I didn’t realize Taylor Momsen was a 15 year old. She’s on TV playing a high school student, and where I’m from, or at least the era I’m from, you need to be in your late 20s for that, you know to give all the girls complexes about why they don’t have full beards, crows feet and man bodies, but I guess times are changing, because here she is celebrating her 16th birthday, which as a skeptic, I think is staged because she looks like a 32 year old crackwhore already, maybe it’s just the Courtney Love hair….or the fact that she’s a teen in fucking see thru lingerie and I don’t find it the least bit attractive, if anything I want to give her a towel, some make-up remover and put her in the backseat of my car to bring home to give a serious lecture to, and I’m not saying that cuz I have a daddy complex, I am saying it because if you’re gonna be 16 and willing to get half naked, let’s move to Rhode Island and do it fuckin’ proper.

Hilary Duff did Maxim and who really gives a shit. I am just surprised that Maxim is still around and that people buy that shit, not only because magazines are pretty fucking obsolete and kill trees, you fucking hippies, but because shit’s more repetitive than me, it’s like every issue is a repeat of the last issue and despite finding comfort in things we know and trust, it’s still boring and a waste of fucking time. Sure, I pull that shit out in magazine stands, just to see if maybe they’ve updated their format, or to see if they’ve finally bit the bullet and gone porn, but they just always let me the fuck down, including these pictures of Hilary Duff, would it be too much to ask to see a photoshoot with a skate to her neck and a hockey sick in her ass, while her boyfriend and the rest of his team suck each other off like they do in the locker room after they won a big fucking game, because it’s not gay to suck off your teammate if a teen starlet is in the corner fucking the equipment, like she does it in the bedroom at home? Step it the fuck up Maxim.

I was sent this video over the weekend and read the caption that this girl is Def Jam’s new meal ticket. She’s 16, sings in 7 languages and plays the Piano. So I decided to listen to the song which is her repeatedly saying that she’s 16 over and over again and it reminds me of this girl I once got with who looked like she was at least 18 and after getting in her pants she told me she was 16 and shit echoed in my head for the month before finding out she got her period and I wasn’t going to be a teenage pregnancy baby daddy.

Either way, watch the new it girl, I think she’s too ripe to want look at sexually, and her song sucks, but then again what do I know about pretty much anything.