I’m finally getting the pussy I deserve, I can smell the days where I won’t have to fuck a bowl of warm, wet, past noodles. Check out this email….

I’m a 19 year old girl and I love your website. You crack me up and I don’t even mind the misogyny, not really being much of a feminist myself. Your posts on Lindsay Lohan and Heidi Montag/every other pseudo celebrity makes my day. I wish there were more bloggers like you.
Love and appreciation

19 dude…do you know what a 19 year old Vagina looks like? I don’t, because all this almost 18 pornstars are usually 25, or at least look it, but I’m assuming shit’s amazing.

Again, I’ve opted out of partying with a bunch of rich girls who asked me to join them because they think I am funny and creepy and make them uncomfortable buy laugh because I decided to sit at home a watch people update their twitter. The real reason is that a bunch of rich girls didn’t ask me to join them out partying, and I spent all my money earlier tonight on a 40. Economic crisis may suck for you, but this has always been my life and these are my stepLINKS….

I am not gonna judge Hilary Duff’s sexual preferences. I know how she’s feeling, we’ve all been there, you know desperate and alone with nothing but a 20 to our name and a boner in our pants. You know looking to get off all over her dirty crack addicted face after violating her gaping, dry, dying vagina, because she is all you really afford, only to feel humiliated once you’re done, leading to you hitting the pipe with the whore you just got with because you realize how she’s the best thing you’ve had in the last 5 years and you don’t want it to end, despite how much you hate yourself for doing it.

You know until you realize there’s a cop across the street about to crack the fuck down on you, forcing you to pretend you’ve never seen that girl before, you know make him think he’s insane for implying such a thing like someone like me paying for sex from someone like that, playing it all off as a joke and going on my merry way….with a boner in my pocket and realizing that the cunt stole my 20 out of my pocket when we were discussing prices, before the pigs cockblocked us…

Vanessa Hudgens doesn’t inspire me. Facebook does. So this is what I wrote to some girl I don’t know who has her status set to “Spring Break is Amazing, Home Sunday”

i miss you

come home

i miss our late night chats

our movie nights where we cuddle on the couch….

but more importantly – i miss the anal.

She didn’t answer me, just like I’m not going to answer these Vanessa Hudgens pictures, something I am sure she’s used to, you know dating a faggot, where anything she does gets little to no reaction. She can come out with a vibrator and the hottest lingerie and homeboy will ask her to get out of the way of the TV because he’s watching Gossip Girl and she knows not to bother him while Gossip Girl is on….if you know what I mean…and even when shit’s over he only really give her attention when she turns the dildo onto him

BONUS – ASHLEY TISDALE UGLY WATCH….

Yep…she’s still ugly….just making sure….

I don’t know why I am wasting my time on these Denise Richards pictures, I assume it’s gotta do with how I waste my time on pictures of useless people everyday, it’s a distraction from actually living and having to come to terms with how shit life really is, like seeing Denise Richards on Dancing with the Stars, when I used to think she had so much potential in her life back in that lesbian scene she did with Kevin Bacon, only to end up divorced, cheated on, a failed reality star, hanging on by a fucking thread by doing the one thing that will take her and she’s lookin pretty fit while doin’ it. Good times.

Mel B is lookin’ pretty fit. Yep. That’s really all I have to say about that one. I’ve only got a few hours of sleep in me and my brain is muddy, like her skin color and texture of her Eddie Murphy Baby Mother pussy.

Pam Anderson was out yesterday doing her thing, shaking hands with people, shopping, all with some German reporter, who I guess is some kind of Nazi trying to recruit her into hate crimes, or maybe he’s a smut peddler trying to convince her to let men shit on her while being choked out, you know…German’s and their scat…

Either way, she looks more like a menopausal mom, more bloated and barren than ever, but I figure when it comes to Aryan German Scat Bondage porn, attaching a name like Pam Anderson to it, would really legitimize what they do, making her lack of sex appeal really irrelevant, pretty much like her life work in film and television.

Here are the pics.

So Lindsay Lohan went out shopping yesterday with her skinny fucking legs. If you’re wondering why I am posting these irrelevant pictures, it’s because I’ve decided to become a documentarian. If you’re wondering what I am trying to document, it is her obvious impending death. I figure I’ll just do it one post at a time eventually hitting the fuckin’ gold.

So in these pictures, you’ll notice that she has a cigarette in her hand. You’d think that the nicotine would constrict her blood vessels and increase her blood pressure enough to put her heart into shock, leading to her last puff being her last breath, but she manages to power through the shit without passing the fuck out and convulsing on the ground. I guess the rumors are true and she is a fucking cockroach…Maybe next time our documentary will conclude, but I’m sure she’s got a few more weeks in her. Stay tuned.

Guess what, Lohan and Ronson flew into the UK last night. Isn’t it exciting knowing that maybe, just maybe, their plane will crash on the flight home, ideally with only one fatality. I’m talking to you Lohan, or she could always just stay overseas, but I don’t see much fun in that, unless she got kidnapped by Terrorists and left in the desert when they realized her vagina was not good enough to gang rape, you know with all the open sores, forcing them to go back to fuck their camels, and not worth the ransom money they thought she was worth, you know since their a solid 5 years behind when it comes to popculture there.

Kate Moss is still hot enough for me and still holds a special place in my heart even if she looks like a haggard cocaine party slut and here she is wearing a pair of fishnets.

I am not just saying she’s in fishnets to be vulgar, you know to be like anything that gets that close to that pussy automatically earns the word Fish in front of it, like Fishskirt, Fishpants, Fishthong, Fishdick, you know because her pussy smells like an Aquarium the day they have to feed the Dolphins/Sea Lions/Whales hundreds of pounds of dead rotting fish, I am saying that because that’s what they’re fucking called, asshole.

I understand why the Jonas brother’s are saving themselves for marriage. When you date things that look like this, jerking off to anything is better than any physical contact with them. Maybe it’s protective measures for them to not fall off the virgin wagon, but I always thought the Jonas brother’s were faggots, but now I am convinced that they are, not because of their contrived web of lies and innate ability to shake their bom-boms or sing really gay songs, but because only a gay dude would choose this pussy out of a lineup of pussy to be his cover-up pussy, since he chose her cuz she likes shopping and talking about boys and not because she’s something anyone would want to fuck.

I know a guy at The Insider, it’s some celebrity gossip TV show like Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight and I asked him to leak these Rihanna’s Bikini pictures. They are of her recovery trip to Mexico, where she got some sun, showed off her body, made me cum, because I guess Chris Brown didn’t beat her properly, which is probably the reason she won’t press charges, will go back to him, and this whole incident will be swept under the rug like it should be. I am a firm believer that if you beat your wife, keep that shit to yourself, and keep her scared enough to keep her mouth shut. Ya know what I mean…

So I’ve been saying that everything about Lady Gaga reminds me of some kind of tranny. Her electro pop music that I hate, but is a hit in the gayest of dance clubs, her obsession with sex, the fact that she dresses like an idiot and without pants and her broken down weak chinned masculine face all scream “Man trying to be a cartoon version of a chick”.

So I’ve been waiting for the day that she got too drunk, danced too intense leading to a cock slip, or testicle slip or massive hacked off stump from a night on too much acid slip, or an oversized clit that comes with hormone therapy slip, or whatever the fuck she has going on in her genitals cuz we can’t tell her gender slip, you know to slowly sneak out of the leotard to put an end to all her fucking lies, since she pretty much started.

I was expecting this to happen after her shit started to falter, you know when the rest of the world realized she was full of shit and that she’s not worth listening to, you know as a hanging on to the glory kind of publicity stunt she was keeping in her back pocket for when it was needed down the road, and not at the height of her popularity, but I guess the glamorous fame she’s been dying for all her life has made her overlook some key details when she was trying to secure her mangina in its home tucked and taped between her thighs….

Sure it could be fabric bunching up, but where’s the fun in that? So I’m sticking with cock bulge.

Here’s some whore who showed up to hang with GAGA and Her Cock….

I am over making fun of DJ AM, he does his thing, people like him, he makes lot lots money and I don’t really care anymore, and never really did, it was just an easy thing to make fun of but now I’m bored of it, so instead of focusing on him, calling him Gayer than Bicycle Shorts, calling him a Bar Mitzvah Dj and all the other shit I’ve done so many times before, I’d like take my focus onto his new girlfriend.

She is an American Apparel model, that means she is not a real model. For the most part the girls in American Apparel ads are just American Apparel store workers who crave attention and think they are hotter than they actually are and take the billboards and ads that get published to heart, giving them actual proof of how hot they already thought they are.

What they don’t know is the Dov Charney, the guy who takes the pictures of the girls in the ads and the founder of the company is just a pervert who likes all girls, especially when they are young and free, and willing to do whatever it takes to be in the next campaign.

Now, I’ve got nothing against any of that, girl wants attention, gets naked for her boss, he gives her the exposure her ego wants and everyone’s happy, but I do get annoyed when these kinds of girls think they are anything more than attention whores who can’t be real models.

So seeing this girl pretend to hate that the paparazzi are interrupting her life, that they are annoying and that they don’t deserve to see her face after a quiet night standing next to her celebrity DJ boyfriend as he worked, pisses me off, because it’s a lie.

She is dating AM because he is willing to date her. She is dating him because she wants the good life, the escape from being an American Apparel cashier and maybe, just maybe, people will notice her and give her work that feels as gratifying as the free photoshoot she did half naked for her boss last year. Whore.

Tonight was boring. My email was boring. Twitter wasn’t boring. I have no clean clothes and I am too lazy to do laundry, I try whore showering my underwear, but it just smells like fruity fucking asshole, I’ve sat on the couch all night trying to figure out if I have food allergies because my throat feels like it’s been prison raped. I don’t have a TV and didn’t drink because of the financial crisis. I didn’t get girls naked on webcam and I haven’t had a boner in days, maybe it’s got something to do with my fruity asshole smell. I thought of some jokes to use tomorrow, then I forgot them. I am hungry and my heat isn’t working. Welcome to my life. Here are my stepLINKS.

For those of you who don’t know, the show Roseanne used to make me sick to the fucking stomach.

I’d watch the shit to feel better about myself and to motivate me not to eat junk food and for some reason was compelled to tune in every fucking week, probably to see if Roseanne or Dan would die of a massive heart attacks while filming, and not because listening to her struggle for a breath while badly delivering lines, never expecting to end up marrying someone that looked like her. Life is mean that way.

Speaking of life being mean, I never understood was how the fuck Darlene was allowed on TV, not to mention allowed out of the fucking house. I mean seriously, this is the kind of girl you leave in the fucking woods on the way home from the hospital after your wife gave birth to her. They must have thought that the show already had such disgusting and unfortunate cast, that they might as well throw another into the mix.

It has to be impossible for even the dirtiest of perverts to jerk off to her mutant face that only another woman could appreciate, hence the reason why she’s a lesbian, the kind of lesbian who has her own baby and plans on raising it with two mothers like a irresponsible person would do, because they need revenge on the world for being born lookin’ this way.

Either way, when starting this post I was going to leave it at “Oh Fuck”, but went off on this rant for the one guy out there who found her worth fucking, and this is her now.

I’m just joking, I’m sure she’s a beautiful and kind person, I’m just jealous I can’t be with her.

So all you fashionistas probably already know that it’s fashion week in London…or maybe that it was fashion week in london…that it is going to be fashion week in London and some weird Goth clothing company had this fashion show, that was topless, see thru and all around weird.

Now I’m the kind of guy who hates fucking vampires and obscure kids in black who hate the world and shoot up schools, but I do like tits, and in not wanting to perpetuate this men in platform shoes and make-up, industrial music bullshit, I tried to not post these pics, but the tits won this fight, again.