When I first saw this I figured you just killethe motherfucker, jump on him and choke his limbless-self out, but then I realized that this quad-amputee dude is like a creature from outter space that scares the fuck out of me, and it only makes sense to run the fuck away from his turtle ass before he charges at your feet. This has to be one of the weirder clips I’ve seen, I’m all for disabled people getting their shit together and acting normal and by normal I mean having sex with me because they have no standards and a lot of insecurities, but when it comes to sports maybe it’s only fair to pit amputees up against each other in some kind of circus freakshow.

If you’re wondering why Girls Aloud have a record deal, sell concert tickets, sell albums, have a career. The answer is, Cheryl Cole and her Ass.

That’s all I have to say about that.

I don’t know if I mention this on the site or not, but I am into Reggae music, shit always seems to be on the radio and since I don’t have a TV, I find myself listening to it a lot and I get all down and imagine myself on the beach or some shit. I’ve liked it for a long time and even own Beenie man CDs, which is saying a lot since I don’t own anything.

I am also a huge fan of Riahnna.

So when I got an email last week about how she got up on stage without underwear while Beenie Man sang a song to her, I got excited, not so much because I like Beenie Man, but because I like Rihanna pussy. Unfortunately, the person who has the picture is not sending it around because they are scared of getting sued. I haven’t seen them either but I am lookin for some fan pictures who snapped the shit off when they were front row, but figure anyone in the front row was too busy being high and simulating sex as they danced, and that pisses me off.

Here’s the closest thing I’ve got to the pussy shots, but I’ll keep digging.

Lindsay Lohan is still in Hawaii and she’s keeping me on my toes. It’s like I don’t know what bathing suit she’s going to hit the beach with, it’s like will she wear the bikini, will she wear the one-piece, will she wear the microbikini, will she go topless, will she get caught skinny dipping, I just know she’s gonna be caught on camera as long as she’s there. I figure she likes it, because if she didn’t, she’d be vacationing in Southeast Asia, or somewhere removed where the people have no idea who she is, because despite this whole internet thing, I’m convinced there are places where there are no paparazzi, like in my shithole apartment, I mean if she’s lookin’ for a safe haven when she gets into Montreal this weekend, no one will think to look here.

On a side note, I’ve been getting email after email about how Lohan is going to be in Montreal. I am being asked if I am going to try to sneak into the event and get some exclusive content, because Lohan in Montreal is seemingly a huge deal. I’m not really planning on it, but she is in the same venue as my Paris Hilton hustle….

So you never know what will happen, but assume nothing, because I hate crowds and I am lazy, have no hook-ups and don’t really care. But the event is going to be fucking nuts. Perez Hilton wrote about it and all the little girlies around town are out buying their Lohan dresses hoping to be her new pussy. It is all too weird to me. I think I’m going to go bowling instead.

I am not going to lie, I have no idea who Paul Heyman is. I did some quick research and found out he was involved in wrestling in the 90s, so that’s the reason why, because wrestling in the 90s is when shit got weird and every guido I knew was up on it in such an obsessed way that it was uncomfortable being around them.

I do know Shauna Sand, so when his people sent me the link to these pictures of the whore in action, rockin’ her sheer lingerie at a club, showing off her busted up nipple from botched implant operation after implant operation, because plastic surgery is what she does in her spare time, and I guess so is showing off her nipples , I had no choice but to steal them….

Unfortunately, I was sent these pictures a good 2 weeks ago, I’m just a real slow mover.

Source: HeymanHustle

I spoke too soon. These pictures lead me to believe that shes not a lazy fucking pig, but an anorexic. Now that her marriage was cancelled, the world laughed at her fatness, she started dating that Kennedy asshole from that annoying show who fucked a girl I know when he was in Montreal, a girl we terrorized after the fact because we all thought it was funny she groupied out to a guy who doesn’t deserve groupies, it was one of those “he’s a model, he’s in the local pharmacy flyers” kind of shit, only the TV and Video version.

Either way, Jennifer Love, let’s take back what we said about catching swine flu from your puss, and have you send up a signed pair of dirty panties for me to wear as a hospital mask while the rest of the world dies off, ideally leaving just you and me, the way it was meant to be. Or some shit.

Hey Jennifer Love Hewitt, glad you took some time to get ready and make yourself presentable. You lazy fucking pig of a girl. I’d hate to see what your underwear looks like, because this kind of outfit leads me to think disgusting, you should burn the shit, not one needs to be catching swine flu from them shits.

Swine Flu is all over the fucking news, everyone is scared and all I see is an amazing opportunity to fuck with people. Whether it is getting on the subway and coughing, while showing a friend pictures of my Mexican vacation, or renting a pig for the day and putting a pancho on the motherfucker, and sneaking into public places asking people to pet Sancho your mexican pig, I am sure there are other things you can do, because it’s a celebration, Mexico may become bankrupt over this because people won’t be visiting, but who cares, since we’ll all be dead.

Finally getting our revenge on the white man for not letting us across your borders and giving us shitty underpaid jobs gardening, taking care of your kids, working in your hotels as chambermaids and maintenance people, or in kitchens or on farms like migrant fucking workers, motherfuckers.

Here are my links

Lindsay Lohan was out in Hawaii in her bathing suit bottoms and that’s so crazy you know since it’s tropical weather, there’s an ocean and she spent the entire day at the fuckin’ beach.

If you want to give me a story, have her walking around New York totally naked feeding the fucking pigeons while directing traffic or some shit, don’t give me a girl on vacation in bikini bottoms lookin’ awesome….that’s all I have to say about that….

I do have something to say about being pantsless and that is that a couple years ago I threw a pantsless party and invited everyone I know, unfortunately, I was drunk at the time and neglected the fact that everyone I know are pretty much homeless dudes, so they all came over empty handed with no pants on, smelling of piss and shit, one guy wasn’t wearing underwear and the whole thing totally backfired. The concept was to get some girls running around in panties, but again, I failed on delivery…..

Today’s been a series of repetition….

Kim Kardashian was on The View pretending she knows how to work out. It was funny hearing her panting out of breath doing some really low impact shit wearing heels, like a typical short legged fat girl trying to come across sexy, delusional about what’s really going on in her pants.

I know a lot of you think she’s the dreamgirl, while I just think she’s Jennifer Hudson, so I’ll post it anyway. The only thing that woulda made this video hot would be if Whoopi was talking about her ass, but I guess it was her day off. Enjoy.

Her name is Amber Heard, she was the highschool girlfriend in Pineapple Express. She is naked in this video that is supposed to be from her new movie called the informers. I dont know anything else about her. I don’t know if she is in highschool, the fact that she’s topless leads me to think she isn’t, but the perkiness of her tits, leads me to pretend that she is.

I guess that’s the reason so many guys I know like premature babies or girls with developmental issues and that’s because they look 14 when they are 18 and by people I know, I mean you.

Personally, I am more into grandmothers and their grey, hard, leathery pussy, but only because it comes with a pension, nap time and all the baked goods my fat kid self can desire…

I get that lingerie companies don’t want to alienate any women from wearing their product. You can be 90 pounds to 900 pounds and motherfuckers will still celebrate you as long as you are paying, so it is only natural for a lingerie company to do some politically correct campaign to let women of all sizes know they can get their support right at Ultimo no matter what shape or size, all the while not taking a second to think about what the men watching are thinking.

So to clear things up, we fuck enough fat, uneven-titty, flat chested, garbage quality women, we don’t need you to celebrate them on our fucking time, by having some kind of topless love in where you’re all fucking sister and happy you found a bra and pantyset that feels right for you, you can do that shit behind closed doors and send us the highlight reel, provided anything sexy goes down, because this Women in Songs garbage makes me mad, but lesbian group sex doesn’t, especially when it is with girls who had no idea that they had dykin’ out in them before sitting in a room trying on panties with each other, even if they aren’t perfect looking, it’s a quantity over quality situation.

Samantha Ronson DJed the stripclub opening Pam Anderson was at and I wonder if she found love for 10 dollars a song like I have so many times.

I always laugh when I see lesbians at the stripclubs I go to, they are usually really fat, manly, horny bitches who all the strippers flock to because they feel less violated when something that claims to have a pussy slaps their ass, despite the fact that there’s no real proof she’s a woman, and really all evidence points to penis.

They always seem to be out of control, drunk, screaming, annoying, flashing the strippers their tits, putting money in their mouths and laying on stage, eager to get pussy and it is like watching an obese person at the all you can eat buffet, knee deep in mash potatos, if you know what I mean. It’s one of thoseKaty Perry lesbian fantasy killer situations that makes all the guys in the club hate that she’s stealing the limelight….

On a sidenote, is this the end for Ronson, I mean all the stripclub DJs I’ve ever seen are pretty bottom of the fucking barrel, does leaving Lohan mean a life of awkward parties, stripclubs and back alley abortion clinics, you know bringing music to ease the pain of killing your unwanted fetus.

On another sidenote, I am sure she got paid 20,000 dollars to do this, and the place I go, the DJ only gets paid in handjobs.

Let’s do one more sidenote, I hate you.

Katy Perry is a sloppy, piece of shit of a girl who I hate. I am glad she took my Twitter advice to keep her shit under fucking wraps, I’m talking a Snuggie or something similar when she goes out in public because whenever I see her show just a little fuckin’ skin, that Kissed a Girl song jumps into the itunes in my head and I get all sexually confused, because girl on girl action is supposed to be the fucking fantasy, but Katy Perry on girl is just fucking awkward, fat, pale and ugly, making me wonder whether I am really a man or not and the answer to that question always comes back inconclusive.

Pam Anderson was at the opening of some NYC stripclub which was pretty obvious because that’s pretty much what her Hollywood career has been. You know big fake everything, fucking rockstars and guys with lame tattoos, getting STDs and now that she’s washed up and disgusting, it’s only natural that she go back to “den mother” all these girls just starting out, and I use the word natural very loosly.

I spend a lot of time in stripclubs, I know how these things work. I see the old haggard stripper who you wonder how she got where she got and why she’s still allowed to work and you realize that she’s been there for decades and can’t get fired and that she acts as a mentor to the other girls because she’s seen it all , and her daughter so happens to work alongside her to pay for her college and that together, they get naked for money and that they only talk to me when they are really really desperate for money and have been rejected by everyone else in the club, including the staff, so I know the whore game, and I know that despite Pam Anderson getting sidetracked along her true calling with that whole Hollywood, celebrity shit, it’s never too late to crawl back into the gutter position your fate had lined up for you, your tits, your fake hair, lips and fabricated, plastic sex appeal.