Tony Curtis is dead. RIP Motherfucker. Dude was 85, lived a good life, was married a lot, was a star for a while, had a big family, made a lot of money, lived to 85. I’m not crying over this tragedy, since it’s not a fuckin’ tragedy…

But I did figure I’d post the top 5 bitches he has had sex with…

Number 5 – Jill Vandenberg Curtis

This bitch was some Vegas Showgirl/Stripper looking bitch who you probably would have wanted to bang if she wasn’t too busy looking for men 42 years older than her to settle down and get fat with because a stripping career couldn’t last forever….She had some pretty great tits….and knew her worth in life…and I always respect these bitches I like to call “Retirement Nurses”, because when you’re 70, pussy like this, no matter why it is with you, whether for the fame, money, or ability to never work again, it is pretty alright….cuz you can’t take the money with you….

Number 4 – Christine Kaufman

This bitch was 17 when he started fucking her….before he threw his previous marriage and family away to marry her…because young pussy has always had that effect on dudes…they just don’t walk it out like they are supposed to…but instead follow the fresh scent of a barely touched pussy…even if it’s just gonna end up bad….

Number 3 – Janet Leigh

I am sure there is not one man out there who watched Psycho and thought the peeping on her in the shower scene wasn’t erotic, despite the whole psycho part….I mean until bitch got slaughtered. It was a genius level of creepy man lusting over a girl who showed up at his door step in need of a place to stay, and mommy issues that made him angry and abusive, that I am sure most of you can relate to, only instead of killing bitches, you just hide in the corner and cry, before running to your mom to brush her hair as you watch Desperate Housewives. You sick fuck…

Number 2 – Marilyn Monroe

This one’s obvious…She’s like the Lohan of her generation, only she had the sense to kill herself off so that she stayed famous and so everyone lusted her, before she became a total trainwreck, too fat to get out of bed, forgotten and ignored…Presidents fucked her, stars fucked her, and she managed to get some legitmate work, despite all the time spent being a total whore…Guys still jerk off to the bitch, and Tony Curtis got to jerk off on the bitch….Pretty solid.

Number 1 – Jamie Lee Curtis:

This one’s a bit of a wildcard, but since none of us were in their household while Jamie Lee Curtis was a little girl, we have no idea whether daddy played horsey on his lap nude . We also have no idea whether she was born a hermaphrodite or not, but that’s not the point of this post, the point is that I’m throwing her into the Top 5 Bitches Tony Curtis banged mix, cuz these actors are wild, and banging their daughters is not as out there of a concept as it may sound…repressed memories and hypnotherapy may one day reveal this as truth, so she’s on the list in the event they do….

Tony Curtis, RIP Motherfucker. You had a good run…

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