I played high stakes monopoly the other day with a group of Jewish dudes I know, who probably saw me as easy money, because I guess my smell of stale booze and begging to borrow money from them every time I see them isn’t really the sing of a budding real estate tycoon. The truth is I don’t know why I agreed to play, because up until the other day, I found board games embarrassing and something board people in the suburbs do, but I guess I put my pride aside and chose to neglect the fact that I feel like a total asshole sitting around a board with homies just to waste time, and came up with the buy in.

Either way, I ended up losing hard and advise you to never bet on board games. I also advise you to click my links.

Thank fucking god the Euro shit is over, now honking immigrants with flags on their cars can be put to fucking rest and I can go about my daily activities of doing nothing without getting annoyed by honking immigrants.

Here are some pictures of soccer prodigy Ronaldo and his model fiance, or what I call his front to convince the world he’s no homo by hanging out with her, when in reality he’s probably talking about crushes he has on his team and which of his guy friends have the hottest cocks from the locker room. Sure it may not be a fact that he’s a poofter, but his shorts come as pretty strong evidence, and I know that when the picture of him taking a piss was taken, he was standing there wishing that his hand was on someone elses cock and not on his. I guess life is unfair even to those who seem like they’ve got everything.

Either way, her Nereida Gallardo and she is hot….

In Black:

In Gold:

I had a friend who was pretty much living on the streets for a little while because he had no job, no money and a couple awesome addictions and mental health issues. I would go visit him to catch up and have a couple beers and as the weeks went on, his smell got substantially worse. I asked him when the last time he changed his socks was, because I thought I was going to throw up at the smell of rotting flesh and he confessed that it has been a long time and it was becoming a problem because he thought he either had an infection or a foot fungus that was causing him massive grief. He offered to take off his sock to get my expert opinion but I just told him to go to a doctor and to change his fuckin socks more often, because if you gotta change anything as a matter of survival, socks are up there with underwear. Either way, he didn’t listen and I didn’t hear from him for a few months, one day when I was walking around – I heard some dude callin’ my name, I looked over and it was my old buddy and he was being pushed in a shopping cart. Dude’s foot had been amputated because he didn’t take my advice, and he couldn’t afford a wheel chair rental, so instead just let his friends push him around in one of their homes. It was a pretty awkward encounter, but when you’re poor you make due with what you got.

Either way, here are some pics of Courtney Love biting his style because she’s equally crazy and probably equally addicted and equally unhygienic but she does have a lot of money, so there’s really no excuse for her ghetto wheelchair, except for maybe that she’s a fuckin murdering cunt, but even that’s not much of an excuse for anything other than killing people.

I am not so well versed in porn as people think I am, I constantly get people coming up to me and asking me or telling me about amazing porn movies they’ve seen or pornstars of the moment that they want to fuck, because they know I am a sleazy motherfucker who is on the computer all day, but the truth is that I know pretty much nothing about porn. I know even less about fetish porn, because fetish shit just freaks me the fuck out, especially when those fetishes involve midgets.

So it turns out that this bitch flashing her tits, is Bridget the Midget, who is probably the most famous midget pornstar, but this is the first time I’ve heard of her and I think she’s pretty fucking smart. Not only does becoming a pornstar mean she’s going to get laid when she otherwise wouldn’t because finding dudes to fuck midgets is fuckin’ harder than you think because no dude wants to admit they want to fuck midgets and no midget has the self confidence to offer up sex for fear of further rejection even though the truth is when given a pussy all dudes will throw down and now this midget with her very small vagina despite all the abuse is making money, getting laid and totally using what was given to her instead of sitting in an office job crying about how life wronged her.

Here she is flashing her tits, because she knows being a novelty isn’t all that bad.

I fell in love with a black chick and I’d tell you the story, but you’ll just call me out for being racist, even though it’s what actually happened, but I guess since I don’t care about what you think, I’ll write it anyway.

So, I went out to KFC to get my wife a bucket of chicken, and this black chick in the shortest fucking skirt and low cut shirt walks in like she’s Naomi Campbell and should be walking the runways in Paris and not the line-up at a fried chick place. Her body was lean, her legs were long and her tits were huge and she made me mad that I never bagged a black girl because I was always too scared they’d rob me. About a minute later, her pimp or boyfriend or dude she’s fuckin’ walks in and motherfucker was definitely packin’ heat, so I just minded my own business as they went at each other and her fondled her ass and stuck his tongue down her throat and she grabbed at his dick one minute, like they were at a swingers party but were really just at a fried chicken place, something equally sexy to some people. I just looked the other way because I wasn’t going to get shot and ignored them as they fought over their order and dude turned around and slapped her across the face for stepping out of line because he only had enough money for 1 drink and she called him a broke ass nigger in front of the whole restaurant, the next minute. It was a beautiful experience, one of total dysfunction and ghettoness, one far more beautiful than Naomi Campbell in a bikini kissing some rich white dude.

The thing I like about Lisa Rinna is that she looks like she was in some kind of nuclear waste accident that made her look like some kind of mutant you’d jerk off to in one of your favorite comics, but the only accident that happened in her life is that she made enough money to pay a dude to mangle the fuck out of her face and body because she thought it made her look pretty.

It turns out that when she parades that catcher mitt face of hers around in a bikini, some of you fall into the trap and think it’s hot, while I just see an unnatural mess of a woman, but I guess if she puts that much attention into her appearance, she probably is good in bed, or at least has a pretty hot designer pussy, hopefully not one that she design, because based on her track record, what she thinks looks good actually looks scary.

I had no idea that Cindy Crawford was in Montreal promoting the opening of some furniture because I tend to not stay on top of events that take place at Furniture Stores and try to focus my social calendar around places girls get naked and not where girls talk about decorating rooms and revamping their houses. The only reason I know that Cindy Crawford was in Montreal this past weekend, is because I accidentally had sex with her, and by sex I mean I was crossing the street when this black SUV almost ran me the fuck over around midnight, they stopped to go into some bar or hotel or some massage parlor or whatever the fuck it was and this tall chick in a red dress got out with 4 dudes who must have been her security. I was with a friend and he told me that it was Cindy Crawford so I screamed “Cindy, I used to jerk off to your playboy pics before my dick stopped working”, she ignored me and kept walking but I know she thought about it later that night while masturbating, I just have that affect on women.

Here are the pictures of her at the furniture store, a highlight in her fading career but not as much of a highlight in my fading career as screaming that to her. It is times like that that I wish I had a camera, but I’m too poor.

Alanis Morisette is not hot and the thought of doing anything sexual to her big scary woman in song vagina does nothing for me and it’s got nothing to do with my inadequate performing penis and everything to do with her being a fucking a dog and not a Golden Retriever kind of dog that is loyal to you and brings your a sense of responsibility and happiness in your life so that you don’t kill yourself because you feel like you aren’t alone, which you are, but a dog of a woman you wouldn’t let lick peanut butter off your dick no matter how much you drank that night.

Her horse head, obnoxious singing and her artistic integrity bullshit is boring and someone told me she talks about sex, drugs, dyking out and her ex fiance who is engaged and fucking carlet Johansson on Howard Stern, my computer is running like shit so I am putting it up while I sort this shit out.

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Here’s a video of Amy Winehouse in concert at some big music festival this past weekend and she throws an elbow or a punch at one of her fans as she badly sings her song.

It’s moments like these that I want to share a needle with her while doing intravenous drugs, because watching the sultry and seductive way she struggles to walk across the stage because she’s out of breath and slowly dying turns me on. I guess I am kinda drawn to hurt, dying or diseased things because they are easy to catch when they try to run away from you, it’s pretty much the law of the jungle and seeing Amy Winehouse does nothing less than turn me into a raging animal that can’t be tamed.

So Britney Spears probably isn’t fucking anyone right now and hasn’t waxed or shaved her asshole and I don’t think it’s really that big of a deal, mainly because I come from an era where normal chicks never waxed and I was like some kind of British High Society game hunter in Africa on some kind of safari trying to tame the beast, and by tame the beast I mean find the fuckin’ prize hidden behind the elements on more than one occasion. I am talking girls so fuckin’ hairy you would think their pussies were some kind of animal or even a substitute for underwear and that shit never stopped me, so seeing some ass hair poking out of Britney’s underwear doesn’t phaser me, but if I saw shit stuck to that ass hair this post would be a little less accepting of her laziness.

It’s the weekend and I still haven’t left my house to get drunk. That depresses me so I am not going to waste my time writing this post and will just leave you with the links because that’s how lazy fuckers do things. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The producers of Gossip Girl are trying to put to rest any rumors that one of the stars of the show is gay and they are doing it by hiring a group of sluts to flock around on the beach with him and get topless with him, but his lack of interest as he looks at his phone instead of her tips makes everything pretty clear to me. You can’t fool me Gossip Girl producers. I am onto your scheme. I’d write a funny story about this kid I know who’s dad constantly hired hookers for him after he came out because he couldn’t accept that he had a gay son and figured he’d knock some sense into him by hiring girls to pretty much rape him, but why bother it’s the end of the day Friday and I am pretty much spent, hungover and ready to drink more. That’s just the way it is but AA is coming soon, stay tuned.

Her name is Oksana Andersson and she’s some import wife of some Soccer player I know nothing about because I don’t watch sports and if I did, soccer wouldn’t be one of them, because seeing a bunch of dudes running around in the grass, all light on their feet, trying to get the ball in the net, without touching each other is just a little too reminiscent of the Gay porn I starred in. I was stuck for cash and instead of a field, it was a back alley and instead of a group of dudes trying to get the ball in the net, it was a group of dudes trying to get the balls deep in the anus, so I guess it really isn’t anything like that experience, maybe it’s just that since that horrid night, groups of men just make me feel uncomfortable, or maybe it’s because the only soccer coach I ever knew in life used to rape the little boys, giving a whole new dimension to the sport.

Either way, Oksana Andersson is obviously a mail order bride dude picked out of a catalog and modified to his liking by throwing on some tit like she’s some Japanese car in desperate need of some sub-woofers, and she is probably very grateful he helped her get out of war torn Russia that she won’t stray and if she acts up a bit, he’ll just show her pictures of people lined up for their rationed bread to keep her in check.

Here she is in a bikini….

Here she is topless…..

So it turns out that Miley Cyrus licks black people. As a member of the same church as Miley, it’s safe to say that she is completely out of control and has signed her soul over to the devil. Fuck the underage nude pictures, they are nothing compared to this picture. I guess she’s just her testing us with how far she can go and I think it’s safe to say, she’s gone too far.

For the record, I am not the one who wrote on this picture, I save the writing on pictures for the faggot smurfs.

If You Want the Rest of Her Boring Personal Pics
GO

This is some Dancing With The Stars chick who isn’t on the show anymore, but that doesn’t stop her from showing off her dance moves. I think she calls this one the Vagina in Panties Dancing Out of Cars Shuffle or some shit. She’s not hot, she’s not relevant and all she’s doing is showing off her panties and that makes me jealous. I wish life was as easy for me, I’d have no problem flashing a little skin, or my underwear to land jobs and make money for it, instead when I flash a little skin, I make people throw-up.

Speaking of throwing up, I was walking around aimlessly last night and saw a real live pussy in the flesh that didn’t belong to my wife, and it was fucking remarkable. This drunk girl was squatting outside the club she obviously drank too much at, and was puking everywhere as her friends held her hair. I stopped to point and laugh about it and when I looked the girl over, her pussy was glaring back up at me. I am convinced the fuckin’ thing winked at me. Too bad for you, I don’t own a camera.