Here’s Miss Teen USA 1985 and Miss Hawaii USA 1993, not that you care because that shit was a long time ago and you don’t even remember her, but should because thanks to her Chinese genetics, her ass still looks like she’s 12 even though she’s 42.

She’s done her fair share of serious shit movies, but there’s probably a future of typecasting her as the Asian ahead of her, and based on these pictures, let’s hope we’re behind her the whole time….if you know what I mean, which I sure as hell hope you do, because if you don’t you’re a fucking idiot….

Pics via Bauer

I know Pam Anderson is too old to be on the runway, but she’s doing it for her gay friends at Heatherette, She brought out her fake tits in red Baywatch bathing suit that you all jerked off to at least once and she strapped herself in caution tape because not only is her hep pussy a crime scene where part of many and I mean many men once died, but the rest of her looks like a crime scene. The only exciting thing is that she looks like she may be pregnant, or probably just middle-aged, and growing herself a GUNT, so I guess the good times have come and gone for her as the sun sets on her lifeguard hut, but at least she’s goin’ out laughin’ at herself as we all laugh at her, because if anything she is really never been anything more than a cartoon character of a person who made a lot of money off pretty much being a joke with tits…and I guess like the death of a fallen soldier, we should collectively shoot our loads to this picture as a final salute to a woman who has given us so much….so start now.

Pics via INFphoto

Remember this bitch from Fight Club? Well it looks like that her common law husband, Tim Burton turned her into one of the gothic monsters you’d find in one of his movies. Only I don’t remember Beetle Juice or Edward Scissor Hands or even Pee Wee’s big adventure being a sloppy fat bitch in a bikini….maybe he based this look off the movie Big Fish and he pulled it off by letting her on set of Charlie and the Chocolate factory…..cuz he got turned on shooting Planet of the Apes and wanted his woman to have the same fuckin’ body type as those motherfuckers…..

I always thought Goths liked to look more like dying corpses but I guess she is keepin it real since she looks like fuckin’ hell.

You liked that play on words didn’t you. I’m sure I coulda done better but it’s the end of the fuckin’ day, now stare at this cellulite ridden ass and have nightmares…that’s all Tim Burton wanted in makin her look like this….

I just did a post on Madonna making the right choice in bathing suits and now I’m doing a post on Charlize Theron making the wrong choice in bathing suits, leading me to believe that I should start a new website giving beach and watersport fashion advice, since I’m a fuckin’ expert on the shit, at least a self-proclaimed expert on the shit, where my logic is a complex as saying if you’re hot put on less clothes and if you’re disgusting, old, weathered, fat cover that shit up cuz none of us want to see it and in Charlize Theron’s case, while she walks along the beach, only steps away from being wet and splashing around in the surf, wearing this outfit is just fuckin’ wrong and unfair to the people who rent your movies and look at your Playboy spread for inspiration and a better tomorrow. Dressing like you’re an accountant going to a fuckin company picnic is boring, now take off your fuckin pants you South African whore.

I am definitely not the ideal parent, you know the kind of guy you’d want your kids to look up to as a mentor and advisor. I’m not the person you’d want teaching your kids life lessons and important things like how to treat other people, or how to drink without puking, but that’s okay, because I don’t have kids of my own to fuck up.

Madonna on the otherhand does and I think bringing her 20 year old fuck toy into her kids’ life some serious asshole behavior, that’s the kind of shit that will turn Lourdes into some kind of daddy issue whore, mimicking her mother and ending up with a pussy that has seen more cock than my uncle’s chicken farm, not that that’s a big deal, especially considering those are the only kinds of girls who have sex with me, and the fact that Madonna’s got staff to take care of the kids and to let them know that what their mommy does is wrong and that she’s a horrible, vile person who I am ashamed I ever masturbated to, but the one thing she did do right is her choice in bathing suits, because a covered up Madonna is a far better Madonna than one in a bikini. Good job, you whore. Let’s hope you drowned.

Ines Sastre is some model turned actress from Spain who I doubt I’ve heard of, but have probably done posts on, but unfortunately I have a horrible memory and everything kind of blurs into one giant confused mess that is this site, but fuck, she’s got an amazing mom body, like the women I saw at 8:30 in the morning today while still drunk, only they were wearing their business casual outfits and not one-piece bathing suits to cover their mom stretch marks with ass hugging skirts/dresspants and button down blouses that were almost sheer, making me want to get a office job in the cubicle next to them, even though I could tell in their exhausted eyes that they hated how life played out for them, just enough depression needed to convince them to fuck me in the copyroom after gaining their trust. Unfortunately for me, I hate office jobs and would never sacrifice freedom for pussy, especially pussy I know wouldn’t actually give me the time of day, they just do that in my fantasies….

There’s not much hotter than some Sloppy Royal Tits. Not because they are worth a lot of money, or because they embody class and elegance, or because they are a product of incest to keep their Sloppy Royal Tit blood blue, but because I have no standards. Today just started. Are you ready for it?

Victoria Beckham and David Beckham are celebrating their anniversary on the beach. She is wearing some variation of a bikini that I don’t fully understand but assume have something to do with not wanting to show off her violated stomach from having babies, but I could be wrong, not that you care about what she’s wearing while David Beckham is standing next to her in a white speedo, because nothing says homo like a white speedo, and nothing says almost gay like 98 percent of European soccer fans I’ve met over the years who claim to have a non-sexual crush on this motherfucker, they just respect his fitness level, his talent in the sport and his chiseled good looks, and I am sure can’t help but wonder if they get see thru when wet, I mean it’d be just a small taste of what life in the locker room with him was like, something all those dudes would just love to experience but just for a day.

I hate Paris Hilton and I am tired of her fucking lies. She was on The View today talking about how she is doing another season of her new BFF because the last one just wanted fame, you know because she was doing a friend search in the form of a reality show, luring people who want to be on TV. Basically to justify why season two is coming, despite being the same fucking garbage it was the first time around, and I don’t know why people care or why she has a career.

Other highlights of the interview were that she already knows what she is naming her kids, she has never been happier in her life, except for last year when she read the same script about the Good Charlotte dude, she may get married and she’s refined her speaking to not sound like a 15 year old faggot with a dick in his mouth.

The whole thing was offensive, but I guess that’s just what Paris does, and here she is in a bathing suit promoting some hair product bullshit.

Lindsay Lohan is still in Hawaii and she’s keeping me on my toes. It’s like I don’t know what bathing suit she’s going to hit the beach with, it’s like will she wear the bikini, will she wear the one-piece, will she wear the microbikini, will she go topless, will she get caught skinny dipping, I just know she’s gonna be caught on camera as long as she’s there. I figure she likes it, because if she didn’t, she’d be vacationing in Southeast Asia, or somewhere removed where the people have no idea who she is, because despite this whole internet thing, I’m convinced there are places where there are no paparazzi, like in my shithole apartment, I mean if she’s lookin’ for a safe haven when she gets into Montreal this weekend, no one will think to look here.

On a side note, I’ve been getting email after email about how Lohan is going to be in Montreal. I am being asked if I am going to try to sneak into the event and get some exclusive content, because Lohan in Montreal is seemingly a huge deal. I’m not really planning on it, but she is in the same venue as my Paris Hilton hustle….

So you never know what will happen, but assume nothing, because I hate crowds and I am lazy, have no hook-ups and don’t really care. But the event is going to be fucking nuts. Perez Hilton wrote about it and all the little girlies around town are out buying their Lohan dresses hoping to be her new pussy. It is all too weird to me. I think I’m going to go bowling instead.

OP was a brand that was cool in the 80s. I remember all the dudes in my school who got blowjobs would rock the shit, but then, for some reason, it was brought back in the late 90s and turned into a Walmart brand that is about as core to their original cause as the cast of their commercials are to being actual celebrities. I mean I guess you wouldn’t expect A-Listers to get up on some ghetto discount shit and that they’d save it for the Brody Jenner, Annalynne “who?” Mccord and the fucking Madden Twins and their suburban mall tattoos. You know shit’s going to be a fuckin’ hit when Walmart Brand gets Walmart quality bands like Good Charlotte to sing the fuckin OP theme song. I wonder what ever happened to integrity. It’s like you can pay a motherfucker to do anything these days, especially when the motherfucker has no soul and loves attention.

Either way, here’s McCord talking about her bikini/bathing suit, unwarranted fame, etc, etc.

This hit the internet over a week ago, I am slow. Fuck you.

If you’re wondering why I am taking so long to post pictures, it’s because I paid a homeless dude 2 dollars to let me take a picture of his dick. I am now wondering if that makes me gay or not, but after lookin’ at these pictures of Kelly Brook, some UK model no one cares about, and her ridiculous tits, I realize, I’m definitely not, I just like exploiting the desperate, no matter what gender they are. Here she is in some staged bikini/bathing suit pics.

Hefner’s ex girlfriend, like she was every his fucking girlfriend, or anything but a shitty publicity stunt that spunoff into a TV show and tons of media attraction, does some show that involves her being in a bikini, or variation of a bikini, traveling the world rating beaches and pulling stupid stunts on the beach to make the shit more interesting to watch, because this concept is played the fuck out and frustrating. It’s like while all of us assholes sit in our shitty homes, listening to our disgusting pig wives chew their fuckin’ potato chips, pretty much hearing her heart struggle for breathe as she suffocates it with grease, watching this shit, imgagining how great life would be if only we could pay off that credit card debt and grab a few tickets to travel the fucking world, she’s the one living in luxury, getting paid big money, filming this shit while dancing around in a bikini all day, and that is just unfair enough for me to hate it.

Her name is Clotilde, which is probably one of the weirdest names I’ve ever tried to write out. She’s from France, was some kind of actress before doing what all smart girls who realize their beauty is fading do, and that’s marry someone with enough money that they can settle down, pump out some babies and not worry about having to settle for a lifestyle less than what they are used to. She married a Prince, so she’s set, and I’m only really posting this because she’s in a bathing suit and I am bored of anything that involves girls who aren’t in bathing suits. It’s the one thing that I know will remind me that life’s not so bad, even if the bitch in them isn’t so good, especially when she’s breaking all the rules of her European background by not being topless.

Sure Stephanie Seymour is a bit of a slut. She’s dated married men since she was 16, she has kids with different daddies like she lives in the projects, but along with using her pussy to get ahead, to get what she wanted and to feel validated, she also used it as some kind of weapon or martyr to destroy Guns N’ Roses and for that, she’s a fucking hero.

I hate Guns N’ Roses, they are one of the most over-rated bands, especially if you’re talking to a 30 year old who hasn’t broken free from the High School glory days and while working as a septic tank cleaner or heating/air conditioning repair man, or some other menial shit he hates doing and doesn’t understand how he got there, who sneaks out to the garage or the compay truck on break to crank up Appetite for Destruction where he closes his eyes, remembering a simpler time, before kids, mortgages, work and a needy wife, you know when all he needed to be happy was just his long hair, a case of beer, a pack of cigarettes a couple buddies, some titties and some Guns N’ fuckin’ Roses on the stereo.

I hate those people, because they don’t realize they are idiots, who fell in love with this band because of marketing and not because they are a good fucking band, and if Guns N’ Roses were legends like these assholes I meet all the fucking time, with the ROSE tattoo on their chest claim they are, and weren’t just a commercial mainstream band like they actually were, their careers wouldn’t have ended in ’92.

So to those people, I think it’s time for you to move the fuck on, and the first step in recovery is forgiving this bitch for what she did to you by taking away your one true love…

To the rest of you, just remember she is the mom of a 16 year old, and your mom didn’t look like this when you were 16 and that’s the whole reason her pussy is a weapon.