So it turns out that Mariah Carey throws like a fag, but I guess that’s okay considering she’s one of those singing Diva bitches who is ridiculously high maintenance and as superficial, pretentious and obnoxious as a drag queen pretending to be a diva by overcompensating because it has a penis, so it’s kind of expected. What isn’t expected is that she didn’t make outrageous demands like to be carried onto the field by 15 men dressed like sailors where she is handed a diamond encrusted ball on a velvet pillow and solid pink gold baseball mitt before making her pitch in an evening gown. The only thing representative of her Diva high maintenance cunt ways are the heels, I guess marrying that dude’s really made her down to earth. and by down to earth I mean not throwing a tantrum because she got some dirt on her toes, which is a big step for this bitch as she lets down her black ancestors for not being athletic like the rest of them.

I like to hate on Sex in the City as much as I can because I think it does bad thing to women as a species, but what I didn’t mention was the good things that it does to a woman as an individual and that is that it makes her horny and someone who puts out because the show programs them to think shit’s empowering. I remember being sucked into a Sex in the City party at some chick’s house about 10 years ago. I remember drinking beer while the host of the party made her fancy cocktails for her and her friends. By the end of the marathon, we were the only 2 people left at the party because there was still booze and I don’t leave a party until the last drop is consumed. Either way, the first chance bitch had, she jumped me like I was some successful, well dressed motherfucker, when in reality, I was just the only cock in the room. I ended up having unprotected sex with her where she asked me to finish on her face, and that is the shit that only comes when a girl watches sluts in Sex in the City and not sluts in porn. So if you’re a dude wanting to get laid, you gotta throw some Sex in the City parties, the only downside to that is that all the girls you invite will think you’re gay, but if you play it right, that non-threatening stance is key to having unprotected sex where she asks you to cum in her face.

Here are some pictures I stole from Facebook of Lydia Hearst at the Sex in the City Premiere afterparty and she may not fully be slutting out, but she definitely is giving us a whole lot of tongue and I hear that tongue is the gateway to unprotected sex that ends with you cumming on the sluts face.

I was trolling through facebook when I got in this morning, because I had to pretend that I was up all night working so my wife wouldn’t find out that I was out doing drugs and trying to do 18 year olds. I came across some dude’s pictures of a girl who looked a lot like Topanga from Boy Meets World only fatter and more troll-like and I decided to reach out to find out what the deal was. It turned out that it was the real Topanga and this is what he wrote:

Me and a few of my buddies went to McFaddens in Worcester MA one night and it happened to be Topanga’s guest bartender night. One of my buddies used to work at the bar when he went to school and knew a bunch of the bouncers and bartenders. We got to be at the front of the bar where she was hanging out and she gave us a bunch of shots to take with her. She wanted to dance and started grinding me and the girl i was with, I did my best for being a white guy with no rhythm and the three of us grinded for a solid hour… the type of moves that would make Cory Mathews jealous as a mother
fucker. Even the DJ at the bar tried to get with her.

At the end of the night me and my buddies tried to get her to go to the party we were going to but she had to go back to Boston or some shit to catch an early flight back to LA.

I guess it’s good to know that despite being a child star for some successful ABC family show, she still manages to get work, sure it’s hosting lame parties where she bar tends in small New England cities, but I guess it’s a lot better than having a successful acting career where she is the most desirable thing in Hollywood that gets so many jobs that she doesn’t know what to do with herself, because I’m sure deep down inside she wants none of that. She’d much rather be a nobody, she just goes to all those auditions she gets rejected from for jokes, her true passion lies in partying with commoners.

I woke up this morning and forgot that I had a website to update, it happens. I just went about life like it was a Saturday because I thought it was a Saturday since I was up til 8 am ripping lines with some hot 18 year old model lookin’ chick who totally let me play with her hot tits for about an hour and as I walked around in a bit of a daze because 18 year old hot tits do that to me, someone told me that it wasn’t Saturday and that I had to update the site.

That’s when I walked home at a leisurely pace to try to update the site with 10 posts before 5 pm. I doubt it’ll happen, but while I am working on that, here’s some action from the forum to keep you occupied.

I guess I am getting old, I just woke up from a 5 hour nap with one sock on and my balls exposed. I have no idea what happed, I was on the computer working on a post, drank a beer my wife brought me and woke up 5 hours later without even realizing I passed out.

I sleep enough every night and it’s not like I really over extend myself except but even after 2 huge coffees I passed the fuck out. I like to believe that the only explanation is that it is probably terminal disease that hasn’t manifested itself yet . You’ll all miss me. But before I go, Here are my links to click, take advantage of them when you still can.

I guess it could have been my wife date raping me for not banging her last night and needing some cock, but that makes me feel uneasy and I’d rather just think it’s cancer, because prison rape is the only kind of acceptable rape

Either way, here are my links.

The forum hasn’t been shut down yet, but probably should be because it’s so out of control. This is some of the shit going down there, you have to register to see some of it but it shouldn’t take more than a minute and let’s face it, it’s not like you are doing anything else with yourself, or at least anything productive.

Mariah Carey is in Japan because that’s the only country that is crazy enough to care about her and they got her to throw some pitch at some baseball game. She was classy enough to show up in her Mariah track jacket and workout shorts while wearing her high heels because they are the only thing that makes her fat legs look thin. I guess the joke that is Mariah Care continues but on an international scale and I guess it doesn’t matter because I wouldn’t mind her and her weak chin throwing anything down for me, preferably my pants, because I have a useless set of balls I wouldn’t mind her singing to.

These Mel B pictures are from yesterday, so knowing you and your pervert ways, you’ve probably already seen them, I figured I’d post them anyway because I liked the grip the dude’s got on this bitch’s ass. It’s like dude landed this down on her luck single mother because her comedian boyfriend didn’t want to take any responsibility for the baby because he felt like she tricked him by turning the condom inside out to get knocked up to get what she wanted after he got what he wanted . So after her dreams of a picket fence future turned upside down and a whole legal battle to prove the baby was his, this dude moved in on her knowing she was an easy target because he was desperate for love making her willing to do anything to keep him around and by anything I mean she put out alot. Sure her pussy wasn’t as tight as it once was, but beggars can’t be choosers and it’s not everyday that this kind of lottery win happens.

Lydia Hearst was one of the lucky girls who got to go to the Sex in the CIty premiere. It could be because she’s a rich kid model, but I am thinking it’s probably because her family owns the rights to the show or maybe the theatre shit’s being shown in and it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that she’s wearing some lingerie as outerwear and saw something about how Sarah Jessica Parker was the first to make the bra a fashion item on this bullshit show, that I didn’t notice because I was too busy not looking at Sarah Jessica Parker because she’s fuckin’ ugly.

The problem with this show is that girls everywhere use it as some inspirational life coaching that they think represents real life. They think ignoring long term relationships and focusing on their careers while having random sexual encounters in some quest to find themselves will be fun and will all work out in the end for them because it does on the show. The truth is that the show was written by a fag and it’s his take on how women should be more like gays, because gays think their way is the right way, but the difference is that gays always find someone willing to fuck them because sex to gays is a primal need so long term relationships for them just don’t make sense, so as long as they are alive, they will always have someone to fuck. Women on the other hand age and if they aren’t locked down by a certain age, get replaced by younger models because dudes who like sluts tend to go for the better lookin’ ones because sluts are all about sex and not settling down and no one wants to marry a slut, we just like to fuck them, but not so much when they hit menopause, turning the slut into an old hag. So these successful women end up unhappy because they get stuck with losers because only losers would settle for a chick who’s had more cock than a chicken farmer.

That’s why watching these old slags slut out on their quest to find love while spending all their money on expensive shoes gives girls annoys me because I know it is ruining a generation of women by skewing their morals and values to one that leads to a miserable existence. The only good thing about this shit is that it confuses girls into thinking one night stands are empowering and that works for me because it makes getting in, doing the job and getting out a hell of a lot easier when the bitch doesn’t call back. Not that I’ve ever had a problem with having girls call me back, they usually are more into pretending shit never happened.

BONUS: Here are a couple of the washed up weathered cunts that women everywhere turn to as their independent woman inspirational leaders

America’s favorite emo queen Wentz is at his stupidity again. This time he is trying to fuck with the public by pretending to use his bagel as a cell phone. I think he’d be more effective at throwing us all off if he put out a sex tape with Ashlee Simpson proving to the world that he actually has a dick. This little man, or so he claims, annoys the fuck out of me because he’s a fuckin’ fake. The only time I find this kind of thing funny is when it involves drunk crazy homeless people who actually think the phonebooth is an outhouse. This dude thinks he’s more important than he is and his energy as a celebrity would be better spent killing himself.

The only reason I watch female professional sports is when the girls in them are worth fucking. For the most part girl athletes are more masculine than I am, which isn’t saying much because I struggle taking out the garbage, but seeing their rippling muscles is too homo for me. There are a few female pro-athletes I’d like to watch have sex and Sharapova is one of them. Lookin’ at her in action, with the anguish and struggle in her facial expression makes me thing of one thing and one thing only and that one thing is her taking it up the ass. Enjoy.

Country Music is the biggest thing in America, so if you are an aspiring singer, you should consider pulling the Carrie Underwood because you will make a hell of a lot more money showing off your fake hick accent for dude’s in pick-up trucks and you’ll have a long lasting career because country listeners are loyal. The problem with doing Pop is that you ride the top if you’re lucky then you quickly fade away when someone cooler or hotter or younger comes along. When you’re up against a whole lot of ugly chicks and lame dudes in tight jeans, it’s pretty easy to carve out your niche.

Either way, heres Jessica Simpson’s new song called Come on Over and for some reason all I can think about is seeing a horse cum all over her. Beastiality isn’t how, but when you’re all alone herding sheep in the mountains for 3 months and trusty ol’ Bucky is the only other thing you’ve got around and you’ve drank too much Whiskey, these things tend happen.

I was asked to remove the Vanessa Hudgens nude pictures that hit last year because they are her personal pics and belong to her, I don’t want a lawsuit so I took them down, but I do like having fun with lawyers/legal aids who email me because I don’t think they have any idea what they are dealing with. This was my response to their BORING formal email and legal letters that basically told me to take the shit down or go to court lawbreakin’ man.

OMG – I totally LOVE Vanessa Hudgens. Does she know my website exists? Did she specifically ask you to go after me? Please say yes! That’s amazing!!! I can die happy now and if I do, I will request they play one of the High School Musical songs at my funeral to honor this GLORIOUS day.

Out of curiosity, If you were to pursue legal action against me – would that mean I’d get to meet Vanessa Hudgens in court in person, and would we get the chance to see her in various states of undress to prove these images are in-fact her?! That would be awesome, a dream come true.

Truth is, I am a huge fan and have removed the images but would love an autographed photo of her if you can get around to it, preferably the photo you are asking me to remove from my site, I figure it’s only fair since I masturbated to it so many times!!!

PS – John I know this is you playing a sick trick on me because you know how much I love Vanessa Hudgens, you out did yourself with the fake legal documents and fake email though, it looks really legit, I believed it for a second. You totally got me, you bastard. I wonder what else you have up your cooky sleeve you prankster.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

Either way, I guess none of that bullshit really matters and it’s probably not as funny as I thought it was, so I am going to post Angie Everhart in a see through shirt because seeing old timer model nipples not be as exciting as getting lawyers letters from Vanessa Hudgens trying to do damage control for being a slut, but they are better than nothing.

My wife wants to do something romantic tonight, I guess jerking off on her panties wasn’t enough for her, so it looks like I am stuck since it is our anniversary, but while I am gone drinking myself silly to ensure I don’t get a fuckin’ boner for this bitch, because despite crying impotent, the magic still happens sometimes, you can click on these links – since it’s the best shit that happened on the internet today. True Story.

I realize why Pete Wentz married Ashlee Simpson, it’s because she’s the only one stupid enough to find his sense of humor and broken artist act charming and believable enough to have sex with and he had to do whatever the fuck he could to lock that shit down for fear of spending the rest of his life alone because he knows that the rest of the world knows he’s full of shit.

So dude’s decides to make a funny little mask out of a paper plate pretending to be selling ad space on his face because he feels like a walking billboard because people are all looking at him and thinks it’s funny to play off on that with this stupidity, in some sort of high school musical performance art project.

What dude doesn’t seem to realize that the only reason people give a fuck about him is because he’s some record label’s marketing tool to reach 14 year old girls, and in reality is a walking billboard for them in hopes of selling records because he sold his useless crying emotional and sexually confused soul to the devil when he got into this business so his bullshit comedic attempt doesn’t really translate very well.

He isn’t some misunderstood artist, he is just a tool being used, and paid accordingly by the bigger corporation that owns him. So as he tries to be punk rock about things, and while his cunt wife giggles because she thinks he’s being so crazy and that this whole thing is so fucking funny and wild, since she’s a fuckin’ sheltered idiot with no talent and has no idea what the fuck is going on, the rest of the world just shakes their head in disappointment and wait for the day that we read about a newlywed couple involved in a murder-suicide.

I guess the good news is that at least they have found each other and the funny thing is that if someone was to email his “douchebag.com” email, he’d only get to keep about 10% of the profits after running it by his management, label and PR team because this motherfucker is already owned as he is out promoting clothing companies, future record releases and closet-case sexual confusion. I hate this 5 foot 4 insecure piece of shit and what he doesn’t know is that he’s not making a joke, he is a fucking joke and his wife is fuckin’ ugly.