I don’t understand why people actually give a fuck that Angelina and Brad Pitt had their stupid twins because I know that I don’t. The second bitch got knocked up the first time, all I saw was some annoying activist with a gaping vagina and that’s only hot when I am drunk and lonely.

I actually have a new hatred for mothers because they think they are so fucking important because they’ve decided to breed and devote their lives to their little spawns. I was at my coffee shop and found out about some local promotion where mothers get 10 percent off their purchases just for being mothers. When I asked why lonely, drunk, possible deadbeat dads and obvious creeps don’t get a discount, the dude just blew me off. That’s some serious discrimination because if spreading your legs and locking some poor asshole in for life so that you don’t have to work full time anymore in exchange for giving up anything that was remotely attractive about your body warrants a discount, so should poverty, irresponsibilty, obesity and alcoholism. Fuck you MommyDiscount and the way you dangle cheaper coffee in my face that I can’t get because I have a cock…a small cock…but still a cock.

The paparazzi got a picture of Angelina Jolie putting on her shirt on the balcony in some French Riviera villa. The pictures are shitty quality and another example of how the paparazzi are criminals but you all want to fuck Angelina, especially now that she’s pregnant because you are into pregnant chicks and I am not sure why because the whole concept of pregnancy scares the fuck out of me and I always fight with people who try to claim that it’s a beautiful natural thing, because to me there is nothing natural about life being created inside a woman’s pussy. It reminds me of a horrible sci-fi movie and everytime I get together with a girl who has kids I try to pretend that she didn’t have a life inside her, despite how hard her vagina makes it for me since it’s all battered and abused like the arm and leg of a war victim who stepped on a land mind but survived.

Knocking up Angelina would be like winning the lottery, not because she’s hot but because she’s rich, but the chances of winning the lottery are probably a lot higher.

Either way, I don’t think seeing a chick topless is all that exciting, I am more of a pussy man and come from the school where all girls should be topless all the time, so these pictures of her and her dark pregnant nipples bore the fuck out of me, but probably just changed your life, so enjoy.

It’s no lie that I think teenage girls are hotter than middle aged 20 something girls. They have tighter bodies, perkier tits and they don’t annoy you about going to dinner parties, having babies or moving in together, they are just excited enough to hang out with you when it’s not a school night.

This is a video of Angelina Jolie doing some kind of photoshoot when she was 16 for some kind of pervert that was unfortunately not me because I don’t mess with taking pictures of girls who need parental consent, it just causes too many problems when the police steal my hard drive, but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t want to have been there watching from the closet, because that’s kinda my thing.