I don’t know what is hotter, watching the R. Kelly sex tape or listening to some newscaster describe the sex tape on local television. There’s just something magical about hearing some woman on TV say “the girl is naked, and the man instructs her to dance, he tells her to urinate on the floor and then they engage in dirty talk with her calling him daddy and there are a number of sex acts where she is blank faced and passive”. It’s like she’s describing everytime I have ever slept with a woman, except instead of making them dance and piss on the floor, I apologize in advance and instead of being passive an blank-faced they are asleep and snoring because ladies…I am that good. Sex with me is so bad that the only way a girl can forget it’s happening is to try to sleep it off like a bad cold.

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