Liz Hurley has a bikini line, but Liz Hurley isn’t the Liz Hurley she once was, so she knows better than to get in one, since people like me will pull some before and after animated gifs and blame the bikinis for making her look like shit, making her go broke, when really we should blame her aging, laziness, bad diet, marriage, babies, or whatever else makes a bitch’s body go south, when it should be going north, you know to wrap the fuck up in snowsuits while dog sledding as Inuits kill baby seals, so that we don’t have to see their sloppy asses. If you know what I mean.

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