So I got sidetracked today, but I did manage to get wasted off wine at some piano bar with a friend of mine. She is some kind of 30 year old chick who can’t find love and who has turned to the internet to find a boyfriend, which is the kind of desperation I appreciate. You know, no one wants to become an old maid, everyone wants that white picket fence because they’ve been told their whole life how good it will be. They don’t want to use internet dating, or deal with dudes who want to put their years of masturbation practice to actual use, but sometimes you’ve got no choice, like the piano man I was harassing to play the song “Piano Man” who I accidently told I loved and who I think thought he was going to get lucky tonight. Unfortunately, that’s not how I roll, even if he winks at me as he rocks out to Billy Joel for me….

Here are my links, I am pretty ready for this weekend to be over……

Since my wife is out of town for the weekend, I need to get ready to go fucking crazy, but since I didn’t sleep last night, I have a serious appointment with my the stained mattress I call bed. I am looking forward to not being annoyed by my wife’s apnea and I’ll be back in a bit, but to keep you and your Thanksgiving laziness entertained, everything you need can be found in the stepFORUM and you don’t have to read my annoying fucking commentary that everyone hates…..

Here is a picture of Jodie Marsh with some Save Tango midget painted orange, I have no idea what this is all about and I am really not about to go find out, because that would involve doing work, but I do it is a British thing and British people are fucking weird.

I also know that it is involves people painting themselves orange, and there is no doubt in my mind that when the people painting themselves orange are midgets, that they are actually getting paid to get exploited to do the shit, so they stand out and slutty lesbian attention whores make an effort to get a picture taken with them, not because it’s not everyday you see a midget with a painted face like some kind of clown, not that they have many other career options, they are fucking midgets, but because when you’re Jodie Marsh, it’s hard to find someone more orange than she is….

If I had a midget, I’d exploit him too. I’d constantly make him give me stand up blowjobs and treat him like my whore, pretty much all the time, from the minute I let him out of his cage, my dick would be in his mouth, and it wouldn’t be gay, because everyone knows midgets aren’t human. That’s like calling an old farmer gay for fucking the male sheep. Everyone knows that’s not true…

Okay, enough of this stupidity, now go look at Jodie Marsh’s stupidity…

Either this is David Hasselhoff and his daughter, or David Hasselhoff is proving to the world that no matter how much of a joke you are, as long as you’re on TV, there will be a willing pussy to fuck you, because everyone wants to be famous, and sometimes the only way to do that is to associate yourself with someone who is, even moderately famous, like the guy who stars in the local mattress commercial who I always see out drinking bottles of vodka with a group of stripper lookin’ chicks, because they think he’s important cuz he’s on TV, even though, he’s only on TV because he’s a fucking joke.

Britney Spears perfomed at some party in Germany, not it wasn’t a Nazi Party, that shit ended a long time ago, but it was something less hateful towards fags, jews, retards, russians and whatever else the Nazi Party killed, because let’s face it, I’m not historian, but I do know that Britney’s career should be history.

Bitch lip synched her way through her computerized song Womanzier. She was in some lingerie shit, she didn’t look good, even though she looks better than she did in her lowest of low points in theory, but I have a thing for girls on the verge of killing themselves, they usually fuck as crazy as they look, not to say that she’s not still worth fucking, because all girls are worth fucking, even if Britney’s got a fleshy smoked meat sandwich of a pussy after all those kids….what’s that? It’s not actually a smoked meat sandwich pussy but a smoked meat sandwich sandwich that she keeps in her pants to keep warm so that she has something to snack on every time her blood sugar drops? I guess you can’t take the fat chick habits out of the fat chick just because she’s not so fat anymore….

Here are the pics. Today is going to be a struggle….

Lindsay Lohan was walking to her car after shopping and she tries to pawn the paparazzi onto Steven Tyler because I guess he’s buying panties at the same store Lohan was at, but instead the paparazzi ask her if Steven Tyler is giving her advice on not drinking, to which she responds “what the fuck are you talking about”. I thought it was funny, but I also haven’t slept in two days.

I’ve been on a bit of a bender that led me into a crack den of a bar last night, shit smelled like piss and was lined with small closed off “VIP” rooms with a couches in them, pretty much set up for people to do drugs in peace, and I snuck into one that was empty to have some alone time, because I was over-served and needed a little cat nap before drinking some more. So I shut the door from the psycho electronic music and the weird crowd the place attracted, but before I passed out, 8 arab dudes in suits filed into this booth I was in. They light up 3 joints, start speaking arab at each other, and I thought I was in some Taliban conference and I was going to be held hostage like I was in Mumbai. They didn’t acknowledge the fact that I was in there with them, they just kept running off with their crazy language, started laughing, started dancing around, hugging each other and celebrating something, I wasn’t really “in” on, so I just sat their awkwardly sandwiched in this small space with all these people and eventually the bouncer came and kicked them out.

I ended up getting fuckin’ stoned because they hot boxed the shit I was in, and it turns out that there was a reason I quit smoking weed 10 years ago, because shit makes me do crazy things, and next thing I knew, I’m on the dance floor, dancing, something I don’t do, with my shirt off trying to make out with this chick lookin for coke screaming that I loved life and I’m sure it didn’t end there, but thankfully my memory does.

So as I sit here recovering, we should watch a video proving that Lohan never recovered and is still the piece of shit crackwhore she always was.

Bonus – Here are some pics of Lindsay Lohan Get Carried By A Gay of the Day, his name is Jeremy Scott, he’s some childish clubkid, hipster fashion designer… but these pics were emailed to me, I never saw them, so why not fucking post them. Right…

Here’s a list of the top 6 things I am thankful for:

1 – AIDS – Because it filters out the weak
2 – The Economic Crisis – Because it brings people down to my level and it’s nice to feel like I can relate to people
3- Amateur Porn – Because without it I’d have no sex life
4 – Parades for saving my life by reminding me that I am not the most useless thing in the world….
5- The Hills- because it proves that you don’t need talent to make a lot of money, you just need to sell your identity to MTV which is better than selling your body to science testing meds, or having someone identity fraud your ass…
6-Puppies – Because they are cute….

Ok, that’s enough of that, thanksgiving is over and I could go on all night about shit I am thankful for, so instead, I’ll just post some links

I went out for dinner last night, don’t get ahead of yourself thinking I’m all luxurious and shit because I go to restaurants, because shit was about as classy as taking a shit in the middle of a fancy restaurant, which in case you didn’t know, is not very classy. The truth is that I had a coupon for 2 for 1 hot dogs at some ghetto diner, so the whole thing cost me around 4 fucking dollars, not that it matters, I’m working on Thanksgiving, I should be making the big bucks to afford 5 dollar or less meals….

Anyway, I get in line, place my order, fight with the guy working there about whether the coupon is valid or not and all that shit, eventually winning, not that getting 3 Hot Dogs, large fries and a drink for dinner is really winning anything, but I was excited to get down to business and eat the fucking thing in peace. After getting through the first hot dog, a dude who obviously knew the counter guy, because they gave each other some secret fucking handshake walks in. They start talking about some party they were at, where they plan on going this weekend and all that shit that people with friends do, and dude goes to order the fucking same hot dogs I’m in the middle of eating, and the counter guy says something like “Dude…do not order the fuckin’ hot dogs! They were a week expired and from some new supplier and we’ve had complaints about them all week, people are getting sick and shit because of them, so stay the fuck away”, they get a good laugh, I look down at my 3/4 eaten plate, pissed off the asshole chose to not tell me that pretty fucking valuable information, figure I’m in too deep and finish the shit off, go home and prepare my will because I’m convinced I’m going to die. I ended up throwing up, I’m not really down with ever eating hot dogs again and it turns out that either is Annalynne McCord….

I posted a video of Annalynne McCord Lesbianism , you know on a date with am ugly chick who she kisses on the mouth and nobody noticed it, now these pictures of her kissing someone who I assume is the same ugly girl hit so it’s safe to say, either bitch is a dyke, or she just likes kissing her female friends on the mouth and I guess no one really gives a shit, because everyone’s fuckin’ gay these days and it isn’t fuckin’ newsworthy, especially when it’s about some chick no one’s ever heard of and who no one gives a shit about….

Will Smith Version 2, is about to release his first album and this is the boring video for the boring song. If you don’t know who Jamie Foxx is, he was some aspiring singer who ended up getting sidetracked into doing stand-up, got cast in movies and TV shows and eventually won an Oscar for playing Ray Charles in Ray.

Now the problem with a having already made it, you know having a lot of money and a name, a huge audience and a label willing to pump money into you, a budget to make a big bang and big music videos, instead of being some punk kid with a demo tape who sings R&B that people only care about when he is too slow to bring them out their McDonald’s combo meal…means that dude doesn’t need to start a buzz about his shit, so instead of making songs with videos of booties talking at the strip club, or rolling around on silk in lingerie because his luscious voice makes them cum, we get this boring wholesome shit, which may be a nice change of pace for Christians, Gays and feminists who are tired of all the hetero sex in the media for their own moral reasons, but I have a feeling no one else is tired of all the sex in the media, so this is just like a spit in our motherfucking faces.

Dude had a great opportunity to do something that people can jerk off to here, but instead he did this.

I was complaining to this chick who sends me free clothes about how there’s nothing exciting about Thanksgiving. You know, you’re forced to eat a ton of food with your family that you hate, you know getting drunk trying to ignore the fact that you hate everything about your life and that you’re thankful for absolutely nothing, and the only thing good about it is that you get time off. Sure some people throw parties on a school night but that’s only good if you don’t have to spend your days off traveling….making thanksgiving a whole lot of work for nothing and work is never a holiday…

A holiday like Halloween is a lot better because girls get slutty even though you don’t get a day off, the panties you see being worn in public make it good times, the Fourth of July is a lot better because girls get drunk and will fuck you if you tell them you were in the Army, they feel like it is their civic duty, Christmas because you get gifts and presents and no matter how shitty they are, are always fun, Valentines day, which may not even be a Holiday like Halloween, because you don’t get a day off, but girls who are single feel inadequate, lonely and unloved and that usually means starving to get laid, by anyone, even you. Thanksgiving is just a waste of fucking time……

She wrote this to me, defending Thanksgiving….

Thanksgiving is for built for sluts, it legitimizes emotional eating and sluts are usually insecure and have unhealthy relationships with food due to that insecurity so thanksgiving is really a day for sluts….

I don’t see how seeing a slut stuffing her miserable face makes for a good time, Not to mention, knowing that Thanksgiving is probably the one night she’ll be staying in and not dancing on tables in bars lookin for male attention, meaning it’s just a holiday from her being a slut and a slut who isn’t slutty, but who is eating like a pig, just doesn’t do anything for me…and either does the thought of the massive shit she’ll be taking…because I deal with emotional eating and big shits everyday with my wife so I don’t find it that much of a Holiday. A holiday for me would be where girls fast because eating disorders would be a nice change of pace for me, and make me reflect on how the world isn’t as bad as I think it is….

Either way, that was a weird fucking rant but here’s a ton of links from the stepFORUM for you turkey eating motherfuckers….I figure you’ll need something to distract you during these hard times you’re supposed to celebrate today….

Someone emailed me this product that came out a while ago called the iGallop. It is designed to bring the horseback riding experience into the bedroom, or living room, or wherever the fuck you want to pretend you’re riding a fucking horse, without actually having to buy a horse, house a horse, and take care of a horse. Shit looks like a classy version of a sex machine because when you take off the dildo attachment, pretend it’s a high society, like an equestrian simulator, the orgasms it gives you feel a lot less humiliating than rubbing up against the dryer at a laundromat.

To think you thought your only horse fetish was Heidi Montag, Haylie Duff, Sarah Jessica Parker and that time you played farm with that manure smelling chick you met at the bar and you put a saddle on, a Horse Tail Butt Plug who you let mount you like this was some beastiality shit after taken her on a ride….oh right that wasn’t a girl…but you get the idea…

Either way here are some iGallop videos I found….

You Look So Gay….

I Doubt She’s 18….But It’s Not Inappropriate Since She’s Just Riding a Virtual Horse…Right?

Short Skirt Asian….

Mall Voyeur

Cat on the iGallop

Fat Man on the iGallop

Innocent Shoppers on the iGallop

Girl Gets a Yeast Infection on the iGallop

I am going to admit, I didn’t put much effort into this. There are probably way better Turkey videos out there and I apologize to anyone who spent hours slaving over their Turkey video, hoping one day it would be featured on a site nobody reads.

I just figured when you assholes are all dicking around with your family, or by yourself on your day off, doing whatever bullshit you do to entertain yourself, whether it’s watching football, telling your mom how much you miss her and are so happy to be back home to suck her tit and help in the kitchen, going through old photo albums, and wondering where the good old days have gone, dealing with repressed memories of you getting touched by one of your uncles during Thanksgiving dinner many years ago, or if you’re trying to come to terms with your unresolved issues with your parents, you know feeling like you don’t measure up to your siblings, like you’re their least favorite, like they’re ashamed of you…..you might as well do it to these videos…

Not to mention, I think it’s good to know where your Turkey’s been and what it’s gone through to end up on your table, while I sit here eating pasta noodles with soya sauce I found in the back of the closet, and it pretty much tastes like shit…

Here are the videos….

The 6 Dollar Ukrainian Turkey…..

Some Weird Angry Death Metal Turkey Killer…Named Psycho Jim….

Farm Boys Don’t Just Like Fuckin’ Their Sister, They Like Burning Turkeys To Death….

Psycho Jim Does it Again Only With Restraints…

The Butcher…..Music Provided By DJ AM….

Good Ol’ Country Folk, Claude Ouellette & Albert Rozas The Turkey Killers With a Sense of Humor Edition….

A Couple French Men, An Axe and an Obscure Film Artist Lookin Motherfucker

Some Wierd Interpretive Student Film Turkey Slaughter

I know you are probably on the road, in a car, on a train, taking the bus, flying to visit your family on this glorious holiday, or you are sitting alone at home because your family didn’t invite you since they decided to go to the beach to avoid you and the disappointment you always bring with you. Maybe you’re the one who decided not to see your family because they always judge you and embarrass you knowing you came from them, but it is still Thanksgiving and you should be getting into your turkey costume for the traditional turkey stuffing to clear out your insides for the Turkey Feast tomorrow, but maybe that’s just how they do things in my home, I guess any excuse to stick dick in ass, is a good one…..

The point of all this is to say, be safe, eat well, don’t get too drunk and fuck your family members, don’t get too made and go on a murderous rampage because you feel alone in life, because you’ve always got me….not that that’s a good thing and I will only communicate with you via email, but it’s better than offing yourself.

I admit, I am partially jealous of you, since I like eating, it’s kind of a hobby of mine, but I don’t have to work on the site tomorrow, but probably will, because not everything is about USA, there are other people in the fucking world you know….and some of us had Thanksgiving months ago.

Now unbutton your pants, start your drinking and send me some pictures of the craziness that happened.

Remember no party is a success unless at least one of the people involved has to take the morning afterpill…

I am not sure if that applies to family functions….

But it does to me.

Ok, enough of this haiku bullshit, here are my links for now….

Here are some pictures of Kristen Stewart, some chick I’ve never heard of because she is ugly, but who is part of this whole Twilight phenomenon and people are confusing as being something pretty, when the only thing pretty about her is how ugly she is. These are some pictures of her smoking some pipe you’d buy at a head shop to smoke whatever drugs you want with. I guess she’s taking a lead from her big Celebrity Rehab brother Sean Stewart, not that they are related, but with a face like that they could be. Something seriously went wrong with Rod Stewart’s sperm….I blame Karma getting back at him for him getting through a loophole and landing a fucking career, tons of money and many ex-model wives….or maybe it’s just too much partying on the road fuckin’ things up a little.

Speaking of drugs, I assume the only drug she’d be smoking in public is one that is legal, because she doesn’t want to lose future work and drag her name in the mud like she’s some kind of Lohan, since she’s new to the scene, but still wants to get fucked up enough to look in the mirror and believe all the hype she’s getting, so I’m guessing she’s getting down with Salvia.

Here are Some Pictures of her showing off her tight little body….that doesn’t match her broken down face…

Wow…bad post…

I had to go to the vagina doctor with my wife. I didn’t really understand why, because she needs more of an exterminator than a doctor for that shit, you know it’s like it’s been left to fend for itself for too long that the fucking thing is no longer a medical issue and more one of pest control, but being the nice guy that I am, I went with her.

The radio was on in the waiting room and I was forced to listen to an hour of Christmas songs. From Bing Crosby, Elvis, Perry Como and it even went into some of the newer shit, that came a solid month too early for my cold dead heart, so I asked the bitch at the desk to put on something a little less annoying and offensive and she told me to sit down and turned up the fucking volume. I was a little surprised that such a big cunt worked at a vagina doctor, but I guess it was fitting.

Speaking of fitting, it looks like Claudia Schiffer’s teeth are trying to escape that clown mouth of hers, she probably regrets leaving David Copperfield back in her prime, when she didn’t need his services, because motherfucker could have sorted that shit out for her, I mean he did walk through the great wall of China and he did make the Statue of Liberty disappear, meaning he has what it takes to make her beauty not disappear, but I guess she’ll just have to go to a plastic surgeon like the rest of the supermodels who aren’t super anymore, but who want to be super, because it is all their know, and their whole contribution to the world and self-worth is based on their beauty, and now that it’s gone, they’re left not knowing what to do with themselves….and in Claudia Schiffer’s case, that personal conflict has made her forget her teeth bleaching treatment while trying to figure out her next step..

The good news is that if she chooses to not go through with the surgery, she can always take this look to the local hospital to Patch Adams that shit for sick kids, I hear it’s rewarding.

On a side note, part of me has died today….