The only thing that could justify these gas prices is if Mila Kunis gave you a blowjob everytime you fill your tank.
Thanks Iraq.

So Kate Hudson likes to show off that her job isn’t really a job but more of being at some location for a bunch of hours a day doing nothing and getting paid hard for that shit. I used to have a job and when I did, making stupid faces and acting like an asshole never got me the promotion, it did get me fired with a request to seek psychological evaluation. We all know that acting is the biggest scam out there, where actors pretend how hard it is because they don’t want everyone else jumping on their shit and making it harder for them to land these jobs and make their millions of dollars pretending to be in stupid situations in their make-belief land. Either way, she’s wearing shorts and shorts are a step closer to naked than pants so enjoy.

I think it’s a little presumptuous that Liz Berkley shows off her menopause pants to the world because no young fertile woman would be caught dead in white pants for fear of the nightmare of getting their period while wearing their white pants, because we all know that shit always hits when you least expect it, like before a hot date with a dude you want to fuck, or when you have a vacation at the beach planned and most importantly when you are somewhere far from a store without a tampon.

So Liz Berkley who is seemingly living on the edge of danger is pretty much giving you all a fuck you because she’s in her 40s and the only thing she has to worry about is the continued changes her body undergoes as she gets further and further from her Striptease body and closer and closer to a dumpy assed, saggy titted old lady.

I don’t understand why people actually give a fuck that Angelina and Brad Pitt had their stupid twins because I know that I don’t. The second bitch got knocked up the first time, all I saw was some annoying activist with a gaping vagina and that’s only hot when I am drunk and lonely.

I actually have a new hatred for mothers because they think they are so fucking important because they’ve decided to breed and devote their lives to their little spawns. I was at my coffee shop and found out about some local promotion where mothers get 10 percent off their purchases just for being mothers. When I asked why lonely, drunk, possible deadbeat dads and obvious creeps don’t get a discount, the dude just blew me off. That’s some serious discrimination because if spreading your legs and locking some poor asshole in for life so that you don’t have to work full time anymore in exchange for giving up anything that was remotely attractive about your body warrants a discount, so should poverty, irresponsibilty, obesity and alcoholism. Fuck you MommyDiscount and the way you dangle cheaper coffee in my face that I can’t get because I have a cock…a small cock…but still a cock.

It seems like the older I get, the harder I drink and the more I forget. Which I guess is the good with drinking except when you see funny shit and don’t remember it the next day because you were too drunk. I remember a time when I could relive my drunken antics the next day before going out and having more drunken antics and now the last 3 years have just been a blur. Last night, I remember sitting at the bottom of a set of stairs watching girls unexpectedly flash me their asses and I did it long enough to get caught because I couldn’t get enough perving out, but today, I can’t remember all the hot little ass I saw, I just know that I saw it and that’s disappointing. What isn’t disappointing is how rocking the forum is, eventually, I’ll be able to disappear from the site and let you all run it, and it’s good to have an exit strategy because before I had the forum, I was just going to shut this bitch down when I had enough. That said, not enough girls are posting nudes, but those who are, are making my days better than they previously were. I don’t get why they are so shy to show tit, but I guess that’s just the conservative bullshit world we live in. Here’s some of the action in the stepFORUM.

Jojo was one of those Miley Cyrus jailbait sluts before Miley Cyrus existed. She kinda paved the way for Miley by giving perverts everywhere some teenage popstar fantasies and I never really understood it. She was chubby and didn’t have tits but did have a thing for black cock. The good news is that the eating paid off for her and that she finally secured some fat in the right places, it took some time and a lot of cake, but in the end, she is stacked and never had to go under the knife. Sure fake tits look stupid, but fat tits usually look worse as the nipple tries so hard to kiss the ground that you think shit’s just got off a rocky flight or even like it spent the last 6 months at sea. I guess all that matters is that bitch is showing off the cleavage she always wanted and all it took was a couple years of laziness and overeating something that my wife and I can relate to.

Tennis is the most pornographic sport with these Eastern European girls in little skirts and panties grunting like they are fucking and I like to watch it because I am a pervert. Here’s some bitch named Jalena Jankovic taking it to the next level by throwing in some splits and using her ass to get some more coverage because she knows that her male fans will appreciate it. I never really understood why dudes freak out when strippers throw in the splits in the middle of a routine, I am guessing it’s got something to do with visualizing that flexibility in the bedroom, but I just find it obvious. I’d be a lot happier if a stripper pushed the limits a bit and fisted herself on stage while taking a shit instead, but then again, I am a tough crowd. I blame the internet for desensitizing me.

I don’t know when these pics were taken, I am useless like that. I am also useless in a lot of areas of my life, so I am just keeping it real. These girls are from Big Brother in the UK and I guess living in a house together offered them a lasting friendship that brings them to topless beaches with photographers in hopes of holding onto as much of the little fame they had for as long as they can. I guess getting topless when you have massive tits is a decent strategy that I can accept as a cry for attention that is a lot less cheesy than the two girls I saw last night grabbin at each other’s tits for their boyfriends to get horny over, but that’s just because they told me to fuck off when I tried to get involved and encouraged them to go down on each other in the middle of the dancefloor, that actually pissed the group off and made them stop what they were doing because they knew their antics lured in the creeps and by creeps I mean me.

This staying up all night shit is making updating the site a pain in the ass, I guess I shouldn’t really stop the site, because I would upset about 2 people, but maybe I should stop drinking at a reasonable time. These after parties and shit are keeping me up until 8 am and I only wake up at 3 when most people are winding down for the day and getting off their computers for the weekend, making my shit useless and a waste of time. I guess I’ll figure it out and while I tend to this horrible hangover that feels like my heart is going to explode, here are some topless Adriana Lima pics for Elle magazine because she’s pretty much my favorite model and has the potential to make your dick explode all over your pants.

So I decided to try to get my stepdaughter and her friends in on a game of Truth or Dare. They agreed to play and after a few shots of Jack, I was convinced things would get nice and juicy. I had planned to get them to play tag in their panties, have their first lesbian experience and even shave their cooters all while I watched. Unfortunately, they all chose truth so I found out that one of them took it up the ass once but it hurt too much, that the other is still a virgin and that the last one masturbates 2 times a week thinking of Justin Timberlake, but I didn’t see any pussy because I suck at life.

Here are my links for the day.

Her name is Kenna DiMartini and she works as a nude maid because I guess her dreams of being a famous porn slut or stripper didn’t work out so well for her because it didn’t allow her to pursue her one true passion of thieving.

So some dude hires this bitch to clean his house naked, even though we all know that these nude maid services are just a front for an escort agency and that she probably didn’t do any cleaning at, except for maybe after dude came. But she did manage to clean out his wife’s jewelry, about 40,000 dollars worth teaching us all a very valuable life lesson, and that’s to fuck whores in hotel rooms or back alleys or in your car and don’t bring them back to your house, because they are whores and whores are fucked up in the head and do crazy shit. So if they aren’t robbing you, they could be shitting on your floor, or having a drug overdose on your watch, and generally you don’t want that shit hanging over your head.

She has some nude pictures on the net, and these are them, so if you want to see the kind of girl you can hire to clean your house and by clean your house I mean fuck you for money then steal your wife’s jewelry totally fucking up your strategy in never letting your wife know you fuck hookers, then here you go.

If you aren’t sitting at home jerking off to hot young chicks half naked on So You Think You Can Dance and you are surfing the internet looking for post-pregnancy bikini pics of the woman who brought you the song “In the Arms of an Angel”, a song you are very familiar with because it runs through your head every time you jerk off while crying to yourself because you are the only person who loves you and because you know all your dead relatives are up there laughing at you in your moment of shame.

Either way, Sarah McLachlan, along with Dan Akroyd and my wife, prove that Canadians don’t do much more than sit around and eat bacon all day and these bikini pictures look like she’s been spending a little too much time behind the piano and not enough time doing squats with the piano, unless you consider the night she got knocked up, which probably involved a decent amount of bouncing on dick, not that I am one to talk, the internet has made me unable to do much more than make fun of fat asses I’d still like to fuck because my heart can handle the stain of doing much else…

I guess the good news in all this is that her belly button means business as it looks like it is screaming for her to cover the fuck up because it is self conscious about how big it is, something you have never really related to, if you know what I mean, which you do. Little penis man. Yes, I am talking to myself again, I’m pretty much the only person who listens to me.

I was stuck sitting next to a couple that was making out hard at the bar last night. Every time the annoying dude would get his tongue down the bitches throat or his hand up her shirt her fatter friend would come in and break them up because I thought she didn’t like seeing her friend fall for this loser’s shitty game because she was fat and fat girls like attention but it turned out that she was jealous and wanted the loser for herself and they were pretty much fighting over him, that never happens to me, I don’t know how it ended because I couldn’t deal with that kind of Soap Opera drama when I just wanted to get drunk and break things.

That story has nothing to do with Audrina Patridge and her fake tits that her dad got her when she was 16, at least that’s what I was told, but like the fat chick no one should give this bitch the time of day, but for some reason there’s always some asshole lame enough to inflate her ego and that asshole is you because you find this shit hot, when all I see is last week’s kitchen garbage.

Everyone knows that despite what models say about how much they eat, they are full of shit and are just doing it because they want the rest of the world to think it’s ok to eat so that they get fat and make the models look even skinnier than they actually are in comparison.

Heidi Klum landed some kind of job promoting some McDonald’s chicken shit, and part of the campaign was to pretend that she was actually eating them because it looks better for McDonald’s. I guess hiring a model to pretend to eat is the best place to go since they have years of experience of trying to save face when they get invited to 4 course expensive dinners with clients and have to do their best to make everyone think they are actually eating and not sneaking to the bathroom to spit up the food they have hidden up in their cheeks and to rip a couple of lines, drink a couple of diet cokes to stay alert in conversation and a few sticks of gum to cover up the smell of their empty eating disorder stomach.

So despite this McDonald’s shit being false advertising, I still like Heidi Klum and would like to give her my own kind of wrap to eat in the form of my penis wrapped in gauze because of all the open sores.

Heidi Montag lives a fake life, stars on a fake reality TV show, has fake tits and fake lips, it seems like the only thing real about her is that she is real ugly, I guess she’s also real useless and a real waste of space and if I think that is irony, but then again I never know how to properly identify irony and I blame Alanis Morissette for that. Here she is in some staged pictures with her fake boyfriend where she rocks a bikini, shows off her pretty fit lookin body and pokes out her ass to lure in her male fans like a baboon in heat. I can only assume they are drinking champagne to celebrate how much of a cunt she is, but it’s probably more to do with showing the world just how classy this piece of trash can get because America are suckers and have given her a purpose in life, when she’d be better off taking her insecure horse head to the local strip club where she belongs.