Some average at best popstar from the band Sugarbabes in the UK was out in a bikini and was shameless pullin’ a Lohan by having her best friend undo her bikini top because it’s just so fuckin’ hard to reach it herself, then pulled a Miley by taking slutty pictures of each other posing in a pool for the boy she is seeing and it all went over pretty well with me, because I come from the school that all girls are into pussy and all girls and their best friends moderately dyke out and are in love with each other, I’m talking gentle touching and kissing and showering together, and checking out and comparing their naked bodies with each other but never fully embracing the double sided dildo and lesbianism, but still doing things that make their boyfriends’ masturbation fantasies more believable.. I don’t say that because it’s a fantasy, I say it cuz it’s the truth.

Speakin of fantasies, I decided to go to the rich part of town to see what rich girls look like in person. I walked into the coffee shop where they all hang out and this dude who I see in my neighborhood begging for change was sitting at a table reading Wall Street Journal and sipping expensive italian coffee. I was fuckin’ mad that I’ve been throwing quarters his way the last 4 years, thinking he was more hurting than me, and in all honesty was doing it for selfish reasons, like it made me feel good that someone was worse off than me and throwing money at him, even though it wasn’t much was probably the same feeling a rich person gets when they buy a Bentley with cash. So I go up to him and call the fucker out and it turns out motherfucker’s just a con artist from a rich family who panhandles for entertainment purposes and really lives in a big house and drives a nice car and it made me feel like a fuckin’ asshole, but the good news is that he gave me 20 dollars for always hookin’ him up and asked me to keep things on the downlow and I am really that inexpensive to win over…..

Here’s this Heidi bitch and her bikini.

On the surface Bar Rafaeli is a good looking, bikini ready and bikini wearing model with a pretty hot body, but that’s all white wash because under this pink bikini lives a Jew. I love how everyone thinks I am an anti-semite because I say that Jewish girls aren’t hot 99% of the fucking time. Even Jewish guys I know agree with me and their own mother’s are Jewish so I don’t really get what the big deal is.

Speaking of Jews, a Jewish friend of mine, yeah I know, no Jew is a friend to anyone, told me today that he just got out of the Hospital for mennigitis, which is a pretty serious thing to come out of the hospital for. I went on to tell him that he didn’t get that shit from drinking out of puddles or sleeping with dirty girls, but because it’s God’s wrath for being a Jew. He didn’t find it funny and went on to call me an anti-semite too. You just can’t win with these people, one minute they are trying to rip you off and the next are crying about the holocaust, get over it people, if it wasn’t for the Holocaust, Israeli Bar Rafaeli wouldn’t exist so you can thank Hitler for these titties…

A few years ago, I posted a Necro in Montreal Video , where he pulled a girl from the audience up on stage and took her shirt off in front of the crowd then humped her o while her boyfriend watched.

Dude’s music was almost appealing 8 years ago when I first heard it and I thought it was funny, he was vulgar and said some pretty disgusting things that made me laugh, but his shit got tired fast and I couldn’t even stomach to hear his voice and lame rhymes about making vaginas bleed with his big dick. Then I found out he was just a Jewish kid from New York crying for attention because his older brother was more successful than him and this was his lame attempt to get noticed.

Either way, I guess I wasn’t the only one who felt like Necro was bullshit, because he pretty much fell off the map, got fat and continued to do shitty projects no one cared about.

Here is his video for a song called Who’s Your Daddy, a song I feel like I heard when I listened to his shit for a week 8 years ago, but I guess it’s never too late to make a video…. It has some cameos from Ron Jeremy and Max Hardcore and some porn sluts and it’s obviously one of those “get girls naked and people will watch” videos that brain washes us into listening to shitty songs just to see the pussy.

The funniest thing about the whole thing is how much of a pussy Necro looks in it. He sings like he is so hardcore and misongynistic and demented and as he drops lines about shoving a gun in a cunt and accidentally shooting the bitch, shitting on a bitch and pissing in her mouth, fucking a bitch in ass til her colon falls out all while calling himself the sexxxorcist because he’s so crafty, motherfucker is all while gently touching, rubbing and french kissing hired pornstars like they were his fragile virgin girlfriends and virgins I know have been more aggressive with sluts they are paying to fuck…

The whole thing reminds me of this really lonely friend I had, who treated actual prostitutes like he was in love with them and we’d laugh at him because he’d be giving them massages and shit while the rest of us were trying to convince her to let us all cum her face at the same time. All this is to say, that Necro’s lyrics are lies, his video is bullshit and his career is a fucking joke but all music videos that show vagina get posted here so enjoy.

We can only hope this kinda shit slowly makes it into the mainstream because watching Ashley Simpson or Miley Cyrus or High School Musical sprawled out, sucking dick and topless would be the only thing that would make their next videos worth watching….

I used to watch Judge Judy when I had a TV, I don’t know why because she’s kind of an irritating Jewish woman who is too judgmental to be a judge, that may not make sense, but bitch would bring her own bias and opinion about the cases to the courtroom making the entire case a fucking joke and it was fun watching her and her unjust courtroom. The cameras were rolling during the Earthquake and this video is funny.

I decided that I want to go to the MTV Awards in September, if you or someone you know work at a hotel, airline and most importantly MTV, email me because I think it would be a good opportunity to suicide bomb and by suicide bomb, I mean have sex with some herpes ridden celebrities and video tape that shit. I know you are all useless, but I figured I’d put it out there, I’d only like to put my links for the day out there, even though I am slow moving tonight….

You’ve probably already seen these pictures of Hayden Panettiere making a disgusted face at Comic Con because she was forced to sit at a booth and meet/sign autographs for fans. What you probably don’t know is that I paid some dude to jerk off in his hand and smear it on her while telling her how much she has changed his masturbation life for the better. I wish that was true, but I am sure it’s not that far from the truth because you know the kind of loser who goes to Comic Con is the kind of loser who is socially awkward, low on friends and has experimented with masturbation in ways that would put your standard jerking off to shame. I am talking homemade sex machines, costumes and complex scenarios only a nerd would understand. I am sure that if Hayden wasn’t using that hand sanitizer, catching a cold would be the least of her worries and pregnancy would be, because I hear nerd sperm is so hungry for real life uterus that shit knows how to makes it’s way up a thigh on its own because of it’s super desperation powers…..

For the record, I think anyone who would wait in line to meet Hayden Panettiere is digusting too.

So a 5.8 Earthquake hit LA about 5 minutes ago and it was the first time Hollywood’s rocked in a while. The fake tits may have been jigglin’ and the fags may have been stopping, dropping and rolling in a panic to save their obnoxious lap dogs but unfortunately buildings weren’t collapsing on the cast of The Hills. We can always hope for an aftershock that does some good and by good I mean wipes out a whole lot of useless people, because I feel like God’s been too good to these over indulging assholes and shit’s ready for a local apocalypse, it’s just a matter of time before it all self destructs and I’ll be here in Canada watching…

Here Are Some Heidi Montag, Still Alive Yesterday, Pictures To Remind You That You Hate Her and The Lies She Peddles Even When She Wears Short Shorts…

I don’t cover much porn news here, that’s because I used to work in a porn company and can’t really stomach watching these fake, plastic, disgusting looking girls, who have had way too much dick and drugs in their lives and who did it for money because it’s just not hot to me. I am more into everyday girls, amateurs and your sister, girlfriend and girls I meet in clubs, because let’s face it, everyday sluts are just hotter than career sluts.

After the success of Chasey Lain Hitting Rock Bottom I was reminded that all you perverts love porn, it’s really the only sex you’ve had and with that has come a couple of hot stories.

A source close to Lexxi Tyler emailed me to tell me that the pretty useless pornstar who hasn’t really done all that much porn and who I have never heard about has been seen driving around in her brand new Bentley. Making me believe I am in the wrong business, because if you can afford a Bentley after being in a handful of movies, shit must pay fucking well.

I ended up investigating a little bit and found out that there are a whole lot of pornstars that solicit themselves as escorts for their fans to fuck. After trolling the internet I found out that I can fuck some of your favorite pornstars for anywhere from 500 dollars to 15,000 dollars for a 3 days weekend, depending on who it is. The reason for this is simple, they already see their vaginas as cash cows, they are already selling sex and getting paid for sex, and the average fan is willing to pay a lot more than a porn studio because to a porn studio there are so many girls out there and to the fan there’s only one Lexxi Tyler. So what this means is that when you watch porn, the girls you see are just using that shit as a marketing tool for their prostitution and some are better at it than others because when a whore who looks like a haggard tranny, with a broken down face and a pair of shitty fake tits can afford a Bentley, you know that meaty disgusting AIDS pussy is doing something right and by right, I mean prostituting herself and other girls to losers like you….

I guess her dad, uncle and every man who ever molested her, raped her and ruined her emotionally is giving themselves high fives right now, not because they got up in this over priced vagina for free but because the deep rooted issues she’s got from their abuse has made her rich and that means they are pretty much off the fuckin’ hook and are actually slated to receive a percentage of her earnings for being the major inspiration in her work.

People told me not to post this becaue Lexxi Tyler will sue me because these porn sluts are quick to sue but I am just writing the shit I found online and if people don’t want their dirty little secrets that buy them Bentley’s out there, they should consider not posting ads to fuck them on the fucking internet for people like me to find. If these are fake ads and this whole thing is a lie, which is possible but unlikely, she’s still clearly a haggard fuckin’ slut and you can’t sue me for sayin’ that truth,

The good news for you is that you can fuck all the pornstars you have a crush on, all you need is a job or a credit card. Let’s hope this inspires you to get off your lazy broke ass and out there into the workforce, so that you can start saving, because turning masturbation fantasy into a reality should be enough reason to make those needed changes in your life. I feel like Doctor Phil right now.

LifeStyles Condoms made a good move the other day and approached Miley Cyrus to be the spokesperson for their brand. Not because they think she is a little sexual deviant, but because they know that her audience is mainly made up of 14 year old girls, and they figure that reaching and educating those 14 year old girls about safe sex using someone they look up to, is something needed in the world we live in, because 1 in 4 teenage girls get an STD by the time they are 18 and it’s probably not from fucking you.

Now Miley Cyrus and her “people” have turned down the offer, claiming that promoting safe sex is something they will NEVER do, because I guess they don’t see the actual good they could do and see the potential backlash from the conservative parents and Disney, who feel like sweeping SEX under the rug makes everyone feel like they are living in the Magic Kingdon of Peter Pan joy, where bad things don’t happen, while the kids who live in these households are out at teenage sex parties lickin’ teenage asshole and taking 2-6 dicks on at once.

The fact that supporting safe sex, would not only add value to someone who is otherwise useless, and give someone who looks like a money grubbing spoiled little cunt some purpose while saving some lives and making a difference in the process is seen as a negative, while her shitty attitude is probably more detrimental to the public.

She has posed nude, she has tons of slutty personal pics hit the net, and a source close to the actress has told me that she’s a fuckin’ slut. I always thought that she was respecting her “virginity” clause in her Disney contract and at first she was just sucking dick and taking it up the ass, but she has made the move to vaginal sex and Disney is struggling with keeping that shit underwraps, because their right-winged conservative producers are the ones who taught her how to fuck between shooting scenes.

I hate the fact that people don’t have any accountability, that don’t have any social responsibility and that they lie to the fucking public with promise rings and other candy coated unrealistic bullshit all to save face and not disrubt brand image. We all live in this world, we all see what actually goes down and we all think it’s important to address the fucking issues instead of pretending they don’t exist and this is just an example of why you should hate Miley Cyrus more than you already do.

I get emails all the time, which at my level of popularity is about once a month, asking me to give scoop and gossip on Mexican celebrities because I am Mexican. I feel like that’s the same kind of racial profiling that would ask Obama to freestyle rap, that would expect all arab people to suicide bomb things and I take offense to it. I haven’t been in Mexico since I was about 4 or 5 years old and I haven’t been back, so I really have no idea what the fuck is going on there but I do know that Paulina Rubio is from the mother country and here she is in a bikini.

Now, I’m kinda on the same kick as my black friend who turns his head on black strippers because he feels they are taking the wrong route to advance the race as a whole, he felt like seeing them objectify themselves like a group of sluts was disgusting and that they should have been doing other more respectful things with themselves because stripping was just perpetuating the stereotypes he had to live with. So he’d get all preachy on this shit when we would all make it rain on them hoes but had no problem getting lap dances and blowjobs in the booth with white girls, because he didn’t respect white chicks since they didn’t go to the same church as him. So I have some issues posting this shit, but that’s not because I see my mother in these pictures, but because I see a boxy corn tortilla and bean eating, short and thick Mexican hiding behind her relatively tight body because it’s just a matter of time before she looks like every other Mexican chick I’ve seen and that makes enjoying these shitty pics impossible.

The thing I like about hot chicks is that they are willing to sacrifice their dignity for money. It’s like we all know if Flavio Briatore worked at McDonald’s making burgers, or at the post office sellin’ stamps, or as a plumber uncloggin’ pipes not layin pipe, dude would be sitting at home jerking off to informercials like he was me, but throw a couple of millions of dollars into a motherfucker’s wallet and all the pussy opens up like shit’s on its period and ready for the million dollar tampon that is his dick.

There’s an old saying that it’s as easy to fall in love with a poor man as it is to fall in love with a rich man, so you might as well ignore the poor and go for the rich, but that kind of attitude is like prostitution when the rich man looks like a fucking monster and the only way bitch can get wet for him is when she closes her eyes, thinks of someone a little younger and better lookin’ while holding onto his Black American Express card.

I didn’t go to bed last night because I was looking for something exciting, I didn’t find much but when I got home, the sun was up and I decided to lay out on the building’s fire escape and get some like I was back home in Mexico. I passed the fuck out and didn’t hear a fuckin’ thing, until I was rudely awaken about 20 minutes ago by the guilt of not updating the fucking site, like this shit was my job or my wife or some shit. So the homeless guy who was pissing next to me didnt annoy me, the pigeon who shat on my face didn’t annoy me, my crazy screaming neighbor and her crazy screaming husband and their crazy screaming baby didn’t annoy me, the police sirens, the cars honking, the construction down the street and the fact that I was sleeping on a metal fucking grate didn’t annoy me, but you somehow managed to annoy me.

Here are some pictures of Shauna Sand, showing off her whore body and her shitty ass and bad fake tits on the beach. I am only posting them because I like the fat dudes expression when she walks by him, like he just witnessed the coming of christ or some shit because they don’t make pussy like that where he’s from. These could be old, but you can never tell with Shauna Sand because she always looks the same shade of haggard orange and she always wears the same shoes, it’s like bitch is timeless or some shit.

So I got busted checking out some chick with some disproportionate tits earlier today. She was walking towards me with these massive tits on her little body that I knew were real because she was barely 18 and as she got closer, she realized what I was up to and adjusted her scarf to cover her shit. I was pretty mad that such a beautiful thing would go covered up and decided to say something, but when I just started to, a car drove up to her, pulled over and she got in, it was her dad taking her home for dinner, leading me to believe that father’s of big breasted 18 year olds are the biggest cock blocks out there. I am sure other things happened today on my adventure but I am too lazy to try to remember them, my brain isn’t as good as it used to be – but I did remember to post my links… click em.

I don’t know why Kelly Rowland is at the beach, it’s not like girl needs a tan and every black person I know hates swimming because there was no pool in the projects they are from, just broken down fire hydrants they used to run through and that doesn’t really help you become comforable with sharks. They also hate getting their hair wet, even when they shower because it fucks up their relaxer or whatever the fuck they put in that shit, so Kelly Rowland’s really got no business being at the beach other than to get some attention by showing off the smallest set of fake tits ever purchased.

I blame Beyonce for leaving Rowland behind on her rise to the top. Now when you ask teenagers if they like Destiny’s child when you are trying to make conversation with them at the mall, they don’t know who the fuck you are talking about and look at you like you’re some kind of sex offender who talks to them about blowjobs on Xbox Live late at night.

I guess when you were once at the top, beggin’ for someone to pay a little attention to you isn’t worth laughin’ at, and you should all just make Rowland feel better about herself and take a good look at how skinny shit is…maybe you could even put it on the cover of a tabloid to help prevent her from following her career’s steady plung by jumping off her 18th story condo balcony.

I like to think I just saved a life. I am a hero like that.

Ali Lohan may look like she’s 40, but last I heard she’s 15 and I can only assume that she’s been put onto some kind of hormone therapy by her mother to start the gravy train as soon as possible, because it’s never too soon to slut out and get dudes jerking off to you because shit sells records and makes your mom money before you turn 18 and can cut her out of the mix like you were the kid on Home Alone who fucked Michael Jackson.

It’s always exciting when a teenage girl decides to bring her tits out to play, it’s like she knows they are ready to be seen and it’s the kind of right of passage I like better than seeing kids graduate high school, or Jews get Bar Mitzvahed, or African men being publicly circumsized into manhood in front of their tribe. I remember when my stepdaughter starded developing tits, at first she was shy and insecure about that shit and would always cover up but only a few months later she was walking around topless or in her bra begging her mom to get a hot tub so that we could have hot tub parties and so that she could show off her tight hot young body….actually I think I was the one begging my wife for the hot tub, but none of that matters, what does matter is that seeing a girl become a woman is a creepy yet beautiful thing.

On a side note someone promoting Ali Lohan accidentally emailed me about her new single and I decided to ask for an interview, I wrote

you should get me an interview – i’ll be good to her – we’ll do wholesome things, with a creepy overtone, like playing in the park, going for ice cream and inviting her back to my van to see my kittens….

it will be amazing

I never got a response because it’s hard to catch a break when you are me….