Same story, man cheats, wife goes fucking crazy and catches his dick on fire, kills him all to let him know how much of a bastard he is because she can’t deal with the fact that she doesn’t turn him on anymore, and the whole thing sounds better than a blowjob from my wife because she’s disgusting.

Two people asked me if I was gay this weekend. Maybe the meds brought out the showtune performing poofter in me, maybe it was the fact that I was offering to send them a video of me fucking a tranny like she was Audrina Patridge, by sucking on her dick, which for the record, doesn’t exist, at least not that I know of, but I think it has to do with me constantly ripping apart female celebrity vagina, but not the kind of vagina ripping I am into, like it was my fucking job, not that it is, because I am not into work, for their imperfections. One guy asked me when I was going to turn the site into a Lance Bass Dancing with the stars man-pussy fan site, because I never say anything positive about these famous sluts, and I act like none of them are up to my standards, like I was trying to cover something up, like homosexuality, but it’s just strategy man, I try to lower their self esteem to increase my chances of licking their assholes while Lance Bass strokes his dick in the corner, because sex without Lance Bass is not sex at all, no matter what your orientation is, true story.

Here’s Kelly Rowland in her bikini…with her modest fake tits, with a fat chick to make her look skinny all because she’s insecure, the way i like them.

Elle Macpherson is like an old friend to me. One I haven’t spoken to in a long time, but who’s pictures I like to revisit every chance I get. I could say I’ve done coke off her tits while vactioning on a yacht, during a break from plunging my dick in her plump meaty australian pussy, like a plumber trying to unclog a toilet that my wife has assaulted it in some kind of shitting fight to the death that the toilet sadly lost, but I don’t like bragging, especially when it is of romance novel style masturbation fantasies because those are meant for girls, but here are some pictures of Elle showing off that body I wanted in 1988 and after 20 years of failure on my part later, she still keeping up her end of the deal, on a side note, in 3 days, we’ll have to make that 21 years of failure on my part. Either way, here are the pics.

I fell on ice when I was drunk. I heard a crack. Everytime I breath, I feel nothing but pain and cracking of bones. It is broken and I am on meds and still in pain, but meds make it not so bad. Sure I smell like shit and can’t stand, sit or lie down, but it’s all good baby but I’d like to say fuck you to winter.

Here are my links from Friday, they are late, blame my frail bones and uncoordinated drunken swagger, but most importantly…blame it on God for doing this to me.

Anyone who thinks this pig has a hot body, is probably stupid enough to buy her fucking records or download her tunes off iTunes, and thanks to you, you made her rich and famous, because when I look at this shit, and I mean actual fucking feces, of a girl, I have no choice but to wonder what is wrong with our world to let this happen. Seriously, when I found out about genocide and dying Aids babies and corrupt government, and companies ripping us off, and the economic crisis and innocent people getting raped and murdered and all the wars that have gone down and pretty much everything else inhumane that is actually totally human about the world, I wasn’t even close to as shocked as I am seeing these pictures of her and being forced to remind myself that she’s one of the biggest things in music today, even though her songs rape me every fucking day and her bikini top looks like it’s a New Orleans Levi before right around the time Katrina hit, seriously, if she drops that top and those DD’s can kill a small child or Verne Troyer if they were standing next to her. It’s too bad she can’t take some of that loose titty skin and put it in her bikini bottoms, cuz her ass is as useless as her….

That said, I’d totally fuck her without a condom because everything I’ve fucked to date has looked a lot worse than this and I guess that says a lot about me and why I hate my fucking life…so here is Katy Perry in my hometown of Mexico.

I was listening to the radio the last 4 days trying to get into the Christmas Spirit and this Santa Baby shit would hit every couple hours and I listened to the words and couldn’t believe how materialistic shit was. She was looking for a duplex, checks, a deed to a platinum mine, she wanted Santa to trim her Christmas Tree, which I assumed she meant her cunt, with TIffany, and the whole thing offended me. I figured what kind of message was this bringing to the women of generations, putting ridiculous pressure on their boyfriends and husbands to spoil them, and the whole thing pissed me off and while I was freaking out at this bitch for doing this to the men around the world, she was busy dying.

Her name was Eartha Kitt, she was 81 and she lost her battle to cancer on Christmas Day which I guess is the opposite of a Christmas Miracle, but appropriate since Christmas gave her a career and made her and her song a legend, might as well ask Santa Baby for death and put you out of your misery when you’ve reached the end of the road and after he’s already given you pretty much everything else you ever wanted by letting you use his name and image in a song without asking for any royalties, while letting you become rich off the shit. Either way, RIP Motherfucker is well deserved for this OG (original gold digger).

Diddy has offered the Mayor of New York City a million dollars to change the color of the New York New Year’s Eve Ball to the Blue of his Vodka’s logo. So this is some publicity stunt that I don’t really understand, but it’s got something for to do with Diddy trying to control and influence the world, or at least feel like he is, so he can sit in some gay club somewhere, dancing with men, pointing at the screen telling his minions that he manipulated New York City with cold hard cash. He’s also handing out 15 dollar taxi debit cards to random people so they get home safe, and that’s a solid idea, except for the fact that I bet he’s only printing up 1000 of those to give out, so it’s not like he’s a fucking hero…he’s just doing enough to make him think he’s a fucking hero.

What it comes down to is that if any of you ever drink Ciroc, and I find out about it, you will not be allowed on my website anymore. Drinkin this shit is not working towards getting this guy to disappear….

Puff Daddy has another blog because he thinks the world cares about him and he shoves shit down everyone’s throat to remind us that he’s still around, like a little bitch crying for attention. Here he goes on a rant about “Jesus Christ Birthday” and how people who believe deserve respect and that we should say “Merry Christmas” despite the whole bullshit politically correct “happy holiday shit”.

I think that whole happy holiday shit’s been blown out of proportion, by calling public Christmas trees the Holiday tree, and local governments have meeting trying to figure this shit out like it’s a real fucking issue, when everyone knows it’s a fucking Christmas tree, but we shouldn’t assume everyone celebrates Christmas because some people think Jesus is bullshit and don’t like being treated like an idiot who thinks he died for their sins, so when I was buying a coffee and I was feeling in the holiday spirit, I would say Happy Holidays to people, because it is the fucking Holidays and I don’t fucking know if they are jew or muslim or a non-believer or any other religion that doesn’t celebrate Christmas, so it’s just easier that way and respectful to others and I don’t see a fucking issue in saying that, but since Diddy only cares about himself and has no fucking respect, I guess it’s really worth bitching about for him….

Even though Jesus wasn’t even born December 25th, and religion is a fucking man made joke to control the population, so Christmas is just about spending money on people you don’t really care about, by getting them things they don’t really need, to encourage consumption and to help the economy, and to mix in spending time with your family that you’d probably rather not be spending time with, like I’d rather not be watching and writing about Diddy Blogs…

Here’s some act called the Teriyaki Boyz featuring Pharrell and Chris Brown. It’s on some Hipster rap kick but I had no choice but to post it because the video is all about the ass and it probably to weirdest ass music video I’ve ever seen because these fools are from Japan and everything in Japan is next level weird. I mean sure I’ve seen some other weird ass videos, like foreign object insertion, or double dick anal, or even that 1 guy 1 cup shit where his cup exploded in his ass and blood started pouring out, but that kind of shit won’t be played on MTV, even if it’s more interesting than anything that happens on The Hills, but this video will so I’ll stop writing and just post this weirdness…I haven’t worked in a couple of days so it’s going to take me a little while to get into it…stick around because I am sure magic will happen eventually.

I haven’t done a post in a couple of days, that’s pretty negligent of me. I know that I blame my wife for ruining my life, so I’ll just have to blame her for ruining my site, because I was carted to hell and back on the worst bus ride of my life, next to some kid who shit himself the first 15 minutes of the 25 hour ride, and who’s mother didn’t bother cleaning up the entire ride because it’s fucking Christmas and I guess she thought it was his gift to us or some shit.

The bad news was that I was sure my wife would have had a massive stroke at Christmas dinner last night, because she was grazing like a fucking cow, and when the dessert tray hit, I watched in anticipation, knowing that a human’s body shuts down after one too many Chrismas cookies or pieces of pie, but nothing happened, then I realized that maybe there is a Santa Claus, since if she had a stroke I’d be forced to fucking push her around in a wheel chair and that would be a whole other hell that I am not willing to live right now….

Here are some links…click them if you’re not buying electronics at the Boxing Day sales like all those other idiots are….

Since I am a pretty shitty planner, I didn’t bother doing anything clever for Christmas, I’ve been stuck doing this family shit, with people who aren’t even my family. I have a feeling we ate the families pet dog that happened to go missing earlier in the afternoon, and it was delicious. I guess just a small price to pay to make this Christmas a joyous one, especially since they found him on the side of the highway a couple of years ago. The good news, no gift exchange. The bad news, I am stuck here a couple more days and there’s no hot pussy and no legit booze, just this outhouse chemical toilet water. I am sure when I come to, or die, I’ll have more to say, in the mean time, how about a some more links…because I haven’t checked my email in 5 days and I am not about to get postin’ now…I am not a miracle worker, despite what I tell girls to get them in bed….

Merry Christmas….

I was just stuck on a bus heading north for the last 25 hours in a snowstorm to visit my wife’s shitty family for the Holidays. They are trashier and live in deeper poverty than I do, which is almost impossible, but I figure when you move 12 hours into the wilderness of hell to build a shitty shanty that is heated by a fireplace and that barely has running water, you’re worse off than me. Luckily, their neighbor is a sex offender and has wifi and that’s why I can finally post yesterdays links.

Here they are….if I never come back it’s because I’ve been raped, murdered and buried where no one can find me….Merry Christmas…I am sure no one is reading this, except maybe the Jewish guy who reads the site…but at least I am posting them….

People love VIda Guerra’s crazy fat ass, so when I came across this photoshoot video, I figured I’d post it because I am too lazy to sit on the computer all day when everyone else I know is on fucking vacation already, even if that laziness gives me a booty like this that I can turn around and cash the fuck in on, I mean if the world wasn’t such a sexist fucking place, where men can’t get away with just being a half naked whore, and not actually offering anything to the world, or actually working, because being something guys want to fuck means there will always be enough cash flowin’ in.

So all you feminist cunts can go fuck yourself about equal pay and shit, because you have it easy, at least you could have had it easy if you weren’t a mechanic lookin, jean and flannel wearing, shaved head bull dyke that no one wants to fuck…you know the reason why you make such a big deal about sexualization of women in the media is because you’re fucking jealous that you were forced into lesbianism and real work for a fraction of the pay because guys didn’t want you naked….right….maybe you should focus on something you understand, like oil changes.

Either way, watch the ass in action, it’s one of the modern world’s great mysteries….

Here’s Heidi’s fake tits, to match her fake hair at her fake Finale party, with her fake husband that she has been fake dating for the last few years in her fake life. The only thing real in all this is that the dress is probably designer, and not a fake imitation, because it turns out the public like lies and lies make people very fucking rich.

That’s not to say it’s a nice dress, I don’t know this fashion shit, but this is Heidi Montag, so I can only assume it is some tacky trashy stripper shit you’d find at a sex shop, but it is to say that all this combined makes this bitch a lot smarter than you and me and that’s pretty fucking depressing.

I don’t really like Gisele that much, she looks like a man, and there’s nothing about her that gets me going. I am actually convinced she’s just one of those tranny Brazilian chicks, who isn’t the gay kind of Tranny who takes it up the ass or sucks dick, but the straight kind of tranny who uses his dick to fuck straight girls while they suck his fake tits, and that one day this Gisele bitch will get caught shaving her beard, getting hormore therapy, or even appear on the sex change list or in Tranny porn, because I’ve never seen her pussy, and until I do, she’s all balls to me.

I know some people like her and I figure there’s no better way to celebrate her this Christmas than to post a picture of her riding something that you can use photoshop to turn into you. It’ll make jerking off to her more believable, even though you deal with the cold dark truth that it’s not real everyday, but think of it as a DIY gift from me to you this joyous holiday season…..

The Pussycat Dolls brought in the Christmas cheer, by dressing up in latex and corsets and showing off their tits and asses as they danced around simulating sex. Sure that may not being a conventional Christmas for you, but you’re probably the kind of motherfucker who goes home for the holidays to re-connect with family and friends and relive your beautiful little picture perfect childhood, and not the kind of guy who goes to the strip club for lap dances, because without the strippers in your life, you’ve got no one else, because you are all alone and no one called you to invite you to spend the holidays with them and you have no choice but to go the only place you know someone will badly pretend to like you and not your wallet so that you can sit down with them for a nice Turkey Dinner and gift exchange for 10 dollars a dance in the booth, with contact. Tis the fuckin’ season for suicide… ya know.