I have a thing for pregnant chicks, even though I don’t have a thing for chicks I’ve got pregnant, and I actually have more of a thing for abortions or miscarriages, but when I know a girl has given up on the condition of her vagina and her body, and I know she really had taken the plunge, I realize that I need to celebrate that vagina in its final moments, so here’s some bitch named Jennifer Ellison I don’t really know or give a fuck about in some bikini pics from a tabloid, because it’s safe to say we’re nearing the end of her career so think of this as the tribute her you’d see next to her urn at her funeral, because let’s face it, the end is pretty much here and although she’s not dead, her sex appeal pretty much is. So look at her tits in all their glory as one last tribute even though it won’t be the last time you see them, but it is all downhill from here, not that it matters since I have no idea who she is, I just used my generic pregnant chick post for this.
The Hills may be my enemy because I hate the concept, the quality and the people who are on it and I am guilty of shitting on these idiots who sold their souls to be on the scripted reality show, but I really should be shitting on the people who watch the show, because these assholes are getting paid.
Seriously, the amount they get paid was released this week and someone like Audrina, who we all think is a fucking retard because she seems dumb as shit, but not real retarded, because she doesn’t have a retard head or a bike helmet on, but more like the retarded girl with hot tits you wish you could fuck if only you found a way to trick her into fucking you, like by telling her if she doesn’t fuck you a baby will die of aids in Africa, or there will be another terrorist attack in America and she can save the world with your dick in her pussy, in some playing on her stupidity strategy, is making more money than a lot of fuckin’ doctors, teachers, lawyers, professors, nurses and a lot of educated people who really make the world work, so maybe behind all their education and experience, they are the actual retards and she’s the fucking genius.
Here are the numbers
Cavallari is being paid $90,000 an episode
Conrad was making: $125,000 an episode (or $2.5 million a year),
Audrina Patridge, Lauren “Lo” Bosworth, and Montag come close: $100,000 a show.
Pratt, is a slightly less at $65,000 per show, because he only joined as a regular in 2008.
Brody Jenner takes in $45,000.
Here are some pics of her and Spencer Pratt’s sister’s ugly face and cameltoe making more than you do in a year..
Katie Price and her fat fake tits were out with her UFC bottom feeding cage fighting boyfriend because UFC bottom feeding fighters seem to like trashy fucking girls with sloppy pussies and cheesy fuckin’ everything, like the gutter stripper porn trash in Ed Hardy and Tap Out and the other brand of UFC clothes because I guess they are just so jacked on terstosterone that any pussy is good pussy to fuck and the sloppier the pussy the easier it is to ravage with the wrath of their mixed marital arts dick.
I try to avoid all these assholes when I go out because I know their raging testosterone doesn’t work with my kind of jokes, and that I have the ability to usually upset the wrong person and I don’t want to leave my fate in the hands of some chachi motherfucker who has spent the last year training in how to kill people, when prior to the UFC rage being all a Cachi needs for a good time, they were just using their testosterone going to the gym to get their muscles jacked before clubbing where they’d stand and flex in front of girls, or the mirror in the bathroom which was equally gay but a lot less deadly.
I get a lot of hate from people who have little goin on in their lives who get worked up over celebrities enough to get mad when I say that Scarlett Johansson is a fucking pig of a girl. From her first movie until now, whenever I have looked at her, I’ve seen a potentially obese girl, who just happened to not be obese since it would be the end of her career, while everyone else sees this goddess with big tits and big lips who embodies classic Hollywood, while all I see lips that act like football pads who break the impact when she’s shoveling food down her throat and someone who happens to hold her 15 pound surplus in the right part of her but that will spill over into the rest of her and based on these pics, it seems like the end is fucking near…
And here are some pictures of Ryan Reynolds pretty much agreeing with my observation but delivering it in a less painful way by taking her fat ass to the gym and masking it an excursion where they can spend some time together because they have such busy schedules and usually barely see each other, but in reality it is to help his erection function when she gets naked by stopping the sloppy, but then again he was engaged to Alanis when he was a nobody and she is probably the ugliest head in pop music in the last 2 decades, so that just shows the magnitude of how serious this shit is and how desperate he is.
There was a time I used to think up all kinds of ideas for viral videos in efforts of hitting the next big internet phenomenon because the shit looked fucking easy, but for some reason I never bothered making the videos and that reason is laziness and talentless and uninspired but I still get annoyed everytime one of these videos comes across and I see that 2,000,000 people have checked a clip out over the course of a few days because it strikes a chord with people or some shit, while my videos would only get 2 views, both me from different computers, while putting a head in bed with your gf who freaks the fuck out that may just be staged will get the creator of this video his own show. A concept so obvious and simple and motherfucker cashes in, while idiots like you and me just watch the shit and contribute to the problem.
I know nothing about Anna Friel other than that she is currently naked in some on stage re-issue of Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I didn’t post the pictures when they first hit because I am tired of getting Lawyer’s letters (I’m talking to you Aubrey O’Day, you fat, useless cunt).
But I guess in stripping down and revealing herself to her audience, you know really exposing herself, she feels like she’s got nothing to hide on the street, but instead of walking around naked like she should, she’s just wearing what could be a see thru dress, but I don’t really see nipples, and I wish strippers were as cerebral as this bitch is in her nude stage show, you know the kind of “Artist” who discusses the socio-economic issues that inspire her character to get naked on stage, justifying that she’s nothing but a whore, because most of the strippers I know are miserable about their work.
Singapore, the cleanest city in the world where you get arrested for spitting gum on the street, brought some American trash to perform for their F1 weekend, like Lohan and Ronson, Nicole Scherzinger and Beyonce. I try not to follow Beyonce’s career because I think she’s won the lottery already and refuse to contribute to that shit, fat chicks shouldn’t get this much love it is against natures way, but I do like the vantage point this person shot the video, and the fact that Beyonce humps the air in the midst of her fucking cheesy performance people seem to fucking love…
Here she is doing Single Ladies….
Lohan Bottom Feeding for Publicity for F1 Shooting some Promo videos…
I am not posting these pictures because I care that Karina Smirnoff has a new boyfriend, or that I think it’s one of life’s biggest tragedies that I am not that boyfriend, because I’m not one of those people who gets that involved, you know the kind of guy who punched the wall when Aguilera got married when I had a bet running with someone for 1000 dollars that I’d fuck her before either of us die, I just don’t bother with these celebrity idiots since they don’t exist to me since I can’t grab their asses in bars when drunk, but I know someone out there is upset about this and that person watches Dancing with the Stars everyday, which also makes him a little homo or a little teenage girl or even a little bored middle age housewife along with the weirdo lonely loser he is, so who she fucks doesn’t matter, especially when she rose to the top as a mail order bride or girl in the international sex trade and I guess that doesn’t matter, what does matter is that Karina Smirnoff is showing off tit cuz a dancing body is not a body worth wasting.
I have a fat wife. Like a real fucking fat wife and donuts played a large part in her obesity due to her donut obsession. Seriously, She would go out with friends at 10 at night, usually at the local Dunkin Donuts and I'd be out drunk and come home at 4 in the morning drunk and she would still not be home, so I'd walk to the 24 hour Dunkin Donuts and she'd be there on her fourteenth donut and fifth hot chocolate and I'd have to drag her home. It was like that period of time I would see her get fatter and fatter everyday, and after you see something pretty much murder someone's sex appeal, not that she was hot to begin with, you can never really look the same at the thing again, especially when I'm stuck married to the bitch with no sex appeal...
So everytime I see donut shops or people eating the shit, I feel sick to my fucking stomach, but for sme reason when Kate Beckinsale does it, I get fucking hard, and getting hard to being with is a struggle for me, especially with the one thing I consider my enemy, which are donuts.
That said, I am so fucking shocked by this girl and her body, I do not understand how she has a kid, cuz kids normally ravage a woman like donuts ravaged my wife, clearly she's from a super genetic code, or maybe she's just the God Mother and the kids parents died in a fiery car accident or somehting, cuz it's just not human for her to be this good. Not to suck up or anything....cuz that's really not my style....I can't help but appreciate her....don't judge.
I guess Justine Bateman isn’t the fresh faced, young slut, we used to fantasize about on Family Ties back when Michael J. Fox wasn’t a living vibrator, because she’s wearing a pair of compression stocking to fight of her varicose veins, and there’s nothing hotter than a bitch who is fighting off varicose veins , except for the fact that they are usually in their 70s but relatively easy, cuz but the time they reach the point of wearing compression stockings they are pretty much at the point of taking anything they can get, because they know they don’t quite have it going on anymore, at least that’s what some old crazy dude who used to hang at the pantyhose rack at the pharmacy I worked at told me when I asked him why he was there 3 times a week for 3 hours at a time the second week I notcied him there.
But the good news is that Justine Bateman switches things up in a pair of shorts and clogs that lead me to believe she’s no longer a hollywood personality, but more of a swiss mountain man hearding sheep. Either way, I am friends with her on Facebook, or I was friends with her on facebook and that kind of love won’t let varicose veins, or baby baggage get in the way.
There comes a point in every chronic masturbater’s life where porn just doesn’t work anymore. That’s when people turn to freakish shit, whether it is joining the boy scouts as a team leader to see little boys naked, or sitting on public transit all day waiting for the school girls to get out of class to expose themselves to them. Some guys go gay or bi to open up the possibilities in the bedroom, since their luck with girls never really counted as luck and was more disaster and figured dudes with AIDS would be less picky. Some guys explore trannies, while others do fat chicks and there’s really no science behind it. Just last week I was talking to a girl who masturbates to anime and another dude sent me a link to his sex doll shaped like an anime, and here is Latoya Jackson who hardly looks like an alien or cartoon, but I know at least one person out there would still fuck or at least jerk off to her fake tits.
On a side note, I have this theory that Michael Jackson was an alien, he did have a weird obsession with space and moons and moonwalking and he did end up lookin like some kind of monster who’s human disguise withered away so I guess it is only natural for his sister to age the same way. I also have a theory that Michael Jackson in collaboration with the middle east staged his own death to distract the public from the Iranian election, while solving his own problems like a tour he didn’t want to do, debt he couldn’t pay and selling more albums and movie tickets from generating a whole new level of interest in him, but who cares about what I think…just think about cumming on this Latoya face.
As Americans you have no excuse for living in whatever shitty small down you live in and not down in the Caribbean island that your people own, cuz shit seems like it is just the right amount of gutter that makes you feel like you are in the projects, but the climate to remind you that you are in some kind of paradise So here are the trashy Puerto Rican girls and their asses, the trashy Puerto Rican guys and their pit bulls, gangster clothes and pick up trucks, all celebrating being not quite American and it is hot.
Sophie Monk is still crying for attention and I like it. It’s like my very own Katy Perry song only way more interesting to look at. I only woke up a few minutes ago, I have no stories for you just now, I just spent the last 20 minutes listening to my 58 year old, crazy immigrant coffee and sandwich man tell me about how he was up all night and didn’t have a chance to shower because he just figured out what the internet is and spent the night jerking off to gangbang porn. Not normally a conversation you wanna have before eating a sandwich he made you for free, but beggars can’t be choosers and it was a great sandwich in case you were wondering. A lot like Sophie Monk’s pussy, you know it has herpes thanks to Paris Hilton, but that’s not gonna stop you from smelling it’s aroma or tasting it’s lovely sauce…
It is a Jewish holiday today, so everyone wish my one self hating Jewish reader a Happy Holiday. You can also try to telepathically communicate with all of Hollywood and wish them a happy Jewish holiday, because, maybe they will hear you and sweep you out of your shitty life and give you a new gig where everyone will be taking your pictures and asking for autographs like you were Annalynne McCord the one hit wonder. Or you could just drink yourself stupid, strip down naked and break into your neighbor’s apartment and surprise them with your pathetic boner because the fat bitch is frying fish right now and my whole house smells like rotting pussy, my favorite kind of pussy and I feel like she should celebrate this erection with me, unfortunately I’ll probably pass out before that magic moment.
Here are my stepLINKS, don’t pass out before clicking this magic.
I have a thing I do called Ashley Tisdale Ugly Watch because one day I decided I hated her for no reason other than the fact that she had an ugly face. I think it happened after she got the nosejob because I figure she probably had a new found ego even though her face was just as ugly as it was before. A lot like the bitch I knew with breast implants who went from being this mouse-like quiet girl in the corner, to a slut who flashed her tits and fucked every guy she could, all because she got fake tits. It’s this false confidence that encourages girls everywhere to get expensive plastic surgery and it becomes this never-ending cycle of making asshole doctors richer when all these girls need to do is post pics of their pussies, cuz when they get down like that, bitch doesn’t even need a fuckin face like the face-transplant chick, or a masked muslim girl to get male attention or acceptance and the last time I checked taking pussy pics was a lot less expensive than plastic surgery and a lot more rewarding…
Here are some pics of Tisdale at some event with a see thru shirt showing off what may be a bra that leads me to think she may have been better off if she opted for the breast implants instead of the new nose, but I guess she’s enough money and the rest of her life to make that happen, since we all know she’s a useless, superficial dog.
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