Rachel Bilson, like every celebrity, both big and irrelevant, has her own clothing line and here she is doing some autograph’s dressed like Samantha Ronson. Girls aren’t supposed to dress like boys, but it seems like boys are supposed to dress like girls because yesterday alone, I saw about 8 trannies in different parts of the city and the city really isn’t all that big and doesn’t warrant that amount of cross dressing weirdos.

I remember a time when cross dressing was saved for the privacy of your own home. You know as a teenage boy putting on a pair of your mom’s pantyhose and finding it so sexy you have no choice but to jerk off quick before your family gets home from the movies. It was something that you were supposed to bottle up and be afraid of and be ashamed of, something that you’d go to therapy for after marrying, having kids and never really understanding why every time the wife is out you have an urge to slip on one of her high heeled shoes and put on one of her bras. It was never something you were supposed to embrace or take public and it’s kinda fucking up society so you should stop. I am talking to you Rachel Bilson.

Audrina was out in a bathing suit with her sister’s teeth recently and I really have nothing to say about this family, other than that something really went wrong. I am thinking that they may have lived by power lines, or maybe there was lead in the water or asbestos in the walls or maybe their mom was an addict, but whatever the fuck happened it made both of them retards. I am pretty tired of ugly skinny chicks with fake tits getting way more love than they deserve because America is filled with fat chicks, so by comarisson they are hot, because when I look at Audrina, I don’t see anything attractive, but I do see something that should probably be wearing a bike helmet while standing on the street corner with a sign begging for change to feed her cat.

It is up to you to make these people from The Hills go away. All you have to do is stop watching the fucking show. I think now is a good time to start.

”’

I was at some party this weekend and the MC on stage screamed out to the crowd that he wanted to see some titties and 30 girls pulled up their shirts. I was at the back of the crowd, by the bar, doing shots with some native who didn’t mind getting me drunk because I pretended I was native too, and missed all the tits, but I do know that when I ask girls to show me their tits, they never respond the same way, unless slapping me and calling me a loser is considered showing me their tits, but no matter how many times I tell myself that it is, I know that it isn’t.

Here’s Kendra Wilkinson at an event, doing what she’s supposed to be doing when asked to flash her fuckin’ tits. So if you happen to be a girl and you happen to be in Canada and a Mexican fat dude happens to asks you to show him your tits, this is what you are supposed to do…it isn’t code for asking you to slap me, so make it happen like you were Kendra Wilkinson getting carried away after one too many drink. Thanks in advance.

Jennifer Ansiton is still on vacation, or back on vacation in Cabo because there’s really not much going on for her back home and living is tired of the only message she gets on her answering machine, after calling every guy in her black book, being her leaving a reminder that she’s out of milk. She’s tired of eating dinner alone every night in front of the TV watching re-runs of friends, realizing the irony of her life, because she has no friends. She is tired of hugging a pillow, pretending it’s a real person, or going to the movies and buying two tickets only to realize that there’s no one to bring in with her.

So she does what any lonely person does and that is hire the hotel staff to be her boyfriend and to stand guard and to protect her. I think this is a form of prostitution, but when a lonely middle-aged woman does it they don’t get criticized, but when I get caught with my pants around my ankles in a back alley in broad daylight, I’m considered a pervert. Double standards man…double fucking standards.

Due to the Paparazzi Being Total Fucking Cocksuckers Espeically the Company Who Owns The Aniston Bikini Pictures, I’m Going to Link to them Instead of Post Them, It’s Just Smarter than Getting a 10,000 dollar invoice I can’t pay because unlike Perez, No advertising executives support this site because they are scared of nipples, despite having hired 3 hookers to lick their assholes with their expense accounts on last month’s business trip.

I have been saying that these two have been fucking since they were in the womb and dating girls is just a distraction from the fact that they can’t be together, it just isn’t socially acceptable. I also defended them by saying they aren’t fags for wanting each other’s dicks, because they are identical twins, so it’s like masturbation, but the truth is that masturbation or not, they just can’t get married to each other like they want to and sometimes that truth too hard to accept that they slip up in public and here is the picture. But in their defense, if you were the idiots who were dating Paris and Nicole…a pile of dog shit would start to look like a good fuck.

Here is one of the Good Charlotte Sisters out with Paris Hilton and someone who has Aids, who I guess has decided to start showing her bird face again, but is wearing her Center for Disease control issued condom pants so that she doesn’t spread her shitty vagina sauce all over public places like it was peanut butter and the world was one giant piece of toast. You know like chairs in restaurants, public washrooms and anything else her vagina could possibly touch as it hangs out of whatever pantyless outfit she’s wearing.

Well this joke kinda writes itself now doesn’t it. Rihanna and Chris Brown went to the place they met for a romantic date and some motherfuckin’ chicken. I mean I don’t want to sound racist or anything, but KFC is to black people what McDonald’s is to Asian people. Motherfuckers love that shit and there is really no arguing it.

I mean there have been times when I am broke and my wife insists on going to KFC on cheap Tuesday, because in Canada you get 2 pieces and fries for 2 dollars or some shit, and walking in to get her her 8 boxes, because even I won’t eat that shit, is like walking into Harlem, Compton or some project in Haiti.

This one time I walked out of there, after spending my wife’s 4 dollars on a couple meals, and 8 black dudes surrounded me and started hassling me for money, you know pushing me, trying to rough me up, one dude even showed me the handle to what I assume was a gun. I told them that I was just there for the chicken and didn’t have any money, so they frisked me and ended up running off with my chicken. I don’t want to sound racist, or imply that black people are criminals or that they will kill for KFC, I mean, I’m just telling a story about something that actually happened to me, so don’t hate me for it, hate the system for letting these fuckers get so poor they can’t even afford KFC on cheap night, unlike superstar Rihanna and her boyfriend Chris Brown, who like white people joining the country club or buying the Lexus, are showing off their success to the black community of the world by showing up to a KFC on a regular night, because in the black community, regular priced KFC is for rich folks….and I hate seeing people flaunt their wealth like that.

I know the weekend can be depressing for the kind of person that has no friends and who looks to the work week to distract himself from how lonely he is. You know staying at the office late monday to friday nights because you have no one to go home to and taking your boss aside to tell him how much more productive you think the company would be if he enforced mandatory Saturday and Sunday shifts, just to give you something to do and that is why I am giving you some of the best shit going on in the stepFORUM, because when I am sleeping, drinking, doing errands, away from the computer, uninspired, it stays alive and if you’ve got nothing better to do you should get involved even if Forums are so 1995, because let’s face it, so is your hair.

Here’s some forum action.

BONUS VIDEO – Clay Aikens Friends Say He’s Not Gay of the Day

And if stepFORUMS and video about Clay Aiken aren’t your thing, here’s Britney Sprears is On Her Way to Shoot a Music Video Giving You a Shitty Side View of Her Stumpy Crazy Legs of the Day

I think she pretty much sums up any of your concerns or questions that you may have regarding the upcoming election. Who knows, maybe she’s your mother, maybe the economic crisis has to do with a large population of these kinds of people, I really don’t know or care, but something about her gives me a boner.

Page Six didn’t credit me for the pictures of Mini-Me’s girlfriend fucking around with Wee Man from Jackass. I know for a fact that I am the only person who wasted their fucking day stealing her facebook pictures, because I was friends with her before this Mini Me story broke on Perez Hilton. I had even seen the shit months ago and didn’t bother with it, because I just assumed she was just some groupie slut trying to fuck her way to the top, using any in she could get, that in being Mini Me, and I was right. My only mistake was thinking no one would care because it’s fucking Mini Me.

Either way, after an hour and a half of saving that shit to put on the fucking internet, these fuckers at the New York Post could have at least said where they saw the pictures of her kissing Wee Man.

Motherfuckers ruined my fucking day. Fuckers.

Along with Salad Dressing, Pasta Sauce, Microwave Popcorn and Chocolate Chip Cookes, Paul Newman can add Obituary to his list of things that are his….

It is the end of an era. Paul Newman died yesterday at 83 from a battle with lung cancer. I just wanted to say his over-priced dressings will not be the same without him around to see the sales reports. This man was Cool Hand Luke and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, a seriously great contribution to American movies, and someone who tried to use his name to make a difference in the lives of sick kids and it’s sad to see him go.

I mean you can’t be all that sad consdering dude is 83, and that’s a pretty long life, one longer than any of us will probably live, but you should take a minute to recognize all that he’s done in his lifetime, and to realize that it is a whole lot more than you ever did.

So tonight when getting drunk and smoking cigarettes, the same cigarettes that killed Paul Newman, spill a little drink on the sidewalk for your fallen homie..I’m talking about you Newman.

It’d be nice if I woke up today to write my RIP Motherfucker to the cast of The Hills, but instead I have to do this. Maybe Paul Newman’s final legacy will be teaching the cast of The Hills how to land a terminal illness, I guess only time will tell.

In the next few years, a lot of these Hollywood Old Timers are going to start droppin’ like flies, I’m talking about Regis, Barbara Walters and a whole lot more, so get ready for a lot more of these…which is exciting, because they are so fun to write while hung the fuck over feeling like death myself. Yay!

So I got this email…..

Hi there:

I am a dialysis patient at KPRHC.  I take my macbook to the unit each time and read (most often aloud) your article to all my dbuds and it is always a source of amusement, fun and giggles.  Today, however, was especially good, and we’re writing to thank you so much.  I don’t know who you are, but am wondering if you are published because I’d love to read more.  Thanks for always giving us some fun and please keep ‘em comin’.

Love, Pam. xoxo

I guess not everyone hates me. I am happy to be the Patch Adams of our generation, it is more fulfilling then being some rich, gay, joke of an internet personality…seriously.

Here are my links, unedited because it is Friday and we’re drinking here, and by we, I mean me. I have no friends, but at least I have links.