I was in the mood to be a hero and save lives a few years ago when walking through a mall that had a mobile blood donor station set up. I waited in line thinking about all the kids with blood diseases, people in car accidents, gun shot victims I would potentially be saving, until they sat me down and asked me questions about my past, because I guess they don’t want dirty HIV/HEP blood.

So they went thru the whole thing and I passed with flying colors, until they asked me if I do anal sex, I asked them if I “give” it or “take” it, and their said either or, and I had to be honest and explain that my wife has a really large vagina and the only way I can get off with her is if i stick it in her ass, and despite it being a really scary, smelly, rotten experience, it’s the best I can do given her size and obesity….

I was thanked and asked to leave cuz they have a policy that if you fuck a bitch up the ass, or if you get fucked up the ass like a bitch, you are no eligible to donate blood….

And here are pictures of Kristin Cavallari giving blood, so you can put two and two together, and unless this is a publicity stunt to draw positive attention to her or she lies, then you know that this bitch does not get fucked up the ass….

Pics via Bauer

If you’re wondering what’s happened to Molly Sims, I got this exclusive, that she’s been out getting prison raped by random large penised men, and now she can’t seem to manage to stand-up straight, cuz they got her good.

Yeah, I didn’t actually get that exclusive, but I do always wonder why gay men always have such good posture and pursed lips, you know all rigid and put together, when they take it up the ass, I know that my wife stuck her finger in my ass once and I walked with a limp for a week. Sure she’s got fat fingers and I resisted, but you get what I’m saying here, or you don’t.

I guess you’re no even reading this and onto the pictures. I’ve lost my edge. Let’s go skiing.

Here’s the video….

Just because these pictures surfaced of Madonna buying a strap-on dildo doesn’t mean that Madonna is going to be using the strap-on dildo on her husband and I find it pretty annoying that people are making that obvious joke just because Guy Ritchie looks a like a scared kid who is about to be punished for breaking mommy’s favorite lamp or locking his little brother in the closet for a day or maybe even for getting caught fingerbanging playing doctor with the neighbor or some shit….

There are a ton of possibilities for the strap on, other than it being a gift for a friend or for one of Madonna’s lesbian adventures, it’s only 6 inches big so I can assume it’s not for Madonna, I am sure her junk is built like a Fridge Box and six inches won’t touch the walls of neither ass nor pussy.

I had a friend who used to like anal play with his chick. He would go on about how amazing her finger in his ass was when getting sucked off, he’d go on about how she’d end up sticking random things in his ass and how it was amazing and at first I thought it was fucking gay and that he was implying that he wanted me in his ass so I stopped talking to him, but as time went on I learnt that assholes give pleasure and more and more people started coming out of the woodwork admitting they had ass play with their chicks, whether its a rim job or a finger or whatever.

I still thought it was weird but was curious so I tried to convince whores to lick my ass to see if it was as hype as all these people said it was. It was like when I found out that all the guys in my class were jerking off and I hadn’t picked up on it yet and dropped my inhibitions and pulled a wack. Either way, I was rejected by hookers, like dirty fucking hooker who I was willing to pay due to my hygiene issues and inability to wipe my ass properly, everytime they’d try they’d stop by saying “dude your asshole is crusted over with shit”. I finally found one whore, who was fucking down on her luck and who didn’t care and while she was eating the shit out of my ass, I got bored and I decided to fart in her face…making the experience really funny but that’s where ass play ended for me.

The point of my story is that if you have taken a finger in your ass like so many dudes have, you’re already into this kind of thing. I you marry a sexually liberated woman like Madonna, you’ve gotta be pretty sexually liberated too, and who knows maybe he’s bored of getting the finger in the ass and has worked his way through household objects and is now making the big step to taking it like a bitch, because I am sure being married to Madonna automatically makes you the bitch. I am sure he’s got no fucking choice int he matter and I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, there are so many fags and closet cases and shit out there, that if you’re doing what you like and keeping it out in the open like there’s nothing to be ashamed of, then why bother dissing it, because who knows maybe they’ll end up making an instructional video on how it’s done and the only thing better than thinking Madonna fucks her man up the ass is seeing Madonna fuck her man up the ass.

I guess what it comes down to is that at least he gets pussy which is more than I can say for you and I know you find this whole post uncomfortable, but that’s only because you find yourself jerking off to the guy who works at your favorite coffee shop …. when you know that you should be jerking off to the girl….