Audrina Patridge should do porn. I’m not just saying that because all girls should do porn…because I want to watch all girls fuck….I am saying that because there really is no where else for her to go…I think she could excel at getting groups of men to cum on her….she already has the fake tits…and there would be a reason for her to be on camera….you know in a place where she’d be wanted on camera…Overall, it would be great for her self esteem…it would allow her to re-invent herself as her own person, who isn’t some retard on some horrible reality show no one remembers…who has already gone onto Dancing with the Stars or in her case the nail in her coffin before she’s 25…You know it’d be bringing her back to a place she likes without us wanting to punch her in the fucking face….cuz even if she’s a bad fuck, I’d be into it….seeing these bikini pics….are just boring.

Audrina Patridge was in a bikini with her boyfriend…showing off her fake titties like they matter….but it turns out that they don’t…She’s pretty much peaked in terms of her celebrity…it is all downhill from here….she’ll get older and fatter….she’s already done Dancing with the Stars, the general public don’t even remember there was a show called The Hills, and I assume the next substantial move by her is when she makes the news when she dies….

But she’s in a bikini

I don’t know if you remember Audrina Patridge. She had one of those low impact celebrity careers that was more of a gentle stroll around the block that lasted under 10 minutes…with low intensity and not very much noise….but if you don’t…she was an MTV creating on a show called The Hills…where she played the half retarded bitch with implants her dad got her at 18 cuz the half retarded wasn’t really her playing…it was real life…and he knew with tits came opportunity to pay her own rent….

Well she hasn’t run out of money yet, cuz she hasn’t released a sex tape, but she will eventually, and while we wait for that, here she is in a bikini in Vegas celebrating her birthday…because Vegas is the home of anyone who has fallen off in LA….cuz they need party hosts for their crowd of idiots to feel like they are around fame….even if that fame is barely fame….but implants in a bikini….

Unemployed for obvious reasons….like the fact that she has no talent, that she’s s nobody…that her only redeeeming quality is a set of fake tits…that anyone with a rich dad or a saving’s account and a hatred for their tits can compete with her on…not quite a skillset….I mean with a resume that consists of being on one of the worst shows to ever hit MTV, in fact one of the worst shows in the history TV, where she was a secondary character in what was to be the pre-cursor to garbage like Jersey Shore….you know….the shit that paved the way for shit like Jersey Shore to actually exist….clearly giving her a lot time to eat…cuz those thighs aren’t looking 20 anymore….they’re saddle bags the come with a slow metabolism and broken fucking dreams…..but she does still have that rich dad and fake tits….thinks will work out ok for her….there’s always sex tapes, stripping, going back to her naked for the camera whore roots….but lets just hope she scales down the eating and hits the treadmill before that happens….cuz she’s gone downhill…as most girls do…..but she’s half naked in her bikini and I’m not complaining….or maybe I am….I don’t know….I don’t even know what day it is…

Audrina Patridge got work! If that’s not important news I don’t know what is…I mean based on CNN covering the Whitney Death like it was a fucking war or natural disaster….I would have just assumed they’d push some real stories aside to let the world know half retard face Audrina, who everyone who knew she existed thought was gonna take her earnings from a shit show we’ve all forgotten, spend it all and end up stripper with the fake tits her dad bought her in order to get famous, or as a back up plan to pay her bills when he died, is promoting some men’s fragrence in Vegas….Big fucking news that would be better news is there was some scandal or nudity involved….

I don’t have access to the accounting documents or year end reports over at FHM, but I think it is safe to say that no one buys their magazines anymore, and their slow and useless attempt to go online, just never really gave them the glory they once had, since everyone any their younger brother can produce drivel content about nothing and post it next to pics of bitches in their bikinis….I mean this video had 4,000 views when I pulled it and it’s been up for 5 days…and features a once famous bitch hardnippled…that’s fucking embarrassing perforamnce…useless FHM shoulda kept advertising on DrunkenStepfather.com…

See, the only thing these Maxim and FHM sites ever had going for them was the access to celebrity bitches they had….They consistently had hot bikini photoshoots with relevant people….but I guess as budgets dropped so did their talent pool…cuz seeing Audrina Patridge, a virtual nobody, who had her 15 minutes, that unfortunately lasted 2 years try up a year ago…by now she should be doing porn not magazine covers…I mean shit, I bet I could get Audrina to do a shoot for DrunkenStepfather.com….and I would only pay her in cum shots….if you know what I mean…

That said, here’s the photoshoot, you’ll unfortunately like it, taking her one step backwards from the porn career she should already be milking like a cock.

So much fucking bottom feeding everywhere I look…it’s coming at me from all fucking angles…

The paparazzi company that owns the Audrina pics doesn’t like me very much. I don’t have money to buy their pictures, they aren’t into just giving them to me for free, even if I link back to them, so I’m forced to use my interpretive skills, of what best represents Audrina Patridge in a bikini, and the best I could come up with was the Downs Syndrome champion swimmer, which although may be insulting to this bitch with Downs Syndrom, as Audrina is clearly more embarrassing and retarded than her, it gets my point across as best as I know how….the only thing missing is the hot stripper body implants…something I support her using to get noticed/ahead…

She may be useless, non existent, barely a celebrity with fake tits, cheesy and worse than Jersey Shore in both actions and as a TV show, but she does have a pretty fucking great bikini body…

Here are some pics of her and her no hips….and pussy lip…that is built like a set of balls…cuz one hangs lower than the other….

A friend of mine recently hand an encounter with Audrina Patridge, the drunken white trash cunt with a hot body, who is relatively irrelevant, other than the fact that she got on TV once and has a hot body, and I figure his first hand account of how awful a human she is, is probably a better support to these pictures of her hot body celebrating her 26th birthday, cuz as much as I can act like I hate a cunt or be annoyed by a cunt, ultimately, I don’t know the cunt and have never experienced a cunt, and the only thing I’ve know about the cunt, is that I like looking at the cunt naked, half naked, in see through outfits or really anyway the cunt decides to present itself, or anyway her dad decides to present her, with the fake tits he got her at 18 for her birthday, making her tits 8 years old, a great year for fake tits that he planned on using for just this purpose, to get noticed, otherwise, she’d never woulda got on TV, and I probably wouldn’t waste my time focusing on how horrible a person she is..and Wet Republic in Vegas wouldn’t bother hosting her party and making a spectacle of the whole thing for media attention, cuz trust me, they aren’t doing this bikini pool party for Precious, and she’s on TV and has big tits, and there’s a simple reason for that, and that’s that the general public doesn’t wanna Precious in her bikini cuz she’s disgusting looking, and it doesn’t really reflect the message this cheesy fucking club is tryign to get across,… not that it matters…

So this is what he had to say about the Patridge family:

I’ve never encountered someone less interesting who feels more entitled to everything than this stupid cunt and her stupid cunt family and the parasites hanging on around her. It’s as if a family of retarded drunkards won the lottery.

If her mother weren’t such an awful person, I would feel sorry for her. She used to get by on her looks. Now they’re fading. Her daughter is more famous and “prettier” than she ever was and certainly ever will be. She tries to dull the horror by getting completely shitfaced and acting like she’s 23 but ends up looking like a pathetic old drunk lady. She has that raspy old drunk lady voice.

The father looks like moe from the three stooges.

Sounds like my kind of people. I may be in love.

I don’t know if you remember Audrina Patridge? She was some trash on MTV, who ended up doing Dancing with the Stars a week into her show being canceled, pretty much admitting ans securing any doubt that she was relevant, here to stay, or even a celebrity…but she did have fake tits, and apparently she still does as she rocks out on the beach with her mother, who we have all seen before in some drunken rant , trained her to be the cheesy, trashy whore she is, and who I can only is living vicariously through her, cuz that’s why she moved to California in the first place, it’s always why she insisted on getting her retard daughter fake tits, because she knew she needed them, as her retard brain wouldn’t allow her to survive…but tits are always a fucking meal ticket…and here they both are loving all the attention…while I love the fantasies it stirs up…even if I hate the bitch….FOLLOW ME

After finding out that staring at a girl’s tits is healthy, I figured I’d help you live longer by posting these pictures of Audrina Patridge….I am not sure if the study applies to fake tits, I just know it makes for a good excuse when busted checking out tit and if you’re wondering why I chose Audrina for this task, it is cuz her tits are all she’s fucking good for. Without them, she’s nothing, so whatever sugar daddy, or actual daddy who sorted her out with these implants is, she is forever indebted…cuz it landed her a role on a show and what might be her own show…unless of course these are just staged pics, trying to stay relevant. #losing.

I will argue that staring at Audrina’s tits will kill you, because of the frustration that she’s more important than you in the eye of the world, when really she’s nothing by a fucking whore who belongs on a street corner. #losing.

The anger she brings out in people, mainly me, can’t be good for me on any level, especailly when it is happening while she’s half naked…it just leaves me confused….

I was sure the cast of The Hills were going to kill themselves when the show ended…but they still live….#losing.

Make them stop.

I got worried when I saw that Audrina was getting work. I wanted her to officially disappear.

Turns our she is the face for some shitty clothing company called Bongo for the second time and when I say shitty clothing company, I actually mean it and not just shit cuz of their selection of bitches to model it, Bongo is a fucking kmart line of clothing and the last time I spoke to anyone who bought clothes at kmart, they were poor immigrants who had no other option, pretty much exactly where you’d expect Audrina to be in her career…

Since show’s low level, I would not expect her to be promoting anything mid to high end, she’s just stripper who lost her way….But I know that she will soon be using those fake tits her dad bought her when the lottery ticket that is The Hills money is spent and she realizes she can’t land anything else, her dad’s back-up plan to take care of her in the event her retard self got her into this kind of mess will happen….

Kmart? Seriously….At this point of humilation, Audrina really should just fuck on camera already…I mean there’s few options for a reality TV trash can after reality TV ends…

The People’s Choice Awards press conference event quickly turned into the Useless People event when Audrina Patridge, Annalynne McCord and Malin Akerman showed up, because I guess the actually people nominated were busy….

Not that any of these bitches are totally useless, I can think of at least 15-50 different things they’d blossom at. From throat fucking porn, to snuff films, to even setting up hidden cameras in their toilet bowls, but unfortunately, they all have egos and think they are too good for that.

I blame the good times, but I’m glad to say that for Audrina the bad times are soon to come and it’s not too far away for the other two twats…

So maybe they should be really taken in the moment as this time next year, I doubt any of these bitches will be invited anywhere…just like me….but I am confident you’ll still be jerking off to them cuz you can’t get over things…weirdo…

This is amazing. Audrina’s chain smoking gutter mouth mother talking about how classy and how much of a survivor and how much of a success her daughter is and how she’s still got more to give brings back horrible disgusting memories…the only thing this is missing is a trailer park, an inbred younger brother in a wheel chair and a can of soup being thrown at my head and I’d feel at fucking home….White trash is always funny….especially when it is living off it’s whore daughter….and defending the money train and doing it in typical drunkard anger….Hilarious…

I shoulda known her mom was like this when I first her name was Audrina. Only this kind of pig names her daughter after her stripper name..

Genius. Seriously…Imagine the amount of dick that has been inside this….A lot.

I am not a celebrity publicist…I do not know the best strategy to run a career into the ground or to pick up the pieces of a career and turn it into somoething….I do not know how to get a bitch who has a lot of money from a fluke MTV show to give me a decent percentage of that money to give her ill-advise on how to turn shit around from being on cancelled shows you sold yourself out on, to being a big hollywood star she wants to be…but I know it woulda been more of the sex tape route, especially since she already has the porn body, than the obvious bottom feeding route that is dancing with the stars, cuz at least with the sex tape we can ignore the cries for attention by watching a dick go in and out of her….

Being on Dancing with the Stars is like admitting you are done and I don’t know if anyone even cares about Audrina Patridge or her tights…but I am posting them cuz I know she’s got hope and can easily be swayed to fuck on camera, just give her 2 years of getting no work, spending her money to maintain the lifestyle so that fear that all she had going for her was her body and looks and those are starting to disappear as 30 approaches….she’ll be taking black cock like Kardashian in no time….

And so we wait….