I always knew Kristin Cavallari was a fucking racist, but I just can’t believe she’d generalize that all Mexican’s are drunks and jacked on Tequila who can’t support their families because they are lazy and unmotivated drunks jacked on Tequila. It offends me that her statement implies that we Mexicans are just illegal immigrants or second rate citizens who don’t belong in her country, unless we’re doing her fucking yard work to make enough money to buy ourselves fuckin’ Tequila instead of paying our rent for our shanty or saving for our kid’s college education.

This kind of ignorance makes me sick, but not as sick as the 8 shots of Tequila I did last night instead of working or spending time with my family did. Sure, I was a fucking pirate for a few hours, but now, I am officially dead.

Hugh Hefner treats his whores pretty fucking well. He takes them to events and gives them careers and pays them huge money. He probably has benefits and pension plans and the only thing shitty in the whole thing is that they have to fuck an 85 year old who in reality is a trophy for their kind, because he pretty much invented fake blonde hair and fake tits, and has a lot more money and power than the scummy blue collar dudes they used to fuck back home after work at the local chicken joint.

When I get whores, I just cum on their faces for an extra 5 dollars, if I am not making them lick my bleeding hemorrhoid asshole, to test if they are desperate enough….

I guess we all can’t be as classy as me.

Kendra Wilinson was promoting some garbage in Poland because you know Poland is the place you go to promote when you’re a real big star, not when you’re a desperate whore trying to hold onto any fragment of fame you once had. In her defense though, maybe she was already in Poland trying to get abducted and thrown into the Eastern European sex trade, and when that didn’t work out for her because she’s not 12 years old, she had to resort back on her failing career. Nice tits.

Here is our soon to be fallen hero, because the motherfuckers know who he is, but he needs some credit for having a good fuckin’ run at being the campus Peepin Tom. Sure he’s going to take one for the fuckin’ team and his catalog of work will be pulled off whatever website he’s been submitting to, never to be seen again, but the least we can do is give him a tribute, a parade, maybe a statue, maybe even assign a local school to get their fifth grade glass to do a poetry contest about him, or maybe this post is all he’ll get. Either way, watch the video.

Hilary Duff is thick, I don’t know what happened to her and I can only assume it was a product of the emotional damage of having to satisfy her boyfriend’s team and other weird jock requests that are borderline gay because the anal sex with each other in the locker room is really a matter of dominance and not of sexual satisfaction. Sure they cum in each other, but that’s how you connect with one another, you know absorbing their seed, and the second they aren’t on at practice, or playing, they opt of chicks.

Yes, she’s posing with a sign that says “deposits never made easier” and I guess it’s only really relevant because of her willing stretched out asshole has the ability to take multiple loads at the same fucking time thanks to the huge shits she’s been taking from all the eating, and an honorable mention to the gangbangs….

Here’s a video of Vanessa Hudgens in shorts. I could hate on her, but I feel like she does enough of that to herself, I mean at least based on the whole dating a gay dude, hoping he’ll straighten out for her, because it’s in a Disney contract and she is in desperate needs of getting her pussy fucked, to the point where these shorts started out as pants eariler in the day, but her sexual frustration lead her to trying to sex them up by making them hug her pussy while giving her easier access to slide a finger or inanimate objects in herself while she goes about her daily errands.

I like to think that Lindsay Lohan is a really good friend of mine. Sure I’ve never met her, I’ve never really spoke to her, my only relationship with her is when I left some creepy messages on a voicemail that someone claimed was hers, but she is the person who comes to me in my dreams, wearing nothing but a sheer top, like some kind of guardian angel who will one day carry me away to a better place and I guess it could all stem from my imagination, maybe from the hard drug use, but I really think it’s something bigger, it gives me hope…a hope that one day lost lovers can be reunited a few months after a public break-up, as she constantly runs back to Samantha Ronson’s house, not that I ever think she was dating her, I mean how could she commit to someone while constantly coming to me in my motherfuckin dreams.

Sidenote, I am dying on the inside today

And with a costume change….

I need your help. Kayden Kross is my future pornstar wife and I told her that I would help her win this competition. If she does she has to fly me down to Vegas and officially marry me while we stream the shit.

So she’s 10,000 votes behind. All you have to do is click her fucking name. I know there’s at least 10,000 of you out there willing to help me and by 10,000, I mean 1.

I wonder if Reese Witherspoon took her role in Legally Blonde as seriously as she is for this softball movie, where she, like other lesbians I know, is training hard.

I don’t really get the appeal of softball. There’s a league that plays near my house and sometimes I walk by them and see if there is any decent pussy or asses, usually there isn’t. One of the teams is a group of bull dykes and the other one I saw was a group of awkward, non-athletic jewish women who I guess are unmarried career girls, who are done with college and trying to find ways to entertain themselves and stay connected with old friends, and the whole thing is pretty fucking boring to watch, so I assume a movie on the shit, starring Academy Award winning Reese Witherspoon is going to fuckin suck.

Here she is practicing.

I got in a race war last night. I was drunk at a bar, pretty much alienating everyone that crossed paths with me while progressively drinking harder and harder and I don’t think I pissed anyone off officially, but when I left at the end of the nigth, a group of hispanic dudes were screaming at the bouncer, calling him a nigger and I guess I took offense, despite the world thinking I am racist, I really find that kind of behavior unacceptable. So I probably said something that triggered something in one of the dudes, who happened to not be hispanic, but brown, and as soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk he fuckin’ bitch slapped me full force, with a running fuckin’ start and got be right on my ear. The bouncers who I know made me go back inside and before I did, I kept asking him if he was going to make me eat out his vagina and shit like that. My ear is blocked and ringing. I am hungover and the whole thing was fuckin’ ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as Fergie’s ass in these jeans.

Some stunt was coordinated over a week ago where people went to work in their bikinis, I realize that I am slow on this shit, but I don’t really stay on top of promotional stunts or weird internet stunts in cities I don’t live in, but I guess I should, because seeing everyday girls in their bikinis, in the middle of the city, is pretty fucking great, especially since I am the kind of guy who is all strippered out, and appreciate seeing real life girls who aren’t paid to get naked, half naked, it’s a lot more erotic, and here’s the video while I re-hydrate.

My life is complicated, like that Avril Lavigne song only way less commercially successful, but much more charming. That’s what I like to believe.

I’ve spent the last 3 hours trying to seduce girls promising them fame, unfortunately none of them have ever heard of me or my site.

I guess none of that is really as big of a deal as the fact that I have a very small penis.

My life really isn’t complicated at all, if anything it’s just a very long, drawn out, boring joke and here are my stepLINKS.

Here’s Kanye’s video that hit yesterday featuring Rihanna in her fuckin’ lingerie looking pretty fuckin’ amazing. I think I love her.

No matter how much work this Tisdale chick gets done to herself, she keeps stayin’ ugly. I don’t really understand it but it reminds me of a conversation I had earlier today, when a girl was telling me about her boyfriend’s band that was called The Cockroaches, where I responded “How cute, he named it after you”, only I was just trying to be funny with her, while I actually think that shit applies to Tisdale, because she is a fucking cockroach of a girl who just doesn’t go away, like the cockroaches in my shitty apartment, depsite not really having much purpose in being there, but to just annoy the fuck out of me. Not that I really understand why I have this kind of emotionaly instability when it comes to this bitch, but I do and that concludes the Ashley Tisdale ugly watch of the day.

I met my very own Megan Fox earlier today. She was this hot blonde chick who asked me for a lighter on the street randomly. I didn’t have a lighter because I don’t smoke, so I said no, but then I remembered I don’t change my pants and grabbed some matches the other week at a restaurant, so I called her back saying I had matches, only to realize that I didn’t. I apologized. She said I got her hopes up. I said “Yeah, I really fucked you” she walked away creeped the fuck out and I screamed after her saying “I’m going to write about this on Craiglist misconnections”. I am pretty sure she felt the love.

Here’s Megan Fox doing some photoshoot. My favorite part of it are her white pants because of the suspense that comes with wearing white pants – will she get a surprise period or not – only time will tell – amazing.