Some dude was mad I posted the kitties as shark bait video, like I fucking produced the shit, or actually went to the local SPCA and fucking adopted 10 kittens just for that purpose, when everyone knows if you’re going to kill a cat, make it your cunt neighbor’s because he loves it so much while you hate him so much….he told me something along the lines that I should be used for bait. So I suggested we use my wife’s miscarriage she keeps in a jar in her panty drawer because she just can’t bring herself to flush it as it reminds her of what could have been before her shitty reproductive organs ripped those dreams out of her and all over the bathroom floor. He never responded. Asshole.

Here are some links to get you through the night….

I’ve gone down a bit of a weird road the last few posts. I probably shouldn’t have gone down them, but sometimes it’s okay to post shit that I’d normally never post, especially when I am feeling lost and confused. The truth is sometimes you need to switch things up and take that road you were explicitly told not to take by your foster mother because the guy who lives at the end of the street is fucking creepy and a reported sex offender. You know try new things, even though she told you over and over again not to knock on his door to ask for money for the church charity you were running, but if I had listened I would have never made the 25 dollars and got the chance to sit on Santa’s pantless lap in the middle of July and tell him all the things I wanted before having him tell me all the things he wanted to do to me….if you know what I mean.

To get my focus back, here are some nipples from some Paris Week Fashion show, because nipples are awesome.

If you’re wondering why Seal is smiling in these pictures and I know you are because you have a weird thing for Seal, you’ve been a fan since that Kissed by Rose song, because it really touched you in places you’ve never been touched, it’s because this motherfucker has won the game of life. Dude has kids with Heidi Klum, he’s got money and a career, and brother can sing, that’s why this motherfucker is smiling, and you can go back to looking at yourself in the mirror with a pen and paper writing the pros and cons of whether you should kill yourself or not. The checklist of champions, if you consider being a failure a competition.

I hate you anti-fur, animal loving queers.

There is no fabric quite as luxurious as a rodent’s pelt. There is nothing that helps fight the elements and keep you warm like nature’s own, so that’s why I have set up traps around my neighborhood hoping to catch some coons, stray cats, rats and any other unwanted animal. I figure I’ll be doing a service to the community by getting rid of these headaches that piss and shit and eat their garbage and nest in their basements, while getting myself some warmth, style and class, like I was a native or a rich person. I just haven’t figured out how to kill the, clean them, skin them and sew them together, but I’ll be sure to videotape the whole process and sent it to the cunts at PETA.

Here’s some Ivana Trump keeping it classy while looking like a face-lifted monster. She’s a got a typical story, you know a bottom feeding ski instructor from some communist country who married rich Trump and is now set for fucking life after the divorce, making her the best paid mail order bride prostitute in history…..but by the looks of her, I have a feeling she’s the one paying for the sex these days…

These are some pictures of Lily Allen doing the best impression of what her vagina went through back when she had her miscarriage (abortion).

Let me walk you through what’s going on here, you know try to relive recreation with her, since we weren’t with her when it really went down, because she hates us:

In picture 1, she’s showin the fetus coming out of the vagina.

In picture 2, she’s sayin’ “woah, that wasn’t normal, what’s the smell, I feel a little lighter on my feet, there’s a little more hop to my step, get me another drink man, I think I’m losing my buzz”.

In picture 3, upon sobering up a little and realizing what the puddle on the ground was, finally grasping the concept of being free of all responsibility and decides to give the whole “Fuck you fetus parasite, you can’t stop me by gripping onto my uterine wall with your little maggot claws, I’ve got a vacuum cleaner on my side, you had no chance, now get me another fucking drink wanker…”

You liked how I threw in wanker didn’t you, it made it more British.

What didn’t rock, was probably the show she played after these pictures were taken, because no one cares about Lily Allen anymore except me.

Ashton Kutcher made and released this video taken at 7:30 in the morning complaining about his neighbor who is building a house right outside his house and who starts construction at 7 am everyday. So Ashton is doing what any real man would do and is making videos for his lawyer to build a case against the guy and teach him a real fuckin’ lesson about building a fucking house at 7 in the morning.

I find the whole thing funny. I mean first of all, it’s easier to break legs than to send lawyers letters. Second of all, you’re not drinking enough if can hear anything at 7 am, when I drink, I black the fuck out around 5 am and hear nothing until at least 11. I’m talking anything, houses have burned down next door, people have been shot, and I’ve slept through it like a baby. Lastly, we’d all be annoyed with 7 am construction, I am sure we’d want to kill our neighbors, but I doubt we’d make a little video and put it on the internet for the world to see how good we are at being little whiney bitches.

I thought this whole thing was funny.

So now that Shia LeBeouf’s lost his license, he does what any man would do, and gets his mom to drive him around like he’s a little school girl with overbearing parents who fear of her getting abducted.

I love that he gets protective of his troll mother and says something like:

Hey Don’t Mess Around, My Mom’s Got a Bad Knee, Dog.

I wonder if that knee accident happened from sucking off whoever gave this little asshole his break.

At least his career hasn’t got to their head as they drive away in her Scion, the poor man’s Range Rover. Maybe dude should spent the money he budgeted for his mom’s new car on lawyers so he had to get her a car that looks like it belongs as part of a circus act, which makes sense now that I’ve seen what she looks like.

I know, who cares about this piece of shit and why the hell am I posting it. I’ve really got no excuse, I’m just gonna run with it anyway though.

Jessica Simpson is fat and everybody cares for some reason. You can’t argue that she’s not fat no matter how hard your little activist fingers type. All I know is that I wish I got that kind of attention when I started on this path to heart disease, high blood pressure and premature death. I am pretty jealous of the love all these really famous people like her sister and obese Kim Kardashian coming out to root for her. Jessica Simpson hasn’t got this much attention since she cleared out the desert tray at the all you can eat buffet, oh no, that was my wife, but you get the idea, I’m sure Jessica Simpson got her fair share of fat habits, like talking about what she’s going to eat the next day while lying in bed at night, or eating rolls of cookie dough while crying about how her younger sister had a kid before she did and her younger sister’s a fucking lesbian married to a woman or whatever else us fat people do. I just don’t get why no one’s announced that she’s pregnant yet. You know a little hole in the condom, missed birth control pill pregnancy planning to get what she feels she deserves, a baby of her own. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the shotgun wedding for that one, because that is God’s way and good ol’ Christian girls take God’s way pretty fuckin serious.

Here are some pics of her reveling in the excitement of the new found publicity.

So I am best friends with Holly Montag, Heidi Montag’s sister. We send each other facebook messages and I saw she started hosting events. So like any internet friend would do, I asked how much it would cost to have her come to my 40th Birthday party. What she doesn’t know is that it’s just going to be and her in the basement of my apartment, but I like to stick to keeping up surprises.

This is what she wrote back:

it depends on the venue and how many people are around but it’s anywhere from $5-15K

 
This is what I wrote back, it’s pretty tame, but that’s cuz she’s a nice girl and I don’t like to judge people based on the family they come from…well I do…but these Hollywood types are sensitive and there’s no need to breed hate, I do that enough and figure I’ll let this girl have her time milkin’ it, cuz it won’t last forever.

To think just a couple years ago you were going to parties for free, sometimes even paying the cover charge or drinks when no guys were around. Oh, how Hollywood has changed you. Where is the Holly I fell in love with, it’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Not that I ever knew you, but you know what I mean.

What does someone get when they pay you 15k? Do you DJ? or dance? I figure if I bought you for that much, you’d have to be my wife for about 5 years. Now make me a motherfuckin’ sandwich, and do it with your pants off, cuz daddy’s coming home on that ass baby….cuz for 15k, you’re gonna be leaving your pussy behind when you go back to your Hollywood life….

Here are my links to some shit going down in the stepFORUM

I shouldn’t bother giving this bitch more attention than her daddy issues have made her crave enough to go into porn, to run for governor and to get fake tits to make it all possible because with a face like that, it was really the only option, not that guys really care about what porn chicks look like, they pretty much fall for how dirty the bitch gets and the fact that she’s naked and willing, looks are pretty much a secondary issue, so instead of writing about her, I’ll just post this NSFW link of Mary Cary At Various Work Related Events… , if you know what I mean.

I guess we shouldn’t hate Lady Gaga, considering the reason Lady Gaga wears sunglasses is because she’s heinous (H’anus) and she knows it.

She’s on this cover this dodgy mutant weird lookin’face as much as she fucking can because she knows that only serious horny perverts and horror movie make-up artists can really get inspired by it. Even her parents try to convince her to cover her mug up, and give each other high fives when she turns down attending family functions, because it makes the people around them judge them, wondering what the hell they did wrong, and they rather keep things out of sight and out of mind.

So I don’t hate the fact that she looks like she’s trying to be glamorous in these pics, even though I normally really hate chicks in sunglasses at night or inside, with some obnoxious front, because I approve that this time the bitch is doing it because it’s saving us from having to look at her disgusting face in its entirety, next time around she should try a ski mask…or maybe she should try to stay home, or even suicide, I think it’ll be a good look for her…one I could really get used to.

The only fame she really ever deserved was winning first prize as pig of the year at the county fair, or maybe as a prize winner at some genetic disorder clinic’s nation wide search for stories that inspire for beating all odds by living a normal life without letting her face disability get in the way. Or even getting some press on afternoon talk shows for being a product of incest, or as someone in a news segment who lived next to a toxic waste dumpsite for a couple of decades, drinking and showering in the radioactive water never really getting why parts of her body were falling off, or even as the spokesperson for safety in the workplace after surviving a mutilating farm equipment accident that we’d all get to see on some commercials. She does not deserve what she’s got and I hope it ends.

Sure Paris Hilton having hard nipples isn’t hot, because she’s a cold bitch who is dead to me. But these girls talking about the cause of their hard nipples is porn to me.

That’s all I have to say about this, but I guess you could write your STD jokes in the comments because that’s never been done before….

My neighbor just knocked on my door announcing that the ugly pussy on The View, not my sex Goddesses with a penis, Whoopi Goldberg or the other hotness that are Joy and Barbara who make up many of my sexual fantasies, is pregnant for the third time. This bitch is one of those religious types you see around who is constantly making fucking babies.

I thought she was just getting over the last pregnancy. How does a uterus handle that kind of abuse? Why the fuck is she so fertile? Is she trying to save her marriage or is she trying to lock her football husband down because she’s tired of him running around behind her back and thinks this is the way? Why doesn’t she take the load on her fucking face? Is this a tax write off, or maybe just a good reason to get paid leave from work when she needs a vacation…Does she realize what three pregnancies will do to her sex appeal/tits and pussy? What about the baggage it presents when she’s out shopping for a new husband when this one peaces the fuck out. It’s just fucking insanity, the world is overpopulated as is and her bringing more into this dying world to create garbage and mooch off our resources just shows how greedy and self absorbed she is. I think two kids was enough, give it a fucking rest, sure it’s appropriate for a cunt to make babies, but that doesn’t mean the whole thing isn’t disgusting.

That said, congrats, Elizabeth, may this pregnancy bring joy and happiness to your already thriving family, I expect you to document the entire delivery and sell the DVD and by expect I mean hope, because jerking off to you dilated has always been a dream, unless of course you decide no to go through with the pregnancy and need help “ending” it since you don’t believe in abortion, I am sure I can find a handful of people who would be willing to fuck the fetus out of you, while suckin’ your milk filled tits, if you know what I mean….

Now I have to go report my neighbor to my landlord for harassing me with such stupid fucking news.

I don’t consider Mischa Barton a celebrity, she’s more of a rich girl who happened to be on a TV show who is trying to be the New York fashionista socialite. You know the kind of girl who buys expensive clothes, smokes cigarettes in lofts and boutique hotels, dates dudes in bands and travels the world going to every fashion show she can all while hanging out with obscure models and I guess there’s really nothing bad about that life at all.

I mean other than the fact that she can’t find work, is slowly fading and is seen as more and more irrelevant, and more and more unattractive as the years of cocaine use add up, and is desperately trying to get any attention she can, but next time around she should be a little more liberal and show us her dirty bush we all know she has because all fashionistas and models have bush, they may be into Obama politically, but not when it comes to trying to relive the glamourous art scene of the late 60s and early 70s, it’s their hipster way to let the world know they are different than all those other plastic bitches with bikini waxes, because they embrace being dirty fucking hippies with no fucking job who have pussies that smell like mud, gravel and rotting vegetables/organic matter in their very own compost heap in their underwear….or some shit.

I like Jessica Alba’s tattoo. If I was fuckin’ her from behind, I’d really like feeling like I was about to cum all over a 7 year old school girl’s hair. Or maybe she’s trying to do some Christmas present shit, you know where she figures if you’re dick’s inside her box, she might as well wrap it up and put a bow on top, in which case it’s a lot less exciting, because cumming on the outside of the present really isn’t as fun as cumming inside, especially if the present is for your asshole boss and is edible.

Either way, here is Alba in some staged mom pictures, when most girls get in bikinis to get attention, she tries her best to act like she likes the kid and doesn’t think it’s the biggest pain in the ass that only comes in handy for staged photoshoots with the paparazzi, to distract the public from a couple stupid statements she’s made the last couple days. You know, like she is actually a good, involved mom who doesn’t just pawn the kid off on her nannies and mom to take the burden off her shoulders. You know, she since she’s a piece of shit cunt like that.

Good morning everyone. Hope you’re enjoying your day so far.