she’s ready to take out polluters and people who don’t recycle and haven’t gone Green like the rest of the bandwagon riders. Her name is Fearne Cotton, you’ve probably never heard of her, but she hosts Top of the Pops in the UK a country that you probably couldn’t identify on a map because it is a proven fact that Americans don’t understand maps.

Either way, whatever this promo shoot is for, the message isn’t getting to me because I am too busy trying to see if she’s got a Earth Kicking Lesbian bush under her skirt or maybe I’ll be able to make out the definition of her menstrual cup but what I guess it comes down to is that she’s trying to manipulate us to her cause by using her pussy. That slut.

Her shit may not inspire me to conserve energy, recycle but I will shit in a bucket and use newspaper to wipe my ass to conserve water and trees, but that’s just because I am weird and not because I want to save the world like some self-righteous celebrity who think she’s a super hero that thinks she is important enough to have and use her voice for good because the people…her fans… will listen to her and that’s just another reason why I don’t think the world’s worth saving and I am kinda excited to see if real natural disasters are like they are in WIll Smith movies….

Either way, as long a chick is flashing for her cause, not matter how lame the flash or the cause is, I’m willing to give her a couple minutes of time to give me her pitch because it’s a nice change from those other activists who are all man haters and left their vagina and sexuality behind when they took on this new lifestyle that demands change….

This nipple tape bullshit reminds me of every hipster event I’ve accidentally walked into where girls think it’s not very lesbionic to put electrical tape on their nipples as they wear their mesh shirts. I don’t really fully understand that shit and I don’t really understand how this dude’s job consists of putting tape on a half-famous bitches tits, but it reminds me of the bus boy at the strip club who has to get on stage and shift change to disinfect the shit, only probably less hazardous.

I had this idea of going to the toy store the other day because I figured it would be a good place to be inappropriate. I walked around lookin’ for new mothers to harrass. The best I pulled off yesterday was taking one of those new born baby dolls and going up to the mom and asking her some trivial bullshit question that I knew would have an long drawn out response because new mom’s love talking about themselves as they hang out in their home in their post-partem depression while their husbands stay at at work late banging new pussy. Anyway, as this unsuspecting mom started going off on her rant about formula babies versus breast fed babies I slowly started undressing the doll and touching it inappropriately until she cut the conversation short, didn’t know whether to tell me off, call the authorities or just deal with her own awkwardness and it was funny.

Now I don’t approve of pedophiles and I think it’s some serious sick shit, but I do approve of making people feel ridiculous awkward in seemingly innocent places for a good time using a doll as a prop. I guess I consider creeping out a toy store an accomplishment an accomplishment Amy Smart probably felt when she landed a job that only had one half-assed taped up tit sex scene in it….because covering her nipples seems to be what she’s typecast for. It doesn’t matter – just look at the pics.

Some Tagged Pics Thanks To The Nice People at the Paparazzi Agencies…..Because They Want You To Know Who Owns These Pictures…Kinda Like The Time My Friend Gave Some Slut Herpes So She Would Never Forget Him…Only Not Quite as Nice of a Gesture….

Here is a child star named Brie Larson, who could have been Miley Cyrus or Megan Fox but is instead starring in internet viral videos in her panties. It’s one of those one step closer to porn moments on her slow fall into the gutter while trying to cling on to the little amount of fame she got before her 18th birthday and now at 18 is ready to take shit up a notch to get noticed amongst the clutter of other 18 year old hot chicks trying to be famous so that she doesn’t have to go that last step and put a penis in her mouth on camera to get that feeling of fame she’s addicted to and has only had a taste of.

The truth is that I don’t realize how big the internet actually is. I just write this shitty shit I’ve been doing for years while the internet is becoming like cable TV all around me as mainstream media is trying to figure out how to tap into this place, but no matter how mainstream the internet gets, it will always be the place for loser virgins to congregate with like-minded loser virgins. So maybe I underestimate doing online viral’s because I think the internet isn’t a place of opportunity but a place for sexually confused outcast predators but that’s just because I am convinced the internet is just a phase that is not going to stay and because I’m keeping shit real 1996 style and haven’t had the success of bands got signed cuz of myspace, or a handful of writers who made movies about teenage pregnancy because of blogs, or how a handful of sluts got more famous than they actually should be like Tila Tequila, Perez Hilton and Paris Hilton, but I have asked a lot of girls for nude pictures.

Either way, here’s a viral and I normally hate staged viral shit about a girl who gets hired to babysit some mid-20 year old and it’s got a decent joke I can appreciate at the end so check it out.

Here are the screencaps of her in her panties….

I was lucky enough to watch American Idol last night and it was pretty legendary. The show was broken down into 2 songs to be sung by each asshole trying to be famous and the judges did commentary half way through which means after 1 song and at the end after they sang both songs. When the commenting time came around the first time, that is after the first round of songs, Paula commented on both songs when the assholes who are trying to be famous only sang one song each.

This explanation is already confusing me, this video works about half the time, see it for yourself, because this is a whole lot of crazy. I am thinking the chances of Paula Abdul being a useless drunk is a lot more likely than her being a fucking bitch who can see into the future. I have come across the show every once in a while and Paula can barely formulate a sentence and now she can’t even figure out what’s going on in front of her. It obvious that her shitty positive words she leaves this singers with is written contrived bullshit and that she’s trying to read off a script that won’t stop moving on the paper because of the mix of meds and booze.

She is a fucking mess and I don’t understand why she is on TV. It’s embarrassing and I have better motor skills than this bitch, in fact I do everything better drunk than sober and even wrote a letter to my mayor about how I should be allowed to drink and drive with some kind of pardon because when I am sober I am too fucking shaky to hold the fuckin’ steering wheel straight and I am way more at risk of killing someone, they never answered me and it’s not a big deal cuz I don’t have a car or a valid license, I just had a lot of time on my hand to write a stupid letter.

Either way, here’s Paula crazy and I am running off 3 hours a sleep so this is going to be a fun day but not as fun the day I spent watching girls suntan in the park because it’s the closest thing to a beach I can find around this shitbox of a city.

I could tell you a long drawn out story about how I went to a BMW dealership to fuck with the car salesman by telling him I was an internet millionaire and showed up wearing a pair of stained, ripped jeans in two mismatched shoes and a shirt covered in brown stains that I am convinced are from my wife wiping her ass with it because she’s lazy and in all fairness it was white before she got her hands on it so it’s an honest mistake….but I’d be lying…about the BMW part…

Here are my links and if you’re wondering the above pic is of a reader’s wife in the kitchen with her pants off….everyone thank him for sharing.

Jimi Hendrix liked filming himself fuck and I guess the girl who was in the film fucking him decided it was time to make some money,so she sold the shit to Vivid who are releasing it. I don’t know much more about the sex tape, but it’s probably one of the most obscure to hit and I guess dude won’t be too upset about it, considering he’s dead. I do know that he’s got 2 chicks on his dick because it’s the rockstar way and that made me realize that the sluts dyking out today isn’t anything new. I guess that’s the kinds of lessons we learn when our only form of education is through pornography.

Regardless of not being a fan of Hendrix, because I don’t play guitar and don’t think of him as some revolutionary, I am a fan of the bush, real tits and grainy black dudes fucking in the 60s so I will definitely download this shit illegally and watch it, even if it’s a piece of shit and doen’t impress me.

Speaking of not impressing people, I went to pick up my piece of shit computer that had the hard drive explode and asked them for my old hard drive in hopes of restoring the data. When they didn’t have it, I pretended to be pissed off and said “I have gigs of nude pictures of myself that I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to recreate”. The girl working the cash laughed awkwardly like the time I told the gas attendant who thought I was a girl because of my ratty long greasy balding hair that it happens all the time because of my big ol’ vagina. I guess people just don’t find me funny.

Either way, if more of this shit hits, I’ll be posting it, so ya’ll come back now.

I am not going to lie, I don’t hate Tom Waits but I do hate people who try to be Tom Waits. Not because I am some fag who thinks things like his music is so relevant that it should stay sacred like some psycho fan who takes life too seriously, because I got nothing else going on in my life, reality is I don’t have anything else going on in my life and I don’t even have any Tom Waits on my computer but I just don’t care if his songs are butchered because caring is as lame as the Art Fag Poser who covers his music to show the world just how obscure and deep she is. It’s like seeing a rich girl dressed homeless trying to denounce her rich girl ways while talking pictures on some second hand film camera because digital is for the masses and they are so different than the masses as they discuss politics and the environment taking life too fuckin’ seriously. We get it, you are going through an identity crisis, but why the fuck do you need to bother the rest of us with your bullshit, because you aren’t some social outcast living in a loft with 20 other artists, you’re some kind of poser celebrity living in a luxury loft singing Tom Waits so the world knows just how multi-dimensional you are. Go fuck yourself.

Here’s some ghetto ad campaign for a ghetto bathing suit line that sells at Wal Mart and it’s starring a whole lot of useless people, like Rumer WIllis, Josie Maran, Kristin Cavallari, Christina Milian and some other assholes. They probably would have been better off hiring a whole group of no names who were actually worth lookin’ at in bikinis, not a group of ugly bitches and has-beens, but I guess there’s a reason why I am not a corporate marketing executive and instead spend my days on my couch.

I guess it’s nice to see Rumer Willis is still capable of smiling despite how fucking ugly her face is. I guess she’s got enough positive attention over the years that she doesn’t realize just how broken down she is. Maybe she’s just overjoyed at the fact that she landed some work or that someone actually asked her to get half naked and she’s up on this for free just for the chance to show the world that she’s good enough to fuck from behind. That’s assuming the company actually paid her, which I highly fuckin’ doubt and would make sense considering Wal Mart brands don’t have much budget. It’s like her big break because the last time anyone asked her to take off her clothes was her doctor and he was just checking to see if she had all her lady parts because her jaw threw him off and I guess there was that time that a kid in her class tried to fuck her in hopes of selling the sex tape to her parents to prevent public embarrassment when the world saw her penis shaped clit.

It doesn’t matter, what does matter is that Ashlee Simpson’s wife didn’t feel up to getting out in a bikini, I guess the whole marriage thing has lead her to let herself go a little.

Either way, here are the pictures of the stupid campaign.

The forum has a life of it’s own and it’s more interesting than me so here’s some of the shit going on there if you are looking for something to do, music to listen to or have conversation with non judgmental people since no one in your everyday life really listens to you when you speak….

Jeremy Piven proves to the world that despite being overweight, bald and old, you can still get prime pussy, so long as you star on a TV show and treat everyone around you like shit because you think you are more famous than you are. This fake titty whore is definitely on some climbing the ladder shit, where Piven is the first wrung and the good news about that is that it doesn’t really matter what wrung you are as long as you are a wrung because when this bitch moves on to more important dick to further her career, there will be 100 new girls who are just as hot willing to jump through the hoops and by hoops I mean on your dick, because that’s just the way things are when you’re semi-famous and overpaid for offering the world nothing more than playing a useless role on a cable show, because these kinds of girls just over-achieving sluts but sluts nonetheless. So look at these pics and accept the fact that you made a shitty career move by taking that job at the factory when you should have swallowed your sexuality and taken your shot at acting because despite all the hot pussy and money, it’s still a career for homos.

I guess it’s nice to see Salma Hayek on the set of her new movie with a beard that is more full than anything I’ve ever been able to grow because I guess my testosterone levels don’t have shit on hers. I guess it’s some hormonal imbalance that comes with having a baby. I like to believe that she doesn’t even have a beard in these pictures and I just see one because subconsciously, I know her mangled vagina looks like a set of balls and her sex appeal, like 90 percent of moms out there is about as much as a ratty bearded man, but the rumor is that these are real and for some movie where she plays the bearded lady. This is her second role having facial hair, which is making me believe she’s being typecast because of her genetics, but according her to her gynecologist, this facial hair hasn’t got shit on the heat she’s packin’ in her pants.