Heidi Montag was asked about her fake tits and nose job and basically said she got it done because of insecurities that have always followed her from being teased as a kid. This gives teaches a strong lesson to kids everywhere, and by everywhere I mean the small percentage of her fans that aren’t autistic or retarded, and that lesson is that if you are being teased by other kids, the other kids are right, so go out and fix whatever they’ve told you to so you can fit in. You hear that black kid in the corner, it’s going to be hard but you’re just going to have to turn yourself white…and gay dude, we know how much you love home economics class where you get to make your favorite dresses, but motherfucker you are going to have to join the fucking football team and stand a little straighter because that’s what Heidi Montag told us.

It’s really unfortunate that she doesn’t take her own advice about other aspects of her life, sure you call her Kate Hudson and she goes and gets implants, or a Dirty Jew with that big ‘ol Dirty Jew nose and she get her nose done, but for some reason no matter how useless I call her, how many times I laugh at her song, her career, her relationship, her show, you’d expect her to just put an end to it all by putting a gun to her head. I guess I am just not as relevant as the pretty girls in her middle school.

Either way, the highlight of this clip is how she says she doesn’t drink or do drugs twice in a matter of minutes, it’s one of those if you tell me enough times I’ll start to believe her bullshit, but that didn’t work when my wife told me she lost weight so I’d give her the potato chips and it’s not going to work now. There is no way you can live as Heidi Montag andd not be on drugs without hurting yourself.. It would seriously take me about 15 minutes of being Heidi Montag before jumping off the 7th story window of the Chateau Marmont and those 15 minutes don’t count because I’d be masturbating and playing with my fake tits and I’d bring that Spencer cunt down with me.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 27th, 2008 at 12:07 am and is filed under Heidi Montag, The View. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.