I don’t watch Gossip Girls because I am not a 16 year old girl, even though I like 16 year old girls and I am not a lonely twenty something who just finished college and is in her first job who finds herself spending more nights in front of the TV getting sucked into garbage shows, fantasizing about rich men who own hotels coming to sweep them off their feet instead of having to wake up at 6 am to go on a jog because they notice sitting all day is raping them of their decent at best looks, while slowly transforming into a desperate pig ripping condoms in half to get knocked up by the first guy who comes along who doesn’t seem to be a total hurtbag, just to get them out of that 9-5 life no one likes.

So I’ve never heard of Taylor Momsen. Her face looks like a cartoon character, but her legs are some kind of highway to fuckin’ heaven, that I can only assume Michael Landon is standing at the end of. If that makes sense, which it doesn’t, but it’s heaven motherfucker, it doesn’t have to. Just ask Michael Jackson.

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