So Kate Moss turned 35, it seems like just yesterday she was 34. Sure that was a stupid thing to say, but what the fuck do you expect me to say about some retired model I wanted to have sex with over the course of her career slowly getting older. I could say she’s 5 years til 40, or halfway to 70, but who the fuck cares about that kind of math a third grader can do. So maybe you should just leave me alone and look at the pictures of some of the props she got together for her party.

At first I thought they were a little strange, you know the mounted deer head, the pig on a split, the skeletons engaged in illicit acts, but then I remember the time I showed up to a sorority party with my very own bag of tricks….you know, some duct tape, rope, a couple garbage bags, three cans of beer and some spray paint, scissors, nail clippers, condoms, an enema, a pack of cigarettes, a Halloween mask, some junior mints and booster cables. The dude at the gas station gave me a weird look when I was buying my party favors but had nothing on the reaction I got from the girls who had no idea who I was, but who I am sure never have never forgot me since then…