I am drunk and hungover at the same time. I am pretty sure it will all end eventually. I don’t get why I can’t get more follower on twitter. I fucking kill that shit like it is my liver, or like how Heidi Montag’s family should kill her, or how I kill every girl’s libido, sometimes even killing their heterosexuality, you know straight up lesbian maker right here, cuz after you fuck me, you can’t look at another man again. Truth.

And

Here are my stepLINKS…

2 Live Crew are still around. I have seen them a few times recently and it’s not as memorable as the first time I heard their album, back when they were considered the dirtiest thing in music, you know getting blacklisted for sexual content and all that shit, but watching their reunion tour is fuckin’ weak and a desperate attempt to make money and relive the glory days, not to mention they get the ugliest bitches on stage with them to shake their asses. The last time I saw them they had a fat chick who looked like she probably toured with them in ’89 and that they kept around because she offered to do it for free.

In this video, the bitches aren’t all fat, but they are all disgusting because it’s a performance from the Miami porn conference that happened at the beginning of the month and it seems like some of the whores who were there “working” got excited and had run to dance on stage becuase they all love attention of people lookin’ at them shake their asses, get their asses fucked, or really anything sexual.

Here’s the video of a pretty hysterical performance.

Katie Price is out whoring something. Whether it’s a new product line, her tits, her vagina, herself, it really doesn’t matter, because whatever it is, it works and she makes more money than me, looks better in a bikini than me and is in the process of getting a divorce from the poofter she married, because I guess life with a homosexual is fun when it comes down to shopping, getting their hair did and talking about boys, but not when it comes to getting your gaping whore pussy eaten out.

I posted on the stepFORUM for a first time in a long fucking time because I am busy balancing alcholism, creeping out girls, and updating the site, and it was a glorious experience, so glorious that I had to celebrate by going to a local bar, befriending the owner and drinking for free until 5 in the morning. Unfortunately, the owner wasn’t a big breasted whore suckin’ my dick, but maybe I’ll find one of those on the stepFORUM and you can too.

Sidenote, I did not just get a boner at McDonald’s while watching soap operas with no sound.

I am pretty sure I see Shauna Sand’s asshole in that picture but I am not sure. If it is her asshole we should get excited because assholes are amazing and asshole slips are pretty fuckin’ rare since you have to be on all fours and in a thong to make that shit happen…

Either way she’s keepin’ it real with her plastic shoes and a male prostitute who not only eats her crusty cunt, but also carries purses and gives massages. Enjoy.

I am fucking hungover and falling asleep on the computer. My life is shittier than it’s been for a while and I feel like I’ve survived a fuckin’ plane crash but not in a good way, in a painful, burnt mess way. So I figured it’d only be fitting to give you a Travis Barker remix of Eminem’s 3 am to get all you suburban white people excited. It’s like Blink 182 and Emimem at the same fuckin’ time, this is a 1999 wet dream…..

Here’s a really shitty post.

I guess Playboy is struggling and in efforts to keep their advertisers coming back – they decided to get two of their hookers to eat a Quiznos sub erotically in their lingerie. I guess they are hoping the power of media will make people who watch it, get hungry and run out to the closest Quiznos to re-enact this performance on their desk at work, until the boss has to fire them, because men in women’s lingerie, sucking off a sandwich is inappropriate office behavior.

The whole thing is shameless, obvious and I am posting it because some of you like to jerk off to women and food, when I try to avoid that shit, because food is what killed my wife or at least her sex appeal.

Lisa Rinna is on a book tour to promote her new book called “Use My Face Lips Like They Were My Vagina Lips” and it’s about how she got and maintained a career in Hollywood.

Here she is reading a chapter on technique that has proven to really work for her and can’t help but acting it out for the 3 perverts who happened to already be in the store when she got up to speak.

The problem with this Amy Winehouse relationship with a black man is that you can’t tell if motherfucker is gold diggin’, you know trying to live the Good Life like he was Kanye West, by riding off this bitch’s success, or whether he’s just getting up in that because she’s white, you know because black dudes will fuck the most disgusting white girl. Not that Amy Winehouse is really pure white, I hear she’s rotting from the inside and has a black pussy that matches her soulful black voice. I actually did hear that, but definitely assume that and it’s all part of the reason why I masturbate to her pictures….

The beauty of fat chicks is that their is no beauty of fat chicks. They are pigs and no matter how hard they try to cover shit up, they still have to struggle when getting off the couch, or out of cars, or trying to put on socks in the morning after you reached a new low and brought one of them home with you one night to fuck.

They are slobs and they are messes and you know their pussy stinks no matter how hard they try to wash, not only is it too hard to reach their shit to clean it but the warm swampy climate in their pants just always wins….

I am gonna keep this short and sweet. Kayden Kross is not only a pornstar, but also an amazing girl. Possibly my dream girl. I hit her up and said I’d make her win this contest if she would marry me. She agreed.

So all I need is 10,000 people to vote for her, yesterday’s attempt was miserable at beast and I’m starting to think you don’t like me.

I slave for you all day and it really is the least you can do for all the shitty work I do for you.

This is my future we’re talking about. I just need you to get off your lazy, apathetic kick, click the link and vote for Kayden Kross.

Notice in the pictures she took for me that she’s standing next to the Laundry machines and a vacuum cleaner. Shit’s on. She’s ready to take care of me.

All I need is to have her win. So Please Vote….

In trying to push the boundaries of creepy on the internet – this is my new facebook message I sent to girls I don’t know. It makes me laugh. Let’s see if it gets me a date:

we should go on a date when your boyfriend mysteriously “disappears” next week

Love

Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

In trying to push the boundaries of offending people, it turns out doing an RIP Motherfucker for Mike Tyson’s baby was going too far. I even had the black baby hanging from the treadmill noose header picture, but couldn’t bring my heart to do it, because Mike Tyson scares me and I’m sure he’s upset about the shit. I was going to say how I don’t remember being 4, so his kid probably didn’t even realize it was alive and that dying at 4 is like a delayed abortion. I was also going to say that everyone wanted Tyson to burn in hell when he got charged with rape and when he got charged with beating up his cunt wife like she deserved to be beat cuz she was all high maintenace and got in his face and shit and now he probably is. So you are a bunch of fuckin’ murderes for wishing ill on a misunderstood, mistreated bi-polar person.

In trying to turn off my computer for the night so I can go get beat up at bars by strangers again because I’m a loud mouth and annoying, here’s my steplinks for the day. Click them but before you do…..

Here are the rest of ‘em….

You’d think a bitch who has the balls to make a fucking workout DVD wouldn’t be ashamed to take her fucking sarong or whatever the fuck those ass covering devices for insecure girls at the beach are called.

I know if I am obnoxious enough to claim I am good enough at something to have an instructional video for the shit, I’m going to put my money where my fuckin’ mouth is, to try to show the world that I am not some money grubbing hack who attaches my name on anything that sells, especially if it is DVDs of me in compromising positions that show off my big ass for black guys to use as fetish porn instead of for the marketed purpose of the shit.

I guess I shouldn’t hate Kardashian for providing a service to dudes, because in writing this post, I realize that no one is going to buy her workout DVD to workout to, this is strictly a PG porn project and that’s work worth recognizing, despite the fact that her look’s not my thing, but her attitude in exploiting herself should be every girl’s thing.

If the way a girl sings is representative of how they fuck, Mandy Moore brings the fucking boring. Is this even fucking music. I can’t dance to the shit and god fucking knows I love dancing. This shit doesn’t even make me want to cry or feel sadness or loss or any fucking emotion that music can sometimes bring up in me, it just sounds like something I’d unwillingly fall asleep to while driving down the fuckin’ freeway causing me to drive off the fuckin overpass only to wake up mid-air to experience the horriible crash where I don’t die on contact but live long enough to hear the blood pouring out of my painful wounds drown out this fucking shitty song before dying a horrible death.

Fuck you Mandy Moore and your singing career.

Here’s Another boring video of her Performing

And a boring video of Soundcheck at the same event…

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