You didn’t think I’d pay a bum 2 dollars to show me his dick and not actually post it. Scroll the fuck down you homos cuz there’s nothing better than cheap bum cock.

I got this email by my favorite reader and I figured I’d help him out because not only has he brought me hours of joy by starring in the movie Ski School, but he also sends me nice emails every couple years letting me know he still reads me and by pretending I am still relevant and for that I love him…..

Hello idol of mine…

I have this weird art/political project called Bill of Rights – Security Edition. It’s the Bill of Rights, printed on a playing card sized piece of metal. When you go to the airport, take one so it sets of the metal detector and the TSA confiscates the Bill of Rights.

I know you guys in Canada love the government so you can wait in lines to get the tumors removed that you get from drinking too much beer, but here in the United States, several of us still hold on to the notion that giving up freedom for safety is wrong and we’d rather get blown up in a plane hijacked by a religious zealot than have our toothpaste removed from our carry-on luggage. 

Get a free cavity search the next time you travel:
GO

As always… Rock on! I love you.

Here is bum cock….

Here are my links….

I don’t really feel like writing bullshit on bullshit people who use their pussies to get ahead, you know who have no self respect and just see fucking with a really old, powerful man, as the easiest way to make it, which I guess makes sense since he pays well and since they usually don’t have fathers of their own to give them that love and support they need, otherwise they wouldn’t crave the attention they get from their tits, and they wouldn’t let bad men with a list of false promises in their pussies. But I guess that’s what makes the world go ’round. We’re all fucking sleazes, dirty fucking pigs, and the only place you’ll find wholesome is at some Amish community and those bitches aren’t too familiar with modern life, so the second you kidnap them, they get carried the fuck from all the stimulation of society, that they become fucking whores, so accept that fact and never respect pussy because it is EVIL…….

Jennifer Garner has holes in her underwear, not because she’s poor, but because she’s a fucking slob. Rumor has it that her new baby was trying to bite his way back inside her womb, but I have a lot of trouble believing that, it probably has more to do with Afleck’s irish drinkin’ fists and prison rape fantasies, and really who cares.

I guess Christina Aguilera feels threatened by Lady Gaga, you know because that this ugly faced rat of a woman with a penis, who targets all the gays and Perez Hilton, is actually a huge fucking thing, and I am not talking about her penis, I am talking about her record sales, despite her having no business being famous, so that’s why she decides to dress like the motherfucker, and do surprise appearances at his Birthday party, because it’s her way of re-securing her position as a Gay Icon….

It was Fergie’s birthday this weekend and here she is showing off her midsection.

Speaking of birthdays, I went to Lady Gaga’s birthday performance, a friend of mine snuck me in, and I realize that I used to rag on Fergie about being a tranny, but that was before I had experienced Lady Gaga, who makes Fergie look like Emily Post’s poster girl of femininity. You know the kind of girl you look at and think about how good of a mother and wife she must be, and not the kind of girl you think has a dick.

Either way, Gaga was like watching a horrible drag show, where she talked about how sexy she is, about money and being famous all while hiding her mangled face behind various masks, because bother her and her record lable know she needs to keep that mess under wraps because she’s a fucking monster.

I stood in the back, getting drunk, making fun of some band that opened from her that were on The Hills and who’s lead singer had a massive cold sore. I also made fun of the fags dressed like Gaga, the girl who thought she was Gaga and pretty much everyone else…so I had an amazing time, unfortunately Gaga didn’t die of a drug overdose on stage.

But I guess that’s got nothing to do with Fergie or her midsection.

Oh shit – more Kim Kardashian. I figure writing about her once a day isn’t enough, I need to really just fixate on her, you know maybe change the site to only be about her, I’ll call it something like OfficalKimKardashian.com or some shit, and I’ll post all the exclusive stories about her, but I have a feeling that’s already gone down and is just another genius idea that I’ve slept on over the course of my life as a failure….

I am not hating Keri Hilson or her new album. She’s some Rihanna lookin’ girl who sings with rappers and she’s got some song with Lil Wayne. They were on stage and she said something along the lines of “There’s Nothin’ Lil About This Wayne”, implying he’s got a huge cock, which I guess she would know, because that’s how she got signed in the first fuckin’ place. Good work girl, we all have dreams and gotta reach them somehow.

Her name is Sara Underwood, she’s some Playboy playmate of the year chick who I’ve never heard of because Playboy isn’t spread eagled enough for me. She was hosting some party in Vegas, and she had her period bloat on. Not that that would stop me, I mean sex on your period is awesome, it’s the only way you can turn your bed into some kind of murder scene lookin’ shit, that won’t get you arressted, I mean unless you use pig’s blood or something, but it doesn’t really have the same effect.

Amanda Bynes was out showing off her legs, as she does, because it takes focus off her stupid lookin’ head, I guess it’s really all she has time for these days, you know since she’s not working and all, but still managing to hold onto that little fame flame she once had when she was 12. I don’t actually know who Amanda Bynes is or what she does, so maybe she is actually working, you’ll have to check IMDB for that, because I am not really interested enough to go that deep, I am however interested in going balls deep, but unfortunately for her, in my case, we’re stuck in the shallow end. If you know what I mean.

Anna Kournikova did some ads for K-Swiss. I didn’t realize K-Swiss was still around. I haven’t seen that shit since the gangsters in my neighborhood stocked up on them back in the late 90s because they were on sale. Does anything more really need to be said about this? I don’t think so.

Vanessa Hudgens was wearing shorts, when fans started throwing Q-Tips at them, only to have one land in her hair. My god. The scandal. This is such a big fucking deal, it’s like the time I took a shit and saw a condom floating in the toilet. I couldn’t figure out if it was something I ate, or something that was left behind after getting a little too carried away with that tranny prositute, or maybe it was just something that was “floating” around in the toilet before I ended up on it. I mean, maybe my condom story is a little worse, because of that whole AIDS thing, and this Q-Tip is some candy-coated Hollywood bullshit, but that doesn’t change the fact that I wouldn’t use a condom with Hudgens, or Effron for that matter. Not because I’m gay, but because he is….

Fuck. The last thing I want to do is write about these celebrity idiots. Not because I don’t care about them, but because I really don’t give a fuck about them. It’s like totally irrelevant to my life, and I am convinced the general public’s interest in them is slowly dropping off, because guess what, we have our own lives to live, and obsessing over Kim Kardashian’s big fucking ass, or whehter she has an eating disorder, whether she’s just lazy, or whether she’s a spoiled fucking cunt who has no business being famous, but who fucked on camera to get there, like a good dirty little whore, and I am not just saying that cuz her skin is brown and looks like she rolled in mud for a few fucking hours like the pig that she is, I say that cuz she doesn’t use condoms.

On a side note, Nice work out clothes though, I almost believed you work out, I mean except for the fact that you’re fat.

If you’re wondering why I am taking so long to post pictures, it’s because I paid a homeless dude 2 dollars to let me take a picture of his dick. I am now wondering if that makes me gay or not, but after lookin’ at these pictures of Kelly Brook, some UK model no one cares about, and her ridiculous tits, I realize, I’m definitely not, I just like exploiting the desperate, no matter what gender they are. Here she is in some staged bikini/bathing suit pics.

So I met some whore in a bar last night and we got to chatting. She wasn’t anything special, I mean if anything she was barely acceptable to be talking to, but you know that’s just the kind of no standards, anything goes, pervert that I am. She begged me for my number and despite not really wanting to give it to her, I did.

She started sending me text message after text message and it got fucking annoying, then she offered me phone sex recently. Now, I’ve heard of anal sex, I’ve heard of vaginal sex and I’ve even heard of oral sex, but phone sex? Phone sex is designed for high school kids and couples when they are on business trips or seperated for whatever fucking reason. Shit is not for a one night stand, like does shit get her off talking dirty to a stranger over the phone, I just find it awkward.

She didn’t call in the end, so I didn’t really have to deal with the ridiculousness of her request, I guess she found someone else to fill out her really safe fantasy and here I am fillin’ out you daily fix at the stepFORUM, lots going on there. Enjoy.

I got drunk, otherwise I would have put these up yesterday, but noon rolled around and I figured I needed to go on a bit of bender since it had been at least a week since my last one, so I started off soft, you know a couple of beers in the park, but it lead to me not really remember much of anything that happened, other than scaring a few girls, touching a few girls inappropriately and even bringing some random girl home with me who my wife wasn’t too impressed by, but fuck her, she always ruins my fun.

Now I hate people who tell drunk and high stories, like they’re living some crazy life that everyone is missing out on. I just want to make it clear that I am not that guy, my nights out drinking aren’t awesome and outrageous that I can’t believe happened, because I can hardly even remember them. They are just self destructive, because I have trouble saying no and because I am a wounded bird, mend me.

I just have nothing else to say. But I do have stepLINKS.