Katy Perry is my enemy. Sure, I don’t know her and will never know her, but I do know that song and every I hear it everywhere I go, it’s like a fucking punch to the face and after a certain number of punches to the face, I start to take shit personally, and when I try to avoid those punches by changing the radio station, only to hear the song on the other channel, I feel like there’s no fucking escape. To make things worse, I find the bitch to be chubby, unattractive and talentless, but no one cares what I think, and instead see a big set of tits and a fantasy of those tits making out with other tits, leading to more money and success in her pocket and making her stick around longer than she deserves, and the whole thing is pretty stressful for me and the only real solution is to jump out of my apartment window, but like Katy Perry, I am too lazy to move, so I’ll just eat this bag of chips hoping the fat goes to the right places so that I can land a million dollar record deal and post pics of myself in a see through nightgown that covers my fat chick nipples on myspace. Fuckers.

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