I don’t have access to the accounting documents or year end reports over at FHM, but I think it is safe to say that no one buys their magazines anymore, and their slow and useless attempt to go online, just never really gave them the glory they once had, since everyone any their younger brother can produce drivel content about nothing and post it next to pics of bitches in their bikinis….I mean this video had 4,000 views when I pulled it and it’s been up for 5 days…and features a once famous bitch hardnippled…that’s fucking embarrassing perforamnce…useless FHM shoulda kept advertising on DrunkenStepfather.com…

See, the only thing these Maxim and FHM sites ever had going for them was the access to celebrity bitches they had….They consistently had hot bikini photoshoots with relevant people….but I guess as budgets dropped so did their talent pool…cuz seeing Audrina Patridge, a virtual nobody, who had her 15 minutes, that unfortunately lasted 2 years try up a year ago…by now she should be doing porn not magazine covers…I mean shit, I bet I could get Audrina to do a shoot for DrunkenStepfather.com….and I would only pay her in cum shots….if you know what I mean…

That said, here’s the photoshoot, you’ll unfortunately like it, taking her one step backwards from the porn career she should already be milking like a cock.

So much fucking bottom feeding everywhere I look…it’s coming at me from all fucking angles…

The paparazzi company that owns the Audrina pics doesn’t like me very much. I don’t have money to buy their pictures, they aren’t into just giving them to me for free, even if I link back to them, so I’m forced to use my interpretive skills, of what best represents Audrina Patridge in a bikini, and the best I could come up with was the Downs Syndrome champion swimmer, which although may be insulting to this bitch with Downs Syndrom, as Audrina is clearly more embarrassing and retarded than her, it gets my point across as best as I know how….the only thing missing is the hot stripper body implants…something I support her using to get noticed/ahead…

She may be useless, non existent, barely a celebrity with fake tits, cheesy and worse than Jersey Shore in both actions and as a TV show, but she does have a pretty fucking great bikini body…

Here are some pics of her and her no hips….and pussy lip…that is built like a set of balls…cuz one hangs lower than the other….

A friend of mine recently hand an encounter with Audrina Patridge, the drunken white trash cunt with a hot body, who is relatively irrelevant, other than the fact that she got on TV once and has a hot body, and I figure his first hand account of how awful a human she is, is probably a better support to these pictures of her hot body celebrating her 26th birthday, cuz as much as I can act like I hate a cunt or be annoyed by a cunt, ultimately, I don’t know the cunt and have never experienced a cunt, and the only thing I’ve know about the cunt, is that I like looking at the cunt naked, half naked, in see through outfits or really anyway the cunt decides to present itself, or anyway her dad decides to present her, with the fake tits he got her at 18 for her birthday, making her tits 8 years old, a great year for fake tits that he planned on using for just this purpose, to get noticed, otherwise, she’d never woulda got on TV, and I probably wouldn’t waste my time focusing on how horrible a person she is..and Wet Republic in Vegas wouldn’t bother hosting her party and making a spectacle of the whole thing for media attention, cuz trust me, they aren’t doing this bikini pool party for Precious, and she’s on TV and has big tits, and there’s a simple reason for that, and that’s that the general public doesn’t wanna Precious in her bikini cuz she’s disgusting looking, and it doesn’t really reflect the message this cheesy fucking club is tryign to get across,… not that it matters…

So this is what he had to say about the Patridge family:

I’ve never encountered someone less interesting who feels more entitled to everything than this stupid cunt and her stupid cunt family and the parasites hanging on around her. It’s as if a family of retarded drunkards won the lottery.

If her mother weren’t such an awful person, I would feel sorry for her. She used to get by on her looks. Now they’re fading. Her daughter is more famous and “prettier” than she ever was and certainly ever will be. She tries to dull the horror by getting completely shitfaced and acting like she’s 23 but ends up looking like a pathetic old drunk lady. She has that raspy old drunk lady voice.

The father looks like moe from the three stooges.

Sounds like my kind of people. I may be in love.

I don’t know if you remember Audrina Patridge? She was some trash on MTV, who ended up doing Dancing with the Stars a week into her show being canceled, pretty much admitting ans securing any doubt that she was relevant, here to stay, or even a celebrity…but she did have fake tits, and apparently she still does as she rocks out on the beach with her mother, who we have all seen before in some drunken rant , trained her to be the cheesy, trashy whore she is, and who I can only is living vicariously through her, cuz that’s why she moved to California in the first place, it’s always why she insisted on getting her retard daughter fake tits, because she knew she needed them, as her retard brain wouldn’t allow her to survive…but tits are always a fucking meal ticket…and here they both are loving all the attention…while I love the fantasies it stirs up…even if I hate the bitch….FOLLOW ME

After finding out that staring at a girl’s tits is healthy, I figured I’d help you live longer by posting these pictures of Audrina Patridge….I am not sure if the study applies to fake tits, I just know it makes for a good excuse when busted checking out tit and if you’re wondering why I chose Audrina for this task, it is cuz her tits are all she’s fucking good for. Without them, she’s nothing, so whatever sugar daddy, or actual daddy who sorted her out with these implants is, she is forever indebted…cuz it landed her a role on a show and what might be her own show…unless of course these are just staged pics, trying to stay relevant. #losing.

I will argue that staring at Audrina’s tits will kill you, because of the frustration that she’s more important than you in the eye of the world, when really she’s nothing by a fucking whore who belongs on a street corner. #losing.

The anger she brings out in people, mainly me, can’t be good for me on any level, especailly when it is happening while she’s half naked…it just leaves me confused….

I was sure the cast of The Hills were going to kill themselves when the show ended…but they still live….#losing.

Make them stop.

I got worried when I saw that Audrina was getting work. I wanted her to officially disappear.

Turns our she is the face for some shitty clothing company called Bongo for the second time and when I say shitty clothing company, I actually mean it and not just shit cuz of their selection of bitches to model it, Bongo is a fucking kmart line of clothing and the last time I spoke to anyone who bought clothes at kmart, they were poor immigrants who had no other option, pretty much exactly where you’d expect Audrina to be in her career…

Since show’s low level, I would not expect her to be promoting anything mid to high end, she’s just stripper who lost her way….But I know that she will soon be using those fake tits her dad bought her when the lottery ticket that is The Hills money is spent and she realizes she can’t land anything else, her dad’s back-up plan to take care of her in the event her retard self got her into this kind of mess will happen….

Kmart? Seriously….At this point of humilation, Audrina really should just fuck on camera already…I mean there’s few options for a reality TV trash can after reality TV ends…

The People’s Choice Awards press conference event quickly turned into the Useless People event when Audrina Patridge, Annalynne McCord and Malin Akerman showed up, because I guess the actually people nominated were busy….

Not that any of these bitches are totally useless, I can think of at least 15-50 different things they’d blossom at. From throat fucking porn, to snuff films, to even setting up hidden cameras in their toilet bowls, but unfortunately, they all have egos and think they are too good for that.

I blame the good times, but I’m glad to say that for Audrina the bad times are soon to come and it’s not too far away for the other two twats…

So maybe they should be really taken in the moment as this time next year, I doubt any of these bitches will be invited anywhere…just like me….but I am confident you’ll still be jerking off to them cuz you can’t get over things…weirdo…

This is amazing. Audrina’s chain smoking gutter mouth mother talking about how classy and how much of a survivor and how much of a success her daughter is and how she’s still got more to give brings back horrible disgusting memories…the only thing this is missing is a trailer park, an inbred younger brother in a wheel chair and a can of soup being thrown at my head and I’d feel at fucking home….White trash is always funny….especially when it is living off it’s whore daughter….and defending the money train and doing it in typical drunkard anger….Hilarious…

I shoulda known her mom was like this when I first her name was Audrina. Only this kind of pig names her daughter after her stripper name..

Genius. Seriously…Imagine the amount of dick that has been inside this….A lot.

I am not a celebrity publicist…I do not know the best strategy to run a career into the ground or to pick up the pieces of a career and turn it into somoething….I do not know how to get a bitch who has a lot of money from a fluke MTV show to give me a decent percentage of that money to give her ill-advise on how to turn shit around from being on cancelled shows you sold yourself out on, to being a big hollywood star she wants to be…but I know it woulda been more of the sex tape route, especially since she already has the porn body, than the obvious bottom feeding route that is dancing with the stars, cuz at least with the sex tape we can ignore the cries for attention by watching a dick go in and out of her….

Being on Dancing with the Stars is like admitting you are done and I don’t know if anyone even cares about Audrina Patridge or her tights…but I am posting them cuz I know she’s got hope and can easily be swayed to fuck on camera, just give her 2 years of getting no work, spending her money to maintain the lifestyle so that fear that all she had going for her was her body and looks and those are starting to disappear as 30 approaches….she’ll be taking black cock like Kardashian in no time….

And so we wait….

I don’t know why I am posting this…I guess it’s just a tribute to a cheesy fucking girl a lot of people wanted to fuck, who was at the peak of her career just one year ago, and now already on DWTS.

It usually takes useless celebs decades to get to this level of irrelevance….and desperation…

Can’t wait to see what sex tape drops 6 months after she gets kicked off DWTS…and in the meantime, I’ll be staring at her fake tits to see just how realistic their bounce is when they cha-cha, but more importantly, I’ll be visualizing how she fucks…cuz you know a girl’s dancing….says a lot about how they fuck…..

More to come…

I didn’t realize that Audrina was on Dancing with the Stars, but I guess it makes sense that she’s been thrown into “Has-Been” status, before she even really started, because the caliber show she was on, just wasn’t high enough to warrant other shows or movie roles, unless it involved accepting your fate as a fucking loser, getting half naked, and dancing around a stage humiliating yourself amongst other fucking losers, competing for a title that really means nothing, all because you’re addicted to having the cameras on you….

But as a hypocrite, I gotta admit, any excuse to get any girls, famous or not, moving around in tight clothes or half naked, is good TV, even if it is just a strategy to get more viewers, or to get husbands to watch with their wives, not that I’d ever lower myself to watch the shit, but I have no problem accepting the fact that you do, or posting pics of the shit, even if the shit happens to be a cunt who represents everything I fucking hate in the world…

I just think it’s nice that she’s accepted the end of her career….so early on in it…since she never quite had a career, but did have more of a lottery ticket fluke that set her up for life…

To Balance things out – Here’s Bristol Palin, another winner in life offered the opportunity to be on Dancing with the Stars, showing off her cellulite ridden legs….AWESOME…

Audrina Patridge brought her fake tits and tight little body out in a bikini with some X-Games, Vans Warped Tour lookin motherfucker. The shit is staged and paid for by the paparazzi agency who took the pictures, cuz I guess she is accessible, affordable, everyone likes seeing her in her bikini, she’s not too busy since her show was canceled, not that that ever made her too busy, and because she’s still relevant enough to bother with, and she’s just trying to stay relevant as long as possible, cuz it pays the fucking mortgage….

You know what’s a reality star to do to stay relevant….but more importantly…what’s a reality star willing to do to stay relevant….only time will tell…and in the meantime here she is at what I consider her best and most relevant to date….

You know, the future may be hazy for her, but at least she’s making ends meet and keeping her head above water, but I think she should thank her fake tits for that, they are the kind of investment that won’t ever let her fully drown….

PS – These could be old – But who really cares…

Audrina has this thing called looking great when hald naked doing laundry after a heavy night of being photoshopped. Her wonky face is like a canvas to the graphic design community and I hear undoctored pictures of her are like the holy grail of training images at a lot of the graphic design schools….I actually don’t know what I am talking about, I just know that I have seen clips from the show she was on that will remain nameless because I think it is associated with Satan and I like to stay as far from evil as possible, and I know that on that show her legs are short, her face is out-of-wack and her pussy is being fed by some obscure one hit wonder who dated Ashlee Simpson cuz he was son her father’s record label, but for some reason, one she’s in photoshoots, her fake tits look less fake, her face looks less inbred, and her legs look long and lovely but unfortunately for her and her future career giving lap dances, I mean after hosting pool parties and doing photoshoots for bullshit Magazines like Ralp, it’s all smoke and mirrors…

Here are the pics…Watching a bitch do chores is always a good thing….but watching a bitch eat is always a bad thing….so I don’t really know how this makes me feel….but that could also be because I don’t know how to feel anymore. Somebody hold me and tell me I’ll be ok…

The end of The Hills are finally here, she’s dating Ashlee Simpson’s ex-boyfriend who isn’t even a has-been because he never was and I guess that’s just evidence that Audrina has come to terms with the fact that she’s peaked and from now on it is only downhill for her, so she might as well get used to being in her bikini, because it’s the only thing people will give her money for today and going forward….and I’m excited for her to actually hit rock bottom, because that’s when you get the bargain basement deals on her pussy….