The paprazzi are hilarious…who the fuck cares that Ali Lohan is out picking up a fucking pizza….who cares if anyone is out picking up a fucking pizza….except maybe Kate Upton, since she’s all the rage now, and it’s always fun to watch empty calories she doesn’t think are going to ruin her, slowing start to ruin her….but Ali’s skinny, that bitch needs all the pizza she can get….but more importantly, the paparazzi need to step up their paparazzi game…cuz I want bikini pics…not pizza party bullshit…..especially not of my future sister in law….you see cuz I’m gonna get the other Lohan to marry me…you know since she’s the only thing that matters in hollywood…..

HSK is some faggot shit.

People always hate on the skinny chicks…those people…usually fat chicks…

I’m married to a fat chick and there’s nothing nice about it…it feels gross, it looks gross, and if she’s fat enough, it smells fucking gross…

I wish that she took some of these starving girl lifestyle choices, cuz it’d make my life that much better…..cuz everytime I see her eat, I want to throw the fuck up….it’d be nice if she was just a little anorexic…you know if she stopped eating fucking donuts…

Years ago, I found some real weird anorexia fetish site…and pleaded with women to take their lead….cuz the Kim Kardashian / fat ass movement was messing everything up….so it’s nice to see Ali Lohan doing things lean and right….it is inspiring…

Now someone, make this girl more famous.

I don’t understand how with only 5 months before her 18th birthday, this Ali Lohan, sister of haggard Lohan, hasn’t pulled a Miley, Taylor Momsen, or capitalized on her sisters name in order to get noticed as the jailbait all the perverts want to give tutor….naked….but instead has spent her time not showering, looking like a wreck, and remaining far less interesting than her older sister we’re all bored of when she was this age….

I mean this is prime opportunity to really make a name for herself, and instead she’s taking her sister’s lead, and is doing nothing, I mean you think her mom would step in and force the bitch into making her money in the last window she has as parent to claim a huge percentage of those earning…and that’s been the Jailbait disappointment of the day….

Lindsay Lohan is following her family legacy by exploiting family members for personal gain. Here is Ali Lohan in a campaign for her sister’s 6126 clothing line and I guess it’s only natural that the torch gets passed from one haggard at 24 slut, onto the fresher version who will end up equally damaged, and now is as good a time as any, since the older washed up version is doing time….

I know American men love this underage shit, I just see a girl who probably comes with a lot of headaches and little skills in the bedroom to justify those headaches, but then again, I could legally bang her here, so she’s not the forbidden fruit in the garden of eden, she’s just some whore in training who will eventually hit rock bottom thanks to her rich kid problems that aren’t real problems and her insane family…

Here are the Lohan sisters stretching like athletes, only instead of stretching for physical activity, they are stretching to get their bodies ready to do absolutely nothing but sit around all day, whether in LA or on the beach of St Barths or really anywhere they go they most they get done is shopping..I mean Lohan doesn’t even suck dick anymore, making these stretches pretty useless and remidn me of my horrible wife who complains of sports type injuries like sprains and pulled muscles from walking from the kitchen to the couch….cuz she’s fat…only the Lohan’s are the anorexic version of that laziness…something I would much rather jerk off on…and here are the pics…

Pics via Bauer

There was a time Lohan was desperate enough to answer my text messages and emails. Those days are long gone and it hurts my feelings that she didn’t have the decency to break up with my, she just stopped answering me and it makes jerking off to her a very sad experience, but after lookin’ at these pics, it may not be because I’m emotionally shaken by being dropped, but more to do with how she looks. I’d still do her though…just putting that out there in case she’s desperate for a fat old man’s limp pathetic dick, I figure with the whole lesbian shit, a dick that looks like a clit would be a solid transition back to taking cock….here she is with her sister….

Lindsay Lohan is So Fancy Trying on Luis Vuiton Bathing Suits….that I hope the Store Burns before Another Bitch Slides into the shit….

Lindsay Lohan is Still Confindent Enough to Wear a 2 Piece…Kinda Like that Sloppy Ex-Hooker Who Pretty Much Gave Up on Life and No Longer has any Shame….and I Like it….because she’s not fat…and I hate fat chicks…

Pics via Bauer
Pics via INF

I love this security guard in this video, maybe it’s because I hate the paparazzi, but it’s probably because the dude is cool. He’s telling the scummy paparazzi to fuck off and when they tell him he’s taking his job too seriously, he keeps telling them to fuck off.

There’s no way you or anyone can really respect the asshole paparazzi with their cameras, sure I use their pictures all the time, but that doesn’t mean I think they are good at taking pictures or that I think shit is an honorable career, they are fucking theifs who try to rip everyone off with their shitty pictures and insane prices and they even killed Princess Diana.

Either way, I was walking my dog and he made friends with this emo kid. I’m talking skinny jeans, funny mohawk, artist t-shirt, who was probably in his early 20s. I was thinking to myself that shit is way too androngynous nowadays, like that dude really looks like a girl and when I asked his name and he told me it was Melanie, I still didn’t catch on to the fact that I was talking to a fuckin’ girl. I only realized while walking away what I just experienced and I am still confused about the whole thing.

Here are some pictures of a sexy Lohan sunglass shopping. People say she’s too skinny, but let me remind you, there is no such thing as too skinny, there is however such thing as too fat and unfortunately, I’m sitting next to her right now….

BONUS – Don’t pay any attention to Ali Lohan’s tight little shorts cameltoe, girl’s only 15 dude….I’m in Canada…14 is Legal…Not that I’d ever do a 14 year old…I’m just saying, we may not get Hulu, but we do get prime teen pussy….right….

Here are some pictures of Ali Lohan doing a photoshoot. I am not going to lie, I am a little torn because of these, sure I deem them totally inappropriate, as her dress is sheer and her titties are busting out, because getting off to pictures of 15 year olds in pictures is a crime and sexualizing a 15 year old should be a crime, but no one can control your dirty thoughts, so you should probably just keep it to yourself and not tell the world the things you’ve done to yourself thinking about hot summer days spent at the Dairy Queen or the public pool.

The reason I am torn is because it is perfectly legal to bang 14 year olds in Canada, so if let’s say Little Lohan looked 15 and not 40 and was hot and not a haggard, busted up and broken down faced monster, and these pictures turned me on I could go find my own Local Little Lohan, put her in this little outfit, have her dance around the room a little, before teaching me what she learned watching Gossip Girl, but the second I bust out a camera, I get arrested and that doesn’t seem fair, it’s like make it all legal, or make it all illegal, but not being able to document you sexual conquests should is the fucking crime here.

Point being, I am not down with 15 year olds, they just aren’t experienced enough to bring the slutty, and if they are slutty, it’s all an act. I figure let the teenage boys premature ejaculate for them and I’ll take em over at 18. Unfortunately, that never happens, but I can pretend it does, this is the internet.

Dina Lohan doesn’t think the same way as me. She wants people jerking off to her daughter, because she knows sex sells. I mean her vagina is the only reason she’s ever accomplished anything in her life, from free coke to her daughters’ careers, and that should be fucking criminal, because I remember when I tried to sell my stepdaughter to the neighbor when she was 16, my wife threatened to get me put the fuck away, but the second you get off the street and on the screen, shit’s totally accepted. Injustice.

Point being, Dina Lohan needs to rethink her parenting strategies, not that she’s a parent in anyway or has ever been one. She’s always been someone using her kids to give her the glamor she’s never been able to get for herself, no matter how many blowjobs she gave, it was just failed dreams.

So in her jealous rage towards Miley’s success, while thinking her Ali deserves that fame, and because Miley got all that press for her whore pictures, she goes ahead and coordinates this photoshoot, hoping for results. Unfortunately, Ali Lohan will never be a Miley, because her sister ruined all chances of her doing anything in life that isn’t porn and this is just a preview of what’s to come.

By the looks of these pictures, she’ll be alright going down that porn route and I mean she’s already got a head start on other future pornstars, since her mom’s been prostituting her all her life. Sure other pornstars-to-be may have the advantage since they are at home being molested/ raped / trained in their trailers by their dads, but Ali Lohan’s already comfortable in front of a camera….and that will probably go a long way. I also hear she’s a triple threat, but haven’t quite figured out what that means….

Here are those pictures….

I was checking the obits today to see if anyone I know has passed on. I do it every couple of days, not because I plan on going to funerals, but because I just like knowing, especially when they are dudes I used to run around and get drunk and high with, because it reminds me that I’m next so I might as well update the site because it may all end soon.

Anyway, I get to the site and guess who is lookin’ back at me, fucking Lohan and Ronson advertising Myspace. Sure the whole thing was totally inappropriate, but I mean what kind of ads can you really run along a person’s death notice? But I just imagined kids logging on there to read the notes people are leaving their dead parent or sibling who died from childhood cancer, eyes filled with tears, ripped from the inside out with emotion, only to experience this journey with this lesbian fucking duo and I was offended.

Until I realized that it’s some weird psychic shit, that brings up so many questions. Is it their relationship that is about to die or is dead, is it because Lohan’s career is dead, or is it just a preview of what’s to come when Lindsay finally kills herself because dying will bring the notoriety she’s always wanted and her multiple personality/manic depression, her drug use and her starvation, will get the best, and that’s when I realized why the run such inappropriate ads, it’s to give the people hurting hope, hope of a brighter day to come and new beginnings, a hope of life going on without that loved one, a life without Lohan polluting it.

Ali Lohan may look like she’s 40, but last I heard she’s 15 and I can only assume that she’s been put onto some kind of hormone therapy by her mother to start the gravy train as soon as possible, because it’s never too soon to slut out and get dudes jerking off to you because shit sells records and makes your mom money before you turn 18 and can cut her out of the mix like you were the kid on Home Alone who fucked Michael Jackson.

It’s always exciting when a teenage girl decides to bring her tits out to play, it’s like she knows they are ready to be seen and it’s the kind of right of passage I like better than seeing kids graduate high school, or Jews get Bar Mitzvahed, or African men being publicly circumsized into manhood in front of their tribe. I remember when my stepdaughter starded developing tits, at first she was shy and insecure about that shit and would always cover up but only a few months later she was walking around topless or in her bra begging her mom to get a hot tub so that we could have hot tub parties and so that she could show off her tight hot young body….actually I think I was the one begging my wife for the hot tub, but none of that matters, what does matter is that seeing a girl become a woman is a creepy yet beautiful thing.

On a side note someone promoting Ali Lohan accidentally emailed me about her new single and I decided to ask for an interview, I wrote

you should get me an interview – i’ll be good to her – we’ll do wholesome things, with a creepy overtone, like playing in the park, going for ice cream and inviting her back to my van to see my kittens….

it will be amazing

I never got a response because it’s hard to catch a break when you are me….

Here’s ugly duckling Ali Lohan out and about wherever the fuck she is. I am not sure why I am posting it, but she’s ugly. It reminds me of this thin-lipped long chinned lesbian who used to play Rugby and who I always lost to in beer chugging contests at one of the local bars I used to frequent. I never really got over that loss, but the real thing I never got over was that the thin-lipped long chinned rugby playing lesbian wasn’t actually a lesbian and would constantly have dirty man sex with guys she met at the same bar I used to frequent. I never could grasp how a dude could fuck a chick who looked like a dude and acted like a dude as she burped, farted and challenged us to arm wrestling matches like some kind of tomboy who was more boy than the average tomboy , but I guess guys have no standards and like a chick they can kick it with. I am not one of those guys. I remember laughing in her face this day I saw her wearing a dress and she punched me in the face. I bled and she jumped on the table and roared like some kind of wrestler…a wrestler who looked a lot like Ali Lohan.

Here are some pictures of Lohan and Little Lohan wearing Jewish outfits of the day like they were Jewish, but the reality is that the Jewish outfit of the day isn’t only for Jewish people anymore and has slowly and secretly worked its way into the mainstream

It’s come to a point where you can’t tell a Jewish Outfit of the day apart from non-Jewish outfit of the day and they seem to be everywhere you look. It’s like Nazi Germany all over again, only instead of gas chambering people because they became too powerful, we’ll have to gas chamber leggings and over-sized shirts and stupid boots to put an end to the takeover,

For the record, I think that’s a bad idea, because unlike Jews, Jewish outfits bring good to the world and don’t hoard all their money in hypo-alergenic mattress after ripping non-Jews off, but instead is the closest thing a girl can be to being pantless and shows off her legs, ass and even mound, whether 13 or 35 and that’s a Jewish Christmas miracle that lasts all year.

Lohan has one of those psycho mother, who had dreams of being famous but only landed a job as a Rockette, doing the fuckin’ Can-Can back in the 70s. Now I am not anti-showgirls, but I realize being a Rockette, is the equivalent of being an upscale stripper. It’s like when you look at the prostitution hierarchy, you have the streetwhores and the tranny whores at the 50 dollar level, you have the escorts that fuck you for 100 – 250 dollar an hour level, these are the ones advertised in the back of all the local papers and then you have the highclass bitch that cost 1000 dollars and hour and only escorts you to the Opera or dinner, only willing to put out if she likes you enough and thinks your worth it. So essentially you are paying a bitch for her company, with no guarantees of pussy, but that girls still a whore. That’s what Lohan’s mom is to the entertainment world, a glorified stripper, who doesn’t get naked. What good is that, so she settles down with some drug addict/boozer and has 14 kids in efforts that one will become famous. Now we all know what Lohan’s done for us, yesterday I posted on her little sister, well today I post on the brother, a striking young redhead, that Lindsay is pointing at and laughing at. He is the thirs Lohan to break into the industry, maybe he’s the one who will get it right. I am sure there are typos within this post, I know you hate my spelling mistakes. I guess you deserve an explination. I never went to post-secondary education and I am hung over. Last night I drank red wine. I felt pretty fuckin’ luxurious. Unfortunately, it was 7 dollars a bottle, which means it tasted like piss.

I guess Lohan’s sister has the obvious dream of girls under 18 everywhere, and that is to become a coke slut via a bullshit marketing ploy of a music career. I am not entirely jealous of how easy it is going to be for her to make it in life, I am however jealous that I can’t be the next under 18 year old talentless performer. I know saying that is pretty premature, considering I haven’t heard her sing, she may be a child prodigy, and maybe her sister was just a patsy, being used to pave the way for the real talent in the family, but then I realize that I have just done way too much analysis of Ali Lohan and her future as a rich, infertile from too many abortions (celebs don’t use condoms), child star making meth in her bathtub with that bitch from Full House.